What do women find physically attractive in a man?

[lasti]

Originally Posted by 1onewonjuan

can a girl answer this?

how attractive can a man be if hes short, good looking, and really knows how to use his brain?

I like short men.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by 1onewonjuan

can a girl answer this?

how attractive can a man be if hes short, good looking, and really knows how to use his brain?

Such a man can be just as attractive as any other man. It all depends on the woman's taste.

I personally like short men particularly

[ns123]

Originally Posted by 1onewonjuan

can a girl answer this?
how attractive can a man be if hes short, good looking, and really knows how to use his brain?

I'm a girl, but I might not "count" because I'm not available.
But my answer is, VERY attractive!

But smart is not enough. If he is smart, but snobbish, not attractive. If he's smart, easy going, funny, fun, VERY attractive, even if he's not physically good looking!

Another poster said before, women have preferences, but if the personality is a match, the preferences don't weight squat.

The key is does the personality match what I'm looking for? And the answer to that is as varying as there are personalities!

And what am I looking for? Well, smart, easy going, funny, fun. But of course, how do you prove those qualities to be my man? You don't. So just stop it and be your best self.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by ns123

And what am I looking for? Well, smart, easy going, funny, fun. But of course, how do you prove those qualities to be my man? You don't. So just stop it and be your best self.

Damn, I wanted to prove myself. I wanted to be your man. Oh well, I guess I'll just get on with my life.

[Angela]

How fortunate you would be, Spartan, to be the man of ns123. If you knew just how wonderful she is, how gorgeous, loving, generous, and intelligent she is, it would not be so easy to get on with your life.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Angela

How fortunate you would be, Spartan, to be the man of ns123. If you knew just how wonderful she is, how gorgeous, loving, generous, and intelligent she is, it would not be so easy to get on with your life.

I know, I'm so haggard and woe-begone. This is why I sojourn here, alone and palely loitering. Though the sedge is withered from the lake, and no birds sing.

[Angela]

Wow, I guess you are suffering, after all!

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by ns123

Another poster said before, women have preferences, but if the personality is a match, the preferences don't weight squat.

That's not the case for me. I'm not saying if the body is a match, the personality doesn't weight squat. But if the personality is a match, and the body is not a match, no way. I tried that a few times, they were fantastic personalities and good looking guys, but physically just not my type. The relationships failed because there never was real attraction on my side, despite of their great personality.

Now they don't need to have all of the characteristics I listed, but almost all of them

Please feel free to call me shallow

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Please feel free to call me shallow

Your shallowness is refreshing. If only all women could be more like you, the world would be a better place for sure. Except attractive tall (6') men like myself would have to die alone and unloved. Eventually we would become a race of hobbits.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Your shallowness is refreshing. If only all women could be more like you, the world would be a better place for sure.

Not at all! the world would be a better place if for all women looks didn't matter, only personalities

Except attractive tall (6') men like myself would have to die alone and unloved.

You always find some reason to suffer tonight, don't you?

[sgregory]

but i honestly think that WAY WAY too many men use their average or not-so-great looks as an excuse for why they cant get women. when actually the turn-off is their weak will or clear discomfort with themselves. too many men think that if they were better built or had different facial features they could get more women. Maybe so, but if they worked on themselves from the inside first, they could get more QUALITY women.

VERY TRUE.

[ns123]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Damn, I wanted to prove myself. I wanted to be your man. Oh well, I guess I'll just get on with my life.

Spartan, you crack me up!

I wasn't saying my man like my man. I've already got a man. It was a hypothetical, and I was really referring to myself.

Basically, my point is, I can't prove that I am smart, funny, fun, or have a great personality to others. There is no way to prove it concretely.
Better to just be my best self.

But as an aside, you can be my "secret" man if you want.

[mattpd]

I feel a strong need to respond to this thread.

As I mentioned in a previous message, I am a professional dating coach for men, and one of the best.

Now, the attraction process is much different for men than women.

Asking what women find attractive in a man is a terrible question, on so many different levels.

First of all, you wouldn't be asking it if you were secure in yourself, and secondly the answer doesn't matter.

Women tend to love and want to tell you what they want in a man, what their type is, what they find physically attractive, and whats on their list, but this matters zero. If in doubt, ask a woman for her list, and then compare it to her last 3 boyfriends.

Women respond to how a guy can make them feel. Let me tell you, I'm never anything like a woman's "type", in fact they always seem to tell me that. I'm short, not good looking, not rich, and any of that stuff. But I have an ability to make women experience emotions, and this makes them want me.

Dating is not really a conscious process, its fairly biological, and a response of a series of chemical reactions. Asking a woman for what she finds physically attractive is kind of dumb because it is mainly personality traits that make women experience those love forming emotions, not what you look like.

From an evolutionary biology perspective men are attracted to women who provide the best chance of passing on his genes, hence why men are attracted more to physical looks. This is called replication value and its largely based on what she looks like.

For women, though in an evolutionary way they need someone to look after them while they are pregnant and while children are young, so what they look for in a man are personality traits that fulfill biological needs. And what makes a man a great survival choice, is not looks, its his status in his social group, his ability to provide and be self-suffient, and many other personality related aspects.

This is another tricky subject, because often what women say they want and what they actually want are two different things. Thats why often asking women for dating advice is actually a really bad idea, because they give more an idea of an ideal man than what actually works in real life and its such an unconscious process that men also rarely date people that look good on paper.

What is not attractive to women is a guy who is insecure, and unsure of himself. A guy who wonders what a woman's type is, or wonders if he is physically good enough, will struggle to ever be good enough with women. Just accept what you look like, focus on beign fit and healthy, and be sure of yourself. Stand in front of a mirror naked for as long as it takes to be comfortable with who you are, and be content with that.

Matt
Dating Tips for Men: EXPOSED

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by ns123

But as an aside, you can be my "secret" man if you want.

Cool, I can be your secret man! Yipee!

Sorry, I only just read this lol. But now you know my age, I hope you won't change your mind.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by mattpd

What is not attractive to women is a guy who is insecure, and unsure of himself. A guy who wonders what a woman's type is, or wonders if he is physically good enough, will struggle to ever be good enough with women. Just accept what you look like, focus on beign fit and healthy, and be sure of yourself. Stand in front of a mirror naked for as long as it takes to be comfortable with who you are, and be content with that.

Well I am secure with my looks and physical fitness. I think I am good-looking and healthy. I don't think I'm better than anyone though or that I deserve women's attention more than anyone else. I am friendly and intelligent also. However, I struggle with anxiety sometimes, not because I'm insecure of myself, but becasue I can't always control it. For example, I might walk into a room full of people and for some reason it may trigger a mild anxiety attack response. So are you saying I'm doomed? I hope not lol.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by mattpd

Women tend to love and want to tell you what they want in a man, what their type is, what they find physically attractive, and whats on their list, but this matters zero. If in doubt, ask a woman for her list, and then compare it to her last 3 boyfriends.

My last three boyfriends pretty much match my list. The current one even is exactly the list except for the color of his hair. The one before that had a beard, which contradicts the "no beard" on my list, and he had no tattoos, but everything else was as wished. The one before that one had no tattoos either, and was slightly too tall, but except for that he was exactly what's on my list.

Please don't generalize. You don't know what "all" women want, think and feel.

This is another tricky subject, because often what women say they want and what they actually want are two different things.

I'm so bored with guys who propagate such disempowering stereotypes. It does no good to anybody to believe such a thing. It makes men believe they have to interpret some mysterious code, and women feel not taken seriously. Why don't you just accept that when a woman says "I want x" then she really means it and wants x. If she's delusional, she'll gain clarity pretty fast when she actually gets x!

And I'm also bored with guys who try to explain everything with evolution and survival and living in caves.

I'm short, not good looking, not rich, and any of that stuff. But I have an ability to make women experience emotions, and this makes them want me.

Just because you don't look like what you assume women like doesn't mean that women who like you are all about emotions and don't care about looks. Not all women like tall, rich guys who look like they're coming directly from Hollywood. You know, there are women who like short men (like me). There are also women who certainly find you look good, as there are women who find Brad Pitt ugly (for example I do), and there are women who so don't care about riches.

I'm not saying all women totally care about looks. What I'm saying is, don't generalize.

What is not attractive to women is a guy who is insecure, and unsure of himself.

That's true. Just like a woman who's insecure and unsure of herself is not attractive to men.

[Spartan]

Nice post Rose! I'm fed up with generalizations also, I try to look at everyone as an individual!

[Agoge]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Nice post Rose! I'm fed up with generalizations also, I try to look at everyone as an individual!

The way I look at it is:

Everyone likes different foods. But everyone still eats, don't they? Different, but not THAT different.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Agoge

The way I look at it is:

Everyone likes different foods. But everyone still eats, don't they? Different, but not THAT different.

I'm fed up with attempted analogies also. Analogies don't prove anything, other than you can make comparisons between two unrelated concepts.

[Agoge]

The ever-present dating advice from women is: just be yourself. It sounds lame and cliched (and really, it doesn't quite get into being your "best self" in detail), but it's true. I think generally unstifled/confident/secure is way sexier to women than nervous/overly cautious.

I've heard it said that between a conventionally ugly and an attractive guy, 1% more confidence on the part of the "ugly" guy will be enough for women to prefer him. Women- agree/disagree?

[Starman]

What percentage of time, in a week, let’s say, is a man concerned about how he thinks the opposite sex sees him? I think this percentage should be low, and if it is, is an indicator of good mental/emotional health.

The women I'm now with (been married 21 years to the same one) came out of the blue, fell in love with me when I totally wasn't even trying to be attractive to the oppsite sex and wasn't being anything other than myself, for my own selfish pleasure. And it just happened. I'm not very attractive, and had I known someone was interested in me, would have tried too hard to be attractive and spoiled the whole damn thing!

I hear women say this to themselves all the time, but I think it applies to guys as well, maybe more. If a man feels he needs a woman to be a stable person, something's wrong; it shows more than he knows, and likely is the reason for the lack of a woman in his life.

My theory is that women are attracted to men who are confident enough to be okay without them if it comes down to that. A woman doesn’t want to be a man’s physiological or emotional fix. She wants a man, not a patient.

I could be totally wrong, but I don't think so.

*Starman

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Well I am secure with my looks and physical fitness. I think I am good-looking and healthy. I don't think I'm better than anyone though or that I deserve women's attention more than anyone else. I am friendly and intelligent also. However, I struggle with anxiety sometimes, not because I'm insecure of myself, but becasue I can't always control it. For example, I might walk into a room full of people and for some reason it may trigger a mild anxiety attack response. So are you saying I'm doomed? I hope not lol.

Yes certainly the key to warm dominance is being calm and relaxed under social pressure. Being good with girls includes all sorts of social pressure, like approaching, being self-conscious, and generally being socially uncomfortable, or making mistakes.

Yep, so I'd probably look at working on that because I think that its almost the most important part of being good with women, being good at being positive, relaxed and comfortable under social pressure.

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

My last three boyfriends pretty much match my list. The current one even is exactly the list except for the color of his hair. The one before that had a beard, which contradicts the "no beard" on my list, and he had no tattoos, but everything else was as wished. The one before that one had no tattoos either, and was slightly too tall, but except for that he was exactly what's on my list.

Please don't generalize. You don't know what "all" women want, think and feel.


I'm so bored with guys who propagate such disempowering stereotypes. It does no good to anybody to believe such a thing. It makes men believe they have to interpret some mysterious code, and women feel not taken seriously. Why don't you just accept that when a woman says "I want x" then she really means it and wants x. If she's delusional, she'll gain clarity pretty fast when she actually gets x!

And I'm also bored with guys who try to explain everything with evolution and survival and living in caves.


Just because you don't look like what you assume women like doesn't mean that women who like you are all about emotions and don't care about looks. Not all women like tall, rich guys who look like they're coming directly from Hollywood. You know, there are women who like short men (like me). There are also women who certainly find you look good, as there are women who find Brad Pitt ugly (for example I do), and there are women who so don't care about riches.

I'm not saying all women totally care about looks. What I'm saying is, don't generalize.


That's true. Just like a woman who's insecure and unsure of herself is not attractive to men.

its way too boring to answer your reply.

I travel the world teaching guys how to meet and date women, demonstrate how to pickup women, and have met thousands of women in the past year or two. Its just so predictable and you are so wrong I'm not sure where to start. I'm not saying that all women want the same things, I'm just saying thats predictable as well.

You are talking about superficial qualities, such as height, looks, riches, hair colour, not about who the guy is as a person. I couldnt' care less for when people talk about superficial things, in my experience when you get good with women none of that stuff matters at all.

The reason why we talk about evolutionary biology is because science is 100% right, and it is the best way to learn about dating. Anyway, I couldnt even be bothered getting into this here.

[Playlife]

Originally Posted by mattpd

The reason why we talk about evolutionary biology is because science is 100% right

Is this scientifically proven?

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by mattpd

Yes certainly the key to warm dominance is being calm and relaxed under social pressure. Being good with girls includes all sorts of social pressure, like approaching, being self-conscious, and generally being socially uncomfortable, or making mistakes.

Yep, so I'd probably look at working on that because I think that its almost the most important part of being good with women, being good at being positive, relaxed and comfortable under social pressure.

Ok thanks Matt. I don't care about being 'good' with women though. The way I see it, if she couldn't accept me for who I am then I wouldn't want her anyway.

I just dislike the fact that you generalize all girls into one category. What you talk about has more to do with being a good socializer. And obviously good social skills are an advantage when meeting people, women included. But you make too many inferences based upon this.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by mattpd

The reason why we talk about evolutionary biology is because science is 100% right, and it is the best way to learn about dating. Anyway, I couldnt even be bothered getting into this here.

Scientific theories can only be proved wrong, they are never "100% right". And there is much more to human psychology than evolutionary theories.

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Ok thanks Matt. I don't care about being 'good' with women though. The way I see it, if she couldn't accept me for who I am then I wouldn't want her anyway.

I just dislike the fact that you generalize all girls into one category. What you talk about has more to do with being a good socializer. And obviously good social skills are an advantage when meeting people, women included. But you make too many inferences based upon this.

Thats a bad attitude Spartan. Training 100s of men in dating I see this attitude pop up from time to time, but mostly in people who are really bad at dating.

People generally who say "I just want someone to like me for who I am" tend to be too driven by validation rather than getting an awesome result from their dating life, in my experience. Just like with money when people display a certain attitude you can quickly identify the root cause for it, this 'like me for who I am' idea is like one of the worst ones.

The concept of "she should accept me for me and thats it" tends to discourage a self-improvement approach to dating, which is probably my primary concept. I have this mindset where as I become a better person I will achieve better results in my dating life.

Hmmm, how to explain this...

Okay, you have someone who is not getting much result from their dating life, lets call her Cindy (or for a male version Tom). Now, Cindy has two options, she can take 100% responsibility for her results and take her lack of success as a signal she needs to improve something, or she can simply blame the having met the wrong people, or having bad luck, or even worse her ego can cause her to say "I just want someone who likes me for who I am".

Now, I am not saying that you have to fake being someone else to get good at dating, or someone liking you for you is a bad idea, I am just saying that everytime I hear this attitude in someone it generally means that they don't see the process of dating as being something you can get better at, or their results in dating being something that is reflective on improving your self.

Anyway, I kind of feel like you won't get what I am talking about anyway...

[Spartan]

You don't understand where I'm coming from. I am not saying women or anyone else for that matter should accept me as I am. They can do and think what they want, even ridicule me if they so desire. I'm just saying that I don't think I could develop a liking for someone who doesn't like or accept me.

I probably do have a bad attitude towards dating, but that is because I dislike the concept of trying to impress someone. I am not averse to having fun, I just don't like a regimented formulaic approach to life.

I have social anxiety, which was worse in the past, but it's still there sometimes. I have been laughed at because of this. It is funny to see someone who looks like they should be confident make a complete fool of themselves in a social situation - I don't mind I can take the embarrassment.

Hence, I am merely accepting my shortcomings, I'm not saying they can't be improved, I'm just saying I would like other people to accept me, whether I have shortcomings or not.

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by Spartan

You don't understand where I'm coming from. I am not saying women or anyone else for that matter should accept me as I am. They can do and think what they want, even ridicule me if they so desire. I'm just saying that I don't think I could develop a liking for someone who doesn't like or accept me.

I probably do have a bad attitude towards dating, but that is because I dislike the concept of trying to impress someone. I am not averse to having fun, I just don't like a regimented formulaic approach to life.

I have social anxiety, which was worse in the past, but it's still there sometimes. I have been laughed at because of this. It is funny to see someone who looks like they should be confident make a complete fool of themselves in a social situation - I don't mind I can take the embarrassment.

Hence, I am merely accepting my shortcomings, I'm not saying they can't be improved, I'm just saying I would like other people to accept me, whether I have shortcomings or not.

You are right that its bad to try to impress people, that never works with women. I mean I agree with you and I couldn't like someone who didn't accept me or like me either.

That single attitude you have though really jumped out at me, and I just wanted to explain what it means.

Social anxiety is common, I previously suffered from it. Certainly, I know that people on this board keep freaking out when I give dating advice that causes a generalization, but I must say that the no1 most attractive quality in a man is being relaxed, calm and comfortable in social situations.

In my dating workshops teaching techniques to remain calm and relaxed under extreme social pressure is the first thing I teach. Seriously, its like the first main skill, its that important. And in my experience it can be overcome.

Its good to accept your shortcomings, thats a good sign of self-esteem, and there is nothing wrong with seeking to improve too.

Being teased and having a social anxiety issue can be harmful to your self-esteem and this can often lead to the 'wanting people to like me for me' approach rather than the much more successful 'if I become better and improve I'm going to have more success' approach.

There are many ways to overcome social anxiety, and I must say that if having an amazing love life is important to you, I'd be workign on removing it.

[Spartan]

Thanks Matt, you've really made my day! *Grabs knife and slits wrists*