Wow, it almost seems like everything I read here is wrong.

[mattpd]

It is really surprising because much of the material on these forums are easily an 8 or a 9 out of 10 in my opinion, but the social and relationships forum is like a 2 out of 10, especially with dating advice. Its like instead of a forum teaching people how to be millionaires, its constantly helping people who are broke; just with their love lives not money.

Please hear me out, and appreciate that my comments are coming from the right place, and I do this for a living. You might not like what I say.

It is really important to me that I assist people to have amazingly happy dating lives. That might be meeting someone of the opposite sex, or being in a relationship, or making new friends.

I don't want to come accross like a know it all, or like i have this big ego. thats not the intent, its just that i was one of these people who would post threads about the terrible relationships and situations i got myself into, and simply posting about it, didnt actually help me create a better reality. i was worse than almost anyone here, i was shocking. i could have patented the idea of a bad relationship.

My position is that I previously was really bad at dating, and relationships. Like I was really bad. I dated people who were completely wrong for me, totally incompatible, kept entering relationships before I was good and confident with the dating process, and made all sorts of mistakes on every level.

I have now become amazing at this entire process. So good that people pay me thousands of dollars to teach them, often from around the world, and this whole process is so completely predictable to me, and this year alone I've coached over 300 guys on dating so far. You'd be surprised, or maybe you wouldn't be, at the patterns, and commonalities, not saying everyone is the same, but I have got so good that I can instantly talk to someone for a few seconds and pretty much know how much success and how happy they are going to be from their love life.

Its kind of like someone who is extremely rich and devoted their life to understanding money. He can look at someone and put a financial picture together instantly, or can speak with them and quickly understand their beliefs and what this means for their financial situation. Reading the Rich Dad Poor Dad series the author talks about the language people use allow rich people to quickly understand the person, especially the Cashflow Quadrant book.

Anyway, people hate to be categorized, and so easily understood in my experience. We all want to be special, and think our situation is unique, and that what we are going through is totally a one-off. Many people hate the idea of the dating process being predictable, or evolutionary biology having the answers, because not only does it take much of the fun out of it, it certainly makes people want to express how different they are. And I think its important for self esteem that we feel special, and an individual, and we have responsibility for our own life.

In my experience less than 1% of people experience a completely amazing love life. So it is no surprise that even the people who think they have it good, have nothing compared to as good as it can get. I have the absolute most amazing relationship you could believe. And I met her by simply walking up and starting a conversation. She is my idea of the perfect woman, and this was no accident, I spent the previous 2 years becoming a complete expert on dating, and meeting women.

I want to write this post mainly because I want people to experience what I have, and enjoy the benefit of improving your dating skills. I was so bad at dating I broke up with a girl who was such a bad girlfriend she stabbed me in the face with scissors, and I went out 3 months in a row and got rejected by 100s of women one after another, and I kept getting awful advice from books and people.

If this forum is to actually help people, the entire philosophy behind it needs to change. Its like everything I say here gets an intense response that I am wrong. So I'm open to ideas that perhaps I am wrong, and all you guys have it right, but I feel like I'm trying to explain the earth is round.

I am seriously so good at dating and meeting people it defies belief. Dropped in another country with nothing, I could be dating the most amazing woman in hours, and have an amazing social circle in days. I'm neither good looking, nor rich, nor anything superficial, and I'd be willing to rival anybody in the world as far as these social skills go.

You see I grew up in a country town of 1000 people, and I was hopeless at dating, and I see so many of my bad beliefs, opinions and ideas expressed by people commenting on this board. A part of me wants to help people, but there is also part of me that wonders if this is a place where people who are really in a bad place in their life talk about their problems, like this is a counselling centre, so I may be actually doing mor harm than good, and in trying to assist people I'm actually making them feel bad about themselves.

I guess that I really don't deal with people with major issues, that need a counsellor or psychologist really, more so just with people who are doing okay, and just want to make it really that much better. I don't even think people want my help really, sometimes people feel validated at actually being bad at things, and getting attention for their sufferings, that they don't even want to me happy. The idea of having their perfect dating life is so far outside their reality that they don't believe it is possible. BUT IT IS.

All I can suggest is that people who give dating advice, please give some sort of reference as to how experienced you are, and what sort of results you get, and what sort of relationship you are in. The people asking problems, use some common sense please, and if you've been on one date this century or the last time you had sex was on New Years, then stop posting and start socializing more.

Maybe this is way too confrontational, or contraversial, I just feel like I am at an alcoholics anonymous meeting for dating, and it needs to be taken onto a different level, more of a lets try and run the mile under 4 minutes, rather than lets fix my broken leg.

The problem with a forum being completely based around low grade problems is that it actually reinforces those problems, if there was a standard set and people were challenged to aim higher, then I think people would still have problems they would just be better quality problems.

Anyway I think my direct nature is getting me in trouble again.

if this is a bad idea, then I'll just leave the forus if I am not providing any value.

[richie111]

Hi,
There's nothing bad in being direct, infact there are many who like it.
I have recently started being good socially and can approach any girl out of the blue, but I still feel I have a lot to learn.
would you like to share some tips? I am sure many of us would like to hear it.

[Fullcrum]

Awesome, awesome stuff. True words are spoken here.

I actually like that this is a really direct post. I too feel this sub-forum could use a massive revamp. I mean massive. For a while I saw that this forum was filled with what you would say are "low quality problems." Which sucks because all the other forums have good stuff that's really cool. The health forums have good stuff; the emotional and character and all the other places have sound high quality problems from people actively tackling this stuff. But I feel the people here do not tackle the social stuff enough.

I don't think it should be that this forum makes too much out of the label "PERSONAL" development, and keep it all personal with no interest in developing the outside stuff.

Anyway I wish there was a "community" of women with high quality problems discussing this stuff just like there is a community of men discussing high quality problems on other forums.

And don't worry folks, this is high vibration stuff.

[ns123]

mattpd,

The dating advice I've read from you so far seems to be pretty good advice. So I've not had any issues with the dating advice you've given.

As for "qualificiations" on whether we can give dating advice. Well, how do you prove you have an amazing relationship? Well, mine is more amazing than yours! nyah, nyah.

See how ridiculous that sounds?

Everyone here is just trying to help out everyone else. I don't think anyone here is going to prove they are qualified to give their opinions. Why should they? If you don't like it, you can always start your own forum and make people prove themselves worthy before posting.

[JimOfferman]

Gosh, you sound kind of high on yourself Matt...

If the number of girlfriends is a qualification for you, I guess you should just ignore everything I say. Number of girlfriends to date: zero. Doesn't mean that I'm clueless...

[Spartan]

Your advice is welcome, just don't claim to have all the answers, becuase no one does. If what you do works, then by all means keep doing it.

Here are some questions that may help poeple:

How long did it take you to get good at it?

Did you ever completely screw up?

How old were you when you started having success?

How did you overcome your anxiety about dating?

What kind of girls do you ask out?

Do you look for the same qualities in girls as you have yourself?

Where would you ask a girl out and what would you be thinking during the date?

[SomeRandomGuy]

I would be very interesting in hearing what you consider successful dating. While the majority of advice you read hear regarding dating and relationships may seem wrong to you, it may be dead on for others who have a different idea of "successful". This is definitely one area where I do not believe there is a one size fits all answer. That is the beauty of coming to forums such as this to ask questions. You get to hear various opinions based on personal experience. If there was only one right way, someone like you write a book and then everyone could just read it for answers. Fortunately, it isn't that simple.

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

Gosh, you sound kind of high on yourself Matt...

If the number of girlfriends is a qualification for you, I guess you should just ignore everything I say. Number of girlfriends to date: zero. Doesn't mean that I'm clueless...

How old are you?

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Your advice is welcome, just don't claim to have all the answers, becuase no one does. If what you do works, then by all means keep doing it.

Here are some questions that may help poeple:

How long did it take you to get good at it?

About 12 months.

Originally Posted by Spartan

Did you ever completely screw up?

Worse than anyone.

Originally Posted by Spartan

How old were you when you started having success?

30

Originally Posted by Spartan

How did you overcome your anxiety about dating?

Practice, doing Bikram yoga, changing my mindsets. Putting myself in continually more challenging situations.

Originally Posted by Spartan

What kind of girls do you ask out?

I go for extremely intelligent, socially popular women who are very attractive and are ambitious, honest, genuine and real.

Originally Posted by Spartan

Do you look for the same qualities in girls as you have yourself?

I think I like girls to be more reliable than me.

Originally Posted by Spartan

Where would you ask a girl out and what would you be thinking during the date?

There's this cool shop around the corner from me that has everything made from chocolate...

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by SomeRandomGuy

I would be very interesting in hearing what you consider successful dating. While the majority of advice you read hear regarding dating and relationships may seem wrong to you, it may be dead on for others who have a different idea of "successful". This is definitely one area where I do not believe there is a one size fits all answer. That is the beauty of coming to forums such as this to ask questions. You get to hear various opinions based on personal experience. If there was only one right way, someone like you write a book and then everyone could just read it for answers. Fortunately, it isn't that simple.

Successful dating is having the sort of relationship you want with the sort of person you want, and having the ability to get that fairly easily if you choose to.

[Spartan]

That is cool Matt, I'm pleased you have overcome your fears in life, and now help people overcome those same fears.

[ns123]

In my opinion, having a successful relationship is not easy. It is pretty simple, but it's not easy.

It's easy if you've been choosing a positive relationship belief for a long time, but if you have to get rid of an old destructive relationship belief, it's actually a lot harder.

I would consider my relationship a success, easier than most, but many would consider it hard. I think it's pretty easy now because I chose a positive relationship belief years ago, so it's easier, but not easy.

[Savage]

Lately I've been looking to meet more people who have very strong social and relationship skills since I'm looking to build a more accurate model of human relationships and especially social dynamics, something I can test with real people and write about. So if you happen to be visiting Vegas anytime soon, it sounds like we'd have a lot to talk about.

Recently I've been going to the casinos and starting up conversations with people in order to experiment more. This is fairly easy to do in Vegas because so many people come here on vacation and are in a pretty friendly mood to begin with. I don't do this from a dating frame though.

I had a really fascinating meeting with Zan Perrion last month where we discussed social dynamics and relationships in depth. Not sure if you've heard of him, but he can be considered a social dynamics expert as well. He has a pretty good model that is much more aligned with truth, love, and power than many other dating experts. I like that his approach is honest and non-manipulative.

[ns123]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

So if you happen to be visiting Vegas anytime soon, it sounds like we'd have a lot to talk about.

Steve, are you addressing the OP? Who exactly are you referring to?

[Savage]

Originally Posted by ns123

Steve, are you addressing the OP? Who exactly are you referring to?

Yes, the OP.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by mattpd

How old are you?

I'm 29.

[richie111]

Originally Posted by ns123

Steve, are you addressing the OP? Who exactly are you referring to?

If it's not quoted, its always the op

Hey Matt,
I have a question from long time. Do you agree that some girls are just not available emotionally? Like no matter what, their emotions cannot be invoked, even when they are single or you think every girls is possible no matter what, it just needs time to study the other person.

And staying Virgin for ethical reasons really right?

You seem to have the right answer's I suppose.

[Blair]

Very interesting post indeed. I will agree that learning the art of human relations is the key to success in these area..I have to say though, that the OP is arrogant to a fault. You can say the same thing with out coming off as being a jerk. That said, yes there are heights to which we can get to, but a lot of the reason for posting in the forum here is that we are trying to change our behaviour and mostly want to get some feedback from others who may have been there. Perspective is a great tool. I would not necessarily suggest changing the forum due to the fact that there are people with very real problems out there and this is a good place to figure them out. The simple act of posting on a forum such as this means the person is aspiring to new heights. A little compassion for those who may be where you used to be is key..I get the sense though that if you have to honk your own horn as loudly and as often as you do that you really are a poser.

[JSB]

Originally Posted by mattpd

Successful dating is having the sort of relationship you want with the sort of person you want, and having the ability to get that fairly easily if you choose to.

Great definition! A measurable benchmark of success with the flexibility to include everyone's own individual needs. I like it!

[JSB]

Originally Posted by Blair

...I have to say though, that the OP is arrogant to a fault.

Interesting. I didn't get that impression myself. If you can actually do something well, and you tell people about it, is that being arrogant or just being informative? I suppose yelling it on a streecorner or telling everyone you meet could be obnoxious, but this is a forum on relationships and social skills, so it seems like an appropriate place to say, "Hey, I can do this stuff."

I also think the OP has a valid point about taking advice from people who are successful in the particular area in question. Everyone's opinion is valid, and it's good to get lots of different perspectives on things, but in the end, I'll probably pay closer attention to someone who's proven their mastery of the subject in question. There's a reason everyone wants to hear what Warren Buffet has to say about investing; he's proven himself to be an absolute master of the subject. Some of what he says may go against "textbook" investing rules, but he's made $60 billion in the market and the textbook writer's haven't.

Of course, the OP may be an arrogant jerk; I've never met him, so I have no idea. I just don't think that saying, "I'm good at this, and I may have some useful advice for others" necessarily means that one is arrogant or insecure.

[SomeRandomGuy]

The OP didn't just say, "I'm good at this, and I may have some useful advice for others". What he said, among other things is, "I am seriously so good at dating and meeting people it defies belief. Dropped in another country with nothing, I could be dating the most amazing woman in hours, and have an amazing social circle in days. I'm neither good looking, nor rich, nor anything superficial, and I'd be willing to rival anybody in the world as far as these social skills go."

People look to Warren Buffet regarding investing because he has proven his success, and it has been documented. I doubt that he built his following simply by saying that he is awesome at investing, and can do it as well or better than anyone else in the world, without being able to demonstrate his success in a measurable way.

[Fullcrum]

Well you can't exactly "measure" his success through a post. You can't "measure" his success in this medium. We kind of have to trust the post to represent the person.

He could be an elaborate poser, but I think that will come through in the advice he gives, and so far he seems to know his stuff.

[Blair]

Arrogant:Aggressively assertive or presumptuous;overbearing

[ns123]

In another post, which I can't find, someone said:

confidence: "I can do this"
arrogance: "I can do this better than you"

I think it's quite obvious what message the OP is sending.

[SomeRandomGuy]

I have been giving this thread some thought, and have come to a realization. I recognize that this isn't the best way to view this, but it is how I see it. I viewed the original post as being so arrogant that I can't take anything the OP says seriously. I can't say that he doesn't have any valid points. What I can say, is that the arrogance of the post (and basically saying that everyone else who gives advice in this forum is wrong) does not seem like a good way to spread your message. I see quite a few people who seem to agree with what the OP has to say, so obviously not everyone is as put off by the tone of the original post as I have been.

As I have thought about this it has also occurred to me that I often let a person's arrogance (or perceived arrogance) form my opinion of them. I suppose that my experience is that people who come across as having such arrogance often do not actually have the experience, skills, etc to warrant such arrogance. I guess what I am trying to say is that the OP may be as great at dating as he says, but I am automatically suspicious because of the level of arrogance I perceived in the post.

[ns123]

yes, the OP claims to be so socially adept, why would he commit such an obvious social blunder?

[Fullcrum]

Alright, instead of attacking the OP, why don't you guys give us your ideas as to how this forum can be improved? Do you think that attacking the "arrogant tone" will actually fix anything?

Shed some awareness into this situation, don't bury yourselves deeper into unconsciousness.

I'm curious what matt wants to do. How exactly do you think this forum can be fixed? Just bring in more people who have this area of life handled? People should just start posting better questions?

[CatherineS]

The OP seems like he knows what he's talking about in regards to dating. And I mean, how smart is it to turn away a very intelligent student with a good grades giving you answers to a really important test just bc they said "Here are the answers, but hey aren't I so SMART to know these answers?? I am SO SMART!" Like who's gonna say, "I'm sorry, young man, I'm not gonna take those answers bc i just don't like your attitude!" (Ok, the cheating example sort of sucks-- it was the first analogy I thought of and I went with it. I do not condone cheating. )

Matt, I think you sound like you're really on the ball and genuinely want to help people and contribute to the quality of this forum's content. I'm waiting expectantly to see what valuable insight(s) you have to offer...

[Dan.Linehan]

No issue with the OP tone here.

On a side note, if I went to a foreign country and wanted to start dating someone really attractive / amazing there, I probably could.

[ns123]

If I wanted to improve a forum, I would not go about telling the members that I am better than them.

He says, he's better than other members. So I say, "The OP thinks he's better than other members. I have an objection to that idea."

If people have ideas for improving this forum, and I disagree with the methods, I don't think I have to come up with a better idea to disagree. If a qualification of having an opinion is having a solution, well, no one would be giving opinions ever.

I don't think I should have to qualify with a solution before I can voice my opinion that insulting the members of this forum is a not good way to improve it.

How do we improve this forum? You assume that I agree this forum needs improvement. Maybe I like it the way it is. Maybe I already get value from it the way it is.