Post-Breakup Action Plan!

[FrancesL]

I'd love to hear what people think is the most important thing to do after a break-up, or what they would recommend as a healthy and realistic way to deal with it and move forward. Sex? Pizza? Analysis? All suggestions welcome

[pianoperformer]

Pizza is the solution to everything.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by FrancesL

I'd love to hear what people think is the most important thing to do after a break-up, or what they would recommend as a healthy and realistic way to deal with it and move forward. Sex? Pizza? Analysis? All suggestions welcome

When you're able to, write down the lessons learned, and what you're grateful about that experience.

[Anand Dhillon]

I actually wrote a guest post on another personal development blog about this topic.

Check it out: 7 Vital Actions When Recovering from a Breakup | Alex Shalman . com

[FrancesL]

pianoperformer - yes indeed!

[FrancesL]

seeker 5, thanks for that thought. I guess I wonder whether it's possible to see clear lessons or not, and what the value would be in - perhaps falsely? - identifying them... But perhaps that's just me, being my own worst enemy and overthinking everything, or seeing it only through the cloud of my own intentions and desires.

[FrancesL]

Anand, thanks for pointing me in the direction of your blog post. I think it's definitely a good foundation, but after reading it I found that I really wanted more detail - more concrete suggestions. How exactly would you suggest someone can 'come to a place where you have forgiven any resentments you may have had and appreciate what you got out of that relationship'? How do you 'realize that you are whole and complete on your own'? I understand that these are wider PD issues and whole tomes have been devoted to each one of them, but I'd be eager to read a blog post that specifically addresses one or both of them in relation to a break up.

[Swannie]

I don't think there is a one size fits all plan.

It depends at what level of awareness/conciousness you are at.

At the lowest levels, you go out and find sex.
At the highest levels, you realise that there is no real end to a relationship, just a change. You cannot undo what has been done.

For most of us, we fall somewhere in between. I think our toughest challenge is not to fall to a lower level than the one we are currently at. Act with self love, with win-win as the outcome.

For me, pizza may mean breaking rules with myself about not eating meat, not eating refined flour bread, etc. For you it might be perfectly fine. For me analysis is normal, it happens regardless, but it will reach an equilibrium where it stops and I can let other thoughts take over. For Alice some level of "post break-up" analysis might be beyond her level of awareness, and a pointless waste of energy, because she has much deeper issues and analysis is based on false assumptions and will cause more long term harm than good.

[Lenie]

Taking "extreme care" of yourself is probably it.

Go figure.

[Anand Dhillon]

Hi Frances,

I agree that these are deeper pd concepts. As far forgiving and letting go of resentments, I have the following suggestions:

1. Consider the two beliefs that people do the best they can given their level of consciousness at the time and that everything happens for a reason. This allows you

2. Do The Work of Byron Katie http://thework.com/, Go through the website and watch the videos. Download the PDF worksheets and get crackin. With sustained effort, resentments vanish readily.

3. Something Steve talked about on his radio interview today was facing your negative feelings as they are. When you bring awareness to negative feelings instead of trying to avoid them, they tend to diminish on their own. This is best done throught journaling.

For being whole and complete on your own - it really comes down to your sense of self. This might require a lot of depth. Check out Self-Acceptance vs. Personal Growth

I recommend reading through Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now and A New Earth. You might also like The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden but I have mixed feelings about that book. Also, do The Work on anything that makes you feel incomplete as you are.

[selfhelpblogger]

What do you want to do? I guess you could go out and vent your frustrations. To a certain extent I would say go ahead and blow off some steam. If you are a smart person, you would know what "Going to far" means. It is very easy to tell you to go out and try to better yourself. Listen to some good tapes and read some self help books. Baloney!!! That is the last thing you should do. Your mind is not ready to accept those things. Go out and have fun, but take some time to enjoy the simple things in life. As time go's on you want to switch that around. Be strong. You know it is in you.

[ilovetoday]

Time is the biggest factor in moving on.

In the meantime keep yourself busy doing activites you enjoy, channel the energy (anger, frustration, sadness) into positive energy and use it to work for you. Join a sport which you played when you were a child, or try out a new one. Put in 110% at work and see your results. Make the most of being single- you can do what you like, with who you like, whenever you like. Get dressed up with some friends and go out, meet new people. Knowing that another might be interested can be loads of fun.