How long is too long?

[Spartan]

Say for example that you see someone you're attracted to at a club you go to or at work, but you only see them about once a week. Also say for example that you feel like they may be attracted to you. How long should you wait to ask them out? Should you try to get to know them first at the club, even though you don't get much chance to speak? Also, how long before you have left it too late?

[Agoge]

Next time you see her. You can make it casual but also make it direct, such as "would you like to join me for a drink/dinner/whatever at X-time." Nonchalant, because it really is nonchalant if you think about it.

I say that because my experience has been that you should just assume you're right about her being attracted and go for it before the relationship grows cold. Men who aren't leaders and men who avoid going for what they want because of fear or hesitancy aren't very attractive.

So, any time after "some time during your next interaction with her" is too long in my book. It's just a date! As for "getting to know her," that's what the date is for.

[Spartan]

Thanks for your input.

I have many doubts to be honest that are making me hesitant. For a start I am unsure whether she will take it more seriously than just a casual thing, since England doesn't really have as much of a relaxed dating culture, and also she is 16. Plus I sometimes find it hard to feel relaxed.

[Agoge]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Thanks for your input.

I have many doubts to be honest that are making me hesitant. For a start I am unsure whether she will take it more seriously than just a casual thing, since England doesn't really have as much of a relaxed dating culture, and also she is 16.

It sounds like you may be too focused on her and her feelings. Really at this point is it any of your business how seriously she takes you? That's all fine during a relationship, but at this stage I think there's more opportunity for personal growth in the "go for it"ness of it all. Whatever happens you'll learn a lesson, and gain experience/realworldfeedback that will help you in the future. The BONUS is that she might reciprocate your feelings and want something more.

But worry about what YOU think, not her. I'd say you'd have to learn how to lead yourself before you can lead two people in one relationship.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Agoge

But worry about what YOU think, not her. I'd say you'd have to learn how to lead yourself before you can lead two people in one relationship.

Good advice, I wish my mind would stop analyzing for one second! I can't turn it off.

[Agoge]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Good advice, I wish my mind would stop analyzing for one second! I can't turn it off.

Yup that's a huge problem tons of guys have had, including me. You definitely aren't alone.

I think you'll find that bold, nerves-inducing actions can help break you out of your shell.

EDIT: Also, be sure not to use "I'm not ready for this!" or "I'm too inside my own head right now to ask her out!" as an excuse not to do it. I've done that and it's pointless; the personal growth will FOLLOW your actions in this case I think.

[ns123]

She is 16 yrs old? Spartan, how old are you? I thought you are much older than teenage years.

In your country, are you allowed to date 16 yr olds? Not to jump the gun on you, but here in the states, if you are 18 and she's 16, and you have sex, you'll be brought up on rape charges, even if she's consented and in love with you. Even if you later marry her and she has your babies, you'll still be listed as a sex offender. So in the states, dating anyone under the age of 18 is a lot of risk.

Personally, I'd rather men stay away from under aged girls. Too much risk.

[Elrond]

Originally Posted by ns123

She is 16 yrs old? Spartan, how old are you? I thought you are much older than teenage years.

His profile says that he is 20. An age difference of 4 years is not unusual.

Originally Posted by ns123

In your country, are you allowed to date 16 yr olds? Not to jump the gun on you, but here in the states, if you are 18 and she's 16, and you have sex, you'll be brought up on rape charges, even if she's consented and in love with you. Even if you later marry her and she has your babies, you'll still be listed as a sex offender. So in the states, dating anyone under the age of 18 is a lot of risk.

Personally, I'd rather men stay away from under aged girls. Too much risk.

LEGAL AGE OF CONSENT* (ageofconsent.com)***** Age du consentement à l’acte sexuel

This site says that 16 years is the minimum age in the UK, as is in my country. The US' law of 18 seems to be a bit uncommon. People are not allowed to have consensual sex before they are 18 in the USA, but can get a drivers license when they are 16... makes sense?

[Spartan]

Wow, I didn't know that the age of consent was 18 in the US. In England it is 16, otherwise I would definately not consider it.

Yes ns123 I prob seem like an old man in some of the things I say lol, but I am only 20.

Anyway, I think I will try to forget it to be honest, as I don't think I would be much fun for her. There isn't anywhere fun I can think of to ask her to go either.

[Agoge]

Don't you guys know the Beatles song...

"Well she was just seventeen,
and you know what I mean..."

Courtesy of the UK.

[Spartan]

It isn't morally wrong in my opinion. What is 4 years anyway? What do you think Agoge?

[Agoge]

Honestly, if it's legal in your country, it seems fine to me. As long as you're comfortable with it, of course.

[ns123]

I don't think it's morally wrong to date a 16 yr old. If you're 50 dating a 16 yr old, I'd be very curious. But is it morally wrong? Not in my opinion.

As for the dating question, since you obviously will not be a sex offender in your country for dating her, well, go for it.

I am an old married woman, who would love for all the rest of the young uns in the world to experience a wonderful loving marriage too, so the quality of my advice for picking up girls would be equal to asking your mom.

When I was single, I preferred a guy to just approach me and ask me about whatever. Like in class, we'd discuss assignments and compare answers. One dude asked me out for coffee after class. If I was at a grocery store, they can ask for advice on choosing fruit or whatever I was looking at. I had one dude ask me where I got my pants (which were leather)! It made me laugh.

If the girl is the kind of girl you want to be dating, meaning, good natured, friendly, and fun, she will respond positively (or gently). If she does not respond that way, well, you don't want to be with her anyway, and you'll know not to waste your time.