First Day At College, Already Want To Leave

[wildflower001]

I've only been at college for 6 hours, and already I feel depressed. I just want to go home. Everyone is at orientation, and I'm in my dorm room, alone, because I don't have any friends, and I don't want to sit alone.

I know, I should just go to orientation, and get out of my comfort zone, but I'm just too scared. My roommate isn't very talkative, and it doesn't look like we will become much of anything.

My boyfriend is at college a few hundred miles away, and it's so hard.

I don't want to eat alone, and do things alone.

I'm a nice person, but I've been a loner all my life.

I've read a few posts on this site, explaining how to meet friends in college, and I plan on joining a club, but I need something more. I don't know a single soul, and many people, especially on my floor, already have friends..

I'm just really sad, and I've been crying, I haven't even been here for 24 hours. I just want to go home.

...Any help would be greatly appreciated..

[Spartan]

It will get better!

I felt homesick at the start of university during my first year, but after a while you get used to it.

Whenever I felt lonely or homesick, I would ring my mum and talk to her for a while, it helps to talk to someone who loves you.

Joining a club is a good idea. That way you can take your mind of feeling sad and you might even make some new friends.

Just remember that there are lots of other people feeling what you are going through, you are not alone in feeling that way.

Btw, I wasn't really friends with any of my flatmates, so don't despair if you don't really get on with the people you live with, sometimes it will just work out that way.

[sidsavara]

I know what you mean - when I moved up to Los Angeles to go to school at USC, I joined as a graduate student. I couldn't really hang out with the underclassmen, and most of the graduate students there had known each other a few years. While I wasn't in exactly the same situation, I also had to go out and make friends.

I can sympathize with you feeling lonely out there on your own. I made most of my friends through classes, organizations, and craig's list posting for activity partners (tennis, etc).

I also found a couple local bands I liked, found their online forums, and met up with people that way.

I hope some of these ideas help you out, I'm sure in the end though you'll make new friends at college, even if it does start out difficult =)

Oh, and aside from my first and last college roommate, I wasn't good friends with any of them (I had a lot - I just kept getting random people). We were always on good terms, but don't think that just because you and your roommate aren't friends you're in trouble =)

[Alison Jenkins]

Can you still go to the orientation? You will find many people there feeling the same way, feeling all alone, feeling scared of all the changes. Strike up a conversation and ask people to join you for a coffee or whatever. Take positive steps forward to meet new people at the beginning while everyone else is feeling the same. If you leave it too longer others will have found friendships and be less likely to feel the same as you.

All the best
Alison

[pianoperformer]

Go! Go to orientation! Whatever you do, don't stay alone and do nothing. Those feelings will have more of a chance to grow and you won't be able to suppress them. At my university, they have a week-long orientation program which I think is just enough time to get your mind off of everything before classes start.

I felt lonely at first when I was a freshman, too. But then I got involved in everything I could, and it was a lot better. Even when classes started, I felt a bit lonely, but just the act of going to classes and being among 25-30 students was comforting. It was a lot warmer, so to speak, than just sitting alone in my room.

By the way, if the university has Greek life, I highly recommend looking into it. That was the best thing I could have done.

[mavreix]

Its my first week at college. But I know like all the people in the dorm Im at, they are pretty much all alcoholics and they are all very shallow. I cant call home because my parents found some pot in my shorts and they pretty much think Im a sinner. It looks like Im pretty much going to play guitar in solitude all semester.

[The David]

I've been there. Three times. I just transferred to a school of 23,000, and it's labor day weekend (terribly quiet, very depressing).

I'm a nice person, but I've been a loner all my life.

I have also been a loner all my life, and although I can strike up random conversations, I still have baggage and it is hard to connect with people.

Since this is apparently a lifelong thing for you as well, be patient with yourself. Don't think of being a loner as something that needs to end now. That will only frustrate you further. Take whatever steps you can to meet people, and in the meantime, just accept that you won't be best friends with every other student right from the start.

many people, especially on my floor, already have friends..

Yeah, that confuses me. I don't know exactly how that happens. I guess it's just what people do when they start school. It takes me a while to establish connections.

I just want to go home.

I would strongly advise against doing that. Wait until you have some good friends. You don't want your family to become a reason for being alone.

This site has some good advice, I think. I don't really know what your background is, but I have ADHD and grew up in a box out in the country, so I know what it's like to fall short of celebrity status.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by wildflower001

I've only been at college for 6 hours, and already I feel depressed.

Of course you do! The first six hours are the most depressing. Once you get past them, you'll really enjoy yourself.

I just want to go home. Everyone is at orientation, and I'm in my dorm room, alone, because I don't have any friends, and I don't want to sit alone.

Hahahaaha! Pssst, tell you a secret. You aren't the only one. There are more than a few other people like you, ALSO all alone in their respective dorm rooms, too shy to show their faces.

Don't worry, you'll get to know them soon! After a while, you shy types always find a way to detect each other and connect. It's just the same amazing way that the very rare blue whales manage to locate each other during mating season, across the huge vastness of the oceans.

I know, I should just go to orientation, and get out of my comfort zone, but I'm just too scared. My roommate isn't very talkative, and it doesn't look like we will become much of anything.

Now listen carefully. Here are a few magic words that you need to get out of your mouth, when your roommate is back.

"How was Orientation? I hope you had a good time."

"I really wish I had gone too, but I'm just very shy by nature. I find it difficult to talk to new people."

"I hope I can get used to this place soon."

There! Once you get those words out of your mouth, you're off to a good start. There is a 90% chance that your roommate will understand you; and be willing to help you ease in. There is also a 90% chance that your roommate is also feeling at least a little lonely herself, and is glad to find someone who looks even more lonely .... because then the two of you can be friends!

[Lanya]

Originally Posted by wildflower001

I know, I should just go to orientation, and get out of my comfort zone, but I'm just too scared.

Why is this? What has you scared?

[blueflame]

I remember pretty clearly how miserable the first few months of college were for me, and for many people. The key is, you will get out of college only what you put into it. I'm willing to bet that your dorm mates aren't really the kind you like to hang out with, but thats ok. You should really try to join clubs and social groups, to get out there and find people with similar interests. I would highly recommend at least trying greek life, even if you are a bit put off by the stereotypes, cause it will give you an instant group of cool people to do things with. If it seems bad now, just stick it out. I know also that long distance relationships can really suck, but don't let it dominate your life (my bf at the time was 3,000 miles away at a different school, too..it can be really hard). Try to make the best of your situation and get out there. A college that you hate can turn into the coolest place you've ever been within a few months.

[Savage]

Your emotions will largely follow your actions. You don't have to feel like socializing. You can just do it even if you don't feel like it, and the good feelings will follow as you meet people and start making new friends.

Some people assume that if you're scared of something, then that's a good enough reason not to do it. Actually the exact opposite is true. If you're scared of something, that's exactly why you must do it. If you run from your fears, you'll just grow weaker instead of stronger.

I remember my first week away at college. I went to every social event I could since I knew I'd be happier if I made new friends. On my first or second day in the dorms, I met everyone on my floor and learned their names (about 30 people). Then I said hi to them by name whenever I saw them. This made me a lot of friends very fast, and pretty soon I was going to two parties a week on average and having a blast. I spent more time hanging out in other people's dorm rooms than my own. There were still times when I missed my family and old friends, but I loved making so many new connections in such a short period of time.

[ming]

Originally Posted by wildflower001

I don't want to eat alone, and do things alone.

I'm a nice person, but I've been a loner all my life.

There is a contradiction here.
If you are a loner, you like your own company and doing things alone and eating alone.

[funnyfish]

you say you may not get on with your room mate, i almost always find that who i instantly like i end up disliking and vice versa. after 6 hours! give it 6 months!

[The David]

Yeah, I would drop the loner identity if I were you. And I kind of am you.

Funnyfish: I know exactly what you mean! The people who are the best are the ones I don't really notice at first. The ones I do like and open up to quickly usually have issues like crazy (which is probably why I like them so much).

[Vivacious Woman]

I guess you're just new with the environment. Why not befriends with your classmates and join them whenever they take a break. Going out with friends can ease out your depression. It is a proven activities with me, personally.

[Elrond]

^ I think wildflower have moved on from this particular incident by now... hopefully