Confronting others about their issues

[coLLege kid07]

What is the extent you'll go to confront others about their issues? Is it only to the extent where your involved in them?

That's where I'm at right now as some of the issues my parents are having are effecting me (emotionally, spiritually, and I'm sure in some other ways). So far I've talked to my mom and gave her my point of view. This has helped me a lot and made me feel 10x more peaceful (as though it made a difference). Also I feel I will do the same thing with my dad. How to bring it up though? What's a proper way to bring it up so I don't force my dad into defensive mode, and have me blame it all on him. My only intention is to tell him how I feel.

Thanks for everyone's help and God bless.

[selfhelpblogger]

This is always a tough one. You are suffering from "Powdered butt syndrome" Once your butt has been powdered by someone else, they will have a very hard time taking advice from you. You’re going to have to be very subtle about your advice. I will give you an example. My mother is the same way. Everything she does and buys is superior. It does not bother me. A few months ago I ended up in the hospital. Found out I have two ruptured disks. While I was in there, I also found out I had High Cholesterol (286) The doctor told me if I can't get it down in two months he was going to put me on medicine. Not gonna happen. As always I did my research. I found out how to lower it quickly. In two months I lowered it to 210. My mother has the same cholesterol problem. I was trying to get her to follow my new found knowledge, but the doctors convinced her she NEEDED to take medication. I decided to get sneaky. She was having an issue going to the bathroom some time ago while she was saying with us for a week. One of the things I do is make a concoction of raspberries, blueberries, strawberries, yogurt and ice in a blender. I believe it is a cholesterol buster. Plus the fiber really makes ya go. Well, she would not try it for most of the week. Finally I asked her to try it saying I put something new in it, and I guaranteed her to hit the pot the next morning. She finally did and she opened up the flood gates in the morning. She makes a smoothie every morning now and has been regular ever since. What makes it better, now she is asking me what else I am doing to lower my cholesterol Be very subtle with your parents. Make it like it is helping you, not them. Yes it is slightly devious, but very effective.

[Matthew Shea]

Talk to him on his own turf and on his own terms. If he's comfortable with the situation, he'll be less likely to get defensive. Also introduce the topic gently and be clear that you're not trying to cast blame, you're only hoping to explain your side of the issue. If you start to see him put his shields up during the conversation, reiterate that you're not blaming him for anything.

[joelyle]

...concentrate on the issues you see in them, for yourself. Your life/change is the best communication. Try to see them as a mirror. They are reflected back whatever you see in yourself. Help them as needed but don't harrass them...

[The Cloud]

If you go to him with the intention of not offending him, he is almost certain to pick up on that. Don't let your guilt over having an opinion of your own get in the way of telling your father what you think, if that's what you want to do. An opinion isn't a knife, it can't hurt anyone except someone that insists on using it to hurt themselves. That is their responsibility. Remember, his opinion isn't a knife either, and can't hurt you unless you hurt yourself. I know how hard it is to talk to your parents and get them to listen. You just have to be sure of your opinion and not get defensive. They can't fight you if you don't fight back.