Virgin

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Pequod

if every post was "yeah, but" then where would we be?

(Couldn't resist that one )

Well,believe it or not,these posts do help me...i have learned a lot about myself from people in here,and by explaining myself and defending my position more,that brings out things that other people have said that nobody has ever said to me,probably because i don't have these discussions in real life with anyone who personally knows me. I feel like this is therapy for me. So while it may appear that i am just fighting everyone's words,it is doing some good,and it does eventually bring me somewhere.

This could be a sign of low confidence. On that note, if I may give you one tip for improving your confidence: you adress yourself always with a lower case "i". It's better to use capital "I". It may seem a detail, but I've noticed the way one adresses him/herself is almost always related to his/her level of self-confidence.

Well,if you notice,i am a lazy typer...i type "cuz" instead of "because",and i dont capitalize anything except the first letter of every sentence. I always type a capital "I" if it's the beginning of the sentence. Although this is wierd,when i send emails to people i always type my name in all caps LOL like,"SHELLY". But i hate finding the shift key just for one measly letter so i only do it when i have to

I know this is not always the case, I just put it black and white for the sake of argument. But I remember a recent thread in which you stated that you perceive guys that like you as "lower status" and thus not interesting, and guys that don't like you back as "higher status" and therefore there is never a satisfying relationship possible. Doesn't that mechanism fit in my describtion?

Well that is mostly how it seems to be,there are always exceptions though. Maybe i came across as this loser who has never even kissed a guy. Well i had one serious boyfriend which lasted 2 years,and then i casually dated about 3 or 4 other guys (for no more than 3 months at the most),and met maybe 10 other guys who i wanted to date and seemed interested in me but it was more of like a flirting relationship,it never went anywhere. So yeah it does work out occasionally (to some degree) but i guess we only focus on the majority of what we see,thats why i tend to forget about all those guys cuz they were in the minority. And those were all years ago so i also focus on NOW,which currently there aren't any guys in my life except ones that find me on the internet wanting to have cyber sex

[Parthon]

Well, I'm way off then.

If you are completely different in real life compared to your posts, then I'll have to stop responding to what you say, and how you say it. I'm not sure what to write then.

[Pequod]

I understand Parthon.

Rockchick, it's really hard to connect with you. There are many posters in this thread who gave you awesome advice, but you stick to your guns and never even try out their point of view. Funny is that almost all of the posters in this thread are pointing at the same direction, each in his / her own words.

Now, I don't say you have to follow up on the advice here, but you're the one asking for it, isn't it? Change will only come when *you* are ready to change. When you have changed yourself, your reality will follow.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Pequod

Rockchick, it's really hard to connect with you. There are many posters in this thread who gave you awesome advice, but you stick to your guns and never even try out their point of view. Funny is that almost all of the posters in this thread are pointing at the same direction, each in his / her own words.

Now, I don't say you have to follow up on the advice here, but you're the one asking for it, isn't it? Change will only come when *you* are ready to change. When you have changed yourself, your reality will follow.

I DO try out different points of view,that is how i know if it works for me or not. I know you guys feel like i am not listening to you and like nothing you say is penetrating,but i am listening (otherwise i wouldnt feel so strongly about all this. Just because i defend myself doesn't mean what you say isn't getting through. I'm sure it's just my ego anyway,that is putting up this fight. Someday it'll be worn down,i hope

[Pequod]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I DO try out different points of view,that is how i know if it works for me or not.

Really?

Most advice here points at this: change your beliefs, change your way of thinking and be open for the results it yields.

What have you done to try this out?

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Pequod

Really?

Most advice here points at this: change your beliefs, change your way of thinking and be open for the results it yields.

What have you done to try this out?

Well every time somebody says something,i know if i've tried it or not,and i have,i explain why it doesn't work,and if i haven't,i think what it would be like to try that. Well,i can't really go into detail about all the examples cuz most of them were regarding other threads entirely. But about this particular thread about virginity, i still don't believe that just changing your way of thinking is the only way to yield results,it mean it can,but it can't be necessary because there are always exceptions,for example me finding a boyfriend when i was at my most desperate and depressed. But i realized that i focus on the negative too much,and i do play devils advocate too much,i realize that puts up barriers when i'm dealing with people. But like i said,that's only in here,in threads where we are discussing my problems,not normally.

[Pequod]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

about this particular thread about virginity, i still don't believe that just changing your way of thinking is the only way to yield results,it mean it can,but it can't be necessary because there are always exceptions

That's what I'm talking about: it is all thoughts, beliefs, idea's. It is all mental chatter based on your current point of view.

What I am missing is ACTION.

Unless you muster the courage explore other paths (thinking, acting, being), you'll be stuck in your self-created prison.

[jacki]

if you dont read my name im female. im young but have not been a virgen for 3 years. for me it dosent matter if a guy is a virgen. but once the sexual stuff starts i can tell. for me i would rather know head of time if a guy is a virgen. the lose of virginity changes how you view sex and how you treat non virgens. i dont treat them differntly to tudge but to become a teacher for them. i lost my virginity in a horrable way and it scarred how i treat sex. also i have.. extream tastes and i kno most woman cant handle the type of sex i like. so know a man as not been with a woman before would have me say things i wouldnt to an experinced guy.

again this is NOT a judgement.

jacki