Question about Treating People

[AmethystFossil]

I have read many a topic with the basic idea of "treat others as you would yourself" so recently I got to know about a seminar that has the idea of "treating others as they would like to be treated". Something like this: DISCstyles Online. It focuses on categorizing people, predicting their behaviour, and then only treating them according to their types. I'm wondering, should I attend such seminars or will I actually not be myself if I were to think like the other person, whether it will be unfair to assume how a person is, and treating the person to how I think they want to be treated? There're many other personality-categorizing seminars, books etc. but do any of you think they are useful and true? Or should I continue just being myself? Or is it possible to apply both?

[Alexjstrandberg]

Always be you. Changing you to become more likable or make the other person feel better is a bad idea. It's approval seeking in the worst form. The thing with approval seekers is that often they end up hating themselves. They try so hard to be liked and lose themselves along the way.

For me, it's better to have a "hey, I'm not for everyone" take em or leave em type of attitude. I might not be a crowd pleaser but I like who I am.

[LordSappington]

I agree. It will be virtually impossible to predict how a person will react because in reality, people can't really be compartmentalized into this or that personality. If you consider yourself a good person, you probably want to be treated in a reasonable way that most people will agree with. Most reasonable people will accept what you give them if it's well-intentioned. If they don't react positively, then I think that speaks a lot about their failure to understand the world view of others.

I've only had one incident where someone reacted badly to the golden rule. I was on a pick-up sports league, and I knew that someone I sort of knew was starting up her own on a different day. So I invited her to come out and play with us on our day. She got really indignant about it; apparently, she thought I was denigrating her efforts to form her own event. In retrospect, I would have done the same thing. Her response was her own hang-up about having control over her social life, and what I did was right, even though she likes me less for it. It was good because now I don't waste my time socializing with her.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by AmethystFossil

Or should I continue just being myself

Always!

[funchy]

Just be you. Anything else is fake, and they'll eventually see through it.

I think the golden rule can still apply: There are general things that everyone likes, such as: feeling special, feeling of excitement, intellectual stimulation, or being treated with respect to name a few.

HOW you accomplish this does vary person to person. This is where the most important skill, listening, comes into play. A good listener will not only let the other person talk but will consider what they're saying (overtly, implied, body language). So be yourself, but pay close attention to the other person being his/herself.

[AmethystFossil]

Thanks everyone so much for your opinions =)