|11-13-2008, 12:07 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2007
Going backpacking long term. Is a breakup with my girlfriend inevitable?
I met a girl 7 months ago and we both feel in love with each other. I graduate from college at the end of this year, and she will be done with her first year at dental school. She has 3 years left. My plan for after this year is to travel half way around the world with my best friend and go on the adventure of a lifetime. Its my dream. I'm actually going to start a website and post videos of my journey on it.
I plan to be gone anywhere from 6 months to 2 years max. I have a specific list of things I want to accomplish while I'm out there. So my question is, is it ridiculous to hope that I can resume my relationship with her when I return?
I actually met a professional dating coach, almost completely at random, I wasn't paying him, but I thought I might as well ask him my question. He told me that yes it is ridiculous to hope for that. Part of me wants to be realistic and say that I guess I should agree with him, but part of me says that he doesn't fully understand my situation, and what he is saying is really something like "Sure there is a possibility that you can get back together with her after you return, but that possibility is very small, considering that in the time you spent apart there is a higher chance that you will have both moved on, met someone else, or changed in some other way that caused a growing apart. So it is a bad idea to be dependent on this hope, or this outcome, because if it doesn't work out it will be much more painful than if you had just accepted that a breakup is inevitable."
Im putting words in his mouth of course, but Im just curious what you guys think of this? When I find someone that makes me really happy I hate breaking up with them. I guess I need to see how she feels about it. I think we both kind of avoid thinking about it for the time being. I just dont think I could ask her to stay single just for me that entire time Im gone.
I'd even be willing to decide that we are both in an open relationship for the duration of my trip, and that we just won't fall in love with anyone else. The problem is I am not sure that one can willingly fall in love or keep from falling in love. One just can't help it.
Last edited by Winston; 11-13-2008 at 12:12 PM. Reason: typos
|11-13-2008, 01:36 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
I left a boyfriend to go live in Brazil, and after a few months he decided to join up with me on my travels -- we ended up forwarding on to Europe together for another year. You never know. We (or at least I) didn't consider ourselves to be exclusive during the time I was gone, and I am grateful for that because it would have weighed me down and interfered with the freedom of my adventure -- not just sexually, but mentally, if you know what I mean.
You never know what's going to happen. You can decide all you want that you won't fall in love with anyone else, and the gods will laugh at you. But I don't think you will ever regret taking this trip. I think it will be a remarkable experience.
Best wishes, and I look forward to seeing your travel blog!
|11-14-2008, 03:55 AM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2008
Don't ask her to stay single for you. That's a selfish question to ask. You're the one who is choosing to travel for up to two years over spending time with her. If she cares about you a lot she'll probably not date anyone for a long time anyway.
It's definitely possible to resume something when you get back, but like Angela said people change a lot. I went away to Asia for a year and I am a totally different person from before. I wouldn't say resume- it would be starting over. You might find the adventure you crave is the sort of spirit you'd like in a partner.
Your main question is asking whether the breakup is inevitable. Be honest with yourself. If you cared THAT much about her, you would make it work no matter what the cost. But you have doubt.
|11-14-2008, 05:26 AM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Seattle, Washington, USA
Consider whether or not you're willing to wait 3 years on your trip. Make a decision on whether or not you're willing.
Then talk with her about it. Tell her what the tension is. I think she'll have a far better solution to your dilemma than anything someone on a forum can tell you.
|11-14-2008, 05:04 PM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2007
Thanks for the replies. I'll definitely let you know when my blog is up.
I really don't want to discuss it in depth with her now, since I feel if we come to the conclusion that it has to end, at least until I return, it may cast a shadow on what we have now. She knows I'm going. There's no reason to let that stop us from enjoying being with each other in the now.
I will eventually ask her how she feels it will affect us.
But I think it will all turn out ok in the end. It will most likely be pretty painful, but like you guys said: you never know what's going to happen.
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