How far is too far

[freddy]

I'm trying to break out of my shyness jail; I have been in for most of my life.
Reading lots of books on it, and find, without the right person to help push you into situation. You always stay on familiar ground.
My question for the moment would be. Should I say what ever is on my mind, to a woman, that I would like to have sex with. No matter weather the age is 20 years different. Example would be my kid’s teacher's aid. l see her every day I think she's hot looking. I don't necessarily want the traditional date type thing. But more throwing out the idea of interest of sex and seeing if she would be willing.(yes she’s in her 20)
On one hand, If I do nothing, like I have done most of my life I gained nothing. And never get the sex I dream for. Or, I throw out the idea, and she is interested. I actually live out one of my best dreams of my life with hopefully more to come. If she finds my comment offensive,. I not really sure what to do about that.
OK let hear it guys and gal’s.

[mattpd]

PM me, I'll send you some exercises to remove your shyness.

Also, don't go overtly verbally sexual with her like you want to. Saying you want to have sex with a woman so obviously removes sexual tension, and tends to rarely work. Its simply low percentage game. I tend to verbalize very little intent during the whole dating process.

A better idea is to ask her out, and then take it from there, take it step by step. Avoid anything like what you are wanting to do, because there is high risk she will think you are weird, you'll be embarrassed for a long period, and she's likely to say no, even if she does like you.

Just start a conversation with her, and then say "hey you seem really interesting give me your number and maybe we'll hang out some time". Pull out your phone, and give it a go. I don't really recommend going for women in your close circle, as its risky, and there is no need, there are plenty of women out there.

[ar81]

My experience as a married man who had lots of girlfriends before getting married is that love is the best spice for sex. Also, knowing that I improved something in the lives of my exgilrfriends so they grew because of me, gives also a sense of achievement, and gained me friends. We broke the emotional link (couple relationship), but our friendship is still there.

This is perhaps the only field where I think I have consistently succeeded in my life.

[freddy]

Not sure you answered my question? ar81.
I would LOVE to have SEX with the girl and hopefully she would LOVE it to. And I would think the experience would improve both of are sextual life, like riding a bike you get better the more times you ride.
Just to shift gears a little bit about your post. how dose your wife feel about you knowing ex lovers and the friends thing. Seems there would be a fine line that could get crossed if a fight broke out between you and your wife. Just my opinion not saying it can't work, just standing to close to the fire in my opinion. Thanks for you post.

[Holistic Star]

Well let me tell you, every women loves to be described as a bike ride. That's a guaranteed winner with the ladies.






Seriously, you are thinking about approaching a member of staff, half your age, at your child's school and asking her to have sex with you but you don't even want to take her out on a date. Perhaps she'll go for a quicky in the stationery cupboard at the back of the class?

Which bit of your plan do you think a) might work and b) not have embarrassing consequences whether she says 'yes' or 'no'



I get that you are shy and probably have never done anything like this. But your idea is just too far in the other extreme. It is going to turn her off and you have to face this women every day you pick your child up from school. There are loads of things you can do to boost your self-esteem. But your plan isn't one of them.

Just a thought. But perhaps if you thought about women as 'people' and not 'bike rides' you would have better success with getting to know them for friendship or a relationship.

[dancer]

Holistic Star beat me to it. Remember you are approaching someone in her workplace and you are her client. Ask her out and see what happens, but don't ask her for sex, it would be totally inappropriate.

[Holistic Star]

Thanks dancer, glad to see some support on these boards.

A lot of the PUA stuff on this board is starting to make me feel rather sick. It upsets me how many men just see women as things to be f**ked, rather than real people.

It's hitting a nerve for me big time.

[Logodae]

No. You should never say "I want to have sex with you" to any woman with whom you have not established some kind of relationship. It isn't socially acceptable, and you're virtually guaranteed to get a negative (possibly extremely negative) reaction.

There are socially acceptable ways to convey the fact that you want to have sex with a woman. The simplest one is asking her on a date. However, unless she has a thing for older, socially awkward men, you're likely to get a polite "no thanks."

[Fullcrum]

I think we need more abundance than having to get the girl in the "workplace".

Just meet cute girls elsewhere.

I prefer "Hey, I thought you were cute I just had to meet you." You do this smiling and feeilng dominant inside, like you feel like you could ravish the girl right then and there. It's a powerful feeling.

If you lack intent, just focus on their lips for a bit and you will get your masculine intent back.

And BTW, yes, girls are people. Sex is an awesome thing where we both win and we do it to blow of steam (tension) and have fun. Unless I get married, that's all the meaning I see fit to put into it, but feel free to put more meaning into it if you want.

[Rose of Cairo]

You'll probably have better chances if you convey your request non-verbally and ask her out on a date indeed. Just make sure to convey your request in a way that makes it clear that you just want to have sex with her. Pretending that you're interested in her as a person, or in a relationship with her, wouldn't be honest. She deserves to know what you're exactly after to make a conscious decision. Unless honesty is not one of your values of course.

My 2cts.

[freddy]

Thanks Holistic Star and dancer. I needed that I guess. This idea of mine is coming from a lonely man. Sorry if it pissed you off. I do appreciate the feed back. I think even, if every one on here agreed that I should go for it, as I presented in the original post. I bet I still would not have the balls to ask the question to the woman. god I'm pathetic.
PS Thanks for making me laugh at my self as I.m sure you just shaking your head and laughing at this post.

[Fullcrum]

Hey freddy, you might want to check out this resource Real Social Dynamics - Natural Tim

It will unearth the courage already within you.

[Holistic Star]

Hey Freddy,

Please stop putting yourself down. There is no shame in being lonely and no-one is laughing at you. Heck, I think everyone has had the experience feeling lonely in their life.

If it is loneliness that is your problem then no-strings sex probably isn't going to solve that, even if you could work up the courage to ask for it.

If you want real connection with people then that is achievable, and hey it might even lead to a relationship. Reading your post again, I'm wondering if the idea of not dating is more due to the fact you would feel nervous and awkward.

It seems like you see yourself as very disconnected from other people, which makes them see less real in a way. It can be hard opening up to people, being a bit vulnerable and giving people the chance to reject you. But little by little you can connect with people and have great meaningful friendships and relationships with them.

You can learn social skills to get the real interaction you crave. You can join clubs or date online to meet people.

I guess that is where some of the PUA stuff might have value, in making you feel confident talking to women. (I don't have a problem with guys improving their social skills and confidence in talking to women, I do have a problem with guys manipulating and using women in some kind of scoring game)


But first thing is to stop putting yourself down, describing yourself as 'pathetic' etc and start learning how to love and appreciate yourself and finding out just what it is you have to offer.