Avoiding relations

[LifeWork]

A recurring theme in my life: I attract and feel attracted to "bad girls", who smoke, drink and like to engage in minor power plays and testing. I enjoy the "battle" and feeling of victory and winning them over (assuming they don't like me). I get to see their different sides, especially the fleeting moments vulnerability in them makes me feel attracted on a more than just physical level.

When it's time to "pull the trigger" or get involved so to speak, I tell myself "she's destructive, and will pull me down with her", even though there's no talk of relationships or anything. I actually fear the "power" they seem to wield. I go cold and pretend they don't exist.

So I keep attracting women that I somehow recognize will only bring pain and destruction, but I keep telling myself I deserve better.

I'm aware that this is something I create through elaborate maneuvers, like any other problem, but I have no idea how I can start dissecting this.

I hope someone has similar experiences AND can share how I could overcome this.

[Mewwy]

Try dating a "powerful" woman, and who knows what interesting things she can offer to you. Stepping out of your comfort zone is the quickest way to dissect your recurring bad cycles.

[oBakasan]

You never said what the problem was.

Do you want help in starting a relationship with the kind of women you attract, or do you need help with attracting a different kind of women?

Be more specific in what you want.

[LifeWork]

I guess I was looking for permission to do something. I tend to ask advice for things I already know the answer to.

Also, If I have difficulty making decisions, I tend to look to what others are doing.

On the positive side, I'm glad I made this post and gained some awareness.

[mattpd]

Yeah this problem is really a self-worth issue.

You are not going for the girls you really deserve, because you don't feel you deserve them. Going for women more messed up than ourselves is simple way of trying to feel good about ourselves.

I did this when younger, I only dated messed up girls. Essentially I was a magnet for girls who were raped, sexually abused, beaten up, or had major issues, that generally drunk too much, took drugs, or were completely nuts.

Your mates may think its cool but dating a bikini model with no job gets pretty old pretty quickly...

I had to first take myself out of the dating arena, work on myself, increase my standards, and take a few leaps of faith in going for women who were completely awesome.

[LifeWork]

Working on myself is definitely a priority for me now, I've been doing so many things right and these situations just feel like tests or something. Actually, day by day I feel less attracted to these sort of women, but it can get annoying (at school).

Gotta look out for #1.