My need to look at girls (lust?)

[sonicpunk32]

I didnt know which sub-forum to put this thread in, so here goes.

My problem is that I enjoy looking at girls, many kinds of girls, young and old. At times it gets kind of pervy. I've realized now that this isnt connected to my needing a relationship. No, this is different. As I'm now already in a relationship, yet I still desire other girl's bodies, to look at them (not really to have sex with them). I guess I cant help but notice them. I wish I could capture them and recreate them in my mind, so I can look at them anytime I want to, in any way I want. Does this count as seeking happiness outside of myself because of my ego?

I dont like going outside much, or in places, like my college campus, where there are plenty of girls walking around, because of this. Because, I then become a slave to my wandering eyes. What kind of person does this make me? I'm always happy as long as I get to look, which isnt always because then, people look back and give me the eye, which I dont want. I dont want to give that pervert impression.

[brendannz]

wouldn't lots of guys have this problem? If anyone has any suggestions I'd be keen to hear them too

[pkeod]

Put your obsession to use and start drawing! Being fascinated by the opposite sex is not weird by the way. Unless you're staring at people for so long that they catch you and you just can't stop but they are looking right at you and beginning to get angry?

Maybe you just lack discipline?

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by pkeod

Unless you're staring at people for so long that they catch you and you just can't stop but they are looking right at you and beginning to get angry?

No, I am conscious of the looking. I never want to draw attention to myself or make anybody uncomfortable. I look only when it wouldnt offend the other person, or it wont come to their attention that I'm looking. I have never nor will I ever look at them while they're aware of it and giving me the mean eye making it obvious that they're uncomfortable.

[Dedekind]

Hehehe. Dude. You're looking at girls. That's normal! Just keep looking. Just look away when they start looking at you. But continue looking nonetheless.

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by Dedekind

Hehehe. Dude. You're looking at girls. That's normal! Just keep looking. Just look away when they start looking at you. But continue looking nonetheless.

That is good advice

[Interpreneur]

Sonicpunk32,

I for one don't think this is weird at all, perhaps because I am the same way.

My office is located on the second floor of a shopping center next to a beauty salon, a couple of upscale women's boutiques, a music store, a bar, and a restaurant. I see gorgeous women walking by my window all day, 7 days a week.

During the summer months, with all the skimpy outfits, I hardly get any work done. Like you, I try to be nonchalant about it, especially when my female assistants are in the office, but I wish my eyes were the lense of a camcorder so I could review some of those beautiful images when I go home at night.

I can't imagine working anywhere from now on where I don't have the easy view to the eye candy. I work very hard at being discreet, and I have never had a problem.

Men get caught looking all the time, and some women take it as a compliment, while others get very offended. If you get weird about it (like start rubbing your pants in public), then you might as well register as a sex offender.

Some people might label guys like us as voyeurs, but I don't buy too much into labels. I know what it is for me, and if no one else understands it, that's their problem.

And once again, it's important that you respect the ladies' personal space, and don't let it get out of hand. But it seems to me like you know where the boundaries are, so enjoy the view and don't worry about it too much.

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by Interpreneur

During the summer months, with all the skimpy outfits, I hardly get any work done. Like you, I try to be nonchalant about it, especially when my female assistants are in the office, but I wish my eyes were the lense of a camcorder so I could review some of those beautiful images when I go home at night.

It's good to know that I'm not alone in the wanting to have eyes like a video camera.

My only wish is that someday my girlfriend will understand my need to look, and for her to not get jealous or feel threatened when I look.

[Spartan]

If you look at porn instead you can satisfy your need that way.

[Interpreneur]

Originally Posted by Spartan

If you look at porn instead you can satisfy your need that way.

It doesn't work that way. I don't know about Sonic, but for me it's not even sexual. Even though I have at times fantasized about some of the women I've seen from my window, I barely remember them once they pass by.

For me it's like a hobby I truly enjoy. Like looking at beautiful scenery. Pretty women inspire me. They give me positive energy. Porn does the complete opposite, at least for me.

[sonicpunk32]

Same here, Interpreneur. My desire to look is to appreciate beauty. Their faces, their bodies, perhaps even their personalities. When I see a girl, I dont have a need to have sex with them, but their beauty is captivating. I've seen porn since I was 11, and I've grown tired of it. The first time I saw it, sure, I was new to my sexuality and I didnt understand what was going on when I saw it. But as time went on I realized that I didnt desire sexual intercourse, and that the sexual feelings I was experiencing when I saw the porn was just redirected feelings of desires of love, intimacy, and seeing something I've never seen before (naked bodies). But these days, it just doesnt do it for me, as I've realized sex wasnt what I was looking for, and that taboo feeling of seeing people having sex, well that's long gone. The people I've seen in porn arent that attractive anyway.

Now I am understanding more about my sexuality. And one thing I've come to understand, is a picture is nothing like seeing the real thing, I mean, being in proximity with the real thing. No, the desire to look, for me, is not sexual (in that aspect) at all. I dont see a female and suddenly want to have intercourse with them. It's more of like seeing a unique spec of beauty that the universe has created that you just wish you could capture a piece of so you can remember it by which makes you be more connected with the universe and it's beauty. Every girl is unique.

[eskimo]

Wow sonicpunk & interpreneur, you guys are like romantics or something. Either that or you guys have some esoteric condition that Freud described in his most secret journals .















Oh alright, I'll confess... I too love looking at beautiful women, especially the ones with curves in all the right places and the sweet vibes they emit. It amazes me how even God can create such exquisite creatures .

[pkeod]

No need to bring almighty Zeus into this

sonicpunk32, that's good! Appreciate beauty. I hope you have figured out that this is something that you don't want to stop doing.

[JimOfferman]

Guys look at girls, girls look at guys... anyone who tries to deny that is an idiot!

I can't imagine that I'll stop noticing attractive women when I am in a committed relationship and I fail to see how my noticing that the world is full of beautiful people would diminish my commitment to the relationship. So, unless my girlfriend believes I look better with my eyes gouched out (eek!), she'd better put up with it!

[sonicpunk32]

Yes. I too, hope that my girlfriend will appreciate me looking at other girls besides her. Because It'll be very difficult not to. Sure I can minimize it when I'm in her presense, but If she asks me to never look at them at all, then we would have a problem. But, I have faith in the universe, she will see what I see and appreciate it for what it is, hopefully, someday.

[metamorph]

Honestly, this is absolutely normal. And, women do the same. All the time. I do not think for a moment that men are worse in this respect than women. Women might be a little more subtle though. I hear it all the time from my friends that women checked me out in a very obvious way and as soon I looked back they pretend not to see me. That is part of the our sexuality. Just enjoy it. I let my partners check out other guys and I certainly keep looking myself. No big deal

[Erock]

The main problem here is not that you are looking at girls, but that you are ashamed of it. I used to be like you, now I almost always verbalize my thoughts, and I would do this even if I was in a relationship. It's congruent with how you are feeling, it's honest, and I have never had a girl be mean at all.

Erock sees cute girl. "Wow you look totally cute, what's your name?"

Erock

[The David]

As long as you keep a tight rein on your actions, it doesn't matter that you look at girls passing by. Just don't look in windows, or look at the same girl for an inordinate amount of time.

If you still think it's a problem, come to my school. It's a bloody sausage-fest.

[Vasilisa]

Most women I know (the ones worthy to be looked at) are flattered when men look at them. I do too.. The only thing - too obvious gawking makes me uncomfortable a bit, but never really angry.