Don't see other people as tools for your ego

[metamorph]

This is probably a milestone of my understanding of human interaction.

Can you let others be purely and truly themselves?

Can you interact with them without assigning a purpose to them? Without making them a function of your ego?

A purpose you might unconsciously assign to them might be:
a) to feed your ego by agreeing, smiling or approving you
b) to not challenge your ego by questioning your thoughts or beliefs
c) to be "hot" so you can live your sexuality and feel lust
d) to feed you emotions or energies such as passion, joy or love
e) to compete with you so you can feel superior or inferior
f) to smile at you so you feel reassured you are lovable
g) to give you attention so you will not feel inadequate
h) to laugh at your jokes
i) to play the roles you assign to them in your mind

etc

I realise that I mostly assigned subtle roles to people. Now I learn to appreciate they have a purpose of their own, independant of me and let them expand.

[eskimo]

Interesting ideas, metamorph !

I personally wouldn't use the term ego, but I do think you have to engage others at all times from your own perspective - meaning, not theirs. I think that's the way this whole life algorithm is set up to work.

To me, everyone I come across in my life serves a purpose for me along my spiritual journey. If my experience with them doesn't serve a purpose for me, then it may not be right (or the right time) for me to interact with them.

On the flipside, I think the other person needs to look at it the same way. So if the other person and I are able to develop a solid relationship with the same mindset, then it should result in the so-called "win-win" situation, where both parties are getting what each needs to further his/her advancement along his/her spiritual path.

[metamorph]

Originally Posted by eskimo

Interesting ideas, metamorph !

I personally wouldn't use the term ego, but I do think you have to engage others at all times from your own perspective - meaning, not theirs. I think that's the way this whole life algorithm is set up to work.

Well, I did, but I think you don't do others right if you engage them with a fixed idea in your head what you want to get from them on an ego basis.

Originally Posted by eskimo

To me, everyone I come across in my life serves a purpose for me along my spiritual journey. If my experience with them doesn't serve a purpose for me, then it may not be right (or the right time) for me to interact with them.

Yes, but this is a different level of reality. Spiritually, people I come across are either my friends or my teachers (and sometimes both). Spiritually (=for personal growth) the teachers are often much more important than "friends".
Spiritually, even the people I do not interact with can teach you something (and so,yes you define a "purpose" or "lesson" they teach you). This could be being tolerant to people who are different, to look beyond the form (body) or behaviour or to open your behavioural range or to love people even when they are different. Or not to be offended by certain behaviours or not to be arrogant towards people who are less well-off, or not to be intimidated by assertive behaviours in others etc.

So considering this, every human interaction (apart from the ones that mean physical violence to you) is perfect! Even the ones where others are not on your wave-lenght or when others threaten your ego or do not play the role your ego likes them to play.

Originally Posted by eskimo

On the flipside, I think the other person needs to look at it the same way. So if the other person and I are able to develop a solid relationship with the same mindset, then it should result in the so-called "win-win" situation, where both parties are getting what each needs to further his/her advancement along his/her spiritual path.

If we let others play the roles they choose on the level of form, and let them get the spiritual lessons they choose from the interaction and we do the same, then it is win-win.
If our ego,however, wants others to play certain roles in form just to serve our ego, then it is lose-lose

[Akashic_Librarian]

I am of the mind that if other people can provide me value I will take that value for as long as they provide it.

If I can use other people to make myself happier, I will. (obviously in a moral way)

What I don't like is this "everyone deserves the same, your special, super-warm-golden hug" mentality that your post treads dangerously near.

I believe that certain people are good for only providing a means to anothers end. Preferably MY end, but if someone else can benefit thats fine too.

Also I believe that some people should NOT be used, these are people who are more suitable to providing value on their own terms.

Finally there are people who can't be used, either because they have too little of anything to be worth my attention, or they are simply out of my league at the moment, and therefore have something of value, but of-which I cannot yet obtain.

As much as you want to fight it, or denounce it, we all use other people to get what we want sometimes. Its just animal instinct.

[metamorph]

I am not saying I am right, I just stated my view of my reality. We all create our reality and your post gave me a glimpse of your current reality. Thanks for that!

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

I am of the mind that if other people can provide me value I will take that value for as long as they provide it.

If I can use other people to make myself happier, I will. (obviously in a moral way)

How can other people truly and lastingly make you happier? This implies that you generate your happiness from the outside.

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

What I don't like is this "everyone deserves the same, your special, super-warm-golden hug" mentality that your post treads dangerously near.

Yes, this is my mentality or the mentality I cultivate! Everyone deserves the same. I do not want to live in a reality where the janitor is treated differently than the arch-bishop. "Dangerous" I do not think so. Your perspective is as true to you as mine is to me. Why do you see this mentality as "dangerous" or a threat?

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

I believe that certain people are good for only providing a means to anothers end. Preferably MY end, but if someone else can benefit thats fine too.

That is fine with me, but that is what you will get in return. A world of rugged individualism in which people make others into "objects". A means to what "end"? I do not think my world is better, but it is the world I choose to live in. And if I choose to love and respect you even if you have a completely different view of the world, and even if you might use me as a means to an end if we met in real life, then this is also my choice.

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

Finally there are people who can't be used, either because they have too little of anything to be worth my attention, or they are simply out of my league at the moment, and therefore have something of value, but of-which I cannot yet obtain.

So you imply that the value of someone lies in his money, humour or intellect or power etc? What then would be your own value if you lost all this, or if you had a stroke and became paralysed? Do you not believe in inherent values?

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

As much as you want to fight it, or denounce it, we all use other people to get what we want sometimes. Its just animal instinct.

No! You live in this world that you describe, and I guess a lot of others in our western world do so too. If you choose to see your life as a Darwinian battle, go for it if it works for you. I used to do the same, but I realise that I do not have to do so. There is so much more to life.