Acne getting in the way of being friendly....

[lightthecandle]

Hey everyone, I have a problem of letting my looks determining whether or not I should be social or not. The thing is, I would love to just chat away with people, and form friendships, with people and strangers everywhere and even get closer to the friends i have now. but the problem is that I let my acne problem be the judge of whether or not i should talk to someone, ask for help, or just be friendly in general. I hate that when i talk to someone, instead of focusing on them, I focus on my acne and how much i bet they're judging me.

therefore, i come off as an insecure little girl when i'm in my 20s its so frustrating, i dont' know what to do.

how do i get over being so self conscious around others?

help!

[JimOfferman]

Short answer: get over it!

Other people don't care about your acne - only you do! Really! The best way to fix this problem is to stop making it a problem.

Of course, you might also want to try some things to help you reduce your acne, for your own comfort. Head over to the health forums for a bunch of ideas! Dropping dairy from your diet seems to be a popular one, though not effective in my experience, but maybe I'm just weird... what did help me tremendously was kicking out those supposedly fancy soaps that should cure acne (but only made mine worse).

Anyway, don't let this stand in the way of your friendships.

[Tom Church]

You can treat acne y'know. Go to your GP, he'll subscribe you with a cream that you apply at night. Within a week you'll see a visible results. Seriously this will help.

Also, I dropped dairy and that did help me a lot. Understanding what acne is also beneficiary. Acne is a result of (Friendly) bacteria in your body reacting to over doses of testosterone. So when you get acne, it means that you're full of testosterone!

Seriously, get your arse on the streets and start living!

[dark5tar]

Its funny that you sound exactly like I did about a year ago. All I could think about was acne, and I got it stuck in my head that until it cleared up I would have to stay inside and never have a meaningful relationship.

I wish I could show you a picture of my face, it was terrible, and still is bad.

All I can say is, confidece is everything. You are a great person, and dont be afraid to show people who you are.

[Pascal]

Hummm. I always had bad teeth, there were several problems to adjust them, finally I didn't adjust them. The reason: I am never judged because of my teeth. And now, at the age of 42, almost 43, I just laugh those people right in the face when they say I have bad looking teeth. Simply forget about it.

Take the care that is needed and be conscious that you did everything you can. You are not better or worse because of your skin. I know lovely looking persons with perfect skins whom I never want to see again.

If this doesn't convince you: Remember everything good you did. Is there any relation with your acne? Would you do better without acne? Surely not. So what? Everybody has the potential of being perfect in some way, I'm really not sure if everybody who looks perfect has the same potential. They already got their part of perfection... most seem to have no right to pick up another.

[splat]

all the advice is great so far.

But to build on it, confidence is definitly the key!
If you feel shy and anxious about it, you will feel uncomfortable in your social interactions right? And that vibe will usually transfer to the person your having the interaction with, and it will be an uncomfortable, awkward interaction.

If you feel confident, you create an interaction with positive energy.

So feeling confident is MUCH easier said than done. But not caring about what other people think of you is the best place to start. This is the mindset that you need to have: "I am a great person, and I have alot to offer. If someone is going to judge me and dislike me because of my appearance, then it is THEIR loss." Moreover somone who is going to judge you by your looks probably won't be feeling too great about themselves anyway! Everytime you stat feeling anxious, just think that mindset and FEEL it.

Another good thing you can do is, make a joke about it. Don't make it really obvious, but just drop something on the side. Basically it shows that if you can laugh about it, you're not sensitive about it. Loving yourself/accepting yourself 'warts and all' TAKES BALLS. In other words, self acceptance = confidence.

Even if you joke about it and you do feel sensetive about it, pretend that you don't care.. and eventually you won't. You'll reprogram yourself just by saying it out loud. And by persuading others that you're okay with yourself, then you will be ok with yourself!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

I have a problem of letting my looks determining whether or not I should be social or not.... let my acne problem be the judge ...

It's time to change your story, lightthecandle; at least it is if you want to change your life.

It is not your acne that determines whether you are social or not. It's your thoughts about your acne (and all your other self-beliefs). You may have a limited power to change your skin, but you have all the power in the world to change your thoughts. Changing your thoughts is the key to getting over your self-consciousness, and having fun, loving, engaging relationships with others.

You seem to be absolutely, 100% committed to not changing your thoughts, though. You may think you want to change, but it's pretty clear that what you want and what you are absolutely married to are two entirely different and conflicting things.

When will you be ready? Or are you thinking you can get over yourself some other way?

[Pascal]

Originally Posted by splat

all the advice is great so far.
But to build on it, confidence is definitly the key!

that's what I meant.

[Plato]

Yeah, confidence is good, and if you can feel confident with acne you're probably more highly conscious than most people.

At the same time, clear skin is also nice. Go and see a doctor. If it's bad ask to see a dermotologist and get "accutane." It's the only real cure, although if your acne is mild topicals or antibiotics can work.

[Pascal]

and about all the nice advices you read before...

your image doesn't depend on your skin. If you cannot handle your problem within the next few day or weeks, forget about it. Go on with what you really want, concentrate on your goals. Your skin will become better and you won't really care about that in the future. Trust me.

[danman85]

When I see someone with some kind of physical characteristic that is noticeable enough for them to be self-conscious about it if they choose to be, and they are not, but instead are confident and nice and friendly, I'm turned on. I either want to date them or be their friend.