Why do you avoid(or stop) being friends with certain people?

[Boreas]

This thought hit me after the great quote in from Daffy Duck in the other thread: Why do you want to be friends with other people?

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

I'm too awesome to keep to myself, so I share myself with others for their benefit.

And I thought, yeah, but there are probably some people who we don't want to share ourselves with, and then I started to think why? So here is my take, I avoid or stop being friends with...

1. People who complain
2. Unkept people (shallow I admit it, but it is true) (also, I am generally unkept)
3. People who I am not congenial with (there is just something that doesn't click)
4. People who appear boring, or don't seem to have any interests
5. People who go on and on and on...
6. People who simply are not at my level, this goes both ways, I don't hang out with Brad Pitt for obvious reasons, and that is coz I am on a way higher plain than he is. Got it?

All for now.

[Holistic Star]

Rather than focus on what you don't want in minute detail, focus on what you do want!

Crowd your life with loads of fun, interesting, courageous, dynamic, generous, special people. You'll be so busy enjoying yourself that you won't have to worry about how to avoid people! Your problem will be how to keep up with everyone and what a wonderful problem that is.

If you are talking to someone and you just don't click or they complain a lot, just tell them how wonderful life is, how excited you are about everything and what you are looking forward to. They will either be boyed up by your enthusiasm and join in, or self-select out of the conversation and find another pity-party.

Saying that, don't give up on the quiet ones. They are often the most interesting people to talk to once you get to know them.

And talk to people who aren't at your 'level'. We're not assessed as human beings. Why shouldnt you talk to Brad if you want to - he's only human you know.

[ABdude]

Basically, I stop being friends with someone if their values, activities and beliefs come in direct conflict with my own values/activities/beliefs. Also I refuse to be friends with someone that whenever I am in contact with them, I feel like complete crap.

However, just because I stop being friends with someone, does not necessarily mean I will cut them out of my life completely, and forever. Take my best friend, for instance. Back when we were living in the same town, we hung out all the time but when he moved, I lost all contact with him for years. Two years ago, I moved within driving distance of where he lives now, and decided to take a chance and call him. The call led to a visit, and since then its like we never took that break.

[Eric Revelin]

I consider it a matter of time management. I only have so much time and there's only so much of myself that I can give. I don't want to waste my time (or other's time) by sticking around people who don't click with me or that I find generally unpleasant. Now, I'm more than open to giving them my attention if they can give me a convincing reason for why I should, but as a general rule I'm only going to surround myself with people who are creative, have interesting perspectives on life, and so on. Essentially the people I choose to stick around will have an impact on my destiny and since I desire to create a positive present and future for myself it doesn't do me any good to stay around people that don't support that ambition.

I recall an old friend of mine that was very sweet and gentle, but she had all sorts of issues and she was always crying to me about them. I tried over the course of two years to help her but I never noted any progress. She was a drain on my energy. My heart went out to her but I couldn't keep doing it. That may be the first and only time that I made a conscious and firm decision to cut ties with someone, though I have separated myself from various groups (and soon a large portion of my blood relatives) for similar reasons.

[seeker5]

I can't just "dump" friends as I still feel connected with them for a long time even if we don't talk but I can and have consciously reduce the time I spend with them.

I remember doing that with a number of friends a number of years ago when I realized all we were doing was talking negative about stuff and it was bringing me down, and bringing them down. So I decided to get a new group of friends that would be more positive oriented and start fresh with them. Thus, I stopped spending time with my old friends, but I never felt I wasn't old friends with them anymore as I'd still talk to them on occasions when I'd see them.

[Rockchick26]

Usually for me what it comes down to is that we just dont have things in common,or (less common) something about their personality gets on my nerves. One example is this lady at my job,99% of the people there don't like her,because she is EXTREMELY nosy,literally every single thing you say to somebody else she has to come closer and go "what? What are you talking about?" It's very ovbious why nobody likes her but she doesnt see it. People like that,i am friendly with if i have to be but i try to avoid speaking around her because I HATE explaining to someone not even involved in the conversation whatever we are talking about.

But generally,the only reason i would choose to not be someones friend is if we didnt' have things in common,nothing to talk about. Most personality flaws i can tolerate or forgive but when it comes down to it,you have to have things you can both talk about together.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

Saying that, don't give up on the quiet ones. They are often the most interesting people to talk to once you get to know them.

yeah,please listen to this guy! I'm one of the quiet ones,and most people give up on me for that reason.

And talk to people who aren't at your 'level'. We're not assessed as human beings. Why shouldnt you talk to Brad if you want to - he's only human you know.

I can see both sides of this. yes we are ALL human,from Oprah to the homeless man down the street...but on the flip side,what sort of conversations would two people like this have? Or the corrupt CEO of a huge company only out for money and power vs. a young Amish woman? There are too many complete opposite types that would never be friends if they met. That's just the way it is. I stand by my theory that the best bonding factor is things you each have in common!

[Eisho]

I find it impossible to stop being friends with people I'm already connected to. But as I have grown older I have become more selective about who I become friends with in the first place and essentially I am looking for a feeling of comfort and shared identity. Kind of like looking at a mirror of myself. I don't need to see the whole me, but definitely parts of me need to be reflected back.

Cheers,

Eisho

[Halffull]

I would never avoid or stop being friends with anybody...

Unfortunately, time on this planet is short. So I choose to spend my time with those friends who align with and further my purpose, and vice versa in that I align with and further their purpose.

[The David]

6 billion people and so little time. Who will you reject?