Let me tell you about a girl I like...

[say]

I'm doing this just to share my feelings with the world, I guess. I've already told this girl a lot of what I'm going to write here, and this is already great as far as letting stuff off my chest. Still, I'd just like to do it.

I met this girl in a student dorm, she was my neighbour for a year and a half, then she moved out. We never got into more than a friendly/neighbourish relationship. But I did develop some feelings for her. Now we're just friends and I'm not trying to get with her at the moment. She doesn't seem interested and I'm not really sure either. In a way she's not my type of girl, not the type of girl I'd connect with emotionally. We seem far apart in some ways and have very few things in common. Still, I admire her and she spiced up my life and she's been an inspiration. I want to let her know that she means a lot to me, even if "just" as a friend. What's kinda new in my feelings for her is that I really want to do something good for her. I have a strong desire to give. This is maybe not because of her, maybe it's just a phase in my personal development. Frankly, I think it's both. And it feels right and it helped me to feel in a similar way towards other people as well.


About her:
She's rather skinny and small. She has long straight brown hair. She's cute, but I don't think the average guy would say she's anything special as far as bodily features. With all due respect and love, one could call her average looking. Not that this says much, but maybe it will be encouraging for those who don't think great about their own looks. Because...
I find her incredibly attractive and charming! And not just me, either. I think she has no trouble at all finding a boyfriend or an admirer. You just have to know her for a little while to be charmed.

One thing that really stands out to me is the way she moves. She does a little bit of ballet or some classical dancing... You wouldn't be able to tell (I only found out recently), but I think this might have contributed to her way of moving. She moves so graciously, without any strain, but at the same time very decisively. Also the way she moves her hands and all that. We were once in her room, just chilling and she was lying on the bed, messing with her hair. She was so cute in that moment I almost had tears in my eyes.

She looks fearless and relaxed. I don't mean relaxed as in a way like she's tired or slow... just relaxed as in her breathing seems even and never 'stuck', if you know what I mean. She does in fact appear very active and even restless at times. She wants to have a lot of activities to keep her busy, she said.

She has a beautiful voice, very sexy in my opinion. But what's even more amazing to me is the way she talks/expresses herself. It's just flawless! She can express every thought/emotion perfectly, without hasitation, with perfect clarity. I often admired this and I could be listening to her for days. I wouldn't say she's an intellectual or that we have a lot in common to talk about. In fact, I often disagreed on many things she said or didn't like her views that much or didn't find the topic interesting at all. But still, just listening to her made me feel warm in my belly.

She's very sociable in the way that she can connect with strangers without any problem or a single bit of anxiety. She can, but she won't do it if she's not interested. She might just stay in the back, she doesn't seek attention. Like, she'll come to your appartment and sit on your couch like she's at home. But she'll never appear intrusive. I don't know if it's the lucky timing or she just intuitively knows when certain things are appropriate to do and won't come off as rude. She's very confident, but shows some modesty sometimes. Like, I have a piano keyboard in my room and she said she plays a bit of piano so I let her try. But she insisted that I don't watch her, because she's not really good. That kind of thing. She has such a child like playfulness, enthusiasm and cuteness. A smile that will melt your heart.

To be fair, there were also some things that I didn't like about her. For example, she often seemed a bit obstinate or cocky. Like, sometimes she seemed to have trouble admitting that she was wrong or something. She doesn't seem too confortable with taking criticism. Just a certain attitude, you know. She's the oldest of her sisters and I found this characteristic in many firstborns. I sometimes thought that she needs to mature a bit. But on the positive side there comes the ability to be in the leading position and a certain hospitability and ability to have the situation under control.

But the essence is that I was charmed and at the time didn't even know why or how it happened, in fact I still don't really know. It all came so easy and natural to her. Only later, now, I'm trying to put my thoughts and emotions into words. I'm re-reading what I just wrote -took me a lot of time- and it seems full of compromises. Words can tell so little sometimes. (here, in song format)
Anyway, I believe we all have some amazing charms in ourselves that just need to be released. Or seen, for that matter. Yeah!

ps. since I'm into songs.. this is the song that reminds me of her in its positive vibe and lyrics: Ella, elle l'a (found a translation)

[pianoperformer]

Aww, I think you like her more than you're letting on.

[Vasilisa]

Face it, you are in love. If she lets you a little bit closer, you will be head over heels.
It's beautiful and poetic! Loved it.

[Tigerlilly]

If someone makes you feel all warm and molten inside inside, I'd say as well: You're in love. And a really beautiful post, like one wonderful love letter.

[ar81]

I do not want to be rude but... You gave too much irrelevant data.
I would ask...

1.Do you make her feel comfortable (not tense) when she is with you? If you feel tense, she will feel tense. Just be yourself. Rejection is not a big deal, for you can start over at anytime.

2.Does she realize of your romantic intention? If she does not, you will never be her boyfriend.

3.What is her life plan? Do you know what does she want for her life? Or she does not know? If she does not know, you won't be able to offer her what she needs to grow.

4.You can't love someone if you haven't lived together like a couple for at least 1 month. What we call to "be in love" is a fairy tale we create, for a real person with defects is beyond that mask of fantasy we created. And the trick to carry it on is to make that person to be your girl and help her to develop her life plan, while she does the same towards you. If you give and the other person does not, then there could eb a problem. Being in love does not let people to love.

[dice]

woah woah woah you just described one of my good friends almost dead on, the little bit of piano, modest, slender, brown hair, comfortable with strangers but doesnt talk if she doesnt want to, did classical ballet and moves kind of fluidly, sometimes a tad bit arrogant, non-intrusive, good voice, pretty smart

was she kind of quiet and mysterious too, didn't say much unless she thinks its worth your while - so when she does its either funny or really insightful? that would basically top it off.

this is kind of crazy!

do tell her though, theres nothing worse than a "I should have" (ask google: type "I should have" then "I shouldn't have")

[eskimo]

Wow! Think what could happen if you channeled this sentiment to her instead of us? Hmmmmm???

I mean don't lay all of this on her all at once but, for example, right when she was doing her hair thing on the bed, that's when you could've mentioned how cute you thought she was by saying something like, "I think it's real cute the way you do that hair thing you do..."

She may or may not be the right girl for you but I know she'll love hearing about how you've noticed her.

[eskimo]

Originally Posted by ar81

I do not want to be rude but... You gave too much irrelevant data.
I would ask...

1.Do you make her feel comfortable (not tense) when she is with you? If you feel tense, she will feel tense. Just be yourself. Rejection is not a big deal, for you can start over at anytime.

2.Does she realize of your romantic intention? If she does not, you will never be her boyfriend.

3.What is her life plan? Do you know what does she want for her life? Or she does not know? If she does not know, you won't be able to offer her what she needs to grow.

4.You can't love someone if you haven't lived together like a couple for at least 1 month. What we call to "be in love" is a fairy tale we create, for a real person with defects is beyond that mask of fantasy we created. And the trick to carry it on is to make that person to be your girl and help her to develop her life plan, while she does the same towards you. If you give and the other person does not, then there could eb a problem. Being in love does not let people to love.

Too - much - data. Cannot - compute - unidentified - language. Must - shut - down.

[mattpd]

That original post was kind of sickening!

If you were my friend I'd beat you with a small stick so you didn't do it again.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by mattpd

That original post was kind of sickening!

If you were my friend I'd beat you with a small stick so you didn't do it again.

That's funny; I feel the same way about yours.

[SomeRandomGuy]

mattpd, are you serious? I know that you are a proponent of dating a lot in order to find the right match. At what point do you know you found the right match, though? It seems the the OP has found someone very special (whether or not she feels the same we don't yet know). Is your issue with this situation that the OP has not dated around enough to know if this is the best match? Or do you just not agree that the feelings the OP has are valid feelings of love? I am very curious how being in love makes you feel, because it seems (and other members appear to agree) that the OP has found that feeling.

[mattpd]

Originally Posted by SomeRandomGuy

mattpd, are you serious? I know that you are a proponent of dating a lot in order to find the right match. At what point do you know you found the right match, though? It seems the the OP has found someone very special (whether or not she feels the same we don't yet know). Is your issue with this situation that the OP has not dated around enough to know if this is the best match? Or do you just not agree that the feelings the OP has are valid feelings of love? I am very curious how being in love makes you feel, because it seems (and other members appear to agree) that the OP has found that feeling.

I just get this stuff all the time, the whole "omg I met the most amazing girl", the problem is that thinking like this before the relationship between you has escalated tends to make guys really unattractive, and even more so if you verbalize some of that stuff.

Maybe he wants to be with her, maybe he doesn't, but if he does change his mind in the future, and if he isn't lying to himself that he is actually into her lots and wants to date her rather than denying it as a safety mechanism, then acting like this will seriously harm his chances of being able to do so in the future.

So my mindset if you want to get inside my head is maximizing your chances of having the most possible fun. Its not about playing hard to get, or anything like that, or not being honest, its about having a state of mind where the other person needs to invest to really trigger the big emotion chemicals in you.

As for feeling in love, I love that feeling, its awesome. But it totally sucks when the other person doesn't like you back, or you make a mistake and screw it up, or the other person doesn't treat you right.

I think though that I have a low tolerance for "OMG this girl is so amazing" because I encounter thousands of guys who do this, and get super lame in the process. I have to "de-special girl" them a fair bit not so they don't feel like this, but rather there is a process involved where they associate pain to feeling like this and it takes a while, mainly because feeling like this too early of verbalizing it before the relationship has got physical pretty much blows up your chances.

So when I say that, its not that I'm saying liking girls is bad, or saying how wonderful a girl is, is a bad idea, its more a practical thing on what tends to work. I have a real results focused mindset on how to get the most happiness, or fun, or enjoyment, and this is probably my primary value. And in my experience while some guy is all "she is so perfect, lets write her a love note", I'm sitting on a beach with her topless sun baking. Its kinda comes down to which of those two guys do you want to be...

[SomeRandomGuy]

mattpd, I guess I can see the logic you are using here. However, I don't think I would want to be involved with a girl who was turned off by hearing the beautiful things the OP had to say.

It would be interested in hearing some female perspective on this. If you were aware that someone felt the same way towards you as the OP has described would it help or hurt their chances of a relationship with you? Would you rather be reading these things in a love not from the OP or sitting topless on a beach with mattpd?

[ns123]

It's hard to get into a relationship with a man who thinks you are so great.
Being put on a pedestal is very hard to live up to. Too much pressure.

Out of fear of letting him down, shattering is beautiful image, I probably would not date him.
If a man told me this, before I decided I wanted to be with him, it would scare me away.

I really am sad to say this, but it's not really the OP's fault. It would be my own fault and limitations to not allow myself to be loved in this way. Because really, what woman doesn't want to be worshiped? Sad to say, it's scary to be worshiped because I am not perfect. I am human with flaws. So it would be my own limitations keeping me from dating a guy like this.

Sorry, I hope this doesn't make you sad, OP. I hope she feels differently.

[Lauxa]

I'll agree with mattpd here. Don't get all invested before escalating the relationship. Depending on the guy it's either pathetic or creepy. Maybe I would like him back, but if he's sending out "I like you" vibes and not acting then I'm going to lose interest.

BUT I also agree with eskimo that she'll be flattered you noticed her.

[Call me Boges]

I understand how you feel for her but dont fall into the trap of putting her on a pedestal.

[Anna Conlan]

It would be interested in hearing some female perspective on this. If you were aware that someone felt the same way towards you as the OP has described would it help or hurt their chances of a relationship with you? Would you rather be reading these things in a love not from the OP or sitting topless on a beach with mattpd?

I would love it if someone sent me a love note listing all my charms - it would totally make my week (and month!)

But then after I'd read it, I might feel slightly overwhelmed, especially if I'm not interested in the guy. If I was interested in the guy, I wouldn't be too scared off, but I might feel that he was a bit naive in sending it to me. It would be better to find a love letter like that by accident.

[Anna Conlan]

Oh, and I prefer the authenticity of the note. Even though it comes across as a bit naive that he lists her bad points (as if she shouldn't have any), he says the stuff he likes and the stuff he doesn't like about her...he's honest at least.

I think this is so much more human than calculating your actions and adapting who you are just so that you can always get the girl. You can smell it a mile off when a man is just not being himself, even if it's his habituated way of being around women.

[Call me Boges]

This post is somewhat creepy

[RRR]

My Advice: Be Direct. You are wasting your time and energy consulting here, tell her how you feel and ask her to share how she feels.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by RRR

You are wasting your time and energy consulting here, tell her how you feel and ask her to share how she feels.

He's not consulting; he said straight out he just wanted to get it off his chest. He's already told the girl much of it. It makes sense to me when you've got large feelings that you want to express them in a safe place to "hear" how it sounds outside the bones of your own head -- thoughts about strong feelings can get all jumbled up and inbred if you keep them prisoner in your skull.

It's not a waste of time or energy to express yourself about your feelings.