three amazing dates

[Enrim]

I am very confused about my reaction to the three wonderful dates I had with a guy I've known for over 4 years... Trying to get some perspective on the situation, because it is driving me insane.

When we first met I was absolutely crazy about him - he is talented, good looking, great personality, we have a ton of things in common, but at the time he had a girlfriend, so we just stayed friends. Then I didn't see him for a couple of years, but recently he came back, called me up and came over to my place to hang out. We had dinner, he bought a bottle of wine, and ended up spending the night (he is not with his girlfriend anymore). The next day he invited me back over to his place. We had a great time together again. Then he left for a week, came back a few days ago and we saw each other again - we had dinner, watched movies, talked, everything was great. He's been nothing less, but amazing to me - attentive, tender, respectful, passionate... Pretty close to perfect... And yet I feel like something's wrong and I don't understand whether it is all in my head or there really is something off... It's just... I can't see that there is ANYTHING wrong - he treats me amazingly, we have a connection, chemistry is there too, he is a decent human being. What is wrong with this picture?

The only thing that i can think of that was off is that I felt like he was a bit of an alien to me. Even though we knew each other for a while, we were not all that close. I am used to keeping distance from people, and then there is this guy, who explodes into my life, and gets very close and personal faster than I have ever experienced before. I also feel like maybe such a wonderful guy can't really fall in love with someone like me... Not that I am a horrible person, but I've been single for 5 years, and it scares me to even think about letting someone get so close to me. What if I let him in and he doesn't like what he sees? What if I am not the right person for this relationship? I am human and I am full of faults, I will never be perfect. I am brave enough to look inside myself and see what's there, but that's me - he is not me. Plus, I feel like these dates brought up so much stuff in me, so many unresolved issues... plus my job is incredibly demanding - I am starting a business and it is very stressful. I just don't know if I can handle all of this. I've been crying for the past two days, feeling empty and overwhelmed at the same time. Don't people usually feel great about meeting someone so wonderful? Or is this normal?

[JimOfferman]

Sounds to me like you're trying to tell yourself: "I don't deserve someone who is so good to me in my life." That's not true. You really do deserve someone who is good to you.

Instead of all this fuzzing, why don't you just enjoy the ride?

[Angela]

It sounds like you've got a self-belief that is directly in conflict with what you're feeling and your conscious desire, and it's shorting out your system.

As Jim was saying, you've got an old pain belief that may sound like "I don't deserve this" or "love = pain" or "I'm worthless" and that comes from something that happened when you were young; it's a decision you made about yourself and it informs every choice you make without your knowing it's doing so.

You might want to take a look and bring it out into the light for examination -- old pain beliefs lose their power over us when we see them clearly. It's like a little kid who turns on the light and sees that the scary monster is really just yesterday's clothes thrown over the back of a chair.

[Enrim]

thank you for your response. I am working on figuring out why I feel the way I do... I guess I will see what happens.