Guys, do you need help meeting women?

[TonyToneTone]

Simple and straight-forward. I've gone out with some of the most beautiful women on this Earth and after reading some of the forum posts by guys who have never had a relationship or never had a date, it really pained me.

I write on other forums that deal ENTIRELY on the art of pick-up and I would be happy to share my advice and techniques with you.

[driven1]

Happy to start it off.

Real common one: I am TERRIBLE at approaching. AWFUL. I have great, social friends, my attraction "game" is very good, but I'm content to just sit there letting a cute girl check me out rather than go over and start talking to her. My internal dialog is something like: "It feels good to be admired, I'm just going to enjoy that -- and besides, she's enjoying herself with her friends. It would be rude to interrupt. And I'm having a great time with my own friends..." And needless to say, my COLD approaches generally blow -- usually some situational thing which goes nowhere. And even if it does, I usually fail to close; I don't even try. I'm still stuck, for the most part, in taking whatever girls approach ME (that I like).

Fortunately, I have a two amazing "connector" friends (my best friend and an awesome "mother hen" girl, just out of college) who provide me with a steady stream of college-aged girls at parties and other social gatherings. UN-fortunately, I'm almost 40 -- I'd rather date girls in their mid-upper 20s. Also, not to be mean, but most of those girls are overweight, which I don't find attractive, so I just keep 'em as friends. Occasionally, a good one will come along... but, still, I feel like I'm being way too passive about this.

Actually, you know what: I would be completely content with just being able to pull new girls (and, for that matter, new cool guys) into my circle of friends... "stocking the pond", so to speak. And it's not all about me -- I want my friends to date cool people too. Plenty of girls I'd love to find great guys for!

I feel like I just need a push getting over this hump. I'm way too comfortable just chilling with my friends and taking whatever comes to me. FWIW, I've read and watched a good bit of PUA material (love David D, Mystery, and Tyler), so feel free to use that terminology with me. Also, I have an incredible wingman (one of my "connectors") who is always up for meeting new people.

The "newbie mission", approaching 100 women in a week or whatever it is, sounds worse than death to me. I'd rather fight Chuck Liddell. Twice.

Give me a kick. I wanna fly.

[TonyToneTone]

Hey driven1,

Luckily your situation doesn't sound too bad. For you it's just making the connection, not actually what to say once it's made.

I've approached literally hundreds of women so here is what I would recommend. Before I do that I want to explain something so we have a solid basis to start from.

Over 90% of what a person does is subconscious; you go to work the same way every day, brush your teeth the same way every day, put your pants on the same way every day and so on. Your subconscious has accepted this negative image of yourself in regard to approaching women and that is what needs to be changed. To change your subconscious you need to feed it IMAGES and thoughts of what you would like to happen.

First, every day I want you to spend a couple minutes visualizing yourself successfully getting phone numbers from women at different places. Really feel the feelings as if it were real. This does two things: 1) It puts the Law of Attraction into your favor to attract more positive experiences to you and 2) It ingrains these new images in your subconscious mind faster. The more emotion an image has, the faster it becomes ingrained in your subconscious mind. Here is an example that self-help author Jack Canfield often uses in his talks to illustrate this point. He will ask his audience, “How many of you remember where you were when you heard about the September 11th attacks?” Almost everyone raises their hand. The event was so emotionally powerful that it became ingrained in everyone’s mind.

Remember, over 90% of what you do is SUBCONSCIOUS so if your subconscious sees you successfully getting numbers all the time, it will go to work on creating that reality for you. The faster these new images become ingrained in there, the faster your mind will go to work making them a reality.

Right now the image and self-talk you have in that aspect of your life is negative: "I am TERRIBLE at approaching. AWFUL." We need to retrain your brain to see you as being successful in that department. Remember this as it is important, YOUR OUTER GAME IS A REFLECTION OF YOUR INNER GAME. By changing the inner, you will have a better outer. After you spend a couple minutes visualizing, I want you to say some new affirmations to yourself to change your internal self-talk.
1) Women enjoy having me talk to them
2) I express myself clearly and confidently
3) I am great at approaching women and getting their phone numbers
4) I am fun to be around
5) Women enjoy my company
6) I am always calm, cool, and confident when approaching and interacting with women

Feel free to add in whichever ones you like. I want you for one month straight to spend a few minutes every morning visualizing the end result (getting the numbers) and really feeling the feelings as if it were real. After you do your visualizing, you are to say your affirmations to yourself so that you can change your internal self-talk.

Now you seem to be a pretty positive guy, and if I had to take a guess as to why you're not so good with cold approaches it would be because you don't have any strategies for the approach. You're thinking in your head "what should I say?" which in turn causes you to have panic and anxiety, which makes your whole approach sloppy. The sloppy approach reinforces your negative self-talk and the cycle continues.

First thing I always do before doing a cold approach during the day is to take a deep breath, relax, and rehearse in my head what I am going to say (if there is time of course). This does a few things; 1) It calms you down 2) It allows you to rehearse what you are going to say which will allow you to do it more confidently when you speak to the girl. 3) It allows you to plan for things she might say so you can come up with something good to say in return. 4) The girl will see how confident you are which will make her more attracted to you which will make you more confident which will make her MORE attracted to you. It's a beautiful cycle.

I like to use Paul Janka's method when approaching women during the day. Basically he says to get the number and get out of there in under a minute.
Paul Janka - Getting Laid in NYC - read here.. - PUA Reviews and Ratings

It works something like this: "Hi my name's Tony, I thought you were really cute and wanted to come introduce myself (shake hands). I have to go meet some friends in a minute but would you would like to go grab some drinks sometime? Give me your number and I'll give you a call". I used this the other day and it worked like a charm.

You can also do these other things such as pick something that stands out about the girl and compliment her on that: "I like your earrings. They really draw attention to your face. Hi I'm Tony (shake hands). I thought you were really cute and wanted introduce myself. I have to go meet some friends in a minute but would you would like to go grab some drinks sometime? Give me your number and I'll give you a call". As you might have guessed I also used that the other day as well

Or "I like your style (I saw a woman dressed well at Starbucks). You can really dress. Hi I'm Tony (shake hands). I have to go meet some friends in a minute but would you would like to go grab some drinks sometime? Give me your number and I'll give you a call".

Couple things to note:
1) Keep it short if it is during the day. The less you say the less chance you'll have of messing it up. Also, it will allow the girl to really feel the impact of what happened. A confident guy just went up and asked her for her number.

2) Don't ever think you're inconveniencing someone. Most women love it when men talk to them as long as the guy is kind and courteous.

3) It is okay to compliment women. Some guys think "Oh I don't want to give her a big head" and other things like that. Forget that stuff. A nice, genuine compliment can go a long way.

4) Be clear. This does two things: 1) It lets you know immediately if the girl is interested or not and 2) It lets her know what you want to do. Notice I don't say "Can I uh have your number and maybe give you a call and we can do something?" No, I say "Would you like to grab drinks sometime? Give me your number and I'll give you a call".

5) Let her know there is a time constraint. This does two things 1) Let's her know you're not sticking around forever and 2) Allows you to get out of there so there are no awkward quiet moments.

6) PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE. You are learning a new skill. BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF. A lot of guys stop trying after one unsuccessful attempt. Be patient with yourself. You are learning a new skill! Just like anything it takes time to become proficient at it. Also, realize that just cause a girl says no doesn't mean she might not have been into you. She could have 1) have a bf or husband 2) Be having a bad day 3) Be in a hurry and so on. I've asked a girl out before and had her say no only to jump at the chance the next time the opportunity came around. The first time she was in a relationship, the second time she was single.

There's a saying: "Every master was once a disaster". Mystery, Strauss, myself, almost all pick-up artists (not saying I am) were horrible with women before they honed their craft. Give yourself time to get good at what you are doing.

If you go to a club, talk to ten girls that night. If it is the day, approach three women during the day. After opening up dozens of sets, you will be calm, cool, and confident all the time.

If you like what I wrote, let me know and I can post other things such as the importance of "Acting As If" and "Dressing The Part" (in case you don't know how to dress).

[driven1]

Thanks for taking the time to write that. I'm checking out your blog -- not sure I'm on-board with the visualizations and affirmations, but I completely agree with the Outer Game as it relates to Inner Game (and I think it all boils down to self-esteem), so I'll give it a go.

I'm doing karaoke with my friends tonight, and we're surely make a splash. We always do. (But I get complacent and just hang out with my group, rather than mingling with the Others.) I'll make a concerted effort to pull at least 3 more cool people into my crew.

I read your thoughts on "Acting As If" on your blog, and like them a lot. I'd love to hear your thoughts on "Dressing the Part", as I feel I could do better here. On a scale of 1 - 10, I feel I'm around a 7 in this area.

Maybe too much info, but here's some background for ya:

My "part" is a bit muddled, fwiw, if I understand your usage of the word correctly. I make decent money (not a millionaire though) and I'm almost 40. But most people my age have families and aren't free to socialize regularly. So I end up hanging with the 20-25yo set mostly. I'm fortunate in that I look young for my age, and I'm in very good shape, so I actually fit in pretty well. My hobbies are generally high-adrenaline -- I race cars (hence the username), rock climb, snowboard, etc.

My normal dress is nice jeans (e.g., Diesel), a decent t-shirt (nothing "designer", but usually something with a travel destination I've visited), brown Rockports, and subtle jewelry (maybe a silver ring and a necklace). I don't wear a watch. I understand that I have to amp my outfit up and wear some flash for high energy environments -- e.g., dance clubs, parties, etc. If it's a bit nicer place, I'll wear an untucked collared shirt w/ sleeves rolled up. If it's low-key, I wear nice sandals.

Honestly, although this look works okay for me, I feel like I should take it a bit upscale, maybe dress more like a casual Pierce Brosnan or George Clooney. but I'm not sure where to start. I'm not a fashionista by any stretch, I hate shopping, and I don't feel like I have good sources of fashion inspiration.... so I welcome your input! Thanks!

(I'd upload a pic, but I really want to preserve my anonymity in case I need to ask questions or relate stories about people in my life.)

[Plato]

Hell yeah, why not?!

A sticking point I tend to run into is becoming a bit stifled around some people. I can never tell when it might happen, though to be fair it's becoming rarer. How would you go about overcoming it?

[Fullcrum]

driven1, the way you dress sounds more than enough for any venue.

You don't need flashy clothes in any environment. In fact, walk in with a hoodie and some sweatpants and you'll notice there's little difference if you have the correct energy and (sexual) intent.

[Mewwy]

Very constructive advice!

[funchy]

Some good advice. Thanks for posting.

And as a woman myself, I just wanted to add:

Don't over-think things. Just be yourself.

Be a good listener! Act interested and ask questions, even if she's talking
about lipstick or Desperate Housewives. Some days I feel like I'd do anything just for someone to ask me about my day.

Put yourself in places that you can meet women easily. Join an organization, do volunteer work, take night classes for fun, or attend local events. It's so hard to meet people other than at work once you're out of school.

And don't be shy. How will she know you're interested if you never let it on? It doesn't have to be a big scary thing. Just casually ask her out on a date. Or if you don't know each other well, pick someting informal like coffee and pie.

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by Plato

Hell yeah, why not?!

A sticking point I tend to run into is becoming a bit stifled around some people. I can never tell when it might happen, though to be fair it's becoming rarer. How would you go about overcoming it?

Thanks Plato, glad to have you on board.

If this happens just do this while in the middle of the conversation; think to yourself that you're really enjoying what this person has to talk to you about and that you enjoy their company. As you look all interested (which you'll become) the person on the receiving end will pick up this vibe, the difference in your posture, head, etc... and start to talk more. Once they start talking it'll give you a chance to speak on one of the things they bring up.

Also, a REALLY fast way to get over this is to to start approaching women you don't know. Use the script I said above about getting their number in 1 minute, add in your own lines, and think of responses in advance you will say to what they say. By the third or fifth woman you talk to, you won't be so self-conscious. Speaking to groups of people, picking up women individually and so on is a SKILL. Like anything else it takes practice. The more you practice the better you'll get.

I would also recommend doing some daily affirmations to change your self-talk:
I interact great with people
I enjoy talking with people and they enjoy talking with me
I have a great sense of humor
I am fun to be around

and so on. This will change your internal self-talk to one that is more positive and have you more at ease in future situations which will make you more confident.

Two last things:

1) After every group interaction that didn't go as well as you would like. Ask yourself, "what should I have done differently?" and visualize in your mind you doing the thing you should have done. The next time a similar situation comes up, you'll be more apt to take the new response as you have already rehearsed it in your head.

2) Make sure to be patient with yourself. EVERY guy, I don't care who he is, still sometimes feels that fear with women. It's normal, just accept it as there and push past it.

I hope that helps!

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by funchy

Some good advice. Thanks for posting.

And as a woman myself, I just wanted to add:

Don't over-think things. Just be yourself.

Be a good listener! Act interested and ask questions, even if she's talking
about lipstick or Desperate Housewives. Some days I feel like I'd do anything just for someone to ask me about my day.

Put yourself in places that you can meet women easily. Join an organization, do volunteer work, take night classes for fun, or attend local events. It's so hard to meet people other than at work once you're out of school.

And don't be shy. How will she know you're interested if you never let it on? It doesn't have to be a big scary thing. Just casually ask her out on a date. Or if you don't know each other well, pick someting informal like coffee and pie.

Funchy!

Thank you for chiming in. It is great to hear a woman's advice on things.

I think you're spot on about everything that you said. For the guys reading this, just relax and be yourself. It's okay, good and normal to be interested and as Funchy said. go and approach. Make it like it's just like anything else you would be doing.

Very constructive advice!

Thanks Mewwy!

[TonyToneTone]

driven1!

Please keep us updated on how things go tonight. If you even pull one more new woman into your group, that is a very big step in the right direction.

Here is "Dress the Part"

1. DRESS THE PART

To me, this is one of the most important keys to success with women and an area that a lot of guys fail dismally in. If you go to a club and look around, the majority of guys dress like ****. I don't think they do this intentionally, they just haven't been taught how to dress well. There will be a few here and there that dress nice but for the most part, most guys dress pretty crappy. The majority of guys were a stereotypical outfit such as a black button up shirt and blue jeans or worse, black button up shirt and black slacks. If you are wearing that to the club, throw that **** away. You’re like a walking shadow moving around the club in that outfit. Plus, there will be at least 30 other guys dressed like you and there is nothing about that outfit that sticks out. If you HAVE to wear that outfit, do something different with it. Roll up the sleeves, wear a nice watch, hat or bracelet, dress it up! Any clothes you wear should accentuate you. They should draw attention to you in a positive light and have you feeling good and confident.

Now, how do you go about dressing nice? Let’s say you are a guy who has no fashion skills. You might go to a club in slacks and a dress shirt that you would normally wear to work as you have no idea how to dress.

Here is a simple plan that should work like a charm. If you have absolutely no fashion sense, walk into any nice clothing store; Nordstrom, Guess, Diesel, Bloomingdale’s, etc. and tell the person working there that you are going to a club, want to look good, are not used to dressing trendy, and would like their help in picking something out. This is these people’s job! They’ll typically find you a great outfit or outfits in minutes and you can be assured that what you are wearing to the club is going to look good.

I remember the first time I did this. Prior to that I knew I dressed good but I wanted clothes that would really turn women’s heads. I ended up going to a few different stores and asking the women that worked there to help me find something. The result was that I ended up dressing nicer then I ever had prior to that and to this day dress even nicer then I did back then. Women almost always compliment me on how I look when I go out and this even happened on a date last week. Both the girl I was on a date with and another girl that I bumped into both complimented me on how good I looked.

Now, some of you guys might be saying that you don’t want to spend this time, effort, or money on clothes. Or you might think it is gay or sissyish to dress trendy. To that I would say, do you want a gorgeous woman or not? Let’s say you were interviewing at an incredible company, one that where if you were to land the job, it would change your whole life. Would you show up to the interview dressed like ♥♥♥♥? Of course not! You’d want to look your best. As there are a million other people who might have just as much knowledge as you, you’d want every advantage possible to succeed.

Here is a better example, you’re at a club, and there are a million men there for women to check out. Which one do you think she is going to be attracted to? The trendy nice dressed guy or the guy dressed like a slob? Of course the trendy guy. Also, when you dress nice it can be an easy way to initiate talking with women. As you’re dressed nice, you can compliment them on their dress, or earrings, or necklace (have used this many times before), and this becomes a talking point and conversation starter. Also the woman will know you’re being sincere as you’re dressed nice as well.

When you wear nice clothes you feel more confident and look better. This leads women to become attracted to you faster and easier which in turn builds up your confidence even more which causes women to become even more attracted to you. It’s a beautiful cycle that works in your favor.

So dress the part!!! By the way, I am not saying spend a million dollars on dressing nice but I do believe you should have at least two flawless outfits in your closet. By flawless I mean two outfits that are from head to toe perfect. When you put them on you know that you look great. The make-up of these outfits includes but is not limited to; shoes, jeans or pants, shirt, watch or bracelet, and anything else you would like to add. Some people might say “Well I don’t have the money for that”. Think about this, if you were to buy one nice outfit a month, you would after 6 months have 6 great outfits.

For an example of dressing nice you can go to Diesel Online Store - Home I am in no way affiliated with Diesel, I am just giving you an example in case you are not sure what dressing nice means.

EXERCISE:

You are to go to 3 upscale department stores; Nordstrom’s, Guess, Diesel, Saks Fifth Avenue, Neiman Marcus, Lucky, Armani, whatever suits your style, and ask the person working in their men’s clothing section to help you find one good outfit for going out. You don’t have to buy the outfit, I just simply want you to know what dressing nice entails. You can be honest with the salesperson that you would just like to see what they would recommend.

Stores I went to:

1. _________________________

2. _________________________

3. _________________________

[driven1]

Field report: Last night was fun, but I'm still not making the progress I would like. I met plenty of new people, but I'm being way too passive about this. They were all people that either my friends brought or people I knew from before that I ran into. My crew rocks, and they supply me with lots of new friends, but I need to develop some active "pulling" skills and not rely so much on them.

And, in particular, I need to not rely so much on my best friend -- this guy is amazing, EVERYBODY is his instant friend; I wish you could see him work. Of course I benefit just by being there, from the positive vibe. And, of course, he's brought my game up just by observing.

Bottom line, though:
- No new numbers from last night, met 5 or 6 new girls total, incl 2 or 3 I'd like to know better. But I didn't once even bring up a number-swap. D'oh!
- Met 3 new girls via my group. Only one was cute and she has a bf and a nasty attitude. I felt like she was checking me out the whole night though, but my brain let me off the hook chatting her up because, well, she has a bf and a nasty attitude.
- Got one weak "come out to XXX bar sometime, I'm working there now" (which I *should* have instantly flipped to a number close, but did not). I knew this girl previously, but she wasn't part of our group and I wasn't able to integrate her.
- I think I chatted up a total of one (very cute) total stranger on my own, but it went nowhere. Actually, her bf, I'm assuming, came up and literally started humping on her as we were talking as some sort of defensive move. I tried to include him in the conversation, but he mumbled something and walked off.
- Met a very cute girl via my friend, got a weak mutual "maybe I'll see you at XXX on Sunday".
- A couple additional connections from yesterday I'm happy about, unrelated to going out: 1. Got the number of a veeery cute girl (from a mutual friend) earlier in the day and swapped a few txt msgs, and 2. Got an unsolicited e-mail from a fun, crazy girl who will be in town this weekend and wants to hang out. 99% sure she just wants a casual thing, and I'm down with that.

So I sang some passable karaoke and had some fun w/ my friends. (And I got one of my reluctant guy friends to sing too!) Not a bad night, all in all, but not where I want to be.

Here's something I've both very good at and very bad at, that I'm happy to have put my finger on: Making strong eye contact, holding it, turning it into a little grin, watching her melt (sometimes I even get a little jaw-drop!), but then... I got nothing! I usually turn back to my friends and forget about them. (And often they're like "DUDE, that girl is checking you out -- go talk to her!!" And I'm like, "Yeah, I know..." with the unstated followup being "...and I dunno what to do about it!" haha) What the hell?? I like her, she likes me, but I literally don't know what to do next. If I could nail this simple thing, it would be HUGE for me. It's gotta be Direct Game, for sure, but my brain locks up on what to say!? "So, I noticed you eye-farking me over here..." hehe

It's almost like my own pendulum has swung too far to the "not caring" direction for me to chat up new people. The attraction factor is great, but at SOME point you have to, oh, I dunno... TALK TO THEM!!! The good thing is that I'm not beat down and depressed about this, just frustrated w/ myself -- gahhhh why is this even a problem??? Somebody tattoo the words "ALWAYS BE CLOSING" to my corneas!

Thanks again, everybody and esp Tony, for the advice & help!

** I guess you could call this a type of "game" -- Crew Game or something... basically, just developing and rolling with a fun group of people, both guys and girls, and using everybody's social connections to get to know more people. It actually works pretty well, esp. as I'm one of the "alphas" of my crew, and it's a skill unto itself for sure, but I want to get over this fear-of-approach hurdle.

[Plato]

Originally Posted by TonyToneTone

This will change your internal self-talk to one that is more positive and have you more at ease in future situations which will make you more confident.

Yeah, that's what it's all about. Thanks for the points.

[TonyToneTone]

driven1,

First I want to say, PLEASE be patient with yourself. You're learning a new skill/habit so give yourself time to develop.

Second, you did approach someone so congrats on that.

Third, NEXT TIME you go out, I want you to rehearse in your mind an entire conversation with a pretty girl, what you're going to say when you open, how you're going to interact with her, and then see her giving you her number.

I think one of the reasons you didn't get some numbers last night was because you weren't prepared. You were operating from the same level as before. I want you to have a "go-to" script for when you first meet women.

By the way, NEVER underestimate the simplicity of just saying "Hi, what's your name? I'm driven1, nice to meet you". Smile your good smile, look her in the eyes, and start talking. Then say, "you seem pretty cool, give me your number and I'll give you a call". Keep it simple. You're just getting a number, don't make it into a huge thing in your head.

I hope that helps!

BTW, this just came into my head. If you don't ask, how can you get the number? The girl's not psychic, she needs you to ask so she can give it to you (unless she gives it to you without you asking).

Jack Canfield of The Success Principles and The Chicken Soup for the Soul book has this to say about asking:

1) Ask someone who can give it you

2) Ask as if you expect to receive it

3) Assume you can

4) Be specific.

5) ASK ASK ASK!!!

The Success Principles: How to Get ... - Google Book Search

[Jacen]

This is a great thread, Tony; I really appreciate your helpfulness and also your writing tone.

Originally Posted by TonyToneTone

Here is a simple plan that should work like a charm. If you have absolutely no fashion sense, walk into any nice clothing store; Nordstrom, Guess, Diesel, Bloomingdale’s, etc. and tell the person working there that you are going to a club, want to look good, are not used to dressing trendy, and would like their help in picking something out. This is these people’s job! They’ll typically find you a great outfit or outfits in minutes and you can be assured that what you are wearing to the club is going to look good.

How much would something like this be expected to cost? I'm a semi-poor student :P. I'd like to spend some money on good-looking clothes, though---even apart from impressing girls---so no need to reply with something like "don't worry about it clothes don't matter that much."


Also, on a different note, a lot of the tips here (and on other places with similar content, or books) seems to apply to the mid-20s/early-30s crowd hanging out in bars/clubs. As a student, I'd prefer tips for meeting and impressing girls around campus. This is a bit different; for example, asking out too many girls---especially if you're rebuffed a few times---can get you a "creep" reputation; similarly, you are seeing these people all of the time, so nobody's really a "new face." And of course the environment is all different; it's not inherently a setup for courtship. All surmountable, of course, but I'd be interested if there were specific websites maybe or just things to share in that regard.

[forynav]

Originally Posted by Jacen

And of course the environment is all different; it's not inherently a setup for courtship. All surmountable, of course, but I'd be interested if there were specific websites maybe or just things to share in that regard.

I'm no expert, but gotta disagree with that. School/College IS the place where most relationships bloom.

And conqueryourcampus.com

[Axe]

Hi, Tony tone tone. Thanks for starting this thread. I've never had a girl friend ( I'm in my early 20's now) and I wish I was in a relationship. My problem stems from years of negative conditioning. In fact, I'm a very introverted guy, I'd rather be myself than go out and make good friends. Thus, I have only a few friends ( male/female).

In fact, all this time I've been insecure coming out of this. It kinda feels good to come out of all that emotional baggage notwithstanding what the reception of other people of this forum is.

[Erock]

Originally Posted by Jacen

Also, on a different note, a lot of the tips here (and on other places with similar content, or books) seems to apply to the mid-20s/early-30s crowd hanging out in bars/clubs. As a student, I'd prefer tips for meeting and impressing girls around campus. This is a bit different; for example, asking out too many girls---especially if you're rebuffed a few times---can get you a "creep" reputation; similarly, you are seeing these people all of the time, so nobody's really a "new face." And of course the environment is all different; it's not inherently a setup for courtship. All surmountable, of course, but I'd be interested if there were specific websites maybe or just things to share in that regard.

You must be at a small school then, but no worries, in college the key words are "hang out." You're not going out anywhere. If you're in a dorm this can be tricky, but if you got an apartment, just turn it in to a place where you would feel comfortable hanging out with others (guys and girls). Seriously, just invite girls to hang out, meet them in class, in the cafeteria, "hey I'm gonna go do some homework, you should join me." It's not too complicated. In the evenings hang out with your guy friends and girls at your place. It's critical that you have some place to hang out though. That's what I do at least.

Erock

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by Jacen

This is a great thread, Tony; I really appreciate your helpfulness and also your writing tone.



How much would something like this be expected to cost? I'm a semi-poor student :P. I'd like to spend some money on good-looking clothes, though---even apart from impressing girls---so no need to reply with something like "don't worry about it clothes don't matter that much."


Also, on a different note, a lot of the tips here (and on other places with similar content, or books) seems to apply to the mid-20s/early-30s crowd hanging out in bars/clubs. As a student, I'd prefer tips for meeting and impressing girls around campus. This is a bit different; for example, asking out too many girls---especially if you're rebuffed a few times---can get you a "creep" reputation; similarly, you are seeing these people all of the time, so nobody's really a "new face." And of course the environment is all different; it's not inherently a setup for courtship. All surmountable, of course, but I'd be interested if there were specific websites maybe or just things to share in that regard.

Hey Guys,

I haven't been on in a while so I apologize for the delay.

Jacen, it's not so much the cost but rather how you put your clothes together. Let's say you buy a nice watch for $60, nice Kenneth Cole shoes for $75, and a pair of jeans and a shirt for $140. Total cost to you $275 + a good hairstyle for $25 = $300. The shoes are good for at least a year, as is the watch and jeans (maybe the shirt). Think of it as you spending $30 a month to dress nice. Up until my last two years of college, I worked while in school so I could have money to go out and buy clothes.

And of course the environment is all different; it's not inherently a setup for courtship.

College IS the setup for courtship. Anywhere is if you apply the right strategies. Asking a girl out for drinks that you just met on campus is the same as asking a girl out for drinks that you just met at a B & N or anywhere else. I do the drinks thing bc I like to go to clubs and bars. Do whatever works best for you.

J, first, how big is your campus? Second, you're not going to come off as that creepy guy unless you are that creepy guy. If you're confident and cool, a woman will pick up on that and believe she just got asked out by a confident and cool guy. It's all about how you look at things.

And Erock gave a great strategy:

but if you got an apartment, just turn it in to a place where you would feel comfortable hanging out with others

I did this for my apartment on campus while in college. Usually once a week we would throw a pre-party at my apartment and then everyone would go to the club right by our school together.

Does this help at all? If you want a specific strategy just do this; say hello, compliment, tell her you have to go in a second to class, ask her out for drinks, get the number, and go! "Hi I'm Jacen, I know this might sound odd but I thought you were so cute and had to come over and talk to you (she'll say thank you and introduce herself). I have to go to class in a minute, would you want to go grab drinks sometime? (she says yes). Cool, give me your number and I'll give you a call."

Wham bam thank you mam!

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by Axe

Hi, Tony tone tone. Thanks for starting this thread. I've never had a girl friend ( I'm in my early 20's now) and I wish I was in a relationship. My problem stems from years of negative conditioning. In fact, I'm a very introverted guy, I'd rather be myself than go out and make good friends. Thus, I have only a few friends ( male/female).

In fact, all this time I've been insecure coming out of this. It kinda feels good to come out of all that emotional baggage notwithstanding what the reception of other people of this forum is.

Hey Axe, I use to be JUST like you. It just so happened that I changed much earlier in my life. You can do the same!!! And congratulations to you on stepping up and improving your life.

First, I would get a solid image of what you would like your life to be. Write it out:
"My Perfect Life"

and list EVERYTHING your perfect life has. Spend a few minutes every day seeing your perfect life. You've had years of negative conditioning and now it is time to train your brain for success.

Second, it is time to use the Law of Attraction in your favor. Write out another list:

"My Perfect Woman"


and list all of the qualities your new woman will have. REALLY BE SPECIFIC. List EVERYTHING as best you can. Hair, height, eye color, how she acts with you, when she will come into your life, how you guys feel when you're together, and so on. You can even take it one step further and put up a picture of your ideal woman. I've done this and great success with it.

Remember though, that like attracts like. So if you put up; confident, loving, happy, and you are feeling pissed off, ugly, upset, you are not in a vibrational match to attract (or keep when you attract her), your woman. So be what you would like to attract.

Now, this is training the inner part of you. Your outer world is simply a reflection of what is going on on the inside.

Now for the outer, remember how I asked you for your perfect life? How does Axe look? How does he behave? How does he talk?

I bring these questions up so you can start giving yourself actions to take to bridge the gap between your ideal you and your current life. If your perfect Axe is in shape and you are currently overweight, you could sign up at a gym or start doing some type of exercise to get into shape. If your perfect Axe dresses nice, but you currently don't, you could go to some nice clothing stores and try on some different outfits. If your perfect Axe is a hit with the ladies but you're not, you could go to some clubs and begin practicing striking up conversation with women. ALL women, not just ones you are attracted to. Talk to them like they are your best friends. Once you can keep a conversation going with a woman, you'll be more inclined to start new conversations and begin dating.

Also, you have a few friends and some are female. Have them hook you up with their friends or go with them to a bar and have them introduce you to women. One of my friends would do that and it always worked great.

Does this help at all? If you want, send me a PM with a picture of you and I will give you some tips to help.

I'd rather be myself than go out and make good friends. Thus, I have only a few friends

You can be yourself and have plenty of friends. You don't have to lose one by having the other.

[Liza Red]

Originally Posted by TonyToneTone

By the way, NEVER underestimate the simplicity of just saying "Hi, what's your name? I'm driven1, nice to meet you". Smile your good smile, look her in the eyes, and start talking. Then say, "you seem pretty cool, give me your number and I'll give you a call". Keep it simple. You're just getting a number, don't make it into a huge thing in your head.

I hope that helps!

Well I was just looking at this thread and thought it was great. I am new to the dating game. Now I'm just wondering - as a girl - would the above quote work on a guy, or is it a completely different ball game?
.

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by Liza Red

Well I was just looking at this thread and thought it was great. I am new to the dating game. Now I'm just wondering - as a girl - would the above quote work on a guy, or is it a completely different ball game?
.

Hi Liza Red, just about ANYTHING will work on a guy

And yes, that will work on a guy. Everyone likes to feel attractive. I've had women come up and pick me up and even if I wasn't attracted to them, I was still flattered that they tried.

BTW, with women literally anything will work. I had one drive up with her friend recently and start honking at me while I was walking to my car in a parking lot. She told me she just wanted to let me know she thought I was cute. Did it work? Yes

[Jacen]

Oh hey, wow, I guess the email notification totally failed me there---I didn't know all these responses were there. Neat!

But yeah, as Erock surmised, I am indeed at a small school (~800 undergrads). Worse, an academically hard-core school where people are working a ton of the time and parties etc. are infrequent, and maybe 20% of campus is in a relationship of any sort. So perhaps this puts some perspective on my (initially somewhat weird, I agree) statement that "it's not inherently a setup for courtship." :P

BTW, @Erock: unfortunately (well, for these purposes) I'm in the dorms, but at least I have a single. Now I just need to vacuum more often and maybe get a small couch in here, and I'll be set ^_^.

But whatever, that stuff's just a backdrop. I actually got a girl's number at a departmental free-food get-together this evening, so I'm not doing so bad :P. I'm a bit out of practice on this whole "dating" thing (last relationship ended three years ago), but I'm sure it'll work out great. As you say, it's all about attitude, and I feel like mine's been steadily improving since I started to turn my head seriously toward this sort of stuff a few months ago.

Thanks all!

[TonyToneTone]

Congrats J!!! You're on the path to success my friend.

As for your school being small, like I always tell my friends, all you need is one woman to have a good time. Out of 800 undergrads there has to be some women there for you as evidenced by you getting a number tonight.

Congratulations again and keep up the good work!

[forynav]

hey tony, where do I start?

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by forynav

hey tony, where do I start?

Depends, where are you right now in your life? What do you feel confident about and what don't you?

[forynav]

Originally Posted by TonyToneTone

Depends, where are you right now in your life? What do you feel confident about and what don't you?

Well... I'm 22 and in a new country. All my friends are other aliens from my country. I hardly go out due to my coursework obligations.

But, more and more nowadays, I feel my work is being affected due to my frustration at having no social life.

It is important to have a balance of Health, Wealth and Love. Well... the Love part is missing and it is making my life lopsided.

I've never been in a serious relationship. I'm not really an introvert, but not exactly an extrovert. I have done some approaching at home and while I didn't get anywhere, at least it got me used to talking to strangers a little.

I've been trying online dating, but it is very uninspiring.

I dont know what I'm confident about.

I'm almost desperate and needy at this point, but still not there. I'm still pretty happy with my life as it is and the direction I'm going.

What I really want is an emotional and sexual connection. I'm prepared to work for it and improve myself in whatever way to get there.

Maybe, if you could give me some simple steps to start off with.

[Hot Alpha Female]

TonyToneTone

So a chicks usual reaction to pick up is negative. Guys that learn about it, guys that practice it. They thinks its manipulative. They think its wrong.

I personally just think they are pissed because finally they are getting some decent competition and they don't know how to compete =)

I love what you do and I honour you for putting yourself out there are trying to help these guys out.

Absolute respect =)

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by forynav

Well... I'm 22 and in a new country. All my friends are other aliens from my country. I hardly go out due to my coursework obligations.

But, more and more nowadays, I feel my work is being affected due to my frustration at having no social life.

It is important to have a balance of Health, Wealth and Love. Well... the Love part is missing and it is making my life lopsided.

I've never been in a serious relationship. I'm not really an introvert, but not exactly an extrovert. I have done some approaching at home and while I didn't get anywhere, at least it got me used to talking to strangers a little.

I've been trying online dating, but it is very uninspiring.

I dont know what I'm confident about.

I'm almost desperate and needy at this point, but still not there. I'm still pretty happy with my life as it is and the direction I'm going.

What I really want is an emotional and sexual connection. I'm prepared to work for it and improve myself in whatever way to get there.

Maybe, if you could give me some simple steps to start off with.

Hey forynav,

Do you have a Myspace or FB? If so, please PM me a link as I would like to see who you are as it will give me more info about you.

First - Get a solid image of your IDEAL self. If I was to give you a magic wand and said you could turn yourself into WHOEVER you wanted to be; what would you look like? how would you talk? what would you do? who would you screw? and so on.

Once you have that solid image I want you to focus on it every day for at least 1-2 minutes and really see yourself as being that ideal person. This is powerful as it is retraining your brain to go about creating this new reality for you. Your subconscious doesn't know what's real and what's false so when you start feeding it these new images about yourself, it will go to work to create that just as it would your current reality.

Second - We need to change your internal self-talk. Right now your self-talk probably isn't that great. Start with daily affirmations you say to yourself such as "I am a hit with women" "People enjoy my personality" "My date and I are having a great time on our date" (visualize your date) and so on. Make sure it is something positive.

Third - Fake it till you make it. This goes along with "acting as if". Before I became really good with women and was confident around them, I would pretend I was. The result was that I ended up becoming confident and successful with them. Ask yourself: "How would my ideal me talk/approach/interact with this woman?" Whatever you see in your head, go do that.

Fourth - Look the part. Does your ideal you look different then the you in your head? For me it was about getting in shape, dressing nice, getting a nosejob, and my teeth straightened. I sometimes walk by people from high school and they don't recognize me.

First do items one and two. Visualize your image for a minute or two a day then do your affirmations to reaffirm it change your internal self-talk. Afterwards take whatever outer actions you need to take such as getting in shape, going shopping, etc..

Fifth - Lastly, GET OUT THERE AND PRACTICE. Talking to women is a skill, just like anything else. The more you practice it, the better you get at it. My friends and I, when we first started going to clubs (this was at age 16) would say things like "No one can leave until everyone gets 5 numbers" or "Everyone has to talk to at least 10 girls tonight" and so on. The constant repetition made our game solid. Set some goals for yourself. For instance, this week talk to at least 3 women. Then you can improve. You can talk to more. Ask some out on dates (you can use my script from my earlier post) and so on. Even practice talking to girls you're not interested in. It will get you good fast.

Does this help?

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by Hot Alpha Female

TonyToneTone

So a chicks usual reaction to pick up is negative. Guys that learn about it, guys that practice it. They thinks its manipulative. They think its wrong.

I personally just think they are pissed because finally they are getting some decent competition and they don't know how to compete =)

I love what you do and I honour you for putting yourself out there are trying to help these guys out.

Absolute respect =)

Hey Hot Alpha Female!

I just watched your Youtube video and it was SO GOOD. I LOVED IT! I'm talking about the one about "Why women date bad boys and marry nice ones"

I think it's great that you are letting these guys know they don't have to compromise themselves. They CAN be nice guys and still get women, they just need to learn the art of attraction.

Thank you for your respect! You have mine as well! I wish you were in the area so I could take you out! Keep up the good work!!!