How to connect with strangers?

[oBakasan]

I'm searching for new friends, but one problem I've encountered is that I just don't know what to talk about to people. For example I can spend the whole day at work without talking to my colleagues simply because I don't know what they like to talk about.

So my question is, are there any questions that I can ask a stranger to find out what kind of things they like to talk about?

-Are there any "safe" topics that I can easily talk with anyone about?

-What are the most common things normal people talk about?

Any thoughts?

[LordSappington]

I feel for you. This is exactly how I feel. I do, however, know what the people at my work like to talk about: their children. Just a warning: if you ask people about their children, they will never, ever, ever shut up and you may regret it later :-P

[Rockchick26]

I am not an expert at conversations but here is what i think would be ideal; You risk sounding nosy if you suddenly rattle off a bunch of questions,not to mention it would feel like an interview. So I think the easiest thing to do is wait for something to come up like where one of you has to say something,and then build on it from there. I also like the "got any plans this weekend?" question because everyone likes to talk about their upcoming weekend,and you can find out a lot about a person that way. And it can branch out into other conversation topics too! And it isnt as mundane and dead end-ish as talking about the weather.

[JimOfferman]

Here is a simple three step plan for talking to strangers:

1. Walk up to the "stranger" (proximity makes it easier for him/her to hear what you are saying)
2. Say: "Hi!" (smiling is optional, usually it helps)
3. Wait for a response

That's pretty much all there is to it.

[Rose of Cairo]

Connecting with strangers is very easy. There are no strangers. You and all others are a manifestation of one consciousness. You are them, they are you. You've known each other forever. And we're all permanently communicating with each other. Therefore, you are already connected to them, so there's no need to connect in the first place.

Behave as if they were old friends of yours (they are!). Just smile and say hi. You don't need to talk about something they like to talk about. You don't need to talk at all. If you feel like saying something, say it. But if you don't know what to talk about, maybe there's nothing to say in that moment? Then just be with them and look at them and smile. Just be present and open to them. If you are, they'll probably start talking to you on their own anyway.

At least that's what's happens to me.

[LordSappington]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

Here is a simple three step plan for talking to strangers:

1. Walk up to the "stranger" (proximity makes it easier for him/her to hear what you are saying)
2. Say: "Hi!" (smiling is optional, usually it helps)
3. Wait for a response

That's pretty much all there is to it.

I'm going to have to take issue with this. Going up to say "Hi" to a stranger is not sufficient to talk to them, mainly because you're a stranger to them as well. They tend to suffer from the same problem; they don't know what to say to you either. Being able to effortless greet a stranger in a very important goal in terms of socialization, but it's not enough at all. You have to be able to ease them into a conversation such that their stranger anxiety is lowered to the point that they open up a bit. I've struggled with this a lot. I'm still not sure how to do this.

[missing]

Originally Posted by LordSappington

I'm going to have to take issue with this. Going up to say "Hi" to a stranger is not sufficient to talk to them, mainly because you're a stranger to them as well. They tend to suffer from the same problem; they don't know what to say to you either. Being able to effortless greet a stranger in a very important goal in terms of socialization, but it's not enough at all. You have to be able to ease them into a conversation such that their stranger anxiety is lowered to the point that they open up a bit. I've struggled with this a lot. I'm still not sure how to do this.

One solution is to find something in the immediate environment to comment on. The trick is to find common ground, something you are both experiencing and can relate too each other about. Weather is an obvious example, but it's often overdone. I'd try to come up with something less mundane, as you will have an easier time. So be on the look out for things that seem "out of the ordinary" in situations with strangers (not having to do with the strangers themselves) as opportunities to forge a bond. As an example, one time I was in a crowded park and there was a big fat black bunny, just sitting there. It was strange, and lots of people were kind of stopping to stare. But it doesn't have to be that strange. For example, an interesting advertising sign might provide good fodder for discussion.

The next step is to find things that interest people and encourage them to talk about them by listening for info and asking the right questions. People love to talk about themselves but you have to make them comfortable first, which is tricky. Conversation is really an art.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Connecting with strangers is very easy. There are no strangers. You and all others are a manifestation of one consciousness. You are them, they are you. You've known each other forever. And we're all permanently communicating with each other. Therefore, you are already connected to them, so there's no need to connect in the first place.

Well not everyone thinks this way. Some strangers dont want anything to do with you and therefore will ignore or politely acknowledge you and get on with whatever they were doing. I rarely experience a stranger that actually seems like they want to talk to me. Hell,i have enough problems with people i KNOW wanting to do that LOL

Behave as if they were old friends of yours (they are!). Just smile and say hi. You don't need to talk about something they like to talk about. You don't need to talk at all. If you feel like saying something, say it. But if you don't know what to talk about, maybe there's nothing to say in that moment? Then just be with them and look at them and smile. Just be present and open to them. If you are, they'll probably start talking to you on their own anyway.

Not everyone likes that though. I have had people act this way with me and it made me uncomfortable and i wanted to get away from them! I felt like they were stalking me! You shouldn't just walk near someone,look at them,smile,not say anything-that's just creepy. What if somebody doesnt want a stranger getting in their space and practically demanding some kind of reaction from you? If you're in a bar or at a party this is acceptable but i wouldn't like somebody doing this anywhere else.

At least that's what's happens to me.[/quote]

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Well not everyone thinks this way.

True, but it doesn't matter. What matters is whether you think this way or not.

Some strangers dont want anything to do with you and therefore will ignore or politely acknowledge you and get on with whatever they were doing.

Of course - so what?

I rarely experience a stranger that actually seems like they want to talk to me. Hell,i have enough problems with people i KNOW wanting to do that LOL

What are you being that the world occurs to you in that way?
Whoops, I forgot I'm not Angela, sorry!

Maybe you're being closed off? People feel it, you know.

Not everyone likes that though. I have had people act this way with me and it made me uncomfortable and i wanted to get away from them! I felt like they were stalking me! You shouldn't just walk near someone,look at them,smile,not say anything-that's just creepy.

I wasn't talking about walking up to someone on the street, smiling at them and saying nothing. Sorry if I wasn't clear enough. I was responding to the OP saying he can stay all day long without talking to his colleagues at work because he doesn't know what to talk about. To that my answer is, you don't need to talk, just be present to them and a conversation will probably happen naturally.

I was talking about situations where you are already near someone, like at work. It also applies to waiting in line, being in a shop, waiting for the bus together, parties and other social events, etc. Some people are so busy thinking about what they could say in such situations that they give off a very closed and stressed out vibe. This isn't very inviting for others. In the the situations above I usually always have people start talking to me, so I don't even need to figure out what to say.

What if somebody doesnt want a stranger getting in their space and practically demanding some kind of reaction from you?

Being present is in no way demanding reaction or even attention. It's just being there. I'm also not saying you should stare at them with a fixed smile. It's just about being open and friendly, smiling when your eyes meet... and allowing the eyes to meet in the first place. But then you can just look away peacefully. You don't need to invade their space either. Respecting their boundaries is always good.

And if you feel like saying something, then just say it. It's really not complicated at all.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by LordSappington

I'm going to have to take issue with this. Going up to say "Hi" to a stranger is not sufficient to talk to them, mainly because you're a stranger to them as well. They tend to suffer from the same problem; they don't know what to say to you either. Being able to effortless greet a stranger in a very important goal in terms of socialization, but it's not enough at all. You have to be able to ease them into a conversation such that their stranger anxiety is lowered to the point that they open up a bit. I've struggled with this a lot. I'm still not sure how to do this.

Strange. I've been starting conversations with complete strangers like that since, I dunno, forever. Some times the conversation ends with the other saying "Hi" back or maybe just a grunt (usually, meaning "please, don't talk to me", which you should respect). Other times, small talk turned into conversation turned into friendship.

The point is that you have to start somewhere. Saying "Hi" is a pretty safe bet.

I don't know about you, but personally I tend to kind of like it when somebody acknowledges my existence!

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

What are you being that the world occurs to you in that way?
Whoops, I forgot I'm not Angela, sorry!

Maybe you're being closed off? People feel it, you know.

LOL it's ok,i don't mind people challenging me. I am pretty sure i am not closed off because i love to check people out,everywhere i go,i take notice of who is around me,so they probably catch me looking at them. And most of the time i am semi-smiling. It's just my natural look,i cant really get my face to look angry or crabby or even neutral. So i dont know why people dont respond to me in a good way. The only time that i remember having a stranger smile and maybe say hi is when i am out walking and someone is walking towards me,and sometimes we say "good morning". But as for any other public place...everyone seems to be in their own world. I really noticed this when i went to California,i have never seen such unfriendly people!

I wasn't talking about walking up to someone on the street, smiling at them and saying nothing. Sorry if I wasn't clear enough. I was responding to the OP saying he can stay all day long without talking to his colleagues at work because he doesn't know what to talk about. To that my answer is, you don't need to talk, just be present to them and a conversation will probably happen naturally.

Yeah at work is different,but it only works if you are already working by the person. I had a guy at work act that way with me and it creeped me out,i didnt work with him,i just knew who he was. I just felt wierded out because he smiled at me for MANY seconds at a time,and i felt awkward,i would have rather had him talk about something.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

Strange. I've been starting conversations with complete strangers like that since, I dunno, forever. Some times the conversation ends with the other saying "Hi" back or maybe just a grunt (usually, meaning "please, don't talk to me", which you should respect). Other times, small talk turned into conversation turned into friendship.

The point is that you have to start somewhere. Saying "Hi" is a pretty safe bet.

I don't know about you, but personally I tend to kind of like it when somebody acknowledges my existence!

Wow! You must have something about you that people really like because i dont know anyone that can make friends so easily with strangers,just by saying hi. I can't even make friends when i make small talk with other people who are doing the same thing i am (at a concert,for example). You're lucky.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I had a guy at work act that way with me and it creeped me out,i didnt work with him,i just knew who he was. I just felt wierded out because he smiled at me for MANY seconds at a time,and i felt awkward,i would have rather had him talk about something.

Why does it make you nervous to have someone smile at you?

[LordSappington]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

Strange. I've been starting conversations with complete strangers like that since, I dunno, forever. Some times the conversation ends with the other saying "Hi" back or maybe just a grunt (usually, meaning "please, don't talk to me", which you should respect). Other times, small talk turned into conversation turned into friendship.

When people tell me stuff like that, it frustrates me to no end. I don't doubt that you can do that; I know other people who can. But for me, it's very, very hard. I don't know why. I wish I could distill out of you whatever mojo that makes a good conversationalist.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Why does it make you nervous to have someone smile at you?

I didnt say it made me nervous,it made me uncomfortable and it felt creepy. Because he was smiling and looking at me for like,4 or 5 seconds straight,and he did it more than once in this 30 second time period we were standing by each other. It was like he wouldn't stop smiling and looking at me and he didnt even say anything! It was like whatever he was doing wasnt nearly as important as looking at me and he barely took his eyes off what he was doing.

[missing]

Originally Posted by LordSappington

When people tell me stuff like that, it frustrates me to no end. I don't doubt that you can do that; I know other people who can. But for me, it's very, very hard. I don't know why. I wish I could distill out of you whatever mojo that makes a good conversationalist.

I have the same issue. No offense to Jim as I think he's well meaning, but people who say things like that irk me as well. Some people are capable of walking up to strangers and saying "hi", but for many it's tantamount to walking into a battle zone. Ok, kind of extreme, but the anxiety can be paralyzing. Why might one think this way? I'd say it depends. For me it's cause I have a lot of physical quirks and have a hard time giving the "right" body language because of it. I can read books about what I'm supposed to do (proper eye contact, posture, facial expression, bla bla) but it takes a ton of energy to remember all that stuff consciously. A tiny slip up can send out the wrong vibes and make the stranger uneasy and make them blow you off. Which might not seem like a big deal, unless you are oversensitive to such, as I am. Because of all the energy you need to invest to approach just one stranger, each approach becomes a big deal. You get depleted of energy very quick, too quick to desensitize yourself towards getting "blown off". I'm not writing this to complain about how hard it is. There are solutions out there, but this isn't something that just comes to some people. We need strategy and techniques. Telling one to just say "hi" doesn't always work so easily. Especially when default mode in this society is for people to be on guard. You need to make them feel at ease before really connecting. Maybe once you've got some experience under your belt, than a simple "hi" does the trick. Until then though, we need something more.

It's very different with people who know me well, as they expect some quirks and don't get concerned when I make a universally "wrong" gesture of sorts, because they know it's just who I am and not a reflection on what I think of them.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by missing

I can read books about what I'm supposed to do (proper eye contact, posture, facial expression, bla bla) but it takes a ton of energy to remember all that stuff consciously.

Yes! I have a few books about this,i have Dale Carnegie's "how to win friends and influence people",i have "how to talk to anyone",i have "how to make anyone fall in love with you",i probably have a few others too. And while youre reading them,you have an amazing feeling of confidence and you feel like you own the world. But then after you get done reading them and some time goes by and a few months later you are in a situation where you really want to impress someone,your mind freezes and you cant remember any of the information you read,and if you can remember it,youre still too nervous or shy to DO any of it! Those books are well meaning too but i am living proof (and Missing,too) that there is a specific personality required to pull that off,and if you have that personality already then you probably don't even need the help!

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Yes! I have a few books about this,i have Dale Carnegie's "how to win friends and influence people",i have "how to talk to anyone",i have "how to make anyone fall in love with you",i probably have a few others too. And while youre reading them,you have an amazing feeling of confidence and you feel like you own the world.!

All of those books talk about the outer stuff you should do - techniques about stuff you should do. I've found that all that stuff isn't that useful long-term if you don't have the inner part of you lined up and going. What it seems that Rose of Cairo is talking is instead lining up the inner part of you with beliefs and a way of being that naturally leads so you don't even feel the need to rely on all of these outer techniques. I'm still learning on implementing Rose's inner-being way of being in this regard, but I can say so far, I'm finding more success (and enjoyment!) using Rose's inner-lining method then I did using the outer-techniques stuff from the books you mentioned. Not saying those techniques can't be useful, but my guess is that lining up the inner way of being is much more important then those techniques offered in the books.

I'm sure my terms aren't right though - there has to be a better term then inner-lining and outer-technique, but that's all I can come up with now and it makes intuitive sense to me .

I suspect that Jim Offerman also has a number of inner-lining well done if he can just go up to people and say hi and have a natural conversation flow from that. So to Jim, it seems that's all the techniques one need. However, to someone else who doesn't have his inner belief, inner way of being lined up like Jim, I know why it'd be intimidating and pretty much impossible. But to Jim, it seems natural because he probably hasn't been any other way before. Thus, Jim's case re-enforces what Rose is saying - you don't need techniques from those books - what you need is to line your inner beliefs, inner attitude, inner way of looking at people and the world so that all the technique you need is to say "hi", or smile.

[Nasir]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

...a few months later you are in a situation where you really want to impress someone,your mind freezes and you cant remember any of the information you read,and if you can remember it,youre still too nervous or shy to DO any of it! Those books are well meaning too but i am living proof (and Missing,too) that there is a specific personality required to pull that off,and if you have that personality already then you probably don't even need the help!

You shouldn't be trying to "impress" anyone.

Instead, relax. Don't worry about what you will say next, clear your mind & be present. If you are thinking about what to say, your mind has shifted into the future, and you loose the present moment. You should have good posture, proper eye contact, a firm handshake, etc; however, these things are second to being present.

When I am sparring in martial arts I must be in the present. If I am focused on what my opponent has done (being in the past), my mind & body become ridged in thought & action. If I am thinking about what my opponent will do (being in the future), my mind & body have once again become ridged. However, if I am in the present moment, my mind & body flow freely.

You can practice being present anywhere, so start right now.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by seeker5

All of those books talk about the outer stuff you should do - techniques about stuff you should do. I've found that all that stuff isn't that useful long-term if you don't have the inner part of you lined up and going. What it seems that Rose of Cairo is talking is instead lining up the inner part of you with beliefs and a way of being that naturally leads so you don't even feel the need to rely on all of these outer techniques. I'm still learning on implementing Rose's inner-being way of being in this regard, but I can say so far, I'm finding more success (and enjoyment!) using Rose's inner-lining method then I did using the outer-techniques stuff from the books you mentioned. Not saying those techniques can't be useful, but my guess is that lining up the inner way of being is much more important then those techniques offered in the books.

I agree. I realize that now it was something inner that was wrong,not just that i wasnt using the right techniques.

I suspect that Jim Offerman also has a number of inner-lining well done if he can just go up to people and say hi and have a natural conversation flow from that. So to Jim, it seems that's all the techniques one need. However, to someone else who doesn't have his inner belief, inner way of being lined up like Jim, I know why it'd be intimidating and pretty much impossible. But to Jim, it seems natural because he probably hasn't been any other way before. Thus, Jim's case re-enforces what Rose is saying - you don't need techniques from those books - what you need is to line your inner beliefs, inner attitude, inner way of looking at people and the world so that all the technique you need is to say "hi", or smile.

Exactly! I kind of wish it was easier than this,but at least now i know where i stand and where the problem lies.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Nasir

You shouldn't be trying to "impress" anyone.

Well thats what everyone does when they are on a date,or around someone they want to date. Or at least its common and natural to want to impress people you want to date.

Instead, relax. Don't worry about what you will say next, clear your mind & be present. If you are thinking about what to say, your mind has shifted into the future, and you loose the present moment. You should have good posture, proper eye contact, a firm handshake, etc; however, these things are second to being present.

Well when i relax and dont think about what i'm gonna say,i DONT SAY ANYTHING! And i end up being a wallflower,nobody notices me,and i certainly won't get a date! Or make any friends. It's by acting this way that i got into this situation of not dating a lot or not having many friends. And i usually am in the moment with them too,its just that i'm in THEIR moment and i don't know how to incorporate myself into it. Mostly because they are too busy talking to other people in our group and i can't get a word in,or,if i do,most people ignore it or dont know what to say. I have a way of adding something so blah and generic that most people just talk around my comments,almost like i'm not even important.

When I am sparring in martial arts I must be in the present. If I am focused on what my opponent has done (being in the past), my mind & body become ridged in thought & action. If I am thinking about what my opponent will do (being in the future), my mind & body have once again become ridged. However, if I am in the present moment, my mind & body flow freely.

It isnt that i don't understand this. I am totally in the present moment too,anytime i'm doing anything other than talking to people i want to impress LOL

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I agree. I realize that now it was something inner that was wrong,not just that i wasnt using the right techniques.

I wouldn't say that something inner is wrong. I'd say rather that the way we've chosen to line up our inner beliefs, way of being, and attitude isn't delivering the kind of results that Rose and Jim are currently able to deliver for themselves. Thus our prerogative is to adopt those beliefs, way of being, and attitude that they have that helps them and see what kind of results we can generate.

Exactly! I kind of wish it was easier than this,but at least now i know where i stand and where the problem lies.

Yeah, inner work is definitely not easy, but it does yield wonderful results . Have you read Steve's new book? He talks about social stuff as well, and I've found it quite helpful.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Well thats what everyone does when they are on a date,or around someone they want to date. Or at least its common and natural to want to impress people you want to date.

Remember, just because "everyone" does something, does not mean it's the natural or best way to do something. Frequently it isn't. And usually it's not "everyone" who does it, it just seems that way from the outside.

[Nasir]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Well thats what everyone does when they are on a date,or around someone they want to date. Or at least its common and natural to want to impress people you want to date.



Well when i relax and dont think about what i'm gonna say,i DONT SAY ANYTHING! And i end up being a wallflower,nobody notices me,and i certainly won't get a date! Or make any friends. It's by acting this way that i got into this situation of not dating a lot or not having many friends. And i usually am in the moment with them too,its just that i'm in THEIR moment and i don't know how to incorporate myself into it. Mostly because they are too busy talking to other people in our group and i can't get a word in,or,if i do,most people ignore it or dont know what to say. I have a way of adding something so blah and generic that most people just talk around my comments,almost like i'm not even important.



It isnt that i don't understand this. I am totally in the present moment too,anytime i'm doing anything other than talking to people i want to impress LOL

One should already be impressive beforehand, without trying to impress while in the present moment. Otherwise, you are not being fully in the moment, but trying to use the moment to impress (once again, slipping into the past or future).

I am in between a "wallflower" & a social butterfly myself. I enjoy being silent, listening, and relaxing as much as I do talking. People who have just met me will often tell me "you're very quite." Once they've known me longer, they know I only speak, and speak very well, when I have something important to say. I like having a laugh, but I avoid a lot of random babble.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Behave as if they were old friends of yours (they are!). Just smile and say hi. You don't need to talk about something they like to talk about. You don't need to talk at all. If you feel like saying something, say it. But if you don't know what to talk about, maybe there's nothing to say in that moment? Then just be with them and look at them and smile. Just be present and open to them. If you are, they'll probably start talking to you on their own anyway.

When you do this, do you feel connected with them? Do you always feel connected to everyone around you, or just whoever you focus on and decide to be connected with?

How did you transition from this belief that we're all separate and strangers to this belief that we're all inter-connected and friends?

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I didnt say it made me nervous,it made me uncomfortable and it felt creepy.

Okay, then why did it make you uncomfortable? You're talking about what he did as if it were an explanation. But when someone looks at me and smiles for 30 seconds, I don't feel awkward. So what were you thinking, in that moment, that made you feel uncomfortable?

Originally Posted by missing

We need strategy and techniques. Telling one to just say "hi" doesn't always work so easily.

I don't agree about the strategy and techniques thing. Having stategies and techniques puts you into your head and out of the present moment. You need to be present to connect.

IMO it's just a matter of mindset. I'm currently writing an eBook about "how to be spontaneous in conversation?" and the biggest part of it is about the mindset, because when you have an empowering mental attitude, being spontaneous, or connecting for that matter, is very easy and happens naturally without having to remember any tricks.

It's true that telling people who don't have such a mindset to just say "hi" doesn't work, because they're probably not able to. If you have a hard time connecting with strangers (or with anyone else), my advice is to work on your mindset first of all.

Originally Posted by seeker5

What it seems that Rose of Cairo is talking is instead lining up the inner part of you with beliefs and a way of being that naturally leads so you don't even feel the need to rely on all of these outer techniques.

That's what I was trying to say! Thanks. Wanna write my eBook for me?

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Well thats what everyone does when they are on a date,or around someone they want to date. Or at least its common and natural to want to impress people you want to date.

I don't know if it's common, but it's not a good idea. I totally agree with Nasir. When you try to impress, you're not being present in the now, and when you're not present in the now, you can't connect.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by seeker5

When you do this, do you feel connected with them? Do you always feel connected to everyone around you, or just whoever you focus on and decide to be connected with?

No, I don't need to focus on someone and decide to be connected with them. It's not like disconnection is my default mode and sometimes I connect. The contrary is the case. My default mode is being connected, and sometimes I lose this connection.

I feel that I am always one with everybody else, humans, animals, plants, non-living objects too. Just the whole universe. I also feel that I'm permanently communicating with all other humans, even those very far away from me, like on another continent.

However, I don't always succeed in being 100% connected. When I'm not being present in the moment, giving in to some fear, allowing negative emotions, or shutting down emotionally, etc., then I disconnect. If I go out in such a state, then conversations with strangers don't happen naturally. But when I'm being connected, then people often talk to me and seem to be attracted to me.

How did you transition from this belief that we're all separate and strangers to this belief that we're all inter-connected and friends?

I don't know. I mean, I don't remember how it happened exactly. Are you really interested in knowing how I did it? I can think about it.

[Rose of Cairo]

This thread reminded me of a blog post I had in my drafts, called "Chit-chat with strangers". I hadn't published it because it had no how-to part and I thought this wasn't valuable information and not good enough to be published. But now I published it anyway, thinking that maybe it could inspire someone.

I'm thinking about writing a how-to follow-up post, in case someone is interested. So if you have questions, feel free to ask.

[MissK]

Hi All! Hi Rose!

Hey girl I hope youre well. Can you tell us more about your ease of connection. I have also been practicing presence and it is definitely life changing. I read the post on your blog about meeting with exhibitionist. LOL it was very funny but i also gained great perspective that connection is possible anywhere at anytime with anyone. IDK if you have any specific pointers but if so i'd love to know.

LOVE YA!!
-K

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by seeker5

I wouldn't say that something inner is wrong. I'd say rather that the way we've chosen to line up your inner beliefs, way of being, and attitude isn't delivering the kind of results that Rose and Jim are currently able to deliver for themselves. Thus our prerogative is to adopt those beliefs, way of being, and attitude that they have that helps them and see what kind of results we can generate.

Yeah, inner work is definitely not easy, but it does yield wonderful results . Have you read Steve's new book? He talks about social stuff as well, and I've found it quite helpful.

No i haven't read Steve's book,i literally have about 4 or 5 books i'm in the middle of reading as well as A Course In Miracles which in itself is going to take me a year to get through. And i'm trying to establish a path i want to take for my music career so thats a lot of research and thinking so i dont want to get involved in yet another book right now,but hopefully someday i'd like to read it! Lately i've just felt like all the stuff i read,all the stuff i've been learning about,it's only good on an intellectual level. I can say i know these things...but can i say i feel the essense of what they mean?With my current life right now (job,family issues,social anxiety) i feel like i can't possibly make any headway with this stuff i'm learning because i want my entire life to be perfect,not just the few moments here and there when i'm reading about enlightenment. I feel like i have to get everything working right before i can enjoy all this stuff i've learned and apply it to my daily life. Maybe it should be the other way around,but i feel like i am taking one step forward and two steps back and that cancels out any progress i try to make.