What do women find REALLY unattractive in men?

[ArtVandelay]

Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, right?

There are certain things that I just find completely repulsive in girls. Dense, frizzy, scraggly hair is one of them. I'm sure women have similar things for men, and since I bet 90% of them are easily fixable, I'm curious what they are.

(This thread is supposed to be focused on aesthetic things - that is, physical features, body language, fashion, etc. However, if you really want to talk about personality or the like, feel free to.)

[funchy]

Over the years physical beauty fades. Over time fit bodies go soft and people gain weight. Sometimes the hair thins. But the things that endures is the person inside.

Turn-offs are anyone who is condescending, sexist/racist, the self-described 'ladies man', self-absorbed, liars, users, emotional dependents, drama-queens, in love with being depressed, serious addicts, those in major denial, or cavemen.

Turn-ons are those who are real, honest, confident, down-to-earth, intelligent, polite, sensible, sometimes adventurous, willing to try new things, and are finding their passion in life. Bonus points for taking care of themselves (i.e. good hygiene). Triple bonus points for being in touch with their feelings & sexuality.

[ArtVandelay]

So you're telling me there are ZERO deal-breaker physical aspects for you? I find that very difficult to believe.

[SenoritaBonita]

Originally Posted by ArtVandelay

Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, right?

There are certain things that I just find completely repulsive in girls. Dense, frizzy, scraggly hair is one of them. I'm sure women have similar things for men, and since I bet 90% of them are easily fixable, I'm curious what they are.

(This thread is supposed to be focused on aesthetic things - that is, physical features, body language, fashion, etc. However, if you really want to talk about personality or the like, feel free to.)

I find dirty teeth repulsive (by dirty I mean stained, very poorly maintained, dark from all the coffee, tea and smoking; rotten teeth), dirty/sharp finger nails, guys who pick their noses, scratch their private parts, who have hair in their nose and ears, smell bad. I don't like long hair on men. Just not my thing.

[SenoritaBonita]

Originally Posted by funchy

Over the years physical beauty fades. Over time fit bodies go soft and people gain weight. Sometimes the hair thins. But the things that endures is the person inside.

Turn-offs are anyone who is condescending, sexist/racist, the self-described 'ladies man', self-absorbed, liars, users, emotional dependents, drama-queens, in love with being depressed, serious addicts, those in major denial, or cavemen.

Turn-ons are those who are real, honest, confident, down-to-earth, intelligent, polite, sensible, sometimes adventurous, willing to try new things, and are finding their passion in life. Bonus points for taking care of themselves (i.e. good hygiene). Triple bonus points for being in touch with their feelings & sexuality.

I guess I hit your triple bonus points for turn-ons with my ex. He is intelligent, polite, in touch with his sexuality/feelings. But he also is extremely selfish, megalomaniac that only cares about himself. He was confident in many areas of his life, just not with me. He was so intelligent that he couldn't understand the value of family and saw me only as a machine to bear his children and to satisfy his desire. Mind you, he was telling me that he loves me while doing all the above.

I absolutely agree with you that looks fade and hair gets thinner. I don't care about that. For me basic body upkeep is what is it is - BASIC (I spend time waxing, shaving, cutting, clipping, etc...why can he?) but a real turn-on is how he treats me - when he picks me up at the airport with a bouquet of flowers because he missed me, when he helps me take apart my bike when someone blocked it at the rack, when he celebrates my birthday not as another day to spend more money but as the day when someone who loves him so much was born, when we make love and he tells me he loves me while we are doing it, when he is confident enough to discuss whatever problems he has and be open with me. All that matters, looks - not so much.

[SenoritaBonita]

Originally Posted by ArtVandelay

So you're telling me there are ZERO deal-breaker physical aspects for you? I find that very difficult to believe.

You know, G. Costanza was very selfish too - is that where you got your nickname from???

Come on dude, just because a girl has a few extra pounds or has frizzy hair is no reason to break up with her. It seems like your personality can be a deal-breaker for women if your only concern is what they look like and what your deal-breakers are. And frankly, I'd rather see some ugliness of a person's looks upfront, then to discover that that ugliness is hiding deep in that person's soul, like in your case.

Frizzy hair, geez.

[ArtVandelay]

Originally Posted by SenoritaBonita

You know, G. Costanza was very selfish too - is that where you got your nickname from???

Come on dude, just because a girl has a few extra pounds or has frizzy hair is no reason to break up with her. It seems like your personality can be a deal-breaker for women if your only concern is what they look like and what your deal-breakers are. And frankly, I'd rather see some ugliness of a person's looks upfront, then to discover that that ugliness is hiding deep in that person's soul, like in your case.

Frizzy hair, geez.

It's amazing how defensive people can get. I mention something that I find to be a complete turn off, and you say that I have "ugliness hiding deep inside" of me???

It also kind of amazes me that you go into a thread titled "what do women find REALLY unattractive in men?" and expect for it to be about something other than a question about what "deal-breakers" are. No, that's not my only concern, but it's THE SUBJECT OF THIS THREAD.

Lighten up... I'm asking a serious question about something I'm curious about.

[ArtVandelay]

The teeth is something interesting though. My teeth are well-maintained, but they're somewhat "spacey." They were good enough not to ever need braces, but now they look much worse by comparison to the "braces kids" who suddenly have perfect teeth. The biggest problem, I think, is that the canines are in such a position that you can see that they come to a point very clearly when I smile.

I'm a senior in high school, and trying really hard to decide whether I want braces or not. I really don't want to deal with them at this point in my life (I don't really care about the practical aspects of it, it just seems very childish and probably wouldn't be a great way to go to college...), but I really want to get this handled.

Do you think this could also be a huge issue? It's a major insecurity of mine, but I'm not sure if I'm worried about it because it's an insecurity, or if it's an insecurity due to just cause. If someone's willing to comment on a picture, I'd be happy to PM it to you.

Thanks.

[SenoritaBonita]

Originally Posted by ArtVandelay

It's amazing how defensive people can get. I mention something that I find to be a complete turn off, and you say that I have "ugliness hiding deep inside" of me???

It also kind of amazes me that you go into a thread titled "what do women find REALLY unattractive in men?" and expect for it to be about something other than a question about what "deal-breakers" are. No, that's not my only concern, but it's THE SUBJECT OF THIS THREAD.

Lighten up... I'm asking a serious question about something I'm curious about.

I am very light, but what the title means is that there is more stuff beyond the looks. It's not about being defensive, but about being less superficial.

[SenoritaBonita]

Originally Posted by ArtVandelay

The teeth is something interesting though. My teeth are well-maintained, but they're somewhat "spacey." They were good enough not to ever need braces, but now they look much worse by comparison to the "braces kids" who suddenly have perfect teeth. The biggest problem, I think, is that the canines are in such a position that you can see that they come to a point very clearly when I smile.

I'm a senior in high school, and trying really hard to decide whether I want braces or not. I really don't want to deal with them at this point in my life (I don't really care about the practical aspects of it, it just seems very childish and probably wouldn't be a great way to go to college...), but I really want to get this handled.

Do you think this could also be a huge issue? It's a major insecurity of mine, but I'm not sure if I'm worried about it because it's an insecurity, or if it's an insecurity due to just cause. If someone's willing to comment on a picture, I'd be happy to PM it to you.

Thanks.

Ahh, I see now. You are in high school, hence the question. Well, a good woman will not mind your spacey but maintained teeth, but she might mind you minding her frizzy hair. You know, women go at great lengths to be attractive, but guess what? She will have messy hair when she wakes up in the morning, her breath will stink, she will need a shower, she will not be wearing heels 24/7 and she will not look like a Barbie doll. And guess what else? When you are in love, you will NOT care, because you will love her personality. I don't think about my man's abs, or teeth or whatever when it comes down to physical stuff, but what he does turns me on because he excites me as a person with all his flaws and great traits.

One thing I can tell you for you - you need to grow up!

[ArtVandelay]

Originally Posted by SenoritaBonita

I am very light, but what the title means is that there is more stuff beyond the looks. It's not about being defensive, but about being less superficial.

It has nothing to do with being superficial. I'm specifically asking about certain things. I said you were welcome to say other things if you wanted, which you're still welcome to do, but please don't call me "superficial" for asking about something that clearly exists and I have no way to know about.

Like I said, there are certain things that I find completely repulsive. I would never want to have any kind of physical relationship with girls who consistently do these things. Smelling bad is another one.

It has nothing to do with being superficial. It has to do with being a human being. If a man had pus oozing out of his face, I'm sure you would be sufficiently repulsed never to have a physical relationship with them so long as they have that problem. That doesn't make you superficial... it means that you are attracted to certain things and repulsed by others - in other words, it means you're normal.

Now, as a single guy, I'm not really interested in accidentally doing something to myself that's very unattractive to women. It may be true that "it's what's on the inside that matters," but that's really just a platitude if I'm unintentionally doing something that cause women to be completely unattracted to me.

That's also exactly the reason for my example: scraggly hair is extremely unattractive on women, yet it can probably be fixed by switching shampoos. I want to know if I'm doing something similarly wrong that I can easily fix. I'm also just plain old curious. The stuff that's repulsive about girls is obvious to me, but the other way around is not.

[SenoritaBonita]

Well, skin diseases are rarely attractive on any people. However, that's just basic maintenance. I am Russian and haven't seen so many unmaintained females and males as in Canada in my life. Some women and men have good facial features, yet they choose not to perform basic bodily maintenance such as washing, cleaning, brushing , cutting, etc. You seem to be talking about basic maintenance that absolutely everyone is able to do. When I see someone who simply cannot do that for themselves, I doubt that that person will do anything for me. I think you have to love yourself first and basic maintenance starts there. When it comes to saying that 5 lbs overweight or frizzy hair are deal-breakers, I personally think it's too much. Inability to perform a daily function of taking care of your body is unattractive on everyone. But if your eye brows are imperfect, so what??? :S Is that a deal-breaker? Not for me.

[ArtVandelay]

Originally Posted by SenoritaBonita

Ahh, I see now. You are in high school, hence the question. Well, a good woman will not mind your spacey but maintained teeth, but she might mind you minding her frizzy hair. You know, women go at great lengths to be attractive, but guess what? She will have messy hair when she wakes up in the morning, her breath will stink, she will need a shower, she will not be wearing heels 24/7 and she will not look like a Barbie doll. And guess what else? When you are in love, you will NOT care, because you will love her personality. I don't think about my man's abs, or teeth or whatever when it comes down to physical stuff, but what he does turns me on because he excites me as a person with all his flaws and great traits.

One thing I can tell you for you - you need to grow up!

In your mind I might need to "grow up," but I think you're also misunderstanding the depth of relationships at my age. I'm not looking for a wife and I doubt I'm going to fall in love any time soon. Regardless, I don't think that's even the issue here.

What you're trying to tell me is that there is no such thing as a physical deal-breaker, and that's just beyond absurd. Regardless of how much I like them personally and how much time I may want to spend with them, I'm NOT going to have a physical relationship with a girl who has really scraggly hair. It's not because I'm superficial; it's not because I'm immature; and it's not because I'm some kind of mad chauvinist, which is where I fear this is going next. I'm just "anti-attracted" to that kind of hair, and there's nothing I can do about that.

(By the way, if any guy tells you that he would have begun having a physical relationship with you despite having some sort of physical issue that he's particularly repulsed by, he's lying to you. Plain and simple. Certain things are just inherently repulsive for whatever reason, and they kill any sexual attraction I might ever feel for that person).

So, I'm asking what stuff like that girls have problems with. If you're just going to keep repeating that my problem is that I find certain things very unattractive, then you're being incredibly unhelpful and really just antagonistic. Obviously that's not true (unless you think that ALL guys are superficial and need to grow up), and unless women are HUGELY different from men, there are corresponding issues that women feel similarly about.

I don't really understand why you're getting so upset about the fact that physical attributes matter to how attractive people find other people to be. It's a fact of life, not a choice that people make because they want to be "superficial" or because they're immature.

[ArtVandelay]

Originally Posted by SenoritaBonita

Well, skin diseases are rarely attractive on any people. However, that's just basic maintenance. I am Russian and haven't seen so many unmaintained females and males as in Canada in my life. Some women and men have good facial features, yet they choose not to perform basic bodily maintenance such as washing, cleaning, brushing , cutting, etc. You seem to be talking about basic maintenance that absolutely everyone is able to do. When I see someone who simply cannot do that for themselves, I doubt that that person will do anything for me. I think you have to love yourself first and basic maintenance starts there. When it comes to saying that 5 lbs overweight or frizzy hair are deal-breakers, I personally think it's too much. Inability to perform a daily function of taking care of your body is unattractive on everyone. But if your eye brows are imperfect, so what??? :S Is that a deal-breaker? Not for me.

I think you're misreading the first post in this thread. Obviously I don't find being 5 pounds overweight unattractive. I also didn't say I object to "frizzy hair." What I said was "dense, frizzy, scraggly hair" is something I find very unattractive. You picked up on one of those adjectives, but the fact is that all three work in concert; in other words, I object to a specific type of hair, not a girl having some frizz in her hair.

I mean I really don't think you could possibly be understanding what I'm saying, because on the one hand you're saying that a failure to perform basic grooming stuff is a deal-breaker for you (which is essentially what I asked), and then on the other hand saying that I'm "superficial" for believing exactly the same thing .

[sheffy4]

Turn Offs! =

- Men who wear their pants around their ass...or around their knees. It looks ridiculous, and it's not someone I want to introduce to my parents!

- Wearing too much cologne, a problem for a lot of men

- Poor hygene in general

- Mustaches with no beard.... just not my thing.

[SenoritaBonita]

Originally Posted by ArtVandelay

In your mind I might need to "grow up," but I think you're also misunderstanding the depth of relationships at my age. I'm not looking for a wife and I doubt I'm going to fall in love any time soon. Regardless, I don't think that's even the issue here.

What you're trying to tell me is that there is no such thing as a physical deal-breaker, and that's just beyond absurd. Regardless of how much I like them personally and how much time I may want to spend with them, I'm NOT going to have a physical relationship with a girl who has really scraggly hair. It's not because I'm superficial; it's not because I'm immature; and it's not because I'm some kind of mad chauvinist, which is where I fear this is going next. I'm just "anti-attracted" to that kind of hair, and there's nothing I can do about that.

(By the way, if any guy tells you that he would have begun having a physical relationship with you despite having some sort of physical issue that he's particularly repulsed by, he's lying to you. Plain and simple. Certain things are just inherently repulsive for whatever reason, and they kill any sexual attraction I might ever feel for that person).

So, I'm asking what stuff like that girls have problems with. If you're just going to keep repeating that my problem is that I find certain things very unattractive, then you're being incredibly unhelpful and really just antagonistic. Obviously that's not true (unless you think that ALL guys are superficial and need to grow up), and unless women are HUGELY different from men, there are corresponding issues that women feel similarly about.

I don't really understand why you're getting so upset about the fact that physical attributes matter to how attractive people find other people to be. It's a fact of life, not a choice that people make because they want to be "superficial" or because they're immature.

I just find it frustrating that the reference here is basically to hair and teeth. Again, I am not a men hater and don't think that you are a chauvinist. Yes, looks are important, but have you ever seen not very attractive men with drop-dead gorgeous women? For example, Seal with his facial scars and Heidi Klum? You think she cares about his scars? NO. Why? Because he's so much more than that. So what I am saying to you is that if you are physically repulsed by girls with frizzy hair is ok, you don't have to come close to them. If you take care of yourself (i.e. take a shower, brush your teeth, visit dentist, take care of your skin and hair and overall look clean and maintained) and most importantly work on your personality and HOW you treat a girl, then you will attract quality women. Otherwise, there are tons of jerks with perfect teeth, with amazing hair and washboard abs and guess what? They are still jerks and that's what's unattractive in men!

[SenoritaBonita]

Originally Posted by ArtVandelay

I think you're misreading the first post in this thread. Obviously I don't find being 5 pounds overweight unattractive. I also didn't say I object to "frizzy hair." What I said was "dense, frizzy, scraggly hair" is something I find very unattractive. You picked up on one of those adjectives, but the fact is that all three work in concert; in other words, I object to a specific type of hair, not a girl having some frizz in her hair.

I mean I really don't think you could possibly be understanding what I'm saying, because on the one hand you're saying that a failure to perform basic grooming stuff is a deal-breaker for you (which is essentially what I asked), and then on the other hand saying that I'm "superficial" for believing exactly the same thing .

(This thread is supposed to be focused on aesthetic things - that is, physical features, body language, fashion, etc.

This is what you said. Physical features have nothing to do with maintenance. You can be ugly as Quazimodo and have a perfectly shaven face and great skin. You specifically mentioned physical features, fashion, body language....that has nothing to do with frizzy hair. What I am saying is that I don't pay any attention to those unable to take care of their bodies because they are not for me. Having said that, I fell in love with a man who had bad teeth, but tons of personality and I couldn't care less about his teeth. Having bad hygiene is just well bad. It's not a deal-breaker but it's a standard where everything starts for me.

[ArtVandelay]

It should be pretty clear by now that I'm not talking about inherent stuff that people can't change about themselves. I think facial hair, for instance, is a "physical feature." You apparently don't. Whatever. But the point is that instead of sitting here arguing about exactly which words I used, why don't you just respond to the spirit of what I was asking?

Now, again, I understand that personality is hugely important. I'm not denying that or saying that I'd rather be a good-looking jerk than a bad-looking cool guy. What I am saying is that I don't want to unintentionally sabotage my chances with girls I'm attracted to by doing something that I think is perfectly acceptable and girls find highly unattractive. I'm sure the people who leave their hair the way I think is repulsive think it's fine.

If I realized that people were gonna get so upset about a pretty straightforward question that obviously is not motivated by any malice, I don't think I would have asked. I'm kind of floored that you could take my curiosity and try to spin it as some kind of deranged immaturity, but whatever.

[SenoritaBonita]

Originally Posted by ArtVandelay

It should be pretty clear by now that I'm not talking about inherent stuff that people can't change about themselves. I think facial hair, for instance, is a "physical feature." You apparently don't. Whatever. But the point is that instead of sitting here arguing about exactly which words I used, why don't you just respond to the spirit of what I was asking?

Now, again, I understand that personality is hugely important. I'm not denying that or saying that I'd rather be a good-looking jerk than a bad-looking cool guy. What I am saying is that I don't want to unintentionally sabotage my chances with girls I'm attracted to by doing something that I think is perfectly acceptable and girls find highly unattractive. I'm sure the people who leave their hair the way I think is repulsive think it's fine.

If I realized that people were gonna get so upset about a pretty straightforward question that obviously is not motivated by any malice, I don't think I would have asked. I'm kind of floored that you could take my curiosity and try to spin it as some kind of deranged immaturity, but whatever.

In my first post, I said what I find unattractive. Deliberate carelessness about one's daily hygiene and of course nasty personality. By taking care of your body, you already come across as a more attractive man. We seem to be disagreeing on the answer and approaches to your question, so let's agree to disagree. My response to you is above. However, I do stress that personality traits matter so much more and is a deal-breaker when it's bad.

[ArtVandelay]

Okay, fair enough. But I just want to make it clear that I agree with the follow statement 100%:

Originally Posted by SenoritaBonita

However, I do stress that personality traits matter so much more and is a deal-breaker when it's bad.

My point wasn't that that didn't matter, it was that this stuff mattered too.

[SenoritaBonita]

Originally Posted by ArtVandelay

Okay, fair enough. But I just want to make it clear that I agree with the follow statement 100%:



My point wasn't that that didn't matter, it was that this stuff mattered too.

Great. That's the point of a discussion, right? That's where the truth is born (personal truth that is).

[spookie149]

Hmm...stuff that can be changed. Let's see:

-Honestly, bad teeth is huge for me. I can't stop looking at it. A great smile is super hot. I had braces for two years and it's amazing the difference it makes a big difference in your overall appearance and self-confidence.
-Cocky attitude
-Immaturity
-Put downs
-Sexism
-Lateness
-Pants hanging down the ass
-Guys who play with their hair
-Obvious checking out of other women
-Laughing at someone less fortunate than yourself (like a disabled person, someone with autism, etc)
-Too many tattoos and piercings. Nose, mouth, that neck thing I've seen..All a fad which screams insecurity and I wanna be noticed for being different which is a turnoff.

Probably a lot more I just can't think of.

FYI- it's fine if you put a lot of emphasis on a a really pretty girl. To each his own. But remember a girl who cares so much about her looks probably feels she has to be liked or noticed based solely on what she looks like. Ie-bad self-esteem. Additionally, someone who spends their time obsessing about THEIR appearance is probably going to do the same to the person they are dating. Some food for thought.

[Bliss Sage]

Originally Posted by ArtVandelay

I think you're also misunderstanding the depth of relationships at my age. I'm not looking for a wife and I doubt I'm going to fall in love any time soon. Regardless, I don't think that's even the issue here.

What you're trying to tell me is that there is no such thing as a physical deal-breaker, and that's just beyond absurd.

I think for you to get a more accurate answer, you ought to ask girls of your age who think more similarly to you how they would answer this question. They would surely have similar issues to the ones you have with girls.

That being said, I second the bad teeth. Another thing that is really icky is lots of hair, like all over the back, for example. A high-pitched voice is a put-off too. There are a few other things too, but I don't think any of these things would be "deal-breakers," especially if it were the right man. Oh, another thing which shocks me is when men remove their hair like women do(unless it's on their back, then it's ok ).

[dice]

i have a very hard time laying superficial judgements on people, even once i get to know them I easily overlook flaws and forgive people.

In general don't like it when people are excessively hateful or closed minded, thats a signout for me. That and people who don't take care and respect themselves/hygiene, but thats a given.

but gender specific, I'm not too into super-bulky extra-masculine stuff, it kind of intimidates me when I see a guy who could squash me with a pinky.
Also swearing every 3 word is a turnoff. At least try to be articulate.

Honestly theres not a lot of stuff that turns me off, as long as it comes with charm I'd be down...I can't believe I'm saying this stuff.

Oh, rat staches are not something i'd want to get close to.

[Rockchick26]

any facial hair especially beards (scruff is ok for a few days but not after it gets thick) Also a lot of body hair to me is gross,i want to touch their skin!

a concave rear end Seriously,some men dont have a butt at all ,they just have a back crack

scrawny bodies that look more fragile than ours! I'm afraid to hug them,i might bump a protruding bone! (lmao yes i just realized how bad that sounded but i swear i DIDNT mean THAT bone! )

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by SenoritaBonita

I find dirty teeth repulsive (by dirty I mean stained, very poorly maintained, dark from all the coffee, tea and smoking; rotten teeth), dirty/sharp finger nails, guys who pick their noses, scratch their private parts, who have hair in their nose and ears, smell bad. I don't like long hair on men. Just not my thing.

I agree with you on all of those except for the long hair part...i'd take that guy! Little or no hair on the head turns me off. Guess it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round!

[Tigerlilly]

Looking at this thread from the point of LoA, I think it'd be a better move to focus on what you love best in guys, not on deal-breakers. Unless you desire to be dating a Yeti soon...

[The NorthStar of Hope]

Originally Posted by funchy

Over the years physical beauty fades. Over time fit bodies go soft and people gain weight. Sometimes the hair thins. But the things that endures is the person inside.

Turn-offs are anyone who is condescending, sexist/racist, the self-described 'ladies man', self-absorbed, liars, users, emotional dependents, drama-queens, in love with being depressed, serious addicts, those in major denial, or cavemen.

Turn-ons are those who are real, honest, confident, down-to-earth, intelligent, polite, sensible, sometimes adventurous, willing to try new things, and are finding their passion in life. Bonus points for taking care of themselves (i.e. good hygiene). Triple bonus points for being in touch with their feelings & sexuality.

What if I told you. I know someone "could be me" but let's not mention his identity.
Who has ALL the turn-ons you mentioned. & doesn't have ALL the turn-offs. However, he's a wheelchair user "yet quite the handsome fella"...

Would girls go out with him?...

[spookie149]

Depends on what's inside the guy, in my opinion. If he's as good as you say he is I'm sure he would have no problem getting a date with women. I think a lot of women wouldn't be able to handle the wheelchair. That would put tremendous pressure on the woman if they were to have a family together down the road.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by The NorthStar of Hope

What if I told you. I know someone "could be me" but let's not mention his identity.
Who has ALL the turn-ons you mentioned. & doesn't have ALL the turn-offs. However, he's a wheelchair user "yet quite the handsome fella"...

Would girls go out with him?...

I'm sure some wouldn't, but I would (if I didn't already have a SO, of course ).