Would you consider this Social Anxiety Disorder?

[WayToTwilight]

Hi,

I wanted to briefly say hi to everyone on this forum first, I haven't posted for months but now I'm back.

I'm 22, a 5th year student at UC San Diego. I have lots of friends I've made from classes, mostly guys though, not many girls. I've made friends from clubs I was active in my Chemical Engineering club on campus for 2 years, eventually becoming president and I was and still am active with another club, a preprofessional business organization, for 3 years, and now I am also president of that club as well. I have no problem interacting with my peers at club events or class. Whenever I get down to business, I'm always feeling confident and professional.

I also recently had an internship and at the end of the internship I was offered a full time job at the company. I was told that part of the reason I was offered a job because they felt I handled myself around people professionally and that I communicate well with my co workers. They also praised me for having an outstanding final presentation.

My friends and family have been very happy for me, since I have landed a job, especially since the USA is now knee deep in recession and financial fallout. I am very glad to be fortunate enough to have this oppurtunity. But, unfortunately, I feel very unhappy.

Despite my ability to seemingly make friends and communicate well with others and exude a confident and professional demeanor in front of others during WORK and BUSINESS I have extreme trouble in purely social situations.

I have trouble organizing parties or kickbacks purely because I am afraid of the awkwardness or that people won't come or only a few people will come and it'll be awkward. I get very anxious even to call people that I know well, people that are my friends from clubs and class to hang out. If others call me to hang out though, and the group will consist of at least 70% people that I know, I will feel ok. If not I get very nervous.

During parties I lock up and get so anxious I can't talk to strangers. I initially tried to use alcohol at parties, but I found out that alcohol doesn't help me lose my social inhibitions, I still get so scared I lock up. I feel as if I can't small talk with my peers because I can never think of anything to say or ask. I was asked last night by my friend to go karaokeing with some girls he had just met. I said no because I am very shy in front of girls, especially in strictly social situations. I can act natural and have fun in social situations only if the group consists of at least 2/3 people that I know. I get so anxious at the thought of it I spend most of my time outside of class and club events alone.

Just the thought of organizing a party, or meeting new people, or going to party makes me anxious and nervous. I begin sweating and my heart pounds and I've had a couple times during social situations where I "go to the bathroom" purely to retreat from the social situation because I'm so wound up. I've avoided a lot of invitations to social situations because there would be strangers there, especially if they were girls. I've never dated either. In general, I live week after week not going out with friends for fear of being seen as awkward, even people I know from clubs and class. I especially avoid situations with strangers. Friday and Saturday nights I sit at home in front of my computer thinking about what I need to do get over the anxiety all the while remaining inactive, not seeking out social interaction for fear of failure.

The point I'm trying to make is, I seem to function well socially in all areas of my life except in PURELY SOCIAL ENVIRONMENTS. I can act social and confident in a business/school/work setting but when it comes to purely social events, I get wound up and filled with anxiety. Which is why I am conflicted, I thought that if I really had a disorder, I wouldn't have been able to become presidents of clubs and do well at my internship. But instead in purely social situations, I am just dying. It's really hurting me because outside of class, work and club events, I have no social life and it's killing me inside because I always want to hang out with people on a purely social basis but I am too scared. I look forward to Fridays and the weekends only to realize that I am too afraid to really make Fridays and Saturdays really eventful and happy times. It has also severely affected my dating life, or rather complete lack of, I've never even been on a date and I've only asked 1 girl seriously in my life. Most of the time, I'm just way too chicken.

So all in all, do you think this constitutes social anxiety disorder? Or am I just seemingly overblowing things?

[mattpd]

I just want to advise that you are focusing on the wrong thing and asking the wrong question. I know a guy who is pretty cool but is convinced his difficulty in social situations and dating, and the reason it is hard for him, is because he has some special condition or there is something wrong with him. So he's continually visiting doctor after doctor and psychologist after psychologist, and not actually improving.

And before I start let me say that the no1 key skill for being good with women is being comfortable, relaxed and cool in social situations, under social pressure, and when you experience 'state fluctuations'. State fluctuations are when you freak out, have a minor anxiety attack or want to leave the situation quickly.

Growing up in a small town, being shy, and lacking confidence, I experienced all the stuff that you have talked about.

The good thing for me in dealing with it, is that I thought this was pretty normal, and it was more a high performance problem, than something being wrong with me, or having a special condition, with a name. This made it easier for me to fix, avoided my ego identifying with it, and gave me the ability to have a clear goal when I thought about it - being calm in all social situations - rather than focusing on the negative and just avoiding the anxiety. You know how goals are better is positively written rather than in the negative?

The way I dealt with it was:

- having an awesome relaxation strategy in my life - including yoga, hot yoga, hypnotherapy, hobbies and interests, and loads of stuff like massage, acupuncture, and holidays occasionally

- gradually building up my tolerance, by just improving 5% a week and working on my breathing, and seeking these tense situations out for practice rather than avoiding them

- dealing with the root causes of my anxiety