how to view sex...

[iamconscious]

Is it bad to look for a girl with the intention to have sex? Or is it wrong not to have sex because many people say its evil?

Some people say that a guy who had more sex is cool. Other say that a woman who had more sex is less worthy than those who had less or virgin.

I am from the Philippines, a pretty conservative country. I am sure these are social conditioned beliefs. But how can I view sex in a healthy way so that it doesn't get in the way on placing worth to others especially women and at the same time I can enjoy it since I am finding a new girlfriend now?

[Pequod]

There's nothing wrong with looking for a girl to just have sex.

After a while it probably gets boring because without intimacy, trust and connection the sex is usually disappointing. But there is a difference in hearing this from another, or knowing it through your own experience

I would advice not to lie about it and be straightforward in your intentions. That way, neither of you will regret the experience.

Have fun!

[funchy]

Is it bad to look for a girl with the intention to have sex?

Do you mean just look for a one-night stand? That may or may not be bad, depending on if you deceived the girl.

Are you ok with casual sex? It's not always bad but be aware it can get old and boring; it's incomplete and therefore unfulfilling.

Or is it wrong not to have sex because many people say its evil?

Sex is not evil.

I don't know what is right and wrong for you; only you can decide.

In my opinion, the only time it becomes wrong is when it ends up hurting the other person or you. For example, rushing to have sex when you're not ready is not good for you. For example, telling a girl you love her just to sex sex is also hurtful.

Some people say that a guy who had more sex is cool. Other say that a woman who had more sex is less worthy than those who had less or virgin.

These are cultural or religious judgments. They're only true because others you know say so. There is no one absolute correct answer.

One mistake is that people think having sex alot makes one a good sex partner or can satisfy the others better. That's silly. For example a prostitute can have a lot of sex but if she's not into who she's with, it'll won't be great.

[RRR]

As long as you consistantly control your exposure to pregnancy and STDs sex is not nearly as bad... However... Having a child is an ECONOMIC CATASTROPHE. Much of culture has built tabboos about sex for this very reason (among less virtuous reasons). Take the pill and wear a condom. Learning to be a virtuous/good person and not just a slut/whore/spouse is an important step in personal growth. If you look for women just for sex..well.. you will find women who are looking for you just for sex or to exploit you in another way. In the long run it is self destructive to exist on one night stands or sex based relationships compared to having mutually meaningful relationships where you grow as a person.

[shakra]

Originally Posted by RRR

Having a child is an ECONOMIC CATASTROPHE. Much of culture has built tabboos about sex for this very reason (among less virtuous reasons).

What a fabulous insight...I never thought about having children in this way... but it makes sense..

In my opinion I would not suggest starting a relationship based on sex.. as this is what I have done, and although I have my soulmate.. there are challenges that come with hooking up with someone before you can confide and actually talk to one another.

[darkw0rker]

I think it is really stupid and EVIL to go after a girl without an intention of having sex with her later.

By the way, I am not saying being stupid is bad, just saying it's stupid.

[persephonevii]

I think the best sex is sex with someone you LOVE. Not lust. Not like. Not feel sorry for. But LOVE.

"Is it bad to look for a girl with the intention to have sex? Or is it wrong not to have sex because many people say its evil?"

Anyway, your first question: No. From my POV, no. I don't really see anything wrong with it, as long as no one gets hurt. Your second question, it is wrong to decide sex is evil because other people said so. How do you know sex is evil? It's not evil, but it can lead to 'bad' things. Like an unwanted baby or STDs, or emotional hurt. But my opinion? Sex isn't evil. You wouldn't be here asking this question if it wasn't for sex

[jtracy]

Personally I think that only very ignorant people think sex is evil. Other people think sex is a very spiritual act. Sex is just a thing that happens, it's your attitude about it that makes it good or bad. Likewise some people think it's cool to have had a lot of sex and others think that being a virgin is worth more. Again it's your attitude about it that makes it good or bad. And sex, of course, is something that almost everyone has passionate opinions about.

The real question is not what other people have told you but what does your intuition tell you? How do you really feel about it, both in the long term and in the moment? Act on that. I agree that the only time sex, (or any other activity) is wrong is if it hurts someone, either you or the other person (or the people around you). It would be prudent to try to avoid girls who only want sex, even if for just health reasons. Sex really needs to be accompanied by love, and preferably exclusive love in order to be satisfying. And, of course, make sure you use the best birth control until you are really ready to have children. They can be a very expensive mistake.

[Alexjstrandberg]

That's a madonna/whore issues. The Madonna/whore complex is basically seeing women in two different lights: the madonna and the whore.

The Madonna is the sweet, loving, innocent virgin who is pure. She is the girl you take home to meet your parents.

The whore is a girl you do all the dirty things to that you wouldn’t do to the Madonna. The one you sleep with and never call. The one you use for all of your sexual fantasies.

All of this stems from our caveman instincts that go on unconsciously. Our goal as a species is survive long enough to pass on our genes. If a woman has sex with multiple partners your chances of passing on your genes will be lessened because you have more competition.

The key is to remind yourself that sex is good and woman shouldn't be vilified because they enjoy sex.

[handle]

Sex is a personnal experience. With the right person it can be great. With the wrong person it won't.

If all you are looking for is a quick hook-up there are many people out ther looking for the same...hollow, empty, meaningless sex. But it will never be the same as if you feel a deep emotional, physical & spiritual connection with the person.

Always amke sure to keep your saftely in mind. Take precautions always againgst STDs & pregnancy. & remember that just because you don't see anything that looks like an STD it can still be there...& some of them once you have them you are suck with for life.

[The David]

Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg

The Madonna is the sweet, loving, innocent virgin who is pure.

When I think of Madonna, words come to mind, but they aren't those words.

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by RRR

As long as you consistantly control your exposure to pregnancy and STDs sex is not nearly as bad... However... Having a child is an ECONOMIC CATASTROPHE. Much of culture has built tabboos about sex for this very reason (among less virtuous reasons). Take the pill and wear a condom. Learning to be a virtuous/good person and not just a slut/whore/spouse is an important step in personal growth. If you look for women just for sex..well.. you will find women who are looking for you just for sex or to exploit you in another way. In the long run it is self destructive to exist on one night stands or sex based relationships compared to having mutually meaningful relationships where you grow as a person.

I agree

[Eisho]

Originally Posted by iamconscious

Is it bad to look for a girl with the intention to have sex? Or is it wrong not to have sex because many people say its evil?

Some people say that a guy who had more sex is cool. Other say that a woman who had more sex is less worthy than those who had less or virgin.

I am from the Philippines, a pretty conservative country. I am sure these are social conditioned beliefs. But how can I view sex in a healthy way so that it doesn't get in the way on placing worth to others especially women and at the same time I can enjoy it since I am finding a new girlfriend now?

Live your life and enjoy your experiences and learn from them. No one can answer those kinds of questions for you, you just have to arrive at your own conclusions through time. I don't believe there is any sin in looking for girls for sex...girls do it too and I don't think any less of them...I don't think any less of girls who only want to be with one guy their whole life either.

Cheers,

Eisho

[Savage]

I don't think it's bad at all. I often wander the house looking for someone to have sex with. Every once in a while, I come across a tasty morsel.

[Matt Willard]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

I don't think it's bad at all. I often wander the house looking for someone to have sex with. Every once in a while, I come across a tasty morsel.

Creamy filled center!

[funchy]

Originally Posted by darkw0rker

I think it is really stupid and EVIL to go after a girl without an intention of having sex with her later.

By the way, I am not saying being stupid is bad, just saying it's stupid.

Can you elaborate? is it stupid because you think it's a waste of a guy's time? or ???

[iamconscious]

thanks for the ideas..


Back then I felt guilty after doing sex with my ex girlfriend because I think I've done something that would lower her dignity. But when I decide not to do it, I would imagine my friends teasing me for being too serious and uncool. Those thoughts together with other negative ones ruined our relationship a year ago and it was so painful. She had a new boyfriend 4 months after our break up but their relationship lasted for only 2 months. She contacted me and ask if we could meet again as if wanting to be with me again. I have several reason for declining including my negativity (I knew I can't handle relationship well). But one of the thoughts that bothers me is that "what if she had sex with that guy". How will I think about her? I will be insecure for sure. And we would both suffer if ever we continued our relationship.

I know this sounds stupid but I just want to clear my mind especially now that I'm learning to socialize and I want to open my mind to the possibility that the intimate relationship that I dream would be with a girl whose not virgin anymore.

Anyway, thanks again...

[iamconscious]

I came across this post of mine. It's been a while. Now, I feel stupid about my negative thoughts back then but they are what they are. I'll just accept them as I drop them off.

Now, I think sex is something that we can experience and share with others not only with the opposite sex but with them same sex as well which ever we prefer it, whether we're married, in a relationship or not. I despise homosexual back then because of their "unethical" behavior.

Now, I tend to accept people as they are. My worth is immeasurable as you are.

Thanks guys. You're such a big help.

[Aleksander Krstic]

I'm so happy for you. And your welcome, we're just doing our job!

[Enoch]

What about having sex with your wife's sister? I think my wife will be the one who hurt the most if she finds out.

Likewise, how will you feel if your wife had sex with her colleague or boss?

I often think having sex with people you got to know is a natural progression of relationship, pretty much like having a cup of coffee, going for a movie or having a game of tennis.

[180]

Originally Posted by iamconscious

Is it bad to look for a girl with the intention to have sex? Or is it wrong not to have sex because many people say its evil?

Some people say that a guy who had more sex is cool. Other say that a woman who had more sex is less worthy than those who had less or virgin.

I am from the Philippines, a pretty conservative country. I am sure these are social conditioned beliefs. But how can I view sex in a healthy way so that it doesn't get in the way on placing worth to others especially women and at the same time I can enjoy it since I am finding a new girlfriend now?

Conditioned completely,

Men have relationships for sex.

There is NO other reason to have a woman in our life.

I'm not exactly excited about hearing a woman yap her head off about her friend tiffany knows a girl who knows a girl who knows a guy that might know a guy who's friend with a guy who's related to Paris Hilton. (Um yeah, this is actually such a thing I've heard). Or go shopping and carry her bag like a slave. Or be shown in front of her friends so they can compare me to her friends boyfriends as if I'm some sort of life sized ken doll. Or listen to her talk about her entire day when all I want to do is scratch my nuts in front of the TV with a nice cool bottle of budweiser.

I don't know any guy who likes paying for the "pleasure" of trying to please a woman and do his best to gain access to her egg. It's not exactly a thrilling experience if theres no promise of sex. I've spent well over $6000 on girlfriends and over the years I realize it's sort of stupid how I'm paying all this money just to have a girlfriend but the end result is... jack squat.

No baby for me.

We enjoy dating, and we enjoying kissing and having physical contact with a girl because we want her egg. Think about it this way. Would you marry and commit yourself to a woman who had no vagina? Looks, feels and talks like a woman, but could never have sex with her? (Desperate men say yes)

You'd be committing reproductive suicide. Women look down upon men who date them only for sex. But we look down upon women for only wanting men for money, looks, and entertainment. (but hey guess what, that's the reality. Women being "gold diggers" is completely normal)

We more or less trade these things. Men trade survival tools and women trade their baby maker.

It's how the world spins and it's how birds, monkeys and almost all other mammals do it.

So yeah, we are conditioned by society to think that seeking women for sex is bad. But ask yourself again...

Who the hell really wants to be with a girl? She's just a big ball of annoying. And for women, it's almost (I mean almost) the same. Who wants a man if he's a loser, has no job, doesn't commit to you, and has no money?

It's all trades.

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by 180

Conditioned completely,

Men have relationships for sex.

There is NO other reason to have a woman in our life.

I'm not exactly excited about hearing a woman yap her head off about her friend tiffany knows a girl who knows a girl who knows a guy that might know a guy who's friend with a guy who's related to Paris Hilton. (Um yeah, this is actually such a thing I've heard). Or go shopping and carry her bag like a slave. Or be shown in front of her friends so they can compare me to her friends boyfriends as if I'm some sort of life sized ken doll. Or listen to her talk about her entire day when all I want to do is scratch my nuts in front of the TV with a nice cool bottle of budweiser.

180, I find this pretty concerning.

If this is the only kind of woman you meet, you have obviously become trapped on the set of The Hills, a la The Truman Show. Try to get to a boat and sail out until you get to a wall painted the colour of the sky.

[180]

This is not the ONLY women I've met.

But I was just trying to show the point that men wouldn't be so into women if there wasn't sex involved. If sex wasn't an option with women, almost all men would have male friends. We like those who are most similar to us.

[aelle]

Are you saying that you have never had friends (role models, roommates, etc) of the opposite gender that you didn't enjoy for something else than sex?

[180]

Originally Posted by aelle

Are you saying that you have never had friends (role models, roommates, etc) of the opposite gender that you didn't enjoy for something else than sex?

I've had female friends... BUT they weren't romantic interests. There's a difference. And we were only friends for a while. We got tired of each other easily and found way too many differences. She's emotional and believes that love will move mountains and love conquers all. I see a bunch of dumbass neuron cells in her brain conditioned by disney cartoons at early age filled with prince charming fantasies and santa clause.

Look at it this way. If all the women in the world were hideously ugly and men could have sex with other men and have babies. We wouldn't approach a woman based on personality alone. We would get along with guys much better. Unless the guy was a total pansy and afraid of male competition (Which happens BECAUSE we compete for women... so circular logic, if you eliminated women, we'd probably wouldn't have pansy men)

Observing studies and dating questionares, the OVERWHELMING majority of men wanted women that were pretty. They didnt' care about personality, status, or all this other important stuff that women care about.

Men cared about hotness.

I've known tons of guys that when faced with a proposition of being a girl they are really compatible and get along with great.... versus a hot girl, always choose the hot girl.

Same BS runs in circles. Hell I've done it too. As much as I'd like to think I'm not some shallow *******. Deep down inside... I know it's true. I've dumped TONS of great personality girls to be with a hot girl. Does that make me shallow and stupid? Yes and I regret it. But for some reason I just CAN'T say no at the opportunity to be with a beauitful girl. You'll notice this from other guys too. It's not just me that's some shallow ass. It's all guys.

If a guy tells you otherwise he's lying. Or full of BS.

Women are too.., emotional and selfish for me. I don't want to stereotype too much but I do. And frankly women just come off as either entirely too deluded about the world. I can't take it. Women talk in a way that seems completley self absorbed and based upon their own world. THey are also self righteous and usually not open to logical findings. They prefer to see the world though a lens of "magic". Girls always say they want a man with mystery. Why? They are illogical and prefer to feel some kind of emotion than actually choose a more rational logical choice. If girls made sense then good guys who provide and take care of girl would be picked up. Instead they choose retarded ass badboys (such as myself) that make fun of them, abuse them, and do a plethora of things that antithetical to their health,

All this shopping, emotion, drama, and all this stuff. Men generally don't like it. I just want a big gun to shoot large animals and eat lots of fatty foods watch TV and play sports.

I'm ranting... time to play starcarft 2

[Mounds]

Originally Posted by Indiana

If this is the only kind of woman you meet, you have obviously become trapped on the set of The Hills, a la The Truman Show.

We have a winner!

[Elrond]

Originally Posted by 180

I've had female friends... BUT they weren't romantic interests. There's a difference. And we were only friends for a while. We got tired of each other easily and found way too many differences. She's emotional and believes that love will move mountains and love conquers all. I see a bunch of dumbass neuron cells in her brain conditioned by disney cartoons at early age filled with prince charming fantasies and santa clause.

Look at it this way. If all the women in the world were hideously ugly and men could have sex with other men and have babies. We wouldn't approach a woman based on personality alone. We would get along with guys much better. Unless the guy was a total pansy and afraid of male competition (Which happens BECAUSE we compete for women... so circular logic, if you eliminated women, we'd probably wouldn't have pansy men)

Observing studies and dating questionares, the OVERWHELMING majority of men wanted women that were pretty. They didnt' care about personality, status, or all this other important stuff that women care about.

Men cared about hotness.

I've known tons of guys that when faced with a proposition of being a girl they are really compatible and get along with great.... versus a hot girl, always choose the hot girl.

Same BS runs in circles. Hell I've done it too. As much as I'd like to think I'm not some shallow *******. Deep down inside... I know it's true. I've dumped TONS of great personality girls to be with a hot girl. Does that make me shallow and stupid? Yes and I regret it. But for some reason I just CAN'T say no at the opportunity to be with a beauitful girl. You'll notice this from other guys too. It's not just me that's some shallow ass. It's all guys.

If a guy tells you otherwise he's lying. Or full of BS.

Women are too.., emotional and selfish for me. I don't want to stereotype too much but I do. And frankly women just come off as either entirely too deluded about the world. I can't take it. Women talk in a way that seems completley self absorbed and based upon their own world. THey are also self righteous and usually not open to logical findings. They prefer to see the world though a lens of "magic". Girls always say they want a man with mystery. Why? They are illogical and prefer to feel some kind of emotion than actually choose a more rational logical choice. If girls made sense then good guys who provide and take care of girl would be picked up. Instead they choose retarded ass badboys (such as myself) that make fun of them, abuse them, and do a plethora of things that antithetical to their health,

All this shopping, emotion, drama, and all this stuff. Men generally don't like it. I just want a big gun to shoot large animals and eat lots of fatty foods watch TV and play sports.

I'm ranting... time to play starcarft 2

you gonna get in trouble now...

[Mounds]

Just gonna go ahead and throw this "BS" response out there... I didn't marry my wife so I could have sex with her on a regular basis. I married her because she made a good partner. She's going to be a great mom, she knows how to handle money, she does her share and we have similar goals. I can only assume this is why most guys marry.
180, the things that you are saying sound about right if you are living in 10,000 BC. Or if you took a snapshot of life right out of "Married... With Children". Not every woman is a valley girl. Not every guy has a one track mind. That's what you see on television and some people live like that. However, most people do not!

[Savage]

Perhaps some men make sex more important than other forms of intimacy, but that isn't universal by any means. Other men find emotional intimacy even more exciting.

Opportunities for sex become abundant when you keep your heart open, and open-hearted sex goes far beyond the surface physical experience.

Instead of splintering ourselves and saying which is more important, I think it makes more sense to admit that we value multiple forms of connection.

Sex is yummy. So is emotional intimacy. I love stimulating discussions too. And I like to go out and have fun. And I like to be playful. So I open myself to giving and receiving on all of these channels.

There's no experience quite like looking into your lover's eyes and seeing blissful unconditional love staring back at you while you're inside her. It's very intense.

So perhaps don't splinter yourself. Integrate all that good stuff into one holistic picture of desire. Welcome it all.

[Criseyde]

180

I hope you're able to find peace, someday.