Are All Men Prone to Cheating at Some Point?

[172]

I have been in an absolutely amazing relationship with someone whom I considered my best friend for the past three years. He's been nothing but wonderful to me. Authentic through and through and our love life has been consistently passionate and exciting. We have known each other as friends and acquaintences for 15 years and only got together as a couple in the past 3. We've had tremendous chemistry from day one and it has never waned. The relationship has been a serious source of joy for us both and we've both grown tremendously as a result of it.

....and yet....last night I discovered that he's been cheating.

So....I'm still processing everything. I haven't mentioned it. I need time. I'm pretty numb. My question is this....and this is because of the deep level of trust that I held for him....I need to know....are all men prone to cheat? And by that, I mean tempted or perhaps weaker when it comes to resisting the urge? Or maybe prone to cheat at least once? Tell me about monogamy, infidelity, and men. Are there any truly, TRULY monogamous men out there?

[catalyst]

Never cheated and I never would, but I've been cheated on.

[Angela]

Do you mean: are men more prone to break promises than women are? The answer is no. People break promises. I don't think there's any adult on the planet who has never broken a promise, so I guess you can say that all people, and therefore all men, are inclined to cheat.

Or you could say, people are inclined to make promises that they have every intention of keeping, and then sometimes something happens and they break that promise. What are you gonna do?

So, why do you think this guy broke his promise to you?

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by 172

....and yet....last night I discovered that he's been cheating.

Are you sure that he is, in fact, cheating?

I suppose both men and women are prone to cheating, depending on the circumstances, however I would venture to say that a good percentage don't. There are so many variables and reasons that they do, so I would find out what the circumstances are first.

[mattpd]

Without giving advice yet, I love how people write about their relationship problems, this is how it goes:

I am dating this guy/girl and she is <insert amazing/wonderful/perfect/divine/beautiful/special/loving/caring> but <insert complete relationship killer - cheating/smelly feet or teeth/putting on weight/complete pain in the ass/etc etc>.

Its almost like the pain is representative of the difference between the good and the bad. The wider the gap the worse it is.

Anyway, yes people cheat.

Women tend to be better at it, but its about 60% in total of people will cheat at some stage in their lives while in a serious relationship.

I know from a male point of view that it can be hard to not cheat if you have the opportunity to. Even if you are dating the most amazing woman. Many men will deny this but its not real for them because they don't have the skills to pickup really attractive women quickly.

The key with cheating and the most founding principle of all is "people tend to do what feels good at the time". So because he cheated doesn't mean you are not good enough, or they is something wrong with you or the relationship, or there is something wrong with him, or all men are cheaters, its just simply that people tend to do what feels good at the time, and with sex and physical attraction we can tend not to really think about the consequences when we do it.

For me, if it bothered me, I'd break-up instantly, if it didn't I'd forget about it.

The last thing I'd do is sentence myself to months or years of doing my head in about it, trying to answer the "why" or trying to fix the relationship. its like a recipe for unhappiness.

[172]

That's awesome advice. And, I'd been suspecting that a good majority of people will cheat at some point in their lives while in a serious relationship. Not sure how I feel about it yet. Still processing it. But, I appreciate the candid response. I think I'm more inclined to be upset about the lying than the actual cheating. Go figure.

Originally Posted by mattpd

Without giving advice yet, I love how people write about their relationship problems, this is how it goes:

I am dating this guy/girl and she is <insert amazing/wonderful/perfect/divine/beautiful/special/loving/caring> but <insert complete relationship killer - cheating/smelly feet or teeth/putting on weight/complete pain in the ass/etc etc>.

Its almost like the pain is representative of the difference between the good and the bad. The wider the gap the worse it is.

Anyway, yes people cheat.

Women tend to be better at it, but its about 60% in total of people will cheat at some stage in their lives while in a serious relationship.

I know from a male point of view that it can be hard to not cheat if you have the opportunity to. Even if you are dating the most amazing woman. Many men will deny this but its not real for them because they don't have the skills to pickup really attractive women quickly.

The key with cheating and the most founding principle of all is "people tend to do what feels good at the time". So because he cheated doesn't mean you are not good enough, or they is something wrong with you or the relationship, or there is something wrong with him, or all men are cheaters, its just simply that people tend to do what feels good at the time, and with sex and physical attraction we can tend not to really think about the consequences when we do it.

For me, if it bothered me, I'd break-up instantly, if it didn't I'd forget about it.

The last thing I'd do is sentence myself to months or years of doing my head in about it, trying to answer the "why" or trying to fix the relationship. its like a recipe for unhappiness.

[172]

Originally Posted by ZHereford

Are you sure that he is, in fact, cheating?

I suppose both men and women are prone to cheating, depending on the circumstances, however I would venture to say that a good percentage don't. There are so many variables and reasons that they do, so I would find out what the circumstances are first.

I am pretty sure. I found what I consider to be pretty clear evidence. However, I did not find evidence of the timing, duration or frequency of the event(s). So, I'm not sure how involved it is. But, our relationship had been going along beautifully and we were beginning to really build together so I am pretty shocked right about now.

[Angela]

I agree with just about everything mattpd just said, except that there is value in asking "why" -- not years of suffering over it, and not trying to understand his justification for it, but rather, why do you think he did it -- why do you think he broke his promise. Have you asked him why he did that? Did you listen generously to his answer, and give him some time to think about it if he needs time, because it might be the first time he's asking himself why?

And most importantly, taking 100% responsibility by asking yourself about "why." Not like it's your fault, but rather, taking a bold look at who you have been being in the relationship and seeing if you can get insight as to why the relationship is occurring for you the way it is.

Which is very different from wringing your hands and wondering why oh why did he do this to me? It's more like: why and how am I doing this to myself?

[172]

Originally Posted by Angela

Do you mean: are men more prone to break promises than women are? The answer is no. People break promises. I don't think there's any adult on the planet who has never broken a promise, so I guess you can say that all people, and therefore all men, are inclined to cheat.

Or you could say, people are inclined to make promises that they have every intention of keeping, and then sometimes something happens and they break that promise. What are you gonna do?

So, why do you think this guy broke his promise to you?

Actually, I really just wondered whether the sexual drive in men is more carnal and difficult to resist than in women. Maybe that translates into broken promises, sure. I don't know why he broke his promise to me. I've been awesome, quite frankly, and up until last night, he'd been awesome toward me as well. The only thing I can think of is that he has had quite a few opportunities to cheat as he travels quite a bit for business. Which was why I'm wondering what that pull is really like? Is it stronger than I can see for men? Is it something that certain PEOPLE are prone to moreso than others. I dunno. Meh.

[172]

Great points. Thank you Angela. I actually haven't mentioned this to him yet. Because we've had such a strong friendship, I didn't want to be irresponsible with anger and pain. I'd rather talk it over calmly. So, I will take your advice.

As for me and why this is happening to ME. I guess I do know why. Because I have long wondered about this concept of fidelity and infidelity and men. And, I've pretty much seen so many men do this (along with frequently being hit on by married men and men in relationships) that I started believing that all men cheat. Period. And, now look. I've called it into my own experience. It's actually the first serious relationship for me where this has happened.

Originally Posted by Angela

I agree with just about everything mattpd just said, except that there is value in asking "why" -- not years of suffering over it, and not trying to understand his justification for it, but rather, why do you think he did it -- why do you think he broke his promise. Have you asked him why he did that? Did you listen generously to his answer, and give him some time to think about it if he needs time, because it might be the first time he's asking himself why?

And most importantly, taking 100% responsibility by asking yourself about "why." Not like it's your fault, but rather, taking a bold look at who you have been being in the relationship and seeing if you can get insight as to why the relationship is occurring for you the way it is.

Which is very different from wringing your hands and wondering why oh why did he do this to me? It's more like: why and how am I doing this to myself?

[Angela]

172, the way you said that, it sounds like you just *wondered* the way I wonder if I would enjoy ordering pizza tonight. Is there no emotional charge in your wondering? Is it simply intellectual curiosity? Or is there some pain or distrust or betrayal you may have reactivated by thinking (or worrying) about sexual infidelity?

You don't need to answer me necessarily, if you don't feel like it -- I'm just asking questions for you to think about.

It sounds to me like you have a lot of power to work this through in a way that will work very well for you. And I'm sorry for the pain you may be feeling -- it hurts when someone breaks such an important promise, I know.

[Acting Like Godot]

Greetings.

I am a man and I have never cheated. In my entire life, I have had sex with only one woman and I believe she has only had sex with one person (me).

We have known each other for 14 years; had a platonic relationship for the first three of those 14 years, and have been married for the last eight of those 14 years. We have two children and are trying to decide whether to have a 3rd.

As far as relationships are concerned, I am quite traditional & conservative and I do not entertain any thoughts whatsoever of cheating.

So men like me may be rare, but we do exist.

[172]

Originally Posted by Angela

172, the way you said that, it sounds like you just *wondered* the way I wonder if I would enjoy ordering pizza tonight. Is there no emotional charge in your wondering? Is it simply intellectual curiosity? Or is there some pain or distrust or betrayal you may have reactivated by thinking (or worrying) about sexual infidelity?

You don't need to answer me necessarily, if you don't feel like it -- I'm just asking questions for you to think about.

It sounds to me like you have a lot of power to work this through in a way that will work very well for you. And I'm sorry for the pain you may be feeling -- it hurts when someone breaks such an important promise, I know.

I don't mind answering. Just answering you is helping me work through what I am feeling. I am so used to loving him without judgment that I don't quite feel inclined to view it as betrayal right now. I'm not angry but I am sad I guess. I haven't had infidelity in my relationships before but I've just seen it so much in relationships of friends and I used to get a lot of married and shacked up men trying to hit on me. I became concerned that they may not be able to control it.

And, knowing what I know about our friendship and how we have loved each other, it's so inconsistent with "us" (or at least I thought it was) that I am struggling to make sense of it. I'm not sure what I want do with all this. I certainly don't want a big emotional blowout. I'm not even up for it right now.

[172]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

Greetings.

I am a man and I have never cheated. In my entire life, I have had sex with only one woman and I believe she has only had sex with one person (me).

We have known each other for 14 years; had a platonic relationship for the first three of those 14 years, and have been married for the last eight of those 14 years. We have two children and are trying to decide whether to have a 3rd.

As far as relationships are concerned, I am quite traditional & conservative and I do not entertain any thoughts whatsoever of cheating.

So men like me may be rare, but we do exist.

That sounds so beautiful.

And, tragic at the same time "men like me may be rare". I sure hope not. But, what if what you say is true? What does that say about the entire institution of monogamy as a social practice? If you attest yourself that men like you are rare, that is not encouraging for people who still want and expect a monogamous relationship.

I'm not necessarily looking to change my desire for a monogamous relationship, but I do wonder if it's realistic?

[pianoperformer]

Originally Posted by 172

I'm not necessarily looking to change my desire for a monogamous relationship, but I do wonder if it's realistic?

I do think it is realistic. It doesn't mean it is easy to find, but you have the right to desire monogamy, or anything else.

I think it has a lot to do with maturity level. I have a "friend," who recently attested to breaking up with his girlfriend, because he had been with her for too long. It caused me to lose some respect for him (among other reasons).

Anyway, I think you should talk to him before jumping to any conclusions. Confront him (without being angry), and if he denies it, tell him about whatever evidence you have. Then you can choose what to do next, depending on his response and your reaction to it.

I will say though I have several friends who are in relationships and have not cheated (to my knowledge, of course).

[172]

Originally Posted by pianoperformer

I do think it is realistic. It doesn't mean it is easy to find, but you have the right to desire monogamy, or anything else.

I think it has a lot to do with maturity level. I have a "friend," who recently attested to breaking up with his girlfriend, because he had been with her for too long. It caused me to lose some respect for him (among other reasons).

Anyway, I think you should talk to him before jumping to any conclusions. Confront him (without being angry), and if he denies it, tell him about whatever evidence you have. Then you can choose what to do next, depending on his response and your reaction to it.

I will say though I have several friends who are in relationships and have not cheated (to my knowledge, of course).

ugh. I just got nauseous. I think he's going to deny it. And, my evidence is pretty solid. I have a feeling that I need some time before I bring this up. Thanks for your input.

I would have considered him to be one of the more evolved people in my life. But, a mistake like this....it's so incongruent with how I've seen him. It's scary to think about all the different layers there are to an individual and how it could take almost a lifetime to really know someone on those deepest levels.

[shalom]

What a stunning approach to 172's question by Angela and others. Much, much food for thought.

[172]

Originally Posted by Angela

172, the way you said that, it sounds like you just *wondered* the way I wonder if I would enjoy ordering pizza tonight. Is there no emotional charge in your wondering? Is it simply intellectual curiosity? Or is there some pain or distrust or betrayal you may have reactivated by thinking (or worrying) about sexual infidelity?

You don't need to answer me necessarily, if you don't feel like it -- I'm just asking questions for you to think about.

It sounds to me like you have a lot of power to work this through in a way that will work very well for you. And I'm sorry for the pain you may be feeling -- it hurts when someone breaks such an important promise, I know.

Well, Shalom's comment prompted me to reread all the comments as well as the above by Angela. I realized something I didn't before. I have had long-held beliefs about men, esp. men in my generation, being unable to be truly monogamous. And, it's all been a result of things I've witnessed second-hand. And, it does spur a certain level of fear in me. Since what we focus on expands. I must have been holding onto a significant amount of fear that this would happen to me one day.

[172]

Originally Posted by mattpd

Anyway, yes people cheat.

Women tend to be better at it, but its about 60% in total of people will cheat at some stage in their lives while in a serious relationship.

I know from a male point of view that it can be hard to not cheat if you have the opportunity to. Even if you are dating the most amazing woman. Many men will deny this but its not real for them because they don't have the skills to pickup really attractive women quickly.

Sooooo poignant. I wonder what the science is behind this. I know I shouldn't over-analyze because I am taking a risk. BUT...I find this statement fascinating. Mostly because what I am getting at is "can't a man keep it in his pants?" and the answer seems to be....for the majority of men...."NO". If the opportunity is there....then "no, Virginia, a man can't keep it in his pants." Interesting.

[NightSpirit]

Originally Posted by 172

I have been in an absolutely amazing relationship with someone whom I considered my best friend for the past three years. He's been nothing but wonderful to me. Authentic through and through and our love life has been consistently passionate and exciting. We have known each other as friends and acquaintances for 15 years and only got together as a couple in the past 3. We've had tremendous chemistry from day one and it has never waned. The relationship has been a serious source of joy for us both and we've both grown tremendously as a result of it.

....and yet....last night I discovered that he's been cheating.

So....I'm still processing everything. I haven't mentioned it. I need time. I'm pretty numb. My question is this....and this is because of the deep level of trust that I held for him....I need to know....are all men prone to cheat? And by that, I mean tempted or perhaps weaker when it comes to resisting the urge? Or maybe prone to cheat at least once? Tell me about monogamy, infidelity, and men. Are there any truly, TRULY monogamous men out there?

Sorry to hear about what you're going through.

What has happened, more than just a sexual thing, is that you have found out something about his character that is not honest. For him to do this required that he be the kind of a person that is comfortable being involved with two women at once and being dishonest with at least one of them.

We all enjoy sex and attention. But what does that say about him, if the chance to experience something new was more important to him than being honest with you?

Any other reasons, a purely sexual thing, a problem with the relationship, is more of just an excuse and puts part of the blame on his gender or on you. Even if those were factors, wouldn't working through it with you instead of going to another person be what you would expect of a life partner?

How can the character of a person be fixed? He risked hurting you and possibly losing you, for what?

Yes, there are men that consider telling the truth to be important. To me, this is not about sex but honesty. If it were any other thing, any other pattern of lies, would you be trying to understand why in this way?

[172]

Originally Posted by NightSpirit

Sorry to hear about what you're going through.

What has happened, more than just a sexual thing, is that you have found out something about his character that is not honest. For him to do this required that he be the kind of a person that is comfortable being involved with two women at once and being dishonest with at least one of them.

We all enjoy sex and attention. But what does that say about him, if the chance to experience something new was more important to him than being honest with you?

Any other reasons, a purely sexual thing, a problem with the relationship, is more of just an excuse and puts part of the blame on his gender or on you. Even if those were factors, wouldn't working through it with you instead of going to another person be what you would expect of a life partner?

How can the character of a person be fixed? He risked hurting you and possibly losing you, for what?

Yes, there are men that consider telling the truth to be important. To me, this is not about sex but honesty. If it were any other thing, any other pattern of lies, would you be trying to understand why in this way?

Completely. I get everything you just posted. Thank you. And, no, if it were about any other pattern of lies, I wouldn't be trying to understand in this way. And, yes, the notion that he has been lying to me and misrepresenting who he is really, REALLY makes me uncomfortable.

I don't know how his character be fixed. And, it scares me to think that his character needs that kind of fixing because I've always seen him as one of the most evolved and authentic people I've ever met. So, I was deluded, apparently. Nice.

[striving4peace]

This has been a topic I've been thinking about too lately. I think a lot of people already put it right on this thread - that people cheat irrespective of gender.

I think at one point you asked if there is science behind men's tendancy to cheat - and to an extent there is: from an evolutionary standpoint, men evolved with instincts to do what it ensure thier survival and that thier gene pool is carried on. That's why sex feels so good (it's one of the two things that ensure survival , the other being eating )
and also is one of the reasons men might feel strong urges to cheat - because they were spreading their seed as widely as possible to maximise probability of thier offspring by raising them with different mothers.
Women on the other hand, from an evolutionary standpoint, were nesting and raising children - for which they needed the stability and consistent availability of at least one partner.

But this is what 'science' reports. I'm going to be first in line to say - just because we evolved this way doesn't mean it's the way it is now, and it doesn't justify it either.
I think in todays world where sex for recreation is more prevalent than sex for procreation, women and men have more or less the same priorities and goals out of sex: fun and stress release. Ultimately women enjoy sex too, and that's why regardless of which gender has had a history of 'looking for polygamy' - both are going to come across temptations of a more fun, exciting, arousing encounter (in other words a better deal) than what they have.

And this is where nightspirit's point hits home. Its not a question about sexual tendancies or sex at all from a man's standpoint, but about weighing priorities and honesty as a human being and as a person in a relationship.

Yes, what he did to you - considering the notion of monogamy and fidelity in your relationship was either assumed, or verbally agreed upon - was deception, violation, fraud, betrayal...

[172]

And this is where nightspirit's point hits home. Its not a question about sexual tendancies or sex at all from a man's standpoint, but about weighing priorities and honesty as a human being and as a person in a relationship.

Yes, what he did to you - considering the notion of monogamy and fidelity in your relationship was either assumed, or verbally agreed upon - was deception, violation, fraud, betrayal...

Thanks, Striving. This has been one surreal 24 hours.

[SomeRandomGuy]

In order to determine if all men cheat, I think it is necessary to define what is meant by "cheating". For some, cheating means having sex with someone else. For others, it means being involved emotionally with someone else (with or without sex). For others, cheating only occurs when lying and dishonesty are involved (meaning sex with another does not constitute cheating, if the person admits to it when asked).

For me, cheating as absolutely nothing to do with sex (especially if it is only a one time thing). If my wife came home and told me she had met guy and had sex with him, it would be no big deal. If, however, she waited a month to tell me then I'd view it differently since she avoided telling me. Or if I found out she was involved in a long term emotional relationship with someone I would definitely consider it cheating.

My point here is not that maybe your husband had sex only once so is not cheating. My point is that different people view cheating differently, so without defining what is meant by the term cheating it may be difficult to get a consensus on the question of do all men cheat. Personally, I think that having sex with more than one partner during a period of time is relatively common among men. With my views, however, this isn't necessarily cheating. I understand, though, that to many it is cheating, so we would answer the question differently based on the same evidence.

[Squid]

Do all men cheat? No.

But statistically more men cheat than women.

Some people might find that offensive but I didn't do the research on it. The numbers are around 60% to 40%. Nearly even, but not quite.

I am sorry about what happened to you and I understand what you have experienced. In some relationships you just know when someone might be prone to cheating and when they do it's not much of a surprise but it hurts the hardest when someone you wouldn't' expect does it.

[robc]

Originally Posted by 172

I have been in an absolutely amazing relationship with someone whom I considered my best friend for the past three years. He's been nothing but wonderful to me. Authentic through and through and our love life has been consistently passionate and exciting. We have known each other as friends and acquaintences for 15 years and only got together as a couple in the past 3. We've had tremendous chemistry from day one and it has never waned. The relationship has been a serious source of joy for us both and we've both grown tremendously as a result of it.

....and yet....last night I discovered that he's been cheating.

So....I'm still processing everything. I haven't mentioned it. I need time. I'm pretty numb. My question is this....and this is because of the deep level of trust that I held for him....I need to know....are all men prone to cheat? And by that, I mean tempted or perhaps weaker when it comes to resisting the urge? Or maybe prone to cheat at least once? Tell me about monogamy, infidelity, and men. Are there any truly, TRULY monogamous men out there?

I read that when women ovulate, the urge to find another mate and have sex is higher in women. Does that mean that all women cheat to have babies? No, I'm sure it doesn't but it's an instinct that has been around since human were living in caves and wearing animal skins.

Not all men are prone to cheating. Not all women are prone to cheating.

We're all unique individuals, when you say are all men prone to cheating, it's a stereotype and a hurtful one at that. I know you didn't mean it like that but that's how it came out.

If your mate is cheating on you, confront him and find out why. You would be surprised but he might actually be honest with you if you don't confront him by throwing stuff at him and chasing him around with a butcher's knife. Maybe the relationship wasn't that great for him as it was for you. You're only putting forth your viewpoint on the relationship - you thought it was great, it was wonderful but that only means that your needs were being taken care of. If he is cheating it's quite possibly things weren't that great from his point of view. Does that justify his cheating? NO. Nothing justifies cheating (regardless if a man or woman does it). When you say that a person cheats because of this or that, that person is using something else as a crutch for his actions instead of saying that he is in control of his actions & urges.

Talk to him, find out why he cheated and pursue the answer because it's fair to you to know why he did so that you can decide whether or not the relationship is salvageable or worth fixing.

p.s. Not ALL men cheat.... and from what I hear, not ALL women cheat either.

[robc]

Originally Posted by 172

Actually, I really just wondered whether the sexual drive in men is more carnal and difficult to resist than in women. Maybe that translates into broken promises, sure. I don't know why he broke his promise to me. I've been awesome, quite frankly, and up until last night, he'd been awesome toward me as well. The only thing I can think of is that he has had quite a few opportunities to cheat as he travels quite a bit for business. Which was why I'm wondering what that pull is really like? Is it stronger than I can see for men? Is it something that certain PEOPLE are prone to moreso than others. I dunno. Meh.

If I have to say, women have to be the more sexual than men.

That's a given.

Why? Being more emotionally developed, ability to have multiple orgasms, heck... women have a clitoris which only has one function, sexual pleasure - it serves no other purpose.

Need I say more?

[Angela]

172, consider that underneath your belief or concern that all men cheat lies a deeper belief you hold about yourself, that sounds something like "I am _____." Something happened early on in your life, maybe even as a child, and you made this decision about yourself. With that in mind, what's the earliest incident you ever remember feeling this feeling that all men cheat -- that is, the feeling of it, not necessarily those particular words. What happened? How old were you? Who was there? What was said?

And what did you decide about yourself? "I am _____."

[robc]

Originally Posted by SomeRandomGuy

For me, cheating as absolutely nothing to do with sex (especially if it is only a one time thing). If my wife came home and told me she had met guy and had sex with him, it would be no big deal. If, however, she waited a month to tell me then I'd view it differently since she avoided telling me. Or if I found out she was involved in a long term emotional relationship with someone I would definitely consider it cheating.

Please don't tell me it would be no BIG DEAL.

You're married - I'm sure it would be a big deal if your wife told you she met a guy and had sex with him.

If it's not a big deal I can assume you're out there right now doing the same thing to her - please be honest. Your partner having sex with someone else while being married to you is a big deal.

If not, then why be married?

[SomeRandomGuy]

Originally Posted by robc

Please don't tell me it would be no BIG DEAL.

You're married - I'm sure it would be a big deal if your wife told you she met a guy and had sex with him.

If it's not a big deal I can assume you're out there right now doing the same thing to her - please be honest. Your partner having sex with someone else while being married to you is a big deal.

If not, then why be married?

Obviously you have the freedom to believe what you want, but what I said is the truth. While this isn't a widely accepted stance in our society, there are people other than me who feel this way.

Your assumption that I am "out there right now doing the same thing to her" is both right and wrong. I have not had sex with another woman in years. However, if I did, I would be open with my wife about it. She has the same views on this subject as I do. One example to illustrate this is that I went on camping trip alone this past weekend and she helped me pack. Before I left she told me that she packed some condoms, just in case I needed them.

Why am I married? Because that is what society told us we should do. If I had it to do over, I would probably not get married. This has nothing to do with my relationship with my wife, I just don't see the need to be pressured into a marriage because of societal, religious, family, etc pressures. If I wasn't married to my wife, we would still be in a long term relationship. I expect to spend my entire life with her, and that has nothing to do with us being married. I expect that I'll have sex with other women in the future, and she'll have sex with other men (or women) in the future. I see no reason for that to have a negative impact on our relationship. To be honest, knowing that I can be open and honest with her about these things has strengthened our relationship. I have no need to "cheat" on her to get sex, because I can have sex with another woman if/when I want without fear of her reaction.