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09-13-2008, 10:02 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 119
 |  Getting an apartment with my boyfriend, good idea?
My boyfriend and I have been dating since independence day and we have been seeing each other almost every day. I'm currently in college and he has been looking for work and he takes a couple classes. He's been struggling though this whole year with places to stay. None of them worked out. Now I have an opportunity with my aunt to move into an apartment for reasonable rent by monday after I told her about his situation. And he did not pay the rent for his last place for this month so he needs to be out of there asap. I told him about the place and he is all for it, but I still feel shaky with this decision. I care about him alot, and don't want to see him struggle or be sad or not be able to see him ever again, and that is why I want to get this place with him. But I've only known him since july. But we have been together everyday. I really just want to help him cause I hate to see what would happen next or where he would go next and honestly he does not know he says he will just go from one friends house to another but I don't know. I just don't feel confident on this decision. But also I'm thinking maybe this could turn out to be a very good thing since I am trying to do a good deed and I don't want him to be on the streets or just wandering around not knowing where to go. Should I go with this or Should I let him go altogether? I really don't want to lose him, but it really feels like if I don't get this place with him i'm not going to see him again since he will be going from place to place. please help.
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09-13-2008, 04:33 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 119
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i really don't want to lose this person. I know if I don't talk to him anymore I'm going to be very depressed cause I have been there before. I just don't want to be alone or thinking I made a horrible mistake in the beginnning and why didn't I know from day one. I just feel so stupid. But I also don't want him to just be wandering around house to house or on the streets. I don't know. I just wanted to do something nice or helpful for someone. But what do I even get out of this.
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09-13-2008, 05:03 PM
| #5 (permalink) | |
| Banned Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 22,520
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I don't believe that you just want to do something nice and helpful for him -- I think you mostly want to help him so that he'll be bonded to you in a romantic relationship -- so that you'll feel like you "have" him. The reason I think that is because your chronic thoughts are about how depressed you'll be if you don't talk to him anymore. Your thoughts make him 100% responsible for your happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment; and that is a great way to create a space of no freedom for him and for you. That's not the kind of relationship you want, is it? A relationship in which there is ZERO freedom? You have all the power in the world to live a life you are in love with, and that's what will make you ready for a real loving long-term, mutually beneficial relationship (LLTMBR). Until you're ready to take responsibility for your own well-being, all you would be doing in this situation would be taking in a stray -- most likely one who would be looking to escape the first chance he gets. I recommend to you a couple of books: "Money and the Law of Attraction" (Abraham-Hicks) to get your thoughts into an upward spiral; and also "Make Every Man Want You" by Marie Forleo. Not to make every man want you, but because this book is all about being in love with your own life, and thereby being a woman around whom really great potential LLTMBR partners will orbit. Meanwhile, let this guy loose, so that he can manage his own well-being; that's his business. If he's unable to provide basic care for himself, then he's not available for an LLTMBR. Your best bet is make your own well-being your number one priority. That is, of course, like Lauxa mentioned, if you are interested in living a life of peace, serenity (and satisfaction, fulfillment, and joy); if what you really want is drama, take in this guy as a stray. That seems like a pretty safe bet! | |
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09-13-2008, 05:28 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,545
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You get a lot out of it! * company * distraction * excitement * feeling of superiority * feeling of being nice But you also get drama, and perhaps avoidance of doing the self-work that will lead to happiness and inner peace. Can you tell I've been down this road a couple of times?? No regrets.  |
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09-14-2008, 06:58 AM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 337
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Don't move in with him. He may really like you, but he will take advantage of your generosity. If he likes you enough, he will still find ways to be with you if you don't live together. From what you said, it doesn't sound like he has the ability to pay rent or bills. Are you ok covering all the expenses? Or is your Aunt paying for everything? I know it's very tempting to take care of a guy who is in need, but resist in this case. He needs to be an adult and take care of his own situation. Your relationship should be a pleasure, not necessary for his survival, otherwise he's just using you. |
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09-14-2008, 08:10 AM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 1,823
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The mere fact that you have to ask this question, tells me that you aren't ready to move in with this guy. Also, he sounds like too much of a rolling stone to be settling down... maybe later in life, but not now. What were you going to do about rent? He didn't pay any at the last place he stayed in. Would you expect him to suddenly be on top of his finances or were you going to provide for him? The latter would be a baaaaad idea... |
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08-23-2011, 05:23 AM
| #11 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: P.N.W.
Posts: 52
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08-23-2011, 09:47 PM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 28
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I also think it would be better not to take a risk. You still can care about him by like, lending some money (not paying his rent as a whole). If he really likes you because of yourself, will stay with you even if you don't move with him.
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Awwwww... 
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