jealousy! probably the biggest aspect of a relationship?

[bollenbach]

Hey guys..

This has been something on my mind lately and I don't have a lot of close friends to talk about it.. so I thought this would be a great place to bring it up.

I'm currently in a relationship of about a month or so. I find that jealousy isn't a huge issue but sometimes I still think about it. What do you guys think about this? like.. within relationships you've been in was jealousy ever an issue, how did you deal with it?

(keep in mind this is a college relationship)

[Justis]

Bollenbach,

I'm fairly new on these forums, in fact this is only my 2nd reply. However, I'm familiar with jealousy.

Now, I apologize that I don't know if you are male or female, so there are going to be he/she's in this reply. You also haven't indicated whether said person has given you a reason to be jealous, so this is just general advice...

My best advice is to face the problem of jealousy head on. Otherwise, it will eat at you like a cancer. I too ran into this when I did some time in college. My g/f at the time was really outgoing, and loved the attention of guys, and although she was faithful to me, I never fully trusted her. And to prove how deep jealousy goes, when I think back to my relationship with her, I still consider the possibilities that she cheated on me (it's been over 8 years, now.

The lesson I learned is if you like that person, give them the benefit of the doubt, and let yourself trust them. Because of my jealousy in the relationship, I lost the girl, and to this day, I really don't know if she ever cheated on me or not. The result.....No Girl and No Answer. Had I allowed myself to trust her, I might still have the girl.

Especially, with the fact that you are in a college relationship. I'm assuming that the other person is attending college as well, and he/she is going to have all kinds of contact with the opposite sex, be it study groups or just hanging out with friends. You cannot be worried about what he/she is doing or jealous everytime he/she goes out or to a study group. This will drive you absolutely insane.

I've rambled, and this post may not make sense. But, Take away one thing....Either trust him/her completely or it's not going to work. Also, Don't be like I was and always try to be on the lookout. I was convinced that if she was going to cheat on me, I'd see it coming and would be ready for it, but in the end I could really never trust her.

Cure that "cancer" before it develops into something worse. You can get through it. I did, and no longer have any jealousy issues. I know that if my sig. other cheats on me, then thats the way it works out. There is really nothing I can do to change that, if she is the type of person to do that to me. And if she is, then, I'll be better off than the next guy.

-Justis

[Colm OReilly]

bollenbach,

Funny i wrote a post on How to Overcome Jealousy using the Confidence Model a few days ago. It might help you out.

Also, Jealousy ~ How To Overcome Jealousy and Stop being Jealous might be of interest. It has an free 5 part e-course for those suffering from jealousy as well as one for those with jealous partners.

Lots of love,
Colm