I am abysmally crap with women.

[Jamie]

Well, maybe not abysmally crap, just crap; and I know there is hope.

But yeah, what the hell!!?

I am crap with women, moreover, I am crap in lots of other areas of my life.

I am not beating myself up, or putting myself down, I completely 100% accept myself in this moment just as I am.

I thought I should let you guys know, and if anyone reads anything I say on a thread, they should perhaps hold it up in the light of the fact that, I am pretty crap with girls.

---

My goal isn't to get a GF.

No, really, I'm not kiddin' about here.

I don't want a GF, while I feel crap about myself.

Just like I don't want millions of dollars while my inner state is such that I do not deserve, and would not naturally attract millions to me.

No matter if we're talking about women, or money, or whatever; it makes no difference; if my inner state is not deserving; then I don't want the outer conditions. I want only to work on my inner state, such that in time, I naturally attract what I deserve and desire; and can feel yeah, I deserve this.

---

Felt good to say that; thanks for reading.

[Elrond]

See your signature.

You have obviously already got some dogma on how to be a man, so now all you have to do is follow that.

[sameer]

The thing about "being crap" with women is that that happens when one is stuck in one's head. And are thinking about what to say/do. Have you tried meditation? Check out Vipassana Meditation Website -- it'll have you be more balanced and present. And less in your head.

Sameer

[mattpd]

The modern man.

Able to work a laptop, but unable to walk up and talk to a woman properly.

Its really not that hard, its mostly common sense.

[TonyToneTone]

You should work on you first, then on getting a woman.

You seem to be very down. I would recommend developing a solid positive image of yourself first through imaging and visualization and THEN working on getting a woman. As your inner life becomes better, so will your outer.

[forynav]

hey man, I feel you. I don't have a cool social circle. All my friend suck with women. I need an upgrade to my social life and quick!

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by TonyToneTone

You should work on you first, then on getting a woman.

You seem to be very down. I would recommend developing a solid positive image of yourself first through imaging and visualization and THEN working on getting a woman. As your inner life becomes better, so will your outer.

No my friend; strangely, I don't feel down at all. I feel quite clear, and appreciative of my life circumstances. Though not to my liking, they are of my own making.

I would also suggest that positive thinking, while superior to, is, at the end of the day, just as unreal and self-deluding, as negative thinking.

But, I completely agree with your suggestion to work on myself first.

Thank you, for being you, and for sharing your experience with myself and with other on this forum.

Jamie.

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by forynav

hey man, I feel you. I don't have a cool social circle. All my friend suck with women. I need an upgrade to my social life and quick!

Maybe it's good, that you first appreciate where you are, and why; what inner attitudes and state of being, you have that create your reality; and what can you do to change that?

I think you'll find though, a lot of guys share your prediciment, you are not alone.

Maybe ToneToneTone, has it right; maybe a cosistent diet of positivity is the way.

My only beef really, with the positive thinking malarkey, is that it all so often seems forced, unnatural, and short lived. The men I see who are the best with women, and who have the most fun with them, and seem the most liked and respected by them; all have a natural easy-going softness or natural way to them; that doens't in my mind, seem much like 'positive thinking' (that they're trying so hard to think positive thoughts etc).

That's not to say it's without merit though.

I wish you success.

Jamie.

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by sameer

The thing about "being crap" with women is that that happens when one is stuck in one's head. And are thinking about what to say/do. Have you tried meditation? Check out Vipassana Meditation Website -- it'll have you be more balanced and present. And less in your head.

Sameer

Yeah, I think you're spot on. I do have a very active mind; I work as a software developer (games), and it's quite an intense use of the mental faculty.

I balance this though (or I thought I did), with Tai Chi practice, yoga, lots of phsyical exercise; hmmm, but I think perhaps there is a lack of sharing with others, in my work. It's very isolating, and in some ways, I miss a sense of connecting with others and sharing in the creative process.

Jamie.

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by mattpd

The modern man.

Able to work a laptop, but unable to walk up and talk to a woman properly.

Its really not that hard, its mostly common sense.

Yeah, can't be that hard; and I do actually do it, though perhaps not with women whom I am so attracted to.

I'm quite spotaneous, in the moment, natural etc; until ...

Until I see a woman I feel quite some attraction for, then it's as if I lose my inner equilibrium, poise and balance. I'm sure, a big part of success with women (and in other areas of life), is to put yourself in situations you feel some dis-comfort with, and develop so that you do not so easily lose your inner equilibrium, poise and balance etc.

Kinda like weight lifting, for the guts?

Jamie.

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by mattpd

The modern man.

Able to work a laptop, but unable to walk up and talk to a woman properly.

Its really not that hard, its mostly common sense.

Yeah, can't be that hard; and I do actually do it, though perhaps not with women whom I am so attracted to.

I'm quite spotaneous, in the moment, natural etc; until ...

Until I see a woman I feel quite some attraction for, then it's as if I lose my inner equilibrium, poise and balance. I'm sure, a big part of success with women (and in other areas of life), is to put yourself in situations you feel some dis-comfort with, and develop so that you do not so easily lose your inner equilibrium, poise and balance etc.

Kinda like weight lifting, but for your inner streadfastness?

Maybe some of you guys still feel that, when you're approaching hotties, but just put it to one side?

Jamie.

[Elrond]

Originally Posted by Jamie

I would also suggest that positive thinking, while superior to, is, at the end of the day, just as unreal and self-deluding, as negative thinking.

Originally Posted by Jamie

My only beef really, with the positive thinking malarkey, is that it all so often seems forced, unnatural, and short lived. The men I see who are the best with women, and who have the most fun with them, and seem the most liked and respected by them; all have a natural easy-going softness or natural way to them; that doens't in my mind, seem much like 'positive thinking' (that they're trying so hard to think positive thoughts etc).

That's not to say it's without merit though.

How ironic that you have a quote of James Allen in your signature, and that you have talked about him in atleast one of your posts. He is a famous New Thought (Law of Attraction) author, though you probably know this.

"Allen's most famous book, As a Man Thinketh, was published in 1902. It is now considered a classic self-help book. Its underlying premise is that noble thoughts make a noble person, while lowly thoughts make a miserable person."

wikipedia

EDIT: It might be that who you are quoting is another James Allen.

[dancer]

Originally Posted by Jamie

Until I see a woman I feel quite some attraction for, then it's as if I lose my inner equilibrium, poise and balance. I'm sure, a big part of success with women (and in other areas of life), is to put yourself in situations you feel some dis-comfort with, and develop so that you do not so easily lose your inner equilibrium, poise and balance etc.

Is there a way you could connect meeting attractive women with dancing salsa with women? I don't mean to grab hold of women and dance, but to bring the mindset of the salsa Jamie to your dating life.

[Parthon]

Elrond: I think it's the same author, awesome book by the way: LoA without the magic really.

Jamie: I used to be a complete tool when it came to women, now I can talk to them. The three most important things are:

1) Remember that hot women are just people like everyone else. They have the same insecurities, the same hang ups about how they look, the same dreams and defeats. Treating them differently just because they are hot is a real diservice to them and to you.

2) Practice! You are completely 100% right when you say it's like weight lifting. At first you are as nervous as all hell, but as you try and talk to people you have never met, that could be out of your league, you become more relaxed. After a while, or should I say after a few dozen hot girls, they just become ordinary people like everyone else. But it takes a while and it takes practice. Be as nervous as you like, bumble over your words, it doesn't matter. As long as you build confidence.

3) Social skills. This one's a little harder because it's such a wide subject, but the one I would most point to is Eye Contact. Above all this is one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal. You come across as confident, but not arrogant when you keep enough eye contact with a woman, and the hotter they are the more impressed they are. If you can avoid looking at their body, you can avoid looking like another stereotypical male, in their eyes. If I could pick only one piece of advice, it would be Eye Contact.

[Plato]

Originally Posted by Jamie

I'm sure, a big part of success with women (and in other areas of life), is to put yourself in situations you feel some dis-comfort with, and develop so that you do not so easily lose your inner equilibrium, poise and balance etc.

Kinda like weight lifting, for the guts?

I find that if I've been living 100% then I'm natural and easy with women. If I mooch around all day then there's a tendency to overblow the importance of situations and get nervous.

Incidentally weight lifting a few hours before going out can be good if you don't have much of an aura -- not only do you have endorphins flowing through you, your muscles feel so stiff you're forced to walk like you own the place!

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by Elrond

How ironic that you have a quote of James Allen in your signature, and that you have talked about him in atleast one of your posts. He is a famous New Thought (Law of Attraction) author, though you probably know this.

"Allen's most famous book, As a Man Thinketh, was published in 1902. It is now considered a classic self-help book. Its underlying premise is that noble thoughts make a noble person, while lowly thoughts make a miserable person."

wikipedia

EDIT: It might be that who you are quoting is another James Allen.

Hi Elrond,

Yes, it's the same James Allen of As a Man Thinketh fame.

The debate over the merits of postive thought, VS, resting and trusting in our primordial state (and not forcing any thoughts, postive or otherwise upon ourselves), is certainly an interesting one; I'm sure both approaches have their place.

I posted something written by Ken Wilber recently, that perhaps illustrates this point:

I wanna sell my soul to the Devil

Also, I think what James Allen refers to, is something deeper, more fundamental, than a lot that passed for positive thinking, in this day and age.

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by Jamie

Yeah, can't be that hard; and I do actually do it, though perhaps not with women whom I am so attracted to.

I'm quite spotaneous, in the moment, natural etc; until ...

Until I see a woman I feel quite some attraction for, then it's as if I lose my inner equilibrium, poise and balance. I'm sure, a big part of success with women (and in other areas of life), is to put yourself in situations you feel some dis-comfort with, and develop so that you do not so easily lose your inner equilibrium, poise and balance etc.

Kinda like weight lifting, for the guts?

Jamie.

I went out one night, and this guy said to me "you've got it, but you don't have the balls to use it" - was a turning point in my life for me.

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by Jamie

No my friend; strangely, I don't feel down at all. I feel quite clear, and appreciative of my life circumstances. Though not to my liking, they are of my own making.

I would also suggest that positive thinking, while superior to, is, at the end of the day, just as unreal and self-deluding, as negative thinking.

But, I completely agree with your suggestion to work on myself first.

Thank you, for being you, and for sharing your experience with myself and with other on this forum.

Jamie.

I don't want a GF, while I feel crap about myself.

Jaime, this does not sound like the kind of talk from someone who is feeling good about themselves.

I will explain on a physical level why positive thinking is so important. Your thoughts lead to your feelings which lead to your actions which lead to your RESULTS.

Right now your thoughts are "I am abysmally crap with women" which causes you to feel crappy about yourself in that regard

while I feel crap about myself.

which leads to you taking poor actions around women which leads to poor RESULTS and continues this cycle.

But, I completely agree with your suggestion to work on myself first.

Thank you. Remember this, your outer world is simply a reflection of your inner world. If you can start to develop a positive image of yourself as being successful with women, and reinforce that with positive self-talk, it will cause you to feel better about your skills with women which will cause you to take better actions and receive better results.

Guys, do you need help meeting women? Go to the third post down, I recommended some stuff for another poster on what he can do to become better with women.

[Kuresu]

Here's the first thing i'd do if I were you. I would just look myself in the mirror every morning and say something like :
"I am the reincarnation of Appolo (greek god of beauty and music) and my godly essence is perfect in every way."

I started doing that when I was once working as a salesman on commission. My boss a GREAT sales rep, a very confident person, and he told me once he was looking at himself every morning and saying "I am gorgeous." Note he was a small overweight person, but with such a funny and charismatic personality that I was ready to do anything to become more like him. So I made up this routine.

Though I've been doing stuff like that for two years, I only learned it was called positive affirmations a couple months ago when I stumbled on Steve's blog, searching information on polyphasic sleep.

Still what did it do?
I became a lot more confident. Since I firmly believe I am of "godly essence", or if you prefer, that I am great, I got my life together. It took me about two years, it was a slow process, but I observed it does work.

I'm not saying always think positively, although it does help, but just do a thing or two which could start a shift in your life.

Last thing. Remember Muhammad Ali, which would always say "I'm the greatest."