Body Language

[kpreston]

Does anyone know of any good books on the subject of body language/non-verbal cues other than the one written by Allan Pease? I'm incredibly interested in the subject.

[Alexjstrandberg]

I'm going to recomend not reading books on body language and here's why.

Great body language comes from an absence of fear. When you are insecure, doubtful and in a state of fear the fight or flight syndrome is triggered. Your body and mind believe it is about to get attacked or is going to attack someone.

When that's triggered your bodies natural reaction is to close off. Your arms pull in, your legs cross. Your body does this to create a smaller target in order to lessen the damage done from an attacker.

It's 2008 (almost 2009) and this evolutionary process still takes place. It's not very useful it dealing with other people but it still happens.

If you look at someone with great body language their body is very open and relaxed. This is because they have no fear and the fight or flight syndrome is not triggered.

Work on your fears and your body language will naturally be great.

Hope that helps

[striving4peace]

Well, depends on why you're reading. IF you're reading to understand others more, then one should read books. IF you're reading to improve your own body language, it's probably a waste of time, unless you're going to be acting out something you're not feeling. Some actors can feign confidence through body language. They gotta be knowing more about gestures and mannerisms that they manually and purposely employ.
But from what i know, trying to change your natural body language is just nearly impossible, so in a way - you're right. Better to work on the fear / confidence instead.

[kpreston]

I don't want to learn about body language to manipulate people or hide anything. If I wanted to do that I would train to become a car salesman.

It came about a few days ago. Me and five other friends were on my patio smoking *ehemm*. As I watched I noticed as the conversations got longer, people began to pick "partners." I don't mean they would only talk to their partner, but you could tell they were subconciously more connected to a certain someone in our circle.

The man to my right, and the man to my left had taken a very relaxed pose. Both legs extended outwards, resting on their heels. Both arms limp and lieing on each leg.

The two women across from me had taken a more hunched over "cold" look. Slumped down with elbows and arms resting on their legs. Both legs close to the body but open at about shoulder length.

And my roomate and I had also taken the a mirror-image pose. One leg crossed over the other in a "4" shape, and arms loosely hanging onto the lap.

Even the personalities of the "partners" had become identical. The two women were more excited, talking loudly, and laughing more often. The two men I was between were more "chill" and relaxed, talking about more deep and personal issues. And me and my roomate were quietly watching, listening, and turning our heads and attention towards whomever was talking at the time.

It interested me so much.

[Pequod]

The best way to learn reading bodylanguage is in practice.

This is a great way to practice: mirror the pose of someone else in your vincinity and feel how it feels. When you practice this, it's almost scary what you can pick up about the other. You can do this in the train or bus, at a party, in the library, basically anywhere where people come together and you can be on your own for a minute. Practice with strangers, then you won't be bothered by knowledge about the other.

[ArtVandelay]

Aside from becoming an interrogator or something like that, I think your best bet is to read up on pickup. There's a LOT of body language knowledge floating around in those communities.

[Brutha]

What do you want?
Reading people to understand them?
Or do you want to optimise your own bodylanguage?

Those two are different problems.

[kpreston]

What do you want?
Reading people to understand them?
Or do you want to optimise your own bodylanguage?

Those two are different problems.

Reading people to understand them, I suppose.

[JimOfferman]

I've read this one:
Amazon.com: What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People: Joe Navarro, Marvin Karlins: Books

It's a good book, though I do think his reading of body language is some what slanted towards American culture. Either that, or all of us Europeans are just mighty insecure (which I refuse to believe).