how to deal with suicidal people?

[Rockchick26]

I havent posted on here in a few months,just had a hard time keeping up on here and i realized i was on my computer WAY more than is normal LOL But i didnt leave completely

Here is my problem. I have been chatting with this guy,and he lives in another country so we're pretty far away and i dont know what i can do to help him. He is suicidal,and for the last 3 days he has been living in his car "waiting to die". I have tried to figure him out and i just get so frustrated when i try to help him and he comes back with a different reason why death is better than life.


I can't do much for him except type (we talk in messenger almost every day) but it does no good. I am not 100% sure is he serious but he ran away from his parents house to live in his car until he cant survive anymore. He is in love with the only girlfriend he's ever had who is in another country and married,and he doesnt believe (or want to believe) that he can find love again with someone who will love him back the same way. He hates his parents and says that killing himself would be better than having to deal with them trying to find him (now that he left home). This guy is in his late 20's so he should have more sense than this about it,but,there is just no helping him.

What can i say to him that will help him? Or is this a lost cause and i'll just have to talk to him every day as he slowly dies?

[freddy]

"What can i say to him that will help him? Or is this a lost cause and i'll just have to talk to him every day as he slowly dies? "


I would want to know why you would want a low energy like this to bring you down every day? At the end of the day he will do whatever he set in his mind to do. Stop being held hostage to this guy threats of killing himself.
Now I know this comes off very harsh as I re-read myself but really, nothing your going to do is going to bring his girlfriend back or make him like his parents.
PS.. can I email you every day, and tell you all my problems, and how my wife left me, and life really sucks becauce my dog ran away, and I got a ticket ,and the world is after me, and I have no where to hide and'... you get my point.

I might handle it differently, if it was a friend living down the block. good luck

[striving4peace]

I've turned a few people from suicide in my time. One of them was over the net.
Took me three hours to convince her to cheer her enough to not want to overdose on pills.
Coax them initially.
Distract them.
Make em laugh if you can. That helped the most.
Knock some sense into them so they don't go this route again, but comfortingly enough that they know there's someone who cares and will listen if it gets desperate enough.

But don't let them get too dependent either. It's a tricky balance

[richie111]

Refer him to stevepavlina.com
It will raise his positive vibration for sure.

[Akashic_Librarian]

Sounds like a typical teenager deep in the mind numbing depression of The ANGST haha...

Tell him to stop being stupid. Tell him to pick a goal, a simple, easily achievable goal, and make him do it. Or try to.

If you can't get through, then don't beat yourself. It's not your job to save the world. Do what you can and if you can't honestly do anymore, then let go with a silent prayer (to yourself, not to God or whatever) and just...let go.

[wolfgang]

How'd you pick this connection up? No matter, you are in it now.

I wonder what a suicide hot line consoler would do. Maybe you could call one of those hot lines yourself and get them to messager with him. Or be a middle man between the suicide guy and the hotline. Call the hotline at the same time as messagering with him and tell them what he writes, get them to feed you lines and you type back.

[amixa]

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

Sounds like a typical teenager deep in the mind numbing depression of The ANGST haha...

Tell him to stop being stupid. Tell him to pick a goal, a simple, easily achievable goal, and make him do it. Or try to.

If you can't get through, then don't beat yourself. It's not your job to save the world. Do what you can and if you can't honestly do anymore, then let go with a silent prayer (to yourself, not to God or whatever) and just...let go.

he's not a teenager he's in his late 20s.
telling him to stop being stupid is the most ridiculous unempathetic thing you could say.
but he did get one thing right and that is that its not your responsibility to save the world. we all have our own paths. if he is stubborn and isn't taking your advice then leave him. some people do like to be drama queens and indulge in their lower parts of their lives.

Originally Posted by striving4peace

I've turned a few people from suicide in my time. One of them was over the net.
Took me three hours to convince her to cheer her enough to not want to overdose on pills.
Coax them initially.
Distract them.
Make em laugh if you can. That helped the most.
Knock some sense into them so they don't go this route again, but comfortingly enough that they know there's someone who cares and will listen if it gets desperate enough.

But don't let them get too dependent either. It's a tricky balance

this is good advice.. making them laugh is a really good way to distract him. but what you describe he sounds difficult and does not want to take on any other perspective.

Originally Posted by richie111

Refer him to stevepavlina.com
It will raise his positive vibration for sure.

ha yeah sure. why not. perhaps reading up on other forums or he could post himself could help.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by freddy

"What can i say to him that will help him? Or is this a lost cause and i'll just have to talk to him every day as he slowly dies? "


I would want to know why you would want a low energy like this to bring you down every day? At the end of the day he will do whatever he set in his mind to do. Stop being held hostage to this guy threats of killing himself.
Now I know this comes off very harsh as I re-read myself but really, nothing your going to do is going to bring his girlfriend back or make him like his parents.
PS.. can I email you every day, and tell you all my problems, and how my wife left me, and life really sucks becauce my dog ran away, and I got a ticket ,and the world is after me, and I have no where to hide and'... you get my point.

I might handle it differently, if it was a friend living down the block. good luck

Well i consider this guy a friend,and you wouldnt just drop a friend because they are depressed would you? Thats when they need their friends the most! I think it would be very cruel to do that. Besides,its not like he has that many problems,only the two. And he does talk about lots of other things besides problems,we talk about music,movies,computers,our day,etc. Its not as negative as you think. He even listens to me when i complain about stuff.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by striving4peace

I've turned a few people from suicide in my time. One of them was over the net.
Took me three hours to convince her to cheer her enough to not want to overdose on pills.
Coax them initially.
Distract them.
Make em laugh if you can. That helped the most.
Knock some sense into them so they don't go this route again, but comfortingly enough that they know there's someone who cares and will listen if it gets desperate enough.

But don't let them get too dependent either. It's a tricky balance

Thats what i've been trying to do...and yeah i have noticed it is tricky to not let him get too dependent,because sometimes when i come online,he'll say "oh good youre on! i was bored" or he'll type *bounce* and i'll be like,"what does that mean?" and he'll say "i'm bouncing up and down cuz i'm excited that youre on!" He doesnt have many friends or people that love him so i guess he really looks forward to talking to me.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by richie111

Refer him to stevepavlina.com
It will raise his positive vibration for sure.

Well,actually,we met off this site. He just doesnt come here anymore

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

How'd you pick this connection up? No matter, you are in it now.

I met him in HERE of all places! lol He quit coming in here though,he said he didnt believe in all this stuff

I wonder what a suicide hot line consoler would do. Maybe you could call one of those hot lines yourself and get them to messager with him. Or be a middle man between the suicide guy and the hotline. Call the hotline at the same time as messagering with him and tell them what he writes, get them to feed you lines and you type back.

Well wouldnt i have to call one in Germany? And i don't speak German LOL

[seeker5]

What can i say to him that will help him? Or is this a lost cause and i'll just have to talk to him every day as he slowly dies?

A person who is suicidal often time believes that living is not worth the pain and hassle they are facing currently.

So, one way you can help him is to conversate with him and try to find something that he wants to do so much, something that'd excite him, give him a reason to live, something to look forward to so his mind is off his pain and looking toward that. Something that he feels would give him a strong enough reason to overcome this temporary pain - something that would make it worth it for him to overcome his current pain. For example - a hobby, a dream, a trip, going to school, etc. I suggest that none of it includes you - that is you can't make yourself the reason this guy would want to live (as that's dangerous), but through a conversation maybe you can draw out something he's always been wanting to do and could start doing, etc. and then focus on it. As he focuses on it, he can get more excited about living, and having a stronger reason to live then to die.

That's what I heard some people who counsel suicidal people - they try through their conversation to find something that this person can look forward to and get excited about so that their will to live becomes stronger then their will to die.

This guy who is talking to you about his wishing to die - isn't 100% fully committed to dying yet. If he was he'd kill himself right away without telling anyone. However, he may be 90% ready to die, a small part of him still wants to live , and that part is driving him to talk to people such as you before he kills himself to hope that something can come up that will stop him from doing this.

And remember, if he does kill himself, you're not to blame, you had no responsibility for it. He is 100% responsible for his life, not you, ok? All you can do is perhaps help shift his focus in some gentle way, and if works, wonderful, you've saved a life. But if not, it's not your fault at all.

BTW, kudos to you for ignoring some of the harsh ill-advise suggestions some people on this thread have suggested.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I met him in HERE of all places! lol He quit coming in here though,he said he didnt believe in all this stuff



Well wouldnt i have to call one in Germany? And i don't speak German LOL

Then you can't tell him the LoA cure, ha? hehe

I don't know if suicide lines would agree to work with you with another person they don't talk to directly. I was thinking you'd call one in USA and tell them you are trying to help a friend and see what they might say, if they can help you respond to him about suicide.

[evevera]

How can you be talking on messenger everyday if he lives in his car...

[funchy]

This is a tough issue. One of my best friends suffers from severe depression and PTSD, and she's under long-term care of a psychiatrist. Her suicidal moods aren't a joke. I can't fix her depression, but I can be here to listen & try not to judge. The best I can do is nudge her towards making another doctor appt if I feel she's drifting into trouble.

However, sadly are quite a few people who threaten suicide for attention. They desperately need someone to care about them. I see this especially among teens, but some adults do it as well.

The hard part is what do you do if someone you've never met threatens to do it? Do you call police to rush there and prevent their immediate death? Or do you realize it's just part of a bigger drama, and the only thing you can do is nudge them towards psychiatric help? This is a judgment call you'll have to make.

The reality is that if someone REALLY wanted to kill them self, they'd be dead yesterday and not sitting at a computer IMing strangers about their suicidal fantasies.

What I will say is don't get drawn into the drama. You can be a friend and listen and try to help... but draw a line. Don't get caught up into a relationship with a person which causes you a great deal of worry (especially when the friend has excuses why he/she can't get help). His mental illness is not your fault or responsibility.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by evevera

How can you be talking on messenger everyday if he lives in his car...

You can go online with cellphones,he chats to me from that.

[Rockchick26]

[quote=seeker5;254534]
So, one way you can help him is to conversate with him and try to find something that he wants to do so much, something that'd excite him, give him a reason to live, something to look forward to so his mind is off his pain and looking toward that. Something that he feels would give him a strong enough reason to overcome this temporary pain - something that would make it worth it for him to overcome his current pain. For example - a hobby, a dream, a trip, going to school, etc. I suggest that none of it includes you - that is you can't make yourself the reason this guy would want to live (as that's dangerous), but through a conversation maybe you can draw out something he's always been wanting to do and could start doing, etc. and then focus on it. As he focuses on it, he can get more excited about living, and having a stronger reason to live then to die. [quote]

Well,i've been trying that,but he really isnt into anything that means that anything to him. He doesnt have a job,doesn't have many friends,he never goes anywhere except to stores when he needs something. He has never told me what he wants to do for a living,what he likes to spend his time doing (he just sits online,sleeps,and watches tv). When he hangs out with his friends,i dont even know what they do because he has only told me that he gets wierd when he hangs out at people's houses,he hides in the bathroom for a few hours. He is really screwed up in so many ways and i can't even relate. I honestly don't know how we've managed to find stuff to talk about...i guess its mostly been stuff i bring up. He's never been excited about anything,that i remember. (we've only been chatting for about 3 months so it really hasn't been that long)

[Rockchick26]

I'd just like to add that me and this guy are not in any way in a budding relationship,i dont know if anybody thought that but we are JUST friends. So i am not getting too involved besides just talking to him when he wants to talk.

And also, I really think he is waiting for someone to save him,as opposed to really dying, because yesterday this was how our conversation went:

him: i think i'm gonna call a counselor tomorrow
me: why dont you do it today?
him: its friday and all the teenagers will be calling tonight and i dont want to take them away from their chance to get helped
me: but what about you? you need the help too
him: well i'll call tomorrow

We'll see if he calls today!

[Plato]

Suicidal people have forgotten there is anything in life worth living for. Find a way to make him feel good things. It will remind him. Human connection is one of the best starting points.