Is it worth it?

[happygirl]

Hi everyone,

I'm really hoping to get some outside perspective on my situation as I'm feeling irrational and overly sensitive due to PMS - not the best frame of mind to make decisions! I would really appreciate hearing your thoughts on the matter...

I've been seeing a Spanish guy for a few months now and have known him for almost a year. We have such fun together, he really makes me smile and we always have loads to talk about all the time. I really feel like we are on the same wavelength and he stimulates me on an intellectual level very much

It has been ages (about 5 years) since I've have such strong feelings for someone. I am 30 and he is 27 and he has just finished full time education (cinematography/editing) and I have spent alot of my years working and travelling the world. I have been in many relationships in my life and he has had very few. I am open about my feelings and he is not so - he gets embarrassed with talk like that, but I know he cares about me alot. He is currently in Spain as he went on a one month holiday and is due back soon. I keep getting these feelings that as much as I love him, maybe I should not be wasting time with someone who is in such a different place to me in life. He hasn't experienced nearly as much as me and is yet to discover the world and maybe other people in the relationship sense. It makes me feel scared of getting hurt and part of me wants to pull away now so that I don't waste time and lose my dignity in the meantime. Just the thought of splitting up with him breaks my heart though. I keep saying to myself to take each day as it comes and love with all my heart and stop being so paranoid but I can't help it. I know it could work against all odds but I have niggling doubt now and again.

On top of that we don't live very near each other (about 2 hours away by bus and train) and I saw a message from one of his housemates in London on his Facebook profile and it said are you coming straight back here or going directly to LA????? That has put me really on edge! I don't know if it's a joke or really he's been offered something abroad and is likely to leave soon.

I feel so upset. I don't want to say anything to him now and I don't want to let him know that I read this message on his facebook profile - maybe it's best to wait for him to come back to England and speak to him when I see him next weekend.

Love can be such a painful game

Thanks for listening!

x

[mattpd]

I think when you really like someone having 'some' insecurity and doubt and stuff is fairly normal.

At this stage you have only talked about your feelings and not giving any reasons why your difference in experience could be a problem. Sometimes when people have different experience levels the less experienced one can be prone to emotional immaturity, jealousy, or there are some strong underlying reasons why they are less experienced. But you haven't mentioned any of these, so is your insecurity about the difference in experience imaginary?

Why do you think its against all odds?

Based on the information you have provided I think you might be reading into things too much, and jumping to conclusions too early, but there may be more to the story than you are telling.

Difference in experience is not much a major thing, I mean the difference in experience between me and my girlfriend is not even on the same planet.

As for moving, well, moving is kind of like a test more than anything. I want to move to NYC, and my girlfriend has 4 years left of University to become a vet, so there is obviously as a clash there, but we've talked about, and come up with a compromise situation to deal with it.

Just remember that good communication skills are just as important as someone being good looking, or smart, or interesting.

[happygirl]

Thanks for your advice Matt. I think you've hit the nail on the head when you say about the communication skills. He clams up whenever I try to discuss any issues of the heart. He says that I am getting too heavy and says that actions speak louder than words. He told me his family never talk about emotions and therefore he finds it a really uncomfortable subject. As I've got to know him more he reveals more and more and I feel the love from him. I would feel more sure of things ifhe were to communicate more with me but know that if I push the issue it is likely to scare him away. He didn't even like cuddling when I first met him! Now he can't get enough

I was brought up in an emotionally cold family and it has taken time to build myself to be the loving, warm and open person that I am today. I'm so glad I did it! I also appreciate how uncomfortable it can be when you're not used to expressing matters of the heart.

Thank you for drawing this to my attention Matt! Much appreciated x