What do women find physically attractive in a man?

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Thanks Matt, you've really made my day! *Grabs knife and slits wrists*

Well, I apologize if I hurt your feelings.

I'm a really upfront and direct guy by nature.

I just like to say it how it is.

Dating can be a cruel cruel world, it can be downright mean, and because I actually want to get results for people there is no other option than tell the absolute truth, even if it stings.

[Fullcrum]

Looks are a non-issue.

Girls say they have preferences, but it really doesn't matter. Like zero. Looks mean NOTHING if you are a man and want girls.

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

Looks are a non-issue.

Girls say they have preferences, but it really doesn't matter. Like zero. Looks mean NOTHING if you are a man and want girls.

5 stars.

An angel from heaven must have sent you :P

[Fullcrum]

Actually, RSD sent me.

J/k.

I just speak from what I know from experience and also my interest in smashing limiting beliefs. And I read all RSD stuff. All the blogs.

Girls are what got me into personal development. How funny is THAT?! Of course one's life is bigger than girls.

[lasti]

Originally Posted by mattpd

Women tend to love and want to tell you what they want in a man, what their type is, what they find physically attractive, and whats on their list, but this matters zero. If in doubt, ask a woman for her list, and then compare it to her last 3 boyfriends.

That's why I never had any boyfriends.

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Matt there are women who have shortcomings in this department too, I don't see why it is a one-sided game?

In the future I believe psychology will progress to a stage where mental illnesses such as depression and social anxiety are properly understood. Because right now people can only make guesses about them. I also believe that not all women have social confidence as their number one priority in a man (girls correct me if I'm wrong). This belief you propagate only makes my anxiety come back, I don't know why I started this conversation to be honest, I knew it wouldn't end well.

Attraction is actually a much different process for men and women.

Don't think of social anxiety as a mental illness.

The way I explain it to guys is that its like going to the gym and doing bench press. Everybody can bench press something. It might be 5kg, or it might 50kg, and with some regular workouts, you can improve it.

Same with handling social pressure. Some guys freak out at meeting some new people for the first time, and some guys can walk up to some girl on the dance floor at a nightclub and starting dancing away without talking. The key is to slowly improve it, and be happy with all your success, each step of the way.

People can argue with me all they like about what is attractive, and how all women are different, and what works, etc etc, but I guess I need to know the facts because I get paid to demonstrate it on demand.

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by Spartan

I don't know where to begin with this post, it just makes me sad. But it pays your bills I guess.

I've helped 100s of guys improve the quality of their life immensely.

As humans, we get so much happiness from the quality of our personal relationships, especially intimate ones, and there is just nowhere reliable to learn this stuff.

I dont do it for the money :P

[Fullcrum]

What's wrong with matt's post, Spartan?

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

What's wrong with matt's post, Spartan?

I find it highly intolerable that Matt claims the concept of attraction has apparently been scientifically proven to be totally under the influence of evolutionary biology, and is out of our immediate control, whereas all other emotional concepts such as anxiety etc are merely choices. Hmm...

He refuses to accept any other opinions on the matter, even in spite of contradictory evidence, for example Rose's post.

[Agoge]

Originally Posted by Spartan

I find it highly intolerable that Matt claims the concept of attraction has apparently been scientifically proven to be totally under the influence of evolutionary biology, and is out of our immediate control, whereas all other emotional concepts such as anxiety etc are merely choices. Hmm...

To be fair to mattpd, he's basically right about sexual attraction.

For people, when you ask what an attractive quality for them specifically would be, they usually start with the assumption that their ideal mate would already have the minimum traits required for basic sexual attraction.

For example, if you ask me what kind of mate I'd like, I might tell you about a woman's personality, her charm, her outgoingness - but unconsciously in my head I already imagine a young-looking, fit and attractive woman. It's not fair to mattpd to discount his apparently vast experience here. I believe him.

Also you wrote that because it's "evolutionary biology" it's out of our control. Not really true, either: women respond more to behavioral cues from men, while men look at visual clues in women. It's just how we're wired. Both women and men have a high degree of control over these two variables.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Agoge

women respond more to behavioral cues from men, while men look at visual clues in women. It's just how we're wired. Both women and men have a high degree of control over these two variables.

I would appreciate a source other than Matt's personal experience. How can you make the claim "it's just how we're wired" and expect to be unchallenged? Have you actually studied neuroscience? I doubt it.

[Agoge]

Originally Posted by Spartan

I would appreciate a source other than Matt's personal experience. How can you make the claim "it's just how we're wired" and expect to be unchallenged? Have you actually studied neuroscience? I doubt it.

Well, have you?

My sources include my personal experience, as well, if that helps. And my friends'.

Not to mention the works of Matt Ridley and Geoffrey Miller.

I don't want to come across as closing off the subject of "attraction" to any further debate. It's just so obvious to me that it seems silly to question it, like questioning the biological need to pee.

[Agoge]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Ok, but explain this then:

I used to have social anxiety when speaking in class, for example I had anxiety attacks in front of everyone, made a fool of myself. Not socially confident behaviour. However, I still had girl's attracted to me. How do you explain that exception?

There are many people with social anxiety who have girlfriends and I know really shy unconfident men who are married. I just don't see how Matt's rule of attraction stands ground when there are so many exceptions?

Well, for one, lots of unattractive people get married. Think of it this way: men, as a general rule, are sexually attracted to gorgeous bikini models, right? But as a woman it doesn't take the body of a bikini model to find a man who will marry you. So I don't think that exactly disproves anything.

As for your social anxiety and attraction in class, I'm not sure anyone ever said outgoingness necessarily equals attraction. I've known lots of apparently outgoing guys who don't succeed with women. I'd like to hear more context about your specific situation, though. What were your first impressions with these girls like? What's your barometer for knowing these women were attracted to you?

[Agoge]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Well for a start, I didn't get down on myself, instead I carried on as normal and spoke to them more confidently after I had already embarrassed myself.

Well, there you go!

[Fullcrum]

Instead of asking for proof, look at results.

Matt's results seem believeable because I've seen men and know of people who live a lifestyle like what he's talking about.

I don't really know what's evolutionary or whatnot, and it doesn't really matter.

Anxiety can be overcome.

I wouldn't take advice from someone who's not living the lifestyle and gets the results I want. Why should we? Do we listen to fat nutritionists on how to eat and live? No. Do we listen to evolutionary biologists without girlfriends or with relationship problems about what gets girls? No. They aren't devalued as people: they just don't get results.

So there is absolutely no offence when we choose to listen to the viewpoint, mindsets, etc. of someone with abundance with women as opposed to someone with mild anxiety. It's not like we don't listen to the person with anxiety - in fact we should listen closely because any one of us could have been in those circumstances given a different past. However, we don't go to them for advice, or mindsets, or beliefs.

Remember, we are all doing the best we can. So look at the people with the results and reserve your judgement of their character for later.

[Fullcrum]

The second thing, being confident in one situation and not in another, is situational confidence. That occurs when you allow external things to give you the sense of confidence. Actually, it should come from inside. For no reason. It's a default - you're BORN with it. But most of us lose it later in life, like say older childhood and young teen (at least for me and I've heard most others).

Anyway, external things become a crutch by which you allow yourself to feel good, in absence of the true sense of self - your core. So certain situations you allow yourself to feel confident, but it will go away when the situation disappears.

If you want a massive diatribe on what I just said, indulge yourself with this blog post (Real Social Dynamics - Alex Attitude » Blog Archive » Who Are You?). I think this will answer all your questions. BTW allow yourself to feel the words in this entry here.

BTW I'm also attracted to the shy girls. It's similar to what you said. But I think generally as your confidence increases, unless you make a deliberate effort to the contrary, you'll naturally attract more confident people.

It's a natural progression, no lie. Don't stress over it .

[sheffy4]

i agree with a previous poster in that I find "natural" looking men attractive, probably because, like her, I feel like I am a "natural" girl who prefers not to wear makeup and wears comfortable clothing.
I would also like to say that I am attracted to physical features on a man that give me hints into who he is. For instance, I find long/shaggy hair attractive because I associate that with someone who is openminded, sexually confident, and fun. Same with a couple piercings. But on the other hand, too many piercings or tattoos remind me of other people I have known with psychological issues and drug dependencies, so I normally don't find that attractive. Also, I like a guy who is physically active and can go on hikes and play sports with me, so if he is 300 lbs I probably won't be attracted because I will assume he isn't athletic.
I like a guy who dresses in clothes that fit, not baggy pants (which makes me think he is immature and kind of idiodic), and not super tight clothes because that also looks immature to me, or tells me that he is really into his own looks, maybe a player. But if his clothes fit, and they are in decent condition, I feel like he takes care of himself, and therefore has the ability to have a healthy relationship with someone else. If you can't even take care of yourself enough to look clean and decent when you go out in public, then I begin to wonder much worse it is in private.
I guess I read a lot into little things, but it's fun to try to understand why I am attracted to certain appearances.

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by sheffy4

i agree with a previous poster in that I find "natural" looking men attractive, probably because, like her, I feel like I am a "natural" girl who prefers not to wear makeup and wears comfortable clothing.
I would also like to say that I am attracted to physical features on a man that give me hints into who he is. For instance, I find long/shaggy hair attractive because I associate that with someone who is openminded, sexually confident, and fun. Same with a couple piercings. But on the other hand, too many piercings or tattoos remind me of other people I have known with psychological issues and drug dependencies, so I normally don't find that attractive. Also, I like a guy who is physically active and can go on hikes and play sports with me, so if he is 300 lbs I probably won't be attracted because I will assume he isn't athletic.
I like a guy who dresses in clothes that fit, not baggy pants (which makes me think he is immature and kind of idiodic), and not super tight clothes because that also looks immature to me, or tells me that he is really into his own looks, maybe a player. But if his clothes fit, and they are in decent condition, I feel like he takes care of himself, and therefore has the ability to have a healthy relationship with someone else. If you can't even take care of yourself enough to look clean and decent when you go out in public, then I begin to wonder much worse it is in private.
I guess I read a lot into little things, but it's fun to try to understand why I am attracted to certain appearances.

In my experience something can happen with women (and men) where a good or bad experience can influence the attraction switches that operate below the realms of consciousness.

For example, you will have a girl who doesn't really like black guys but meets one and it "just happens" and its like totally amazing. So she associates many good emotions to black guys, so thats pretty much all she dates.

Or a guy who dates a tall blonde woman and she treats him like trash, so he doesn't really find them all so attractive in the future, he likes more natural less-good looking girls.

Someone with good energy can overcome those switches, but there always needs to be that first time, and sometimes those switches don't come from a real experience, it can like something on tv. But, I must say if you fall in-line with that mental image of that ideal guy type thing attraction can be intense!

[ellie]

I'm not too concerned about looks. I for some reason tend to attract extreme sports guys, like skateboarders, snowboarders etc. I don't know why, because I am the least sporty person out there and it's not like I hang around skateboard ramps and the such, it's very strange. Personally I'm not attracted to these type of guys, I like them as friends, but I don't find them "deep enough". Not all of course, that's a bit of a generalization I wonder why I attract skateboarders and the like? I'm not young either, close to 30.

But what I like, is a guy that likes to try and understand human psychology and well I guess is quite "deep" but in a good way, caring and understanding, maybe a bit alternative/artsy, not too concerned about looks, but obviously has to have some sort of attractions. I tend to go for skinny guys for some reason, not into muscle guys at all. Totally put off by a six pack

[sbdiane]

What I find attractive: hiker trash, biker guys and hippies. What I go out with: software engineers. Oh, and I prefer them on the shorter side.

[pdfsp]

so how do you (girls) perceive the size of a penis in being attractive?? For example when you feel really attracted by someone in your type but the thing I mentioned above is as it is?

[sbdiane]

I perceive any guy that cares or thinks women care about the size to be not worth my time.

[Fullcrum]

No one gives a s*** about your penis size.

[dice]

BIG GIAGANTIC BALLS!





(when it comes to potentially embarassing situations, like wearing makeup or dancing to britney spears. those guys are freaking SECURE! Nothing worse than a guy who holds his masculinity as his sole trophy. we see it and its not cool to have that stick of insecurity up your labamba. LET LOOSE! I'm not suggesting you be a tranny. Just don't fear judgement.)

I also have liked really big deep dark eyes since I was a kid. I think Freud could explain that.

I also find it EXTREMELY attractive when I see a bit of my 'best self' in someone else. Nauseatingly attractive. Absolutely sickening.

[dice]

Originally Posted by pdfsp

so how do you (girls) perceive the size of a penis in being attractive?? For example when you feel really attracted by someone in your type but the thing I mentioned above is as it is?

Even the mere question is a turn off. Number #1 sign for me that a guy hasn't hit mental puberty. Nada. Nope. Walking the other way.

Quality, not quantity, folks.

[justforaday]

i personally look at first eyes, then comes body. body has to be trained(that does not mean muscular), i don´t like muscular guys at all. trained means, guy has a little muscle, so he doesn´t look very skinny, but very good six-pack is a bonus. I love very sexy guys, like hugo bosses models or sth . and i also don´t like when guy has mustache and big nose. thats all. smile is very important, though some guys look good without smiling. hokey guys are very sexy.

[Scipio]

Originally Posted by pdfsp

so how do you (girls) perceive the size of a penis in being attractive?? For example when you feel really attracted by someone in your type but the thing I mentioned above is as it is?

I've dated girls who said they would break up with guys over being too small, or would kind of "feel things out" while making out and if it was small tell them to just be friends.

The only girls who have told me this were ones who were sure I wouldn't be very judgmental about sex with them.

Many women have opinions on certain things like sex and attractiveness but don't want to voice them because of fear of looking like a "slut" or "shallow" from absurd societal expectations. Or sometimes they even tell themselves they don't care about the way something looks, but they really do and act in an opposite manner. But it's because of worrying about society that they have this split in action and thought.

In no way am I implying all women are like that. Just many (which does not mean "most"). Many people in general are hung up on appearing a certain way to society and won't voice the truth, men and women both.