Being funny

[Lauxa]

I want to become more funny. I have a melancholy/pensive/serious demeanor and I don't know the first thing about how to make clever and witty jokes, except for what can be learned from google in about 2 hours of research.

I don't want to do stand-up or perform in front of a crowd, I just want to be able to make people laugh in ordinary conversation.

I'm thinking about buying a book. Any recommendations?

[veranadine]

This is probably more about becoming more comfortable with conversing and being around other people in the first place.

When we consciously or subconsciously feel uncomfortable in a situation it can be hard to be completely relaxed and open.

If you are feeling tense at all and find yourself worrying what you may say next, it is unlikely that you will be at the level of ease from which impromptu humorous statements flow.

I hope that helps.

Blessings,

[Lauxa]

Although it is true that I have some anxiety in unfamiliar social situations, I am generally comfortable around friends and family. But still not funny.

[JimOfferman]

Here's the secret to being funny: don't try to be funny!

What I mean is this: whenever you say something with the intention being funny, it will come out sounding awkward at best. Don't do that!

If something is funny, just plain say it. Only then will it actually be funny.

That's all.


Ooh, and another thing: it's perfectly alright if you are the only person in the room who thinks something is funny. They can't all have your excellent sense of humor, can they?

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

Although it is true that I have some anxiety in unfamiliar social situations, I am generally comfortable around friends and family. But still not funny.

Do you ever think of witty things to say? Some people are just naturally witty/funny.

[Dan.Linehan]

I quote Chappelle sometimes, seems to get laughs.

Helps to watch a lot of stand-up and see whose styles you match up with. I like Patton Oswalt too.

[Savage]

Being funny is definitely a learnable/teachable skill. I have seen some very unfunny people develop their humor skills with great effect.

My suggestion is to start reading John Kinde's humor skills blog at Humor Power. Also be sure to sign up for his free newsletter. He shares many insights on the nature of humor, breaking it down step by step. John is a local friend of mine who has an amazing wit, especially in his skill with spontaneous observational humor. He also manages a local comedy improv troupe in Vegas.

The next thing is that you need to start practicing. John runs frequent humor contests on his blog where he accepts reader submissions. Start competing in those, and see if you can make the top 3 now and then. Erin and I have contributed to some of these contests as well, and I've helped judge quite a few of them.

[Lauxa]

Thanks Steve. I knew you'd been working on your comedic skills through Toastmasters and hoped you'd have a suggestion on where to start.

I have been told my writing is amusing/humorous, but in actual conversations I usually either don't talk much or I am more serious.

I don't really want to do the crude or racist humor found in many stand-up comedy routines. I would have to say my favorite comedian right now is Stephen Colbert. I love how he can give a funny twist to current events. I haven't even been keeping up with the news lately because I find it so depressing, but it would be great to be able to develop a more lighthearted perspective on life.

Okay, I'm off to check out that blog!

[Angela]

Lauxa, you might want to try taking an improv class. I know you're not interested in performing, but you don't have to; you can just take the class without doing the little show that they usually put on at the end of the eight weeks or whatever.

The advantage is that you learn how to really listen and be present, which is at least half of being funny! I was pretty scared when I went into my first class, but it quickly just turned into a playdate with 5 or 6 other people (all kinds -- including a well-known actress!) We warmed up for half an hour with fun games that are meant to loosen us up and shake off the nerves, then in groups of 2 or 3 you go up in front of the others (not a real stage, just in front of a bunch of chairs) and do little guided improvs. The great thing is a good teacher helps you be funny and relax, she won't let you suck too badly. And even if you suck, the other people in the class tend to be VERY supportive and you'll find yourself supporting the others and wanting them to have fun.

I found that after leaving the class, I was just floppy and loose and relaxed and excited, and it really affected how spontaneous and light-hearted I could be with other people in the real world. I really recommend giving it a try.

Plus: it's really scary, isn't it, just to contemplate it? The triumph of taking on something that scares you is incredible! Really gives you power!

[The Cloud]

Keep in mind that even if you say something funny, people often won't laugh if you don't sound like you're saying something funny unless you're using very deadpan humor. Also, timing is key. If you think of something funny, but the time in the conversation when it would be relevant is past, just hold onto it unless it is absolutely hilarious.

Humor is often based on unexpected connections. Using words in ways different than usual, relating real life to a well-known TV show, anything unexpected or taboo. So if you make an unusual observation, ask yourself how you can make that connection seem humorous.

[lasti]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

I want to become more funny. I have a melancholy/pensive/serious demeanor
?

Maybe you should start with becoming more positive. See everything from a point of distance. Don't take yourself or the world around you too serious.

[Bruce Achterberg]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

Thanks Steve. I knew you'd been working on your comedic skills through Toastmasters and hoped you'd have a suggestion on where to start.

I have been told my writing is amusing/humorous, but in actual conversations I usually either don't talk much or I am more serious.

I don't really want to do the crude or racist humor found in many stand-up comedy routines. I would have to say my favorite comedian right now is Stephen Colbert. I love how he can give a funny twist to current events. I haven't even been keeping up with the news lately because I find it so depressing, but it would be great to be able to develop a more lighthearted perspective on life.

Okay, I'm off to check out that blog!

Practice is my advice.

I can't make humour appear out of nowhere, but I can see opportunities for it easily enough, and I'm pretty good at capitalising on it.

I probably have a bit of a reputation for trying harder than most people with humour, but I'm mostly interested to see if I can get someone to laugh (my maximiser talent shows itself again). So while I try hard, in the end, most people only remember the laughing. Probably.

Do note that humour is different for writing, speaking, and general coversation. I.e. I originally tried using "writing" humour in a written speech, and boy didn't it work. You have to tap into what I call "speech humour." Basically, speech humour has to be pretty dumbed down and lead people somewhere. You want to feed people something that will give them an opportunity to "get" and then laugh about it. It's often less witty than what you can get away with in conversations or writing, but it seems effective.

While I originally sucked at humour speech writing, I can at least write some decent humour into a short speech when I want to. (Longer speeches are another story. I usually have trouble trying to optimise humour in an open space. I need some base material to work with and make comparisons, etc.) Impromptu humour is pretty easy, since it's much like conversational humour, but putting humour into a prepared speech that you give without the guidance of a script I find challenging. Something about the combo of "managing your speaking skills" (blocking, the pace you speak at, gestures, trying but failing to maintain audience connection) and "remembering the speech" takes up most of your mental ram to the point where "recognise humour" can't fit within your already-full process list.

If all else fails, just make an idiot out of yourself and people will laugh at you. You don't want to be selfish, right? (That would have failed in a speech, and it probably failed here, too. )

[Bruce Achterberg]

Originally Posted by Angela

Plus: it's really scary, isn't it, just to contemplate it? The triumph of taking on something that scares you is incredible! Really gives you power!

Reminds me of something I heard in a speech the other night at Toastmasters.

The speaker talked about how we do certain activities to give ourselves power since we can have power over them. I.e. Not buying that icecream on the shelf gives us power over our cravings. Gardening gives us power because we have power over something else. Exercise gives us power over ourselves. Etc.

I seem to resist that model for some reason, but I can see that it holds true pretty often. I guess I just don't like the interpretation of power. For me, power comes from alignment, not from control. It's a different feeling, although you can still experience control-type power in that context, you just don't identify with it. I guess I'm talking about unconscious and conscious power.

[Angela]

Bruce, I think you misunderstood what I meant by the power that is generated when you take on something that scares you.

It's not, as you seem to be seeing, that it gives you control, or the illusion of control -- quite the opposite, actually. Taking on something like improv means really boldly and dynamically giving up control.

No, I think if something scares you (that inauthentic kind of scare -- anxiety -- not the authentic scare you would have if a bear were chasing you), you are being called for a life lesson. Having an emotional charge about an opportunity can signal an opportunity for dynamic alignment much more feeling neutral about it. Of course, to reach that alignment, sometimes you have to pivot your habitual fright into something that works better, like excitement!

[Love]

One of my friends just exaggerates everything. She has me cracking up all the time.

[Lauxa]

Just wanted to post back on this so you wonderful people don't think your advice is going into a black hole...

@Angela: I looked into an improv class. I didn't think I would be able to find anything to fit my schedule, but I found a class that meets Saturdays that would work. This month I have a vacation planned so would miss 2 of the 6 classes, but I'll check again next month. At first I thought an improv class would not be scary, only impractical. But once I started to see that it was possible I realized that it is also rather scary. Sounds like fun.

@Love: I like that advice, I think just using more exagerated movements and voice tonality could add a lot to my persona. I have added "animated" to the list of qualities to work on.

@Steve: I checked out that website and read a bunch of the articles. I even attempted writing some one-liners for the joke contest, an exercise I enjoyed. Not sure if I got any useful tips from the articles, except that self-deprecating humor is the safest. But I will be back for the joke contests.

So, thanks for all the advice, and I'm going to keep working on this.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by Love

One of my friends just exaggerates everything. She has me cracking up all the time.

Exaggeration is one of many forms of humor. A good example of a comedian that relies heaviliy on exaggeration is Chris Rock. He'll take a normally tense topic and exaggerate the heck out of it. If you watch some of his clips on YouTube, you'll be able to see how he employs exaggeration to get lots of laughs.

[Lauxa]

I found a great free online book by Jim Foreman on how to write humor, I am only part way through but loving it so far:
How to Write Humor - Chapter menu page

Also I'm going to a free improv class tomorrow. Wish me luck.

[forynav]

hey Lauxa, do you crack yourself up?

[Boreas]

I think what people say here about timing and emphasis is good. A lot of times it is what is said, or what isn't. I always try to look for unusual relationships, or try create some kind of absurd habit in my life:

1. Always eating chocolate
2. Acting like I love rainy days more than sunny ones
3. Pretending like it is fun to talk about the days of the week

I think it is taking the ordinary and then being sarcastic or absurd about it.

And I don't usually drop links, but here is a Chris Rock youtube link:
YouTube - Chris Rock- View on Love and Relationships

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

I don't really want to do the crude or racist humor found in many stand-up comedy routines. I would have to say my favorite comedian right now is Stephen Colbert. I love how he can give a funny twist to current events. I haven't even been keeping up with the news lately because I find it so depressing, but it would be great to be able to develop a more lighthearted perspective on life.

Not really. A comedian means a stand up comedian. He's a comedic actor. It's funny how loosely the word comedian is thrown around these days. He's not a stand up and as far as I know has never really put in the dues to be a stand up. He's a great talent. That's for sure, but he has a whole staff of writers helping him on his show. He doesn't write it all himself. I'm not sure anyone could actually write it all themselves and be that funny every single show.

Now, to be funny, you really have to practice. Also, hang out with funny people and participate as much as you can. Taking an improv class might be a good way to go. I would recommend that because it teaches you to be funny without thinking.

[Lauxa]

I almost wussied out but then I thought "no, I posted in the Steve Pavlina forums that I was going so I have to go."

It was pretty fun, waay outside my comfort zone and I felt I really had to stretch. I was pretty much shaking with adrenaline during most of the class. I also noticed that many of the skills we were practicing would be applicable in real-world situations. You have to learn to be very present. I don't think the next 8-week block of classes will fit in my schedule, but I'd definitely like to pursue this further when I have the opportunity.

[forynav]

Improv is one of my passions. You can also join us online at idiotsite.com. We have a chat that plays improv games online. yay!

[Plato]

Don't bother. Women aren't funny.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding!!

Practice I guess.

[Marco Polo]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

Here's the secret to being funny: don't try to be funny!

What I mean is this: whenever you say something with the intention being funny, it will come out sounding awkward at best. Don't do that!

This. Forced humor usually fails. You should just be relaxed, and when the timing is right, point out something really obvious or something with shock value. I'll give you an example. I was sitting and talking with a girl once, in a very casual and relaxed sort of way. This girl was wearing a t-shirt with a picture of a cat printed on the front side. After talking there was a short moment where we sat quietly, and I broke the silence by remarking, in a normal tone of voice: "you have a cat on your titties". That there was a funny moment, but there was nothing forced about it (keep in mind I knew this girl well and you shouldn't be saying stuff like that to any random person). Obviously many people who use humour don't succeed very well, but it's true you can at least improve yourself to an extent. Humor is an attitude, and attitudes are partially learnable. I would suggest listening to stand-up comedians like Daniel Tosh, watch the Monty Python series and Blackadder, or better yet read humorous books. Terry Pratchet is basically in a class of his own. Also, you become like the people you associate with. Observe the funny people in your environment.

[Boreas]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

I almost wussied out but then I thought "no, I posted in the Steve Pavlina forums that I was going so I have to go."

Word to that. Way to go, and keep it up!

[Dannyboy1]

You can see my comedy at www.newyorkcomic.com

[Boreas]

Originally Posted by Dannyboy1

You can see my comedy at www.newyorkcomic.com

Way cool, you went to New York and made it. Do you have a thread with more of your story or good experiences?

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by Boreas

Way cool, you went to New York and made it. Do you have a thread with more of your story or good experiences?

I really should write down some of my stories. It's been, and still is, a roller coaster ride.

[Boreas]

Only way to go really, stability and comfort are overrated... OK they are not overrated, but still, not worth settling for.