Trust

[Steliana]

What is trust?
Is it not just expected behaviour by one person of another in a given situation?
For example to say you trust someone – does it not mean that you expect them to behave in a certain manner? And probably it would be to expect them to behave in the manner we would… So if they don’t behave that way, we say we don’t trust them…
What does everyone think…

[tintin]

hm very interesting question
its very subjective like more appropriate wud be to say- expecting the other person to behave the way you would have behaved given the circumstances.
very good thanks for starting this.

we always kinda expect the other person to act acc.to our own standards of behavior our dos and donts our shuds and shudnts.
and when they dont we say..you betrayed me.
more appropriate wud be-you betrayed the way i thought you to be
(Steliana you have taken a crowbar and are presently creaking my brain open with this question)

i thought you were like me because its my belief that my reactions actions and beliefs are the only way to be
which ofcourse is not true
you are you. your beliefs actions reactions have a different blue print than mine.we have different influences.different recordings.just cos you behave differently does not mean you are wrong even tho i judge you to be wrong.

i cannot trust you
hmm.
wud it be that now that i know we don share the same standards of behavior and thought you are unpredictable to me i dont know what you will do next that is an unknown for me and i hate unknowns you refuse to imbibe my truths therefore i will be hurt again because 'you' are being 'you' and choose to be 'you' and flatly refuse to be 'me'
(okay some heavy emotional arm twisting going on here)

Giving another chance
wud construe as ok ill give you another chance to become like me which is the 'correct' way (you doofus dont you know that!!)

the phrase 'i trust you' is sacrosanct veeeerrry personal and is only applicable between people who share the same core values have made the effort to openly communicate their inner unspoken expectations,um their boundaries in which case even if they differ the other knows what NOT to mess with if they are to carry on the relationship.so..the rules are laid out if this sounds very robotic look back and remember when you were let down and the indignation you felt.

well trust is not all that sacrosanct then if you go wider in your thoughts huh?
i forgive you
wud well be saying woah where did that come from?!! it seems youre not like me after all ooookay hmm fine you be you and i be me we both will keep each other posted on our respective boundaries i love you anyways and lets not impose each others values on one another but the former relationship we shared is changed i can no longer identify with you because you just zapped me with how different you are from me
at this point the relationship might become a more open understanding one or just simply end

[Parthon]

I wasn't sure, so I looked up the definitions:

Trust: Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.

That was pretty spot on or me. It's the expectation of integrity, ability and character of another person. Two people can trust each other, even if their core beliefs differ, but only if they act with integrity towards each other. Values like lying, cheating and stealing are obviously not what people with integrity and character are all about, so it's obvious that when people do these, they become untrustworthy.

I know that trust is both objective, as a stand alone concept, and personal, like how tintin phrased it. Everyone understands and acknolwedges trust, but each look at it in a slightly different way. However the rules are always the same. Lie, cheat, steal and lose trust. Honour others and keep your promises and you gain trust.

[tintin]

thanks for sorting that for me.
because a thought was nagging me.BASIC stuff like stealing cheating and lying.hm.pretty uncomplicated.yes?
YES
okay
you mean to say i shud not go into--why did a person lie to me?
why did a person cheat on me?
i have a tendency to go on a soul search..what was wrong that a person had to lie to me?
am i not open enough is there no acceptance that the other has to hide and be sneaky
what was wrong that a person cheated?

hurts damn it

[funchy]

Originally Posted by Steliana

What is trust?
Is it not just expected behaviour by one person of another in a given situation?
For example to say you trust someone – does it not mean that you expect them to behave in a certain manner? And probably it would be to expect them to behave in the manner we would… So if they don’t behave that way, we say we don’t trust them…

Trust is betrayal, as in lying or breaking promises. I don't trust people who go through life lying. I don't care for people who use too many social lies ("white" lies) because they come across as phony.

I am not sure if we should say it's about trusting them to behave a certain way because that is dependent more on how well we know the person, how well we can read behaviors, and how much we read into ambitious words or actions. In other words, if the person acts unexpectedly, does it mean he's wrong for acting out of character or that we're wrong for failing to understand him?