Ready for a Serious Relationship?

[arena2]

Hi everyone...

My name is Jon and I haven’t been on the forums in a while. To sum things up in a nutshell I was very depressed on occasion due to the loss of my mother two years ago. I have been a lot better but I still feel like I need something else to help me. Something else, being a serious relationship with that special woman.

Some background history of me, I am a very nice person, not because I am a stuck-up cocky person who thinks he is nice and is really not, just because that is my view on life, and I know how I am towards my many friends, and they tell me all the time. I will hold that door open for you because I believe it goes such a long way. I believe in the little things like that because after my mother’s death, negativity just didn’t seem like something I could handle anymore, so I just always try to please people even though I know I never can please everyone.

Ok so I have no problem making many, many friends. I can be friends with anyone, and I will be friends with anyone. I love to help and be friends with as many people possible because I guess I am just a very easy and nice person to get alone with, and also it fills my void where I believe I would love to get into a serious relationship with that special woman someone. I usually get walked on for being so nice because I will do anything for anyone because sometimes I just can’t say no. I have been told many times about me learning that I should say no, and I have been learning but I still try to be as nice as possible.

I feel like my problem is that I do not try hard enough to find someone. I see all of my friends with someone, right after they broke up with their ex. Or even friends that never had a gf, suddenly meet the person of their life. When I sit here and say that, I really am not that shy, I used to be, but I don’t believe I am very shy anymore. I am when I see a very attractive girl though, but I just tell myself that she is out of my league and then I guess I have the confidence to talk to her. Also, in another sense I am not looking for an immature high school relationship with someone. I am not fake and I am 100 percent straight forward with everyone while being the nice person I am. I really want to meet someone who cares about me because all of these relationships I see to just honestly end up failing, well like 60 percent of them. I just don't want to act like something I am not. I have been getting advice from all of my friends for years but I feel like they are telling me to be something I am not. Honestly I am being who I really am right now and I have been that same person for the past three or four years, and nothing has come my way. I have talked to many girls but none of them seemed interested. I mean I haven’t asked them to dinner or anything, and I feel like I could ask them if they seemed like the person I was looking for but I feel like I haven’t come across that person yet. Everyone I like also seems like they always have a boyfriend. Ok many what I am getting at is that I am picky.

I tried to look past being picky recently with this girl that I actually felt something with. The only problem was that she had a boyfriend and things went working well with them. I thought I had something since he was a complete jerk and she I knew needed better, but she didn’t want that. She told me that I caught her at the wrong time and it just wasn’t going to happen. After that I just feel like I am choosing and possibly even looking for the wrong things, I feel like that maybe I am too picky and that I will never get anywhere with who I believe I am looking for. It just kills me waiting for someone to come along me way, but that’s what I feel like is the best thing to do because when I go looking, things just never seem to work out for me. I honestly feel like this is the one thing that will bring me out of my depression hold that I have been climbing out of for the past two plus years because of my mother’s death. I just want someone to express my feelings to when I feel like no one is there. I don’t know what to do anymore because I always contradict myself and I over think everything constantly. I feel like a very complicated person and that my self esteem is being hurt because of that. What in God's name should I do...lol whew this is long....

[Pequod]

Originally Posted by arena2

I just always try to please people even though I know I never can please everyone.

Don't forget to please the very most important person in your life...... yourself!

Originally Posted by arena2

It just kills me waiting for someone to come along me way, but that’s what I feel like is the best thing to do

Uh-oh my mother always told me that, but it aint working! Really, if you want a girlfriend you have to go get her. Women find it sexy when a man knows what he wants (her ) and goes after it. There is some action and guts involved in the proces.

Originally Posted by arena2

I honestly feel like this is the one thing that will bring me out of my depression hold that I have been climbing out of for the past two plus years because of my mother’s death

Your problems are in yourself. Really, a girl won't solve your problems. The thrill of a girlfriend will lift your mood for a little while, but the effect fades away quickly. You even get used to having sex regularly. After a few weeks your own issues will be back with a vengance. Deal with them now!

[arena2]

Thank you...
I do realize that I need to focus on myself some more and I believe I am doing that. I have been feeling every so slightly better....and I even took this semester off from school to just focus on making myself happy and possibly even finding a girlfriend.

I do plan on trying to be more confident, although I do still become a little shy but I plan on changing that....

Again you are right, I keep on thinking that someone will solve my problems but its me that needs to fix them. I hope this semester that I take off helps me in and out to become a better more confident person. When I want something I usually go for it, but finding a girlfriend just seems to be taking longer than ever....As hard as it is to say, I know it will eventually come around...Thanks man.....

[Pequod]

Yeah, keep working on it. It isn't easy, but at some point something gotta give and you can have a breakthrough.

Just the simple fact that you post about this issue on a PD forum proves that you are ready for change.

Succes!