Lonely wolves?

[placebo]

I'd like to know are singles more in a mood for PD or there are no rules for having desire to grow.

[daveangeles]

Great question. I've personally noticed that I am more interested in improving myself (and have the time to do so) when not in a relationship.

Look at me now: single and thriving. When you get in a relationship it can be fantastic, but mine tend to be time consuming.

I've got my financial challenges totally under control now (thanks to the people here giving wise advice, in part!) and am in the best physical shape of my life.

This may just be me, but I use times when I'm single to improve the whole 'package' of who I am.

[Alvin]

That's a pretty sweeping generalization to make, isn't it?

I've always been in love with personal development, girlfriend or not.

And like I've said in a previous thread, I've found being in a relationship one of the toughest and bestest personal growth tools you can ever find.

[Alex]

Originally Posted by daveangeles

Great question. I've personally noticed that I am more interested in improving myself (and have the time to do so) when not in a relationship.

Look at me now: single and thriving. When you get in a relationship it can be fantastic, but mine tend to be time consuming.

I've got my financial challenges totally under control now (thanks to the people here giving wise advice, in part!) and am in the best physical shape of my life.

This may just be me, but I use times when I'm single to improve the whole 'package' of who I am.

I can see where you are coming from when you say that being in a relationship is time consuming. On the other hand, when you are single you are usually looking/dating which can be time consuming as well. The ideal situation to get yourself in to is find a mate that is also into personal development. This way you kill off the ''having to see each other'' time with some nice PD I think Steve and Erin are perfect together in this respect.

[Isis Kali]

Heh. Funny. I just wrote a blog about that (sorry if the link is self-promoting, but I SWEAR it's exactly about just this thing). Get outta my head!

I'm fine alone, but I'm fine with someone. Almost. I'm getting there.

[placebo]

Originally Posted by Alvin

That's a pretty sweeping generalization to make, isn't it?

I've always been in love with personal development, girlfriend or not.

And like I've said in a previous thread, I've found being in a relationship one of the toughest and bestest personal growth tools you can ever find.

No, i don't think it is generalization. Maybe it would be better if i asked did you start with PD when you were single. When i feel that someone loves me i don't have need for change.

[Ann]

Yes, since I am single, I always find time with PD, while I am in the process of manifesting my intentions in looking for a long-term relationship

I do have a potential soul mate, but it's the wrong timing.

By focusing on PD, it always makes me feel good and I become more positive every day!

[LillyoftheValley]

If your partner is afraid of your growth and change, of course you will double-check the next time you bring out the topic of PD at dinner.

I too had a massive improvement each time I went for PD solo. You feel powerful because there nothing to stop you.

But what builds momentum (I wrote monument!) to my self development is making it a contribute to a partnership. Even if each of you work on different aspect of PD, and questioning each other's results, it can only be for the better. You're not into PD exclusively for your own benefit. You may start out it that way, but you'll eventually get to the point of a greater good. Havin someone to test your new 'goodies' first-hand is way more fun! This way you realize the greatness on a daily basis. And it's always a win-win deal. And did I say it's way more fun, too?!

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

I think in my case PD is essntial for me to have a good relationship. I'm not in one now, but using EFT and other PD techniques, I've figured out why old relationships went wrong. I'm no longer the person who was in those relationships. Here's to the chance to try it out!!

Joy!
Hazel

[placebo]

As i predicted loners are leading in our poll. Are we truly honest to ourselves? Do we want to change because of personal development or we want to be better person for someone else? People in happy relationships are much more satisfied with themselves than singles but in some crazy way solitude is actually very useful in a person's growth.

If you can choose, would you rather be alone for a very long time but develop yourself in a person you want to be or would you rather have one person for whole life who loves you even if you're shallow?

[Baltar]

Originally Posted by placebo

If you can choose, would you rather be alone for a very long time but develop yourself in a person you want to be or would you rather have one person for whole life who loves you even if you're shallow?

I don't think it has to be either/or. The only problem I can see is if the person you're with wants you to remain the way you are. I had this happen with former friends -- I had to simply let go of them because they wanted me to remain like them and I wanted to grow and live a different kind of life. But this happened only because I got interested in PD many years after I became friends with these people. If you get into a relationship when you're already into PD then your SO should be aware of it (and if they're not you need to make sure they are!) and be accepting of it off the bat, even if they themselves aren't interested in PD. Other than that though, unless you're only interested in PD to become a more attractive mate (thus dropping it once you get into a relationship), then there's no reason you wouldn't continue with PD even if you get into a relationship.

[Scott H Young]

You can pursue personal development, motivated by pain or motivated by joy.

Pain motivates stronger and more powerfully than pleasure does. When you aren't in a relationship and want to be in one (or are in one and want to be in a better one) you can be motivated by pain to make changes to your life and yourself.

Joy can motivate you through a sense of purpose, fun and exploration.

Steve talked about this in his post about the difference between self-acceptance and personal growth.

It isn't always possible to just turn these things on and off, though. If you are feeling pain in your life, you can't just tell yourself that I'm going to be motivated by joy instead. Self-acceptance combined with motivation through joy is probably the ideal state to be in, but just knowing so doesn't make it so.

Being motivated by pain and acting in accordance to that is still a step up in the consciousness ladder from giving up or settling.

I've struggled with trying to move from motivation from pain/desires of the self, to motivation from purpose and joy, but it takes time and isn't just an epiphany away. You need to slowly work at it.

For those of you who are alone and want to be with someone, motivation from pain towards your own improvement may not feel as good as motivation through purpose and joy, but fighting onwards is always a step above giving up. Good luck to you.

[Michael Chui]

Before I answer the poll...

What the hell is "a relationship"? I have parents, I have siblings, I have extended family, I have friends, teachers, coworkers, bosses, students, contacts, and so on and so on.

[legend]

I started in PD while single but have continued through several relationships.
I have found that everyone who wants to grow needs space and time to open up to new ideas. This is available to everyone regardless.
Find the true purpose for growth and you will make time for it

[skydust]

i have been doing PD all my life, regardless of being single or not. for me it is an ongoing thing, a way of life. i feel that it has gone on a bit of a growth spurt since ive been single though..

[Angela]

[quote=placebo;23397]As i predicted loners are leading in our poll.QUOTE]

That's only because the people in relationships are too busy having sex to respond to the poll.

If I hadn't been doing the pd work I've been doing over the years, I wouldn't have been prepared for the wonderful relationship I'm in. Danger Man and I are committed to making each other's lives better. It's great to have a partner in personal growth. It helps that he's hot.

[WayToTwilight]

Originally I had gotten into PD because I was a very depressed person all the time. Eventually I thought to myself, am I just doing this because I don't want to be depressed or because I know other people/friends/girls don't like depressed people and I want them to like me? Well I think the answer is both... because I realized that relationships are important, very important to PD. So in that sense, I realized I won't stop PD even if I had girlfriend. In fact I'd want to experience a romantic relationship as a means for PD (not saying I'd just want to use girls as a tool... but I believe you can learn a lot about yourself when in a relationship as well as fulfilling our romantic desires).

[dcaldwell]

I was married with kids when I started (still am, but with more kids), but I wasn't single much either. My wife mildly supports what I do; she doesn't actively do it herself, but some of what I do does rub off. I don't require her unwavering support to do it ... and there are no negative consequences I can think of in doing PD. Maintaining the relationship is certainly time-consuming, but I'd go insane if I didn't do something just for myself, and subsequently annex the time to do it. Just because she loves me and I don't "need" to improve myself doesn't mean I'm completely satisfied. That's a complacent if not self-defeating attitude IMHO. Even if I were single, I'd still be doing it. A relationship doesn't change that.