Moved in Late - Missed out on meeting people?

[DougD720]

Hey everyone,

I just found this place, i moved into college a day late due to family problems and i feel like i missed out on meeting friends and all. I'm a likeable friendly person but it seems now that everyone's really buddied and cliqued up with one another and i'm finding it hard to meet people. My roomates from Korea and is in the Korean clique here, or one of them - there are a lot of Korean people at my school. Not having alot of friends is odd for me because in high-school i was throwing parties every weekend, had a ton of friends, really popular, girlfriends and all and now i feel pretty alone here. I mean its a friday and (no offense) i'm here writing this.

My suitemates next door were having trouble finding something to do, i'm friend-ly with them but as nice as they are to me i get that feeling that they dont wanna chill with me or whatever. So i got back from the gym and took a shower, figuring that id get out, get dressed and hangout with them, figures when i come out of my room from getting dressed they're gone. I have no one's phone number (except a chick i was hanging out with my first day here and she was creepin me out so now i stay away from her) and idk... i'm just kinda bored with this place after only a week.

It's not known for it's social life, more for its academics and prestige, but i feel like i missed out on opportunities to meet people because i came late - and dont tell me i'm just using it as an excuse. I say hi to practically every person i meet, classes just started yesterday so hopefully i'll meet some more people in class next week and just get ahead of my schoolwork this weekend. Maybe i'll have better luck tomorrow night? Idk...

Any practical advice is appreciated but please spare me the pity and dont tell me i'm making up excuses - i've been trying.

Thanks!

[mattpd]

one day late? You are kidding yourself, and you are making excuses.

What I am going to do is give you an account of a guy I am coaching a bit on becoming more social at college, perhaps you can learn something from his example:

Long Term Goal (in the present tense):
I am a full-fledged PUA. My life is full of abundance and opportunity. I am truly happy with my life because I know what I want and it is filled with MANY interesting and positive people. I am able to go up to any attractive beautiful girl that I DESIRE and make her attracted to me. I seize every moment that comes my way. I am the epitomy of confidence, sexuality and dominance.

Short Term Goal for this Week:
1. Matt's beginner Warm Up Exercises
2. Matt's Get more Social Exercises

Notes: Focus on only being more social at this point and building a foundation so that I can use to talk to women later on.

Areas that need attention in the future:
-Approaching Mixed Sets
-Approaching 2 Sets
-Approaching Large Groups
-Openers/What to say after "Hi"

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Update: September 2, 2008 - My first trip to the University!

Today I had to go to the University to get my student card printed out and possibly check out the campus for what I'm going to be up against for the next few years. At first I was quite dissapointed that the campus was flooded with many unattractive girls who obviously take their studying seriously However, there were quite a few HBs scattered here and there which made things more inviting for me to approach. I believe this actually helps as for the last few years I was at a different college where the HBs were plenty and numerous I kept making the excuse to not approach as there were so many. Not this year though, everytime I see a HB now, it's gonna be like spotting a diamond in the rough, I just gotta get it.

Amazingly today I had barely any anxiety or public fear like I used to have. I put on my new clothes which I bought and I felt like a million bucks which helped my confidence ten fold. When I was on campus walking with my friend, I was not afraid to make eye contact with people. I glanced around with a dominant air as if I was the one giving the approval and not the other way around. Any girl that I saw, I glanced and tried to make eye contact. For the girls who returned it, I held it to they looked away because in my mind, I was doing the evaluation of is she worth my time and not the usual "do I look like crap? am I good enough for her?". And for the girls who didn't even glance my way, well, too bad for them.

There were two things that proved to me that I'm making progress with my thinking and social skills.

1. I met this Polish-French Chick:
It was funny how this started. My buddy didn't have his student ID # so he wasn't able to get his card so he left to line up at another line to get his number. Just before he left, the lady who was taking my picture informed me that he could just give his last name and wouldn't have to worry about getting his ID #, I tried calling him but he was long gone. After I got my ID card, I found him in line and there was this hot chick behind him. I told my friend that he just needed to give his last name and the girl behind him looked confused. I made eye contact with her and smiled and was like, "Did you forget your numer too?" She smiled back and was like "yeahh, blah blah" and I told her to go with my friend.

I waited for my friend to get his picture and ID taken afterwards and I see the HB again walking by where I was waiting. She looked at me and I smiled and nodded and she smiled back. I initiated conversation and she walked to me. We chitchatted about school and so on and she mentioned a boyfriend while talking about something. Not a big deal, it's normal. Right now I'm just focusing on geting myself out there and being more social. I shook her hand and asked for her name and she said it was polish-french and she was. I joked that my name is Irish even though I wasn't. We talked a bit more, I should have done some kino but there's always more opportunities, it's not even the ****in first day of school yet! She looked at me and said "maybe we'll see each other again", smiled and walked away.

2. Getting Involved with Clubs/Frats:
This year I'm going to do it big. They had a little club fair where all the clubs were getting people to join them and I looked around. I'm thinking, perfect, I'm going to do something I didn't do for the last two years in my post secondary education: getting involved. I saw a dance club, I chatted with the two girls and was disappointed to know that they didn't offer salsa but what the hell, ballroom dancing and cha-cha are just as good for getting to meet girls. Next there was this bartending club. I saw a scene from that Tom cruise movie where he was a bartender mixing drinks and flipped bottle. I want to learn that ****. I introduced myself the guy at the booth and signed up. Next, I walked up to a fraternity and asked about what they do. They seemed pretty laidback, they party, drink beer, and do a lot of sports. Perfect, just what I needed. They'll be holding a house party this friday which I will definitely attend.

To those who are just new and are reading about my development this does seem like small potatoes. Looking back at the awkward quiet social recluse I used to be, none of this stuff would have happened. Thinking about it, if i hadn't made improvements in my game, I would have gone in, get my card, avoid social opportunities and eye contact and go home and play videogames to the next day. hahahahaha

**** can't wait for school to start.

------------

Wow a lot happened today that just melted my mind.

First off, everything is going pretty well with the Anxiety portion of the Goals. I can now initiate eye contact with girls while I'm walking, although most of them diverted they're gaze first which is good, I guess since I'm not the one looking away first. While sitting in class there was this blonde girl sitting to the right of me, she wasn't really the type of girl I was going for but what the hell, at the end of class I was like "hey.... you want a notes buddy?" (the professor advocated that we get to know other people in the class and get their information so I gave me a reason to say something). She gave me her email address, she seemed pretty "whatever" in her attitude. During lunch, I was standing in line at this salad shop, I was waiting for my meal which took forever and I was looking at the stuff being made and I commented to this blonde girl next to me (who was about a 6) which one was hers. She started talking and stuff and I kept it going.

Those were some of the things I did today.

Next up, this is the part that blew my mind, was meeting another guy from the community and we talked about the game and all this. While we were walking through campus, I told him, if you see a girl that you like just go for it. Even though, he had just gotten into the community about a month back, he is making strides in terms of approaching and applying material (routines and openers). I was clearly quite jealous He was used an opener where he would ask for directions and then after she answered, he would respond with "I'm actually here to flirt with you". He stopped this girl who was running but let her go to class which she was clearly late for. He stopped this walking two set who were about to go into the building with an opinion opener about my shirt, I was clearly shocked and not ready for it as I used to solo sarge by myself! The girls were late and were like "The shirt looks nice *blah blah*" He blew it off and said that they simply needed to get somewhere. Next up was something which I was like, hey wtf, why can't I do this? There was this blonde girl who was walking towards us in the distance. I noticed her right off the bat and so did my friend as he was off and already talking to her and asking her where "Avenue pizza was". He got her number after he mentioned that there was a house party on friday hosted by a frat that i was interested in joining.

This is the first time where I met someone from the community for the first time who is about on par with my abilities. After being used to hanging around with chodes and chumps, my reality was blown away by this dudes initiative to approach and try things out. There will be a beer gardens going on tomorrow on campus, I'll be there with him to do some approaches.

NEW GOALS for Tomorrow. I'm tired of being a *****. NO HESITATION!!!
Try each of these openers at least once, without caring about what happens, on the hottest girl I see:

1. Hi... My name is Bryan. What's yours?

2. Hi... I just had to come over and talk to you, otherwise I would have been kicking myself all day. *smile*

3. Hi... *ask for directions and wait for response*, I actually came over to flirt with you.

So this would be 3 approaches. After each opener, I'll do my best to keep the conversation going until I'm blown out while doing as much kino as possible.

Let's ****ing do this.

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[mattpd]

Okay lot of stuff has been done. Just read Vindicarlo's email newsletters about college game and those helped me tremendously.

I'm making more eye contact with girls now. Still have to try smiling when our eyes connect.

I'm waay more social now and my friends are commenting on it. I sat in class today and chose a spot next to this hot blonde girl and chatted with her. I came in, sat down and was very relaxed. It was something I had never done in my whole 3 years in college. Back then, I would have chosen a seat quickly and be afraid of what others thought of me and not talk to anyone beside me.

Started chatting up with random people as much as I could on campus and introducing myself.

Went to a get together at a bar hosted by a frat and met everyone there and had a blast talking to people I've never met before!

I met this cute asian girl who was waiting in line. I was with one of my girl-friends and had social proof to help me tremendously. I asked her how long she was waiting in line for and then we introduced ourselves. The girl, my friend and I chatted. She made a comment that she doesn't know many people here since she was from Hong Kong and went to Arizona for schooling. I totally thought she was North American born as she had no accent that I could her and plus, she was pretty strong willed in her demeanour and body language. I totally can't stand asian girls who are all cutesy and submissive. When it was time for her and my friend head to class, I walked with my new friend and talked about how she has to help me find a building. I told her she was going to be my tour guide and she was playfully playing along with it and making demands. Lots of incidental class 1 kino. I talked about this ski club card which allows me no line and no cover at a lot of clubs (very ****in useful) and she was I HAVE ONE TOO and we high fived. I fired off an Statement of Intent her way to make sure it wasn't platonic (I'm coming along with you because I think you're cute) and kept the conversation going on another topic. She took me to this map that shows the college campus and pointed to me where the building I was looking for was, I took out my phone and said give me your number in case I get lost so that I can text you angry messages. She stood close and gave me the number.

I'm headed out to a Frat House Party tonight. Guaranteed to be a gong show. Focus will be the same as it's been for a while. Be natural. Be the fun cool guy. Make meeting people a naturally part of me.

-----------------

Beginners

1. Warm-up Exercises (try all 18 this week and score each out of 10 and give yourself a total) – this is for guys with severe approach anxiety


1.Smile at 3 people while you are walking
2.Get eye contact with one person while walking
3.Blink at one person while you are walking
4.Ask someone for the time
5.Ask someone for the time and give them a genuine compliment
6.Buy something from a store and get into a conversation with the attendant for at least 2 minutes
7.Whistle a tune while you are walking (if you can't whistle, hum)
8.Say a loud confident excited “yes” and pump your fist, like you have just won a race or something in public with people around
9.Enter a bar, or shop, and say hello to a guy and talk about girls or picking them up
10.Ask the bartender when you order how his/her night is going and give them a kind word or more like “have a great night”
11.Say “hi” a woman in a bar, of shop, or in the street – without caring of her reaction
12.Sing a song you like loudly in public
13.Ask someone for some directions
14.Give a woman a genuine compliment
15.Sit at the bar and ask someone how their night is going when they stand next to you to order a drink
16.Ask someone where is a good place to go out in your city and shake their hand and introduce yourself
17.Laugh out loud at a funny memory not caring about people's reactions
18.Say hello and talk to a woman without trying to pick her up, just a normal conversation about how she knows her friends

2.Get more social – for someone who never goes out

1.Go out to a bar 2 nights in the week
2.Aim to talk to 10 people each night – security, other guys, bar staff, ugly women, older people, people walking in the street - talk to them in any way possible, ask them for the time, for directions, be friendly, anything at all.
3.Do not go home until you have done it, even if it means you are out all night – force yourself to do it each night no matter how you are feeling
4.Do not care about the outcome at all – we only care about your actions – we simply want you to be more social

Matt
Dating Tips for Men: EXPOSED

[DougD720]

I dont need an eBook on dating thank you, i handle women very well and haven't been single or gone over a couple weeks without sex in quite some time - i suppose i should have stated:

It is Friday Night. I am in my Dorm. I dont have anyone's phone Numbers. I want to go Out. I'm not old enough to Drink at a Bar and my Buddies who are are 300 Miles Away so I couldn't get Into a Bar here unless I had a Fake ID. Short Term Solutions are what I am looking for. And as far as that list goes i've done all but about 3 or 4 of those today.

Thanks.

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by DougD720

I dont need an eBook on dating thank you, i handle women very well and haven't been single or gone over a couple weeks without sex in quite some time - i suppose i should have stated:

It is Friday Night. I am in my Dorm. I dont have anyone's phone Numbers. I want to go Out. I'm not old enough to Drink at a Bar and my Buddies who are are 300 Miles Away so I couldn't get Into a Bar here unless I had a Fake ID. Short Term Solutions are what I am looking for. And as far as that list goes i've done all but about 3 or 4 of those today.

Thanks.

Man, you have an attitude problem. Perhaps thats why you are finding it do hard to make friends. You sound like you are all ego, and do not have an open mind at all.

Just go out, meet some people in the street, walk around campus, meet some new people, and one weekend on your own won't kill you anyway, do some study or something. One day late is a joke!

[DougD720]

I dont have attitude problems my friend, i just said i didn't need an eBook on dating, and explained - clearly - what i was asking for. Thanks for the advice.

[VelociRaptor]

But you are saying you need to make new friends?

The advice mattpd is giving you is to help improve your confidence in social situations, you can apply them to anywhere, doesn't need to be in a bar and it doesn't need to involve trying to pick up women. You say you are good with women and all, but aren't any good at creating new social circles?

I am confused here?

mattpd - have read quite a lot of your advice on these forums recently and it all sounds really good, it is something I am definitely trying to improve at the moment, my biggest issue is I do all the reading but never put anything into practice. I am sure I will get there one day...

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by VelociRaptor

But you are saying you need to make new friends?

The advice mattpd is giving you is to help improve your confidence in social situations, you can apply them to anywhere, doesn't need to be in a bar and it doesn't need to involve trying to pick up women. You say you are good with women and all, but aren't any good at creating new social circles?

I am confused here?

mattpd - have read quite a lot of your advice on these forums recently and it all sounds really good, it is something I am definitely trying to improve at the moment, my biggest issue is I do all the reading but never put anything into practice. I am sure I will get there one day...

start today.

some people who read personal development unfortunately become personal development junkies. they get a high from reading stuff but dont actually put it into practice.

i like to give people's lifestyles a shake. okay, have no friends? go out tonight and talk to 5 new people. watch the excuses pour in before you do somethign so simple.

[VelociRaptor]

Yeah, I am one of those that makes excuses. I know its not the way to go, but am trying to improve.

I am quite content with my social life, it could be better...

It is the dating life that really needs the improvement at the moment, came out of an 11 year relationship towards the start of the year and have shyed away from getting involved since then. It has all been about working out what I want in life (this includes leaving Australia and living in the UK and Europe for a while) and making sure I am happy with who I am as a person.

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by VelociRaptor

Yeah, I am one of those that makes excuses. I know its not the way to go, but am trying to improve.

I am quite content with my social life, it could be better...

It is the dating life that really needs the improvement at the moment, came out of an 11 year relationship towards the start of the year and have shyed away from getting involved since then. It has all been about working out what I want in life (this includes leaving Australia and living in the UK and Europe for a while) and making sure I am happy with who I am as a person.

yeah i've heard every excuse imaginable for not making an effort in dating and pickup from I'll wait until I get my financial situation sorted, to when I buy a new t-shirt, to when I lose 5kg, to when i get my career sorted, the funny this is that this is creative avoidance, and there will always be something else, and never be a perfect moment.

the thing with dating is that there is no need to have this focus on outcome, i tend to treat dating at this fun activity. its light, and fun, and easy, and enjoyable. you meet new people, learn new perspectives, it doesn't really matter how it turns out, there is a positive to be taken from every situation. People sometimes think that if they start dating they will instantly have to make serious decisions, not me, its just a fun thing, worry about the serious stuff down teh track.