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12-14-2008, 10:57 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,040
 |  Ask Her!
ASK HER! I’m kind of drunk while writing this so you know it’s going to be a heartfelt write-up  Guys and girls, if there is someone out there that you like, ask them!!! This write-up was originally going to be intended just for the men as I get asked SO many questions from them about how to approach women. I will do a detailed write-up soon about relationships but right now I would like to get this out. Guys, if there is a girl you like, visualize in your head how you would like it to go, rehearse it in your mind, and then go and ask her! By the way, be honest with yourself in what you want. If you’re friend is this beautiful amazing sexy gorgeous woman, who makes you excited just by thinking about her, don’t ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ yourself and her by saying you want to just be her friend. Be honest with yourself that you want her. It’ll do you and her a world of good. You won’t go around neglecting your true feelings and you might just score an awesome girlfriend in the process. Now back to asking. When you do ask her out, do as Jack Canfield, author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books likes to recommend. Canfield says to “ask as if you expect to get it” meaning ask the girl like you know she will be yours. Expect her to say yes! This will do two things; 1) You’ll feel more confident and relaxed while asking and 2) She’ll pick up on this confidence which will make her more attracted to you and more likely to say yes. I was inspired to do this writing as I just got home from going out with a gorgeous friend of mine. Next Wednesday I am moving to Michigan and just started thinking about how much I enjoy going out with my friend. I decided to pursue her romantically and so far it has been good. I wish I had more time to pursue her but fate has other plans for me. I’ve known this girl for a few years now and it feels like I wasted a large chunk of time that could have been better spent with her. That is why I am so adamant in this writing! If you like a woman, go ask her out!!! Don’t waste time thinking about it. Just go and do it. The worst that can happen is that she tells you no. If she does, so what? Then at least you know how she feels about you. You don’t have to worry about asking her out and if you really like her, you can regroup and come up with a better strategy to get her. Also, if she says no, you didn’t really lose anything to begin with. She was never yours to start with so you’re pretty much at the same level you were before asking. One time I asked out this gorgeous girl and for some reason I didn’t think she would say yes (this was sometime back). A few months later we were at a club and really hit it off. I asked her why she said no to that previous time I had asked to which she replied, “Because you asked like I was going to say no. I thought maybe you weren’t that interested in me.” The truth is that it couldn’t have been farther from the truth. I hope my drunken rambling spurs you on to go get the person you want. There is that saying “What you want wants you”. There IS someone out there that wants you and they are just a question away. So go ask them and I will see you back here soon! |
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12-14-2008, 06:17 PM
| #3 (permalink) | |
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12-14-2008, 06:35 PM
| #4 (permalink) | |
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Talking about this I'd like to know how do you know when a girl is or isn't interested in you when you are dating. | |
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12-14-2008, 06:55 PM
| #5 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Sep 2008
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There are cues. Is she leaning in, laughing, playing with her hair, hitting me (a lot of girls play hit me for some reason), lightly touching me and then there are the overly obvious ones like the woman at the bar yesterday who asked me if I have a huge c***. | |
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12-14-2008, 08:26 PM
| #6 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 171
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How do you ask someone like you expect them to say "yes"? I mean, what would be the difference between that and asking them when they expect to say "no"? | |
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12-14-2008, 09:11 PM
| #7 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 97
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Do you... like... uh... wanna do something later? Maybe? | |
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12-14-2008, 10:29 PM
| #9 (permalink) | ||
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12-15-2008, 05:32 AM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 341
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You're writing clearer than me when sober. Thanks for your post  I actually ASKED four days ago and I've got a "let me think about it, I'll call you later" response. Even though I "failed" in the eyes of the world, I'm so glad I did it. My confidence and courage is like 10 times what it was before - and I'm a pretty courageous teen, after all I asked a very popular girl to go out with me. Go and ask! Make your life fun! Win her attention or your courage and experience! Don't lose both by being passive! |
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12-15-2008, 06:57 AM
| #11 (permalink) | ||
| Family Member Join Date: Sep 2008
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You raised a great point. Sometimes it feels so GOOD to ask. Even if it didn't work as planned, at least you were man enough to go and do it. Also, you can see where you need to improve on so you will get a yes the next time. I congratulate you on your courage to go after what you want. Quote:
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12-15-2008, 08:09 AM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Poland
Posts: 60
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What if I ask her and she'll say "no" - and it is strong probability that we're meet in the future (even accidentally)? I know myself and I can predict that I will feel embarrassed and I won't have an idea what to do and what to say, I'll be nervous. It's very uncomfortable. How do you solve that "problem"? I need a good belief in that area. (my current one stinks). |
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12-15-2008, 05:17 PM
| #13 (permalink) | |
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12-15-2008, 07:43 PM
| #14 (permalink) | ||||||
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Last Wednesday I had to drop by a lawyer's office and sign over my half of the house to my ex-wife as part of the divorce settlement -- she got the house, I got the stocks (d'oh!). I'd been in e-mail contact with an office assistant, let's call her "Brandy", who had setup the time for me to sign the documents. I'd never met her in person, just via a few terse e-mails. Despite the rainy drizzle and the prospect of signing away six figures, I was in a good mood upon reaching the office. The receptionist called Brandy to let her know I was there, and she met me in the lobby to lead me back. Oh... my... god. Brandy is, in a word, stunning. Mid-twenties, tall, blonde, great body, with a glint of intelligence, confidence, and kindness behind those eyes... A solid "9", for sure, even dressed in modest office clothes. We exchanged pleasantries, and although we only interacted for maybe 5 minutes, I'll be damned if I didn't detect a bit of a vibe! Putting myself in her shoes, I concluded that hey maybe I was one of the more interesting guys to walk into the law office in a while. Interesting! So I signed the papers, maintaining a light, positive mood throughout, even jokingly protesting "owwww! owwww!" in mock pain as I signed away several years worth of past income. She and the lawyer witnessed the signature, done deal, and I leave. Her boss was right there; I couldn't see a socially acceptable way to ask her out on the spot. Oh well... The next day, I'm sitting at work. I have her e-mail address. Should I or shouldn't I contact her? The old me wouldn't. That would be an inappropriate and probably unwelcome invasion into her workplace. Don't want to stalk this girl and creep her out. Buuuuut the new me would, cuz I'm a pretty great guy!  So, for your amusement, here's a verbatim cut and paste of the e-mails: Quote:
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 I did NOT see that coming, didn't even occur to me. But for some reason, it was HILARIOUS to me. Something about the diplomatic response just tickled my funny bone. Rather than feeling sad and rejected, I was literally belly-laughing. I had to share the laugh, let her know I wasn't hurt or angry, and give her a little ego boost, just to make sure she takes this as a positive experience.]Quote:
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Now as odd as this seems, I spent the rest of the day not wallowing in despair, but rather walking on air. Not only did I *try* something I would have never tried before, but I spun the rejection into a fun thing for both of us. And better yet, I feel like I've learned a new skill and the confidence to use that skill. And I gave Brandy a little story to brag about to her girlfriends. Quote:
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12-16-2008, 04:31 AM
| #15 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 66
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That story made me laugh As well, as for the awkward asking out. I've been asked out like that before. If the girl is like me and waiting for it, nervous herself, she might not interpret his nervousness correctly. It put me off and I made excuses because the vibe didn't feel right. He asked again though..and we dated for 3 years. Haha. |
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12-19-2008, 02:45 AM
| #16 (permalink) | |
| Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2008
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You need to make "asking someone out" into no-big-deal. As in, it's not a huge emotional investment, that generates either elation or tremendous embarassment---instead it's just a casual thing you're doing 'cuz you think the girl is cool and maybe worth your time. Then, if you're rejected, you can easily shrug it off---OK, whatever, I tried. If she says "no," your attitude must be "mmm, her loss, I'm moving on with my life now and finding a girl who has some actual taste in guys" :P. Basically her rejection is just this anomaly that happened, and so when you see her again it's like "hey it's that weird chick who wasn't cool enough to go out with me. Ah well, might as well be friendly, just like I am with everyone; no use making it into a thing." Smile or whatever. The vibe between you should be something like: she knows you find her attractive, but since she said no, there will be no further attempts, so she can safely smile back and realize there's not going to be any awkward. (In time she might grow to wonder what she missed---why did she turn down this cool guy, who's nice to everyone and is always having a good time, with lots of friends, including female ones? But as far as your concerned, she now has to make the first move; she blew her chance at being the passive one, and now she has to make it up by approaching you. Never "keep trying"---you end up looking pathetic, needy, and attached, which is not attractive.) Does that make sense? | |
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12-19-2008, 06:24 AM
| #17 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,545
 | Quote:
Also agree that you should ask her like she's going to say yes. Psych yourself up by thinking of all the great qualities that you will bring to the relationship... it's almost like a job interview, and if you don't feel qualified no one's going to want to hire you. | |
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12-19-2008, 03:16 PM
| #19 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 171
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Hey, I have another question. I was going to ask this girl out today at school after finally working up the courage... but, whaddya know? She was absent. I still want to ask her out, but I'm just wondering if it's insensitive or something to do it over msn, and whether I should wait until I see her again face to face (which will be on New Years Eve). Thanks. |
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12-19-2008, 03:33 PM
| #21 (permalink) | |
| Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2008
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And New Years Eve sounds like the perfect time! (Phone might be an acceptable compromise, though.) | |
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12-19-2008, 08:21 PM
| #23 (permalink) | |
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12-19-2008, 09:17 PM
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12-22-2008, 01:55 AM
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