|08-07-2008, 12:00 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2007
Drifting away from a friend- need others POV
This is my friendship with, N, in brief:
A long time ago N and I were best friends with loads in common, we did loads of things together and I'd never say no to an opportunity to hang out with her. Some years later... we've both grown up. She's at uni, enjoy the binge-drinking/pot-smoking lifestyle whilst somewhat unhappily cruising through her course. I, on the other hand, have little interest in the binge-drinking/pot-smoking lifestyle and find value in my fine arts course, my web-design work and other interests.
Our values have gone apart, the things we had in common aren't there any more and the only time we ever hang out is when she invites me for one of her binge-drinking weekends. I hate binge-drinking, I see it as unhealthy and as a waste of money and time. But this isn't a rant about binge-drinking. I have told her in the past I just don't believe in it and its not my thing. But she ignores those messages and keeps inviting me to come along. Keeps pushing and begging too. I say 'No', she thinks its a 'Yes'.
I feel as if the binge-drinking and my weak stance against her are the only things that thread this friendship together now. Perhaps she's knows it too, and that's why she gets so forcible with inviting me sometimes. I feel there are some choices left though:
A) I could, or rather WE could bring this relationship back to what it once was by finding something else that we both have in common and can share in a lot. That's if she's willing to join me in the first place.
B) Cut the friendship off completely in one swift blow.
C) Cut the friendship off gradually (but I think its already doing that).
D) State again and in no weak, uncertain terms exactly how I feel about the lifestyle, why I don't want no part in it and see how it goes from there.
I've also come here too, to ask for opinions and other point of views as I'm fairly certain some people here have been through what I'm going through.
|08-07-2008, 01:38 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
I would advise to just go separate ways for now, but not burn bridges for the future. Some day you may both have kids and responsibilities and find out that you have things in common again. If you want to spend the occasional time together on an activity you both enjoy that is fine. Don't compromise yourself by doing what you don't want, but don't lecture her about her lifestyle either. She may need a friend who is sober and non-judgemental if she wants to get out of this lifestyle at some point in the future.
|08-07-2008, 04:43 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2008
let people do what they do. If you try to interfere with them and try to give them "help" they didn't ask for you will be robbing them of an opportunity to grow.
If it were me I would let it go. There is no past and there is no tomorrow in any relationship. Because we had a past together doesn't mean we will be friends the next day. People change and grow apart.
It's difficult to have friendships with people who have very little in common, especially if the other person interests are polar opposite to your interests (drinking vs a healthy lifestyle). The drinking partying phase is something a lot of college kids go through. You seemed to have learned what you can from that and now it's no longer interesting. She seems to be still learning those lessons.
maybe after she grows up you might be able to have a friendship but for now it doesn't seem possible.
|08-07-2008, 04:54 PM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jun 2008
Don't burn the bridges (She may change later in life). If pressed I'd go for a D. In your being honest though Don't burn the bridges!.
Right now I have a friend who used to be my best friend growing up. we did everything together. Heck He and I used to read together.... Yes you heard me READ. Separate books but in the same room at the same time. That is amongst the other crazy things that little boys do though . Right now we've drifted apart. He's still a friend in my book but we only occasionally talk over MSN (he lives in a different state). I still keep hope that one day he'll see the light and step out of the hole he's dug for himself.
|08-08-2008, 06:13 AM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2007
Thanks for the replies guys. I've been thinking about it, and I feel that D too is the best option. I have no desire to infringe upon her life and choices, therefore I won't play mommy and tell her what and what not to do. I will just tell her about my values and how I feel when she tries to drag me into something that's almost completely against my values. And I'll have to stand up to her more often too, instead of only mumbling weak 'nos'. I'll do it tonight and see what she says.
And no burning bridges either, she's not a bad or toxic person however she's not that close either, but she doesn't deserve nasty treatment from me either.
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