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10-10-2008, 02:03 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 213
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just keep it simple. if he's interested he'll jump at whatever you say. Something like: hey, I've always thought you were a pretty interesting guy. We should definitely hang out sometime. If he says it sounds good then just come out and ask for his # or to go out on the weekend. whatever you feel like. Honestly, don't worry about the delivery too much.... if he's interested in you it doesn't really matter what you say. Last edited by Jim11; 10-10-2008 at 02:05 AM. |
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10-10-2008, 02:07 AM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 41
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Thanks JIM i ll try that move. I m afraid to speak it in public? What if he rejected me? how does guys reject women? is it harsh?? or they are gentle with it. What's the back up plan if he says no? What do i say to make me less embarassed? |
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10-10-2008, 04:04 AM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 213
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well, I would assume you want to ask to speak to him privately for a moment so there's no one around. Try not to worry about the rejection part of it. I know it's hard! You probably won't see him much, if it all, after that, correct? his loss. Just think positively about yourself and worry about your own actions. back up plan if rejected. Turn your back on him, "fair enough, see ya!". walk away confidently after that. Typically a guy won't try and embarrass you with his rejection. He might make up an excuse. he might just say "I don't think so". don't worry about that part of it much. If you get rejected just repost in the thread and I'll tell you that there's many more and you're a lovely human being |
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10-10-2008, 04:06 AM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 9
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Hi Zoomorphic, Most guys are pretty gentle about it. If they're not, then they're definitely not worth your time anyways. If he does reject you, just say something like - "ok, no problem, maybe some other time". Ultimately though, if he does reject you, don't take it too personally. There could be lots of reasons for it that really have nothing to do with you. It could be he's already interested in, or seeing somebody else. Maybe he's just really busy right now and doesn't have time to go out. Could be anything really... Look at it this way. If you never ask him out, you'll definitely never get a date with him. But if you do ask him, you might just get what you want  Go for it |
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10-10-2008, 05:29 AM
| #6 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 462
| Quote:
Erock | |
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10-10-2008, 02:19 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: UK
Posts: 566
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I'd also have said vast majority of guys would reject in a kind and gentle way (if they do reject, that is). If any guy rejects you in a crass or unkind way, well, that says a lot more about him, than it does you. Good luck, Jamie. |
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10-10-2008, 03:07 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 8
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Well ye, most have allready been said. Its simply just about isolating him, and then stating your intention in a confident way. Simple as that. Being a girl you have quite an advantage compared to most guys who ask girls out (: Atleast guys tend to be nice incase of rejection.. not all girls are  |
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10-10-2008, 08:24 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 41
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Hi Jim, would you write back and give me more examples of what to say to ask a guy out. So, that when the conversation is right it would be easy to fit in the part where i ask him out. I really like your example: "Hey, I've always thought you were a pretty interesting guy. We should definitely hang out sometime." I have to think of a situation where the conversation is right so that I can say he's an interesting guy and we should hang out. What about if i say: " may i have your number??" I need more examples. Also, Does guy ever think that if i come on to him first he would label me EASY, CHEAP, DESPARATE? Does it means he has less respect for the girl because he doent have to work hard at all to get her.?? |
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10-10-2008, 08:44 PM
| #10 (permalink) | |
| Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 27
| Quote:
The only thing to worry about is just not coming off as desperate. >< If you've been pinning after this guy for awhile, you may appear overly eager. It's not so bad, but it may put him off a little. This means wildly jumping up and down with the energy of a midget chimp with a wooden leg. Unless you have a thing for imitating primates with a splinter fetish, you should be good.  Really, any approach will do. "Wanna go out/see a movie/etc?" Guy's appreciate directness more so than a round-about way of asking or doing things. State your intentions clearly and you'll do fine. Even if you're too timid to do so, guys will often write it off as a girl being round-about and accept anyway. Win-win. | |
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10-11-2008, 02:54 AM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: USA
Posts: 335
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My (shy) approach would be to write down my name/number, grab a quiet moment to say something about having enjoyed his comments in class, or enjoyed knowing him around campus or whatever it is. Then add "hey here's my number- give me a call if you ever want to hang out or something..." I think most guys will either accept it quietly with a "thanks", or follow up agreeing you should go out some time; either way, it wasn't really a question, doesn't really require a response. He won't call unless he's interested, so at worst the rejection is just hearing nothing (and can be rationalized away by any number of ego-preserving excuses "he must've lost my number!" "he must've got busy" "maybe he met another girl"  )
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10-11-2008, 06:03 AM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 213
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Zoom, you won't seem desperate. women ask men out more than you think I wouldn't come right out and say "can I have your number?". That could work fine, but there are some reasons why he could respond with "for what?" to that question, which might throw you off guard. You could add the phone # thing into the example you mentioned. zoom: "Hey, I've always thought you were a pretty interesting guy. We should definitely hang out sometime." guy: "that sounds cool" zoom: "ok, can have your #? I'll give you a call sometime" random alternatives: "hey, want to get together and do something sometime" "would you be interested in hanging out sometime?" "want to go to a movie this weekend?" "hey, want to watch some election coverage together this weekend!". just kidding.... whatever seems good to you! The shy approach (giving him your # without really knowing if he's interested) mentioned above could be used. The only problem with this is the anxiety of anticipating his call. It is clear you are nervous about the situation and unfortunately that puts the ball in his court. You'll go home and anticipate his call for an indefinite period of time. It is possible that if he's interested he could also be nervous and wait a week to call you! That being said, if you find this way easier, it seems like a valid approach. Another less direct approach would be trying to get his email from another source. I've had people do it this way if it's not easy for them to approach me in person for whatever reason. Last edited by Jim11; 10-11-2008 at 06:12 AM. |
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10-13-2008, 12:40 AM
| #13 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 111
| theres a good reason not to
There's a good reason for a woman not to make the first move with a guy she is interested in. If he is interested in you but could not make the first move then he has a fear of rejection. The only way he deals with that fear is to face it head on. That fear doesn't go away but morphs into fear of intimacy. He is basically insecure and will always hold back (in the relationship) when it comes to opening up to you about unflattering aspects of his personality, life, etc. If he says yes but isn't interested in you then he is just seeing you as a free ride or an easy date or easy lay. If you're not really interested in this guy but having a dry spell, then there's no harm in casually dating this guy. Shy men are a problem because they won't always be frank and honest with you about things. That might mean he will stand you up rather than tell you he doesn't feel comfortable with some date you thought of and he seemed to agree to. You will always have to take the lead in the relationship and you will may get tired of that. You may not feel you can not respect him since he is insecure. |
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10-13-2008, 02:40 AM
| #14 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Berlin, Germany
Posts: 8,749
 | Quote:
You probably would also want to be with a guy that make your girlfriends jealous of you. For some girls or boys it's more important than for other and for most people it's more important to see your other qualities. | |
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10-13-2008, 05:58 PM
| #15 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 41
| Quote:
Actually, lets be frank. I want a casual date not a serious relationship. I've been single all my life. I supposed i cant wait for my prince charming to come. I must go out there and be actively welcoming my chances. Arrgh, So sick of being single and being pressured by friends and family to find a partner | |
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10-13-2008, 09:39 PM
| #16 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 213
| Quote:
When I was younger I had a fear of rejection but it definitely didn't morph into these other things. I think there are many people that open up very quickly but have a hard time with the initial step. Several years later I still don't like asking people out, although I will do it. But I've never had the least bit of a problem with intimacy or being very open with my partner about my negative qualities. I think I always used to be very open with people in my "circle of friends and family", but had problem with strangers or people I was somewhat unfamiliar with. It's still a work in progress changing this. | |
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10-14-2008, 07:18 AM
| #17 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 111
| its more of an issue for men
No one likes being rejected. But we live in a culture where men make the first move. We don't live in a matriachrial society. Any man who has problems with asking a woman out has a problem that needs to be overcome somehow. And men get the chance to practice this unless they wimp out. Women are supposed to wait by the phone and play the passive role. That's a bit extreme but there is a logic to traditional male and female roles. There are plenty of websites that discuss the fear of rejection and how it relates to fear of intimacy. Some people can't be objective about their own limitations. I found more than these four... Fear of intimacy is one of the biggest obstacles that must be faced within the context of community. Closely linked to its sister, "fear of rejection," it can result in failed relationships and the inability to relate in a meaningful way with other individuals. http://www.allaboutlove.org/fear-of-intimacy-faq.htm Fear of intimacy is at the heart of codependency.* We have a fear of intimacy because we have a fear of abandonment, betrayal, and rejection. http://www.joy2meu.com/Fear_of_Intimacy.html Fear of intimacy can be overcome only when the dread of rejection is removed. http://matrimonyxpress.bharatmatrimo...n-be-overcome/ Finally, we can see fear of intimacy as a fear of rejection. http://www.xyonline.net/MFI.shtml It isn't a completely bad idea for a woman to make the first move as long as she understands the potential pitfalls of doing this. I think it might be good for a woman to try asking a guy out at least once in her life so she can know what guys have to go through to get a date or a phone number. If it scares you then go for it because facing your fears is empowering. |
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10-14-2008, 10:56 AM
| #18 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 163
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Look your best (dress appropriately, dont overdress or underdress), and then just talk to him normally. I'm guessing you are on talking terms with him. Nothing beats confidence, though. And, guys love being asked out, as the burden is off their shoulders. So, he will respect you more for it. Normally, when a girls asks a guy out, chances are very low of rejection, just because of male ego. He may or may not really like you. But, since you are just looking for casual, that'll work out just fine. And, I can almost guarantee that men will 99% of the time be very gentle with rejection. It's because we can empathize with what happens with us all the time So, remember there is a very high chance he will say yes! Now, use that confidence and bowl him over |
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