Loving friends wife

[Blair]

Hi I am a new user her, but have been lurking around for a while. I have a situation which I do know that I am doing the right thing, but wanted to get some tips on coping with it.
I am in love with a friend of mine who is married. She told her husband that she has feelings for me ( he had already suspected this anyway)... and they have been talking about divorce for a while now....I know that I have to let them be for right now and try to figure this out. I also know that I cannot have any expectations about outcomes or anything like this. I have been very patient up to this point and will continue to do that, This does not mean that this has been at all easy to cope with and I really just wanted to have people share their stories or opinions about being in this situation. neither one of us planned for this to happen... It just did... I thought it might remedy itself, but it has not..no, it just grows...

[Dan.Linehan]

Sounds like a good situation -- they are both moving on, and you get to start a new relationship. What's the issue?

[Blair]

It still remains to be seen if they are BOTH moving on...It also remains to be seen if they are going to reconcile....(either way I do know they are trying to be better people to each other ) I really want what will make her happy... I know this has been ongoing for quite a while, before I even knew them. Hence the need for my patience, but still though thanks for your perspective.

[Dan.Linehan]

She doesn't know if they are going to reconcile or not?

[Blair]

She says that she is glad he wants to work with her on some sort of resolution weather its to just end up being friends or to make it work, he does contend though that he realizes that he may not be right for her.. they did marry quite young..it is a bit nerve wracking... I am just letting them do their thing.. any other way would be not letting her live her truth... I told her that if we are going to be together that she needs to be all set with him.... I realize every once in a while how insane this situation is yet still when we are together it is fully enjoyable...

[Dan.Linehan]

I've seen this kind of scenario go on for years, sometimes only to end with some other, third guy getting the girl. Are you prepared to be strung along like that?

[Blair]

Hence the reason why I have to let her be and let things unfold as they will...I cannot keep myself in a game which would could keep me from finding an appropriate partner... That said,if it should happen that they break it off and our paths cross in this manner we will talk about it.. we have had this conversation... This does not make it any easier for the both of us, but being present in this situation is key and since the present is all we have it has to be this way...

[robertanthony]

Speaking personally I would not get involved in a love triangle as your odds on favourite to be the loser and get hurt. If their relationship works out you will be banished. She is still with him and they sit at home chatting perhaps having dinner and some fun times while your on your own wondering and writting messages on the internet. If she really loved you she would leave him. You deserve to be happy to. Even if she left him for you - you could lose his friendship and new tensions could be created. I could never sleep with any friends wife - I would not allow the thought to go through my mind. This is the kind of thing you see on Jerry Springer everyday - there may be secrets that you dont even know.

[Blair]

Thanks for your reply robertanthony. I have been fully aware of some of the negative impacts that this could have. I am cognizant that there are three of us in the game and each of us stands to get hurt. That is a chance that one has to be willing to take sometimes.I know though that by letting them figure out where their relationship is going to go and not being involved in any other way other than the present circumstances dictate that it is a win win situation and that no matter what I will be fine and so will they.
How is it a win win? well I win because I am being the person that I want to be by letting them figure this out. If they stay together, then obviously she has come to a point where she is happy and that is all I want for her.. outcome is not important here. Certainly if the situation were to arise where she and I could be together, then I would give it some serious consideration with the circumstances on the ground at that point. I do want to be with her, but it is not imperative... The time we have spent together and the growth that she and I have experienced as a direct result of knowing each other and caring for one another is already one of bigger victories in personal growth of my life. No one knows what the future will bring, NO one. Thanks again for your comment.