Afraid of Sex and STD's

[oBakasan]

Honestly, I've been trying to start dating for a while but I'm just afraid of getting a disease or something when I have (protected) sex.

I've tried reading informative websites to calm me down, but the message they give is usually in the lines of:

"Have Oral Sex - Get Oral Herpes!"

"Kiss someone with a bleeding gum, And you'll get AIDS!"

"Cuddle someone with an open sore, and Hooray! You've contacted the Bubonic Plague!"

It may seem silly, but by now I'm really quite terrified of the concept, even though I'm quite a promiscuous person by nature and would love to have several sexual partners in the future.

I just don't want to make a mistake and end up wasting all those years of Healthy Living I have behind me.

So what should I do? '-_-'

[Paradox13]

how old are you?

[Call me Boges]

Be smart.

If you are looking to be promiscuous and or have one night stands etc...you will be taking a risk.

If you want to do things the most cautious way possible, only engage in sexual activity with someone who you have gone and been tested with and see the paperwork, even thats not 100% but its close.

99% of people dont do this.


Most people have some form of STD that remain in their system and can be spread but not have any symptoms, some forms of HPV come to mind.

Also, having an STD is not the end of the world as long as its not HIV. Many people live with them symptom free...how do you think they spread?

Having a intimate relationship with a girl to me, is one of the most fulfilling and deeply satisfying things in the world and trumps the risks of STD's (which are basically an inherent part of sex).

Just be smart about things.

[mattpd]

Hey this is fairly common.

It usually means you are sexually repressed.

Lots of the guys I help with dating are massively sexually repressed, its a very common problem.

I helped a guy last year who was a virgin at 23, and he was extremely scared of sex, and stds, and all that stuff. Through some coaching we managed to get him some sexual action and he totally freaked out.

He wore a condom, the girl was on the pill, and he was terrified he had caught AIDS, or got her pregnant, and I had like 20 missed calls on my phone at 3am. He got a friend who was a chemist over straight away, and he was peaking out completely, and he put the girl through hell actually.

For the next week or two he was a nervous wreck, he expected the worst, and he visited like 3 doctors for different opinions. This actually repeated on the next 2 or 3 women he had sex with, and he kept totally freaking out about it.

He's okay with it now, but it was a combination of a few things that caused it. Firstly, mostly his Mum is to blame. She is very sexually conservative, and I don't think she has had sex for about 10 years, well, I actually know she hasn't because he told me.

And also, he's an extremely risk adverse guy. He's not the type to go do anything dangerous or speed in his car if you know what I mean. And he had a very sheltered upbringing, not really in with the 'in' crowd if you know what I mean. He didn't date at school, or have girls, or get sexually active until much later. He had barely kissed a girl when I met him, had never been on a date.

And he's also prone to worry, and suffer anxiety, and has a pretty negative mental attitude.

Now you may not be as bad as this guy, who had a complete freak-out with sex, and imagined the worst things possible, but you can learn from him.

First of all, realize it has nothing to do with sex, or STDs, or anything like that, but it has to do with you. These types of fears are not normal, and not healthy, and will limit your ability to have an enjoyable life. The best way is to have more sex, and to get comfortable with your sexuality.

Forget porn, but read some books on sex, and talk to more people about sex. Become a more sexual guy. It could also be that you are prone to anxiety, so many consider some hypnotherapy, or neurofeedback, or maybe some sexual counseling.

Sexual repression really sucks, I suffered from it a bit, and it can really mess up your interactions with women.

[Dan.Linehan]

@ Mattpd

I think you are way off on the repression bit.

I've been fully sexually active since I was about 11, and I definitely worry about STDs when dating.

They are a big issue. Nothing to do with paranoia.

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

@ Mattpd

I think you are way off on the repression bit.

I've been fully sexually active since I was about 11, and I definitely worry about STDs when dating.

They are a big issue. Nothing to do with paranoia.

I mean its good to have concern.

Of course.

But if you take all the necessary precautions and still worry about this stuff then there generally are some inner causes for it.

Seriously, this may seem a normal thing, but I see it all the time, and guys can really trip out about this stuff. Like it moves from normal concern to something worse.

For many guys this can really limit their dating lives.

[bob5483]

I wouldn't worry so much about it, just always wear protection and don't be stupid. I dated a girl that had the herp for about 2 years and nothing happened with it because her and I spoke alot about it. I did a ton of research and asked her as many questions as I could. She kept me informed of the situation too, which helps. Just get tested regularly if your going to be promiscuous and be very safe.

If you do end up getting an STD, its just one of those things that come with the risk. She was depressed for a long time and I can see why. Many STD's come with a social stigma attached to them, especially herpes. The damage from that is more severe than the symptoms themselves. She got this from her fiance at the time, the first person she was with, when he cheated on her. Damaged her for many years, but over time has learned to deal with it.

If you want to have fun and do what you want, then you have to be really safe and careful about it. Because even if you were in a serious relationship, these things can happen. Just make sure you talk to your partner as much as possible about it. Some people don't in hopes that the problem will just go away without having to deal with it.

[funchy]

I think you are a bit sexually repressed, and you're rationalizing it through the "fear of STDs". I knew a guy who was like this, and it took him years and a little help from a counselor to sort out what he was really feeling fear about.

Think about it logically: you leave your house, don't you? You meet other people, eat at restaurants, and go to work. All of these situations involve other people, and other people carry diseases. You can get serious diseases without ever having sex (eg. Hepatitis C, staph [remember MERSA?], strep, flu, TB, etc). Those diseases can hurt or kill you -- but they don't keep you from leaving your house do they?

Compare now with sexually transmitted diseases. Most of them are curable. Some of the "sexual" diseases can be caught in other ways. For example a clinic in Nevada was caught reusing needles, and now thousands of people need a HIV test. Herpes is extremely common with some reports saying up to 60% of the population being exposed; it's only some people that have noticeable outbreaks. HPV is also extremely common. My point being that a disease that might be sexually transmitted may not be a big deal.

The thing is that if you're sensible & protected, you should be ok.