So There's This Girl!

[Sledhead]

This will be my first post in the forum. I have recently just broke up with my girlfriend (about a week ago). We were just two entirely different people. But thats beside the point. I met a girl a few months ago while we were out with some work buddies (she is the girlfriend of a co-worker). She is awesome and sweet and funny and we have alot in common. He kinda of treats her badly but not too bad. Know what I mean. I'm just wondering if I should persue it or just let their relationship play out. I'm sure they are going to break up. I don't really want or need to cause any stress in the work place but these chances to find "the one" only come along, like never, but.... I'm not too sure if I can resist. Should I, or shouldn't I? Maybe wait a little bit and try to get my life together after a break-up? Don't know!

[Eric Revelin]

If you're fairly sure they're going to break up, why intervene? If you can have your cake and eat it too, why would you make a grab for it when you can only do one or the other?

That isn't to say you should lead a riskless life, just consider the implications. If you're still getting things together after your last break-up and she's with somebody else, it doesn't seem like pursuing her would be at all worthwhile. It would only complicate your life and distract from your own issues.

I think the best relationships are the kind that form organically. Let things take their natural course and seize opportunities when they come your way. And if she gets away? So be it; you don't know for sure that she'd be "the one" anyways.

You've got to deal with yourself first and go from there. Besides, you don't know for certain that she'd go for you. Her plans for her life might be a bit different than yours. Understand that nothing is sure until a commitment is made, and there are -always- more people out there who will catch your interest.

This opportunity doesn't sound like a very good one so I'd say work on making something better for yourself, or wait and see if this one gets better. You deserve the best, no?

[Sledhead]

I know you are right and I think I will take that advice as I have thought about this alot and realize that I need some time to myself. There are plenty of fish in the sea and I am still fairly young and have a lot of time to find "the one". I just hope that I can control myself around her when we get together. It will be difficult, but, do able.

[Alexjstrandberg]

I'm going to suggest that you let their relationship run it's course before making a move. Regardless of how he treats her it's not cool to inflict pain upon him. I'm sure you wouldn't want the same type of treatment. Even if he does deserve it an I for an I is never justified.

Even if she does decide to cheat on him you will find yourself in a world of mess. Even if he is a real jerk to her she will still have some sort of guilt. That guilt will transfer over to your relationship. You run the risk of the guilt being forever being associated with you. That will be a difficult issue to over come.

Another situation you might run into is her cheating on him but not leaving him right away. The guilt might be strong and cause her to stay with him. Your actions might cause her to prolong the relationship.

Another possible situation is her cheating and planning on leaving him but not for a long period of time. You will be there sitting there waiting for her to leave him but it might take some time. In that time you might get very frustrated and your relationship won't get off to a good start.

So give her some space and wait some time before getting involved with her. She might slot you into a rebound relationship and be with you for a while. At some point she might realize what she has done and end the relationship with you. After any breakup you need some time to recuperate. If you don't take that time to "heal" your next relationship will be shaky.

[Lauxa]

I would say flirt with her, but don't do anything inappropriate until she dumps the other dood. If you're worried then don't give yourself the opportunity of being alone in her company until she's unattached.

[metamorph]

Originally Posted by Sledhead

She is awesome and sweet and funny and we have alot in common. He kinda of treats her badly but not too bad. Know what I mean. I'm just wondering if I should persue it or just let their relationship play out. I'm sure they are going to break up. I don't really want or need to cause any stress in the work place but these chances to find "the one" only come along, like never, but.... I'm not too sure if I can resist. Should I, or shouldn't I? Maybe wait a little bit and try to get my life together after a break-up? Don't know!

She is with this guy for a reason. Maybe his behaviour is just what she secretly craves. I do not know the full story, but the good old "she deserves better than this dude" thought is all too familiar and often an illusion. Maybe she doesn't (if you really knew her) and we are just putting someone on a pedestal based on our fantasy or incomplete knowledge of the person

That said, just be yourself and let thing flow. Maybe she just wants attention and flirting, maybe she will break-up...