My story so far and the persuit of the lifestyle I want

[desuza]

So from the top... Up until the age of 12 i was a popular kid, had a big circle of friends, friends i grew up with all my life, one could say i was as happy as a kid could be.

At the age of 13 my parents moved house, I saw my friends less and less as it was a 30 minute bus journey from my new house. At much the same time I started secondary school, it was about this time in my life everything changed.

My brother (2 years my senior) suffered really badly with bullying, we were kids with ginger hair (ugh! ) and our dad had what was seen as a not very respectable job (scrap metal dealer). As I saw my brother getting bullied and in fights almost daily I guess i pinpointed why he was getting bullied:

1. his hair
2. our dads job

So, while i thought there was nothing i could do about 1. I thought to myself that I could sure as hell avoid talking about/acknowledging 2.

In essence I closed up to my peers, I spent far too much energy avoiding getting to know people so that they wouldnt get to know me...just incase they found out what my dad did...I couldnt allow anyone to know.

I did receive some bullying, which ended up in me moving schools 3 times. with the beauty of hindsight i can see how me shying away and having these 'issues' made me an excellent target, that and my mother being almost hysterical as she'd went through it all and worse with my brother she was quick to move me to other schools.

Anyway, the bullying I'm over...i dont hold any mallice towards anyone that bullied me tho in hindsight i wish id done more to help out my brother as he has some major anger issues which im pretty sure stem from his school days.

Where I'm going with this is that from 13 onwards my social circle and self confidence dwindled... I turned to video games and they became my release. Most of my nights id come home from school, put on my playstation/dreamcast and waste the hours till bed time only to repeat the next day.

That was pretty much my life 13-17, infact even though in college (which i dropped out of after a year) I did make some friends I didn't feel very 'connected' to them and my addiction to games worsened.

Sometime into being 17 I did however start going out with my cousin on the weekend and by sheer luck met a girl who had more issues than I did. We quickly became an item and spent the next 4 years living together. Though she had a lot of 'issues' even she realised we werent suited and finally after a couple of break ups in those 4 years we eventually split.

It was about age 21 that I decided it was time to find some direction, I was working in retail and back living at home...more unhappy than ever!

This was my rock bottom. It was after the split with my ex that I addressed my primary concerns a) getting myself a career and b) getting better with women.

So, I enrolled in college and started reading and watching various dating materials (david deangelo, mystery method, rsd - blueprint etc).

During college this time round i stuck it out..I made a few friends (i use the term loosely...they werent the type of people i could rely on but wed often go for a drink after college) and actually made 1 really good friend. I also asked a girl out from college and went out with her for a few months.

So while some areas of my life are really starting to take off (such as my career) I feel somewhat stifled by my social circle (or lack thereof).

I really have internalized some of the concepts david d and the blueprint put forward. I'm more accepting of myself, I'm confident, I try to draw my happiness from within instead of looking externally, I dont people please.

So where does all this bring me to? I feel some parts of my personality are incongruent with my lifestyle. I'm a self assured, confident guy, I can be funny BUT I just dont have the lifestyle to go with the above.

Outside of work I'm not out that often, I've recently got back in touch with a friend from my early years (knew her from 1-12) which means I occasionally venture out to her place where we sometimes watch films/heroes and have a drink once in a while with a couple of her friends. This alone isnt enough, I feel like the life I lead is miles away from what everyone else has.

I'm guessing most people went through school, made and maintained friendships and do 'stuff'... but because I didn't I dont have many friends, im not doing much 'stuff' and I feel inadequate.

It's like on a large scale I can see where I'm going, in a couple of months ill have joined uni, in a years time ill be travelling thailand (with said friend) and in a few years time ill be in the career I want.

But on a smaller scale, day to day things are just boring....and i dont want them to be!


So what am I looking for here? Well by airing my thoughts it feels already like a weight has been lifted, you, the forum of stevepavlina.com are the first to see my deepest insecurities.

I'm looking for a way to get from boring and predictable to spontaneaous and fun. I of course want to date the women I find most attractive, but that is linked with me having a great life and good circle of friends (which I want irregardless of women)

I guess what I'd like to read is maybe your story and how youve built up the life and friends you love.

p.s. im not really in the best frame of mind and have just spat out my thoughts as they came, this is the thick of how im feeling tho.

Thanks.

[Angela]

Welcome, desuza! I love redheads!!

Desuza, you could use a new story. Your story of how things are is so filled with Buts and focus on what you don't want that I am absolutely exhausted after reading your post! This story that you have told is all about the life you don't want -- and guess what? With this story, with all its explanations, rationalizations, qualifications, and rejections, you are continually generating all that stuff you don't want! It's the story of feeling bad! Cut it out!

The good news is that you have a glimmer of what you do want, and also that you have opened yourself up to the abundance of the universe, namely, Us.

Why not re-write your tale in such a way that it has you feeling good when you relate it to yourself and to others? Feeling good is the way to attract more feeling good. Here's a couple of examples:

I'm a self-assured, funny, confident guy and I am falling more and more in love with my life all the time.

Many areas of my life, like my career, are really taking off, and that great success is overflowing into all the other areas of my life.

I know that I am expanding more and more into fun, spontaneity, and connection, and knowing that feels very good! As I expand, fun and interesting people are being drawn into my orbit, and my social circle is expanding. I look forward to meeting the abundance of intelligent, interesting, fun people at university and in Thailand. In the meanwhile, I am opening myself up to being interested in people I encounter NOW.

It's fun to recognize that I have all the power in the world to be interested, excited, and joyful about my life.

Turn towards what you want. And please post your photo in the photo section! Did I mention I love redheads?

[abcZen]

Pretty funny, we have a lot of things in common:

- Red hair
- Dropped out of college
- English (I'll assume this as it seems to be the only place where red hair is an 'issue')
- I've watched the blueprint, more out of interest than picking up women
- Really want to sort out my focus and career

Your story is eerily similar to mine. If it helps I'm now living a life of abundance and know I'm on the right 'path'. I moved abroad, got my dream job and am doing what I love - with lots of friends in the mix.

I think you might find this post useful:

Are you living a Scripted Life?

[Eisho]

Originally Posted by desuza

I'm looking for a way to get from boring and predictable to spontaneaous and fun. I of course want to date the women I find most attractive, but that is linked with me having a great life and good circle of friends (which I want irregardless of women)

I guess what I'd like to read is maybe your story and how youve built up the life and friends you love.

p.s. im not really in the best frame of mind and have just spat out my thoughts as they came, this is the thick of how im feeling tho.

Thanks.

I wish I had a quick and easy solution to tell you, but I don't. You need to become your own agent of change. Acknowledging the problems you have and establishing what you want is the first step, but now you have to go out and make those things happen for yourself. Really, you just need to start going out more. Make it a point to accept invitations for drinks, parties etc. and take things from there.

For me personally, a major turning point in my life was beginning martial arts 20+ years ago. This fully absorbed me and opened up a new world with new people in, people that I respected immensely and wanted to emulate. Though I wasn't lacking in confidence, nevertheless my confidence level shot up higher. I think finding something that truly challenges you is important to enjoying life. Most of life is not challenging, it is routine and provides no chance for insight or real introspection. Find something and someone (a mentor) who will push you in a direction you wish to go in.

Cheers,

Eisho

[desuza]

Originally Posted by Angela

Welcome, desuza! I love redheads!!

Desuza, you could use a new story. Your story of how things are is so filled with Buts and focus on what you don't want that I am absolutely exhausted after reading your post! This story that you have told is all about the life you don't want -- and guess what? With this story, with all its explanations, rationalizations, qualifications, and rejections, you are continually generating all that stuff you don't want! It's the story of feeling bad! Cut it out!

The good news is that you have a glimmer of what you do want, and also that you have opened yourself up to the abundance of the universe, namely, Us.

Why not re-write your tale in such a way that it has you feeling good when you relate it to yourself and to others? Feeling good is the way to attract more feeling good. Here's a couple of examples:



Turn towards what you want. And please post your photo in the photo section! Did I mention I love redheads?

you may have a point there, i think ill print it off and read it every morning.

Just need to be more spontaneous/fun!

[desuza]

Originally Posted by abcZen

Pretty funny, we have a lot of things in common:

- Red hair
- Dropped out of college
- English (I'll assume this as it seems to be the only place where red hair is an 'issue')
- I've watched the blueprint, more out of interest than picking up women
- Really want to sort out my focus and career

Your story is eerily similar to mine. If it helps I'm now living a life of abundance and know I'm on the right 'path'. I moved abroad, got my dream job and am doing what I love - with lots of friends in the mix.

I think you might find this post useful:

Are you living a Scripted Life?

it helps immensly to know someone has been there and came out the other end on the right path, im gonna check out that link now thanks

[desuza]

Originally Posted by Eisho

I wish I had a quick and easy solution to tell you, but I don't. You need to become your own agent of change. Acknowledging the problems you have and establishing what you want is the first step, but now you have to go out and make those things happen for yourself. Really, you just need to start going out more. Make it a point to accept invitations for drinks, parties etc. and take things from there.

For me personally, a major turning point in my life was beginning martial arts 20+ years ago. This fully absorbed me and opened up a new world with new people in, people that I respected immensely and wanted to emulate. Though I wasn't lacking in confidence, nevertheless my confidence level shot up higher. I think finding something that truly challenges you is important to enjoying life. Most of life is not challenging, it is routine and provides no chance for insight or real introspection. Find something and someone (a mentor) who will push you in a direction you wish to go in.

Cheers,

Eisho

I did do a martial art for 2.5 years when i was in my teens and i loved it, perhaps when i move i can find another style to try. I agree a mentor would be cool, but how does one go ahead finding one?