How to let somebody know that you're different?

[lasti]

I felt always some kind of different from most people. I have different values, I have different points of view and different dreams than most people I know.

However, it was never a big issue. I would just keep my life secret and let everything look like I'm normal.

Now...two months ago I droped out from school. Since then I have to face this issue every day. People don't understand that I have big dreams and hopes (if they knew about them, they would maybe think I'm megalomaniac ), as they don't have big dreams themselves anymore. They go for the money, while I go for the things I love. Being homeless wouldn't mean to me that I'm unhappy, while they couldn't imagine something worse. I'm positve, they're pessimistic. I'm spiritual, they think that beliefs are useless. And so on. That's just a few things but I think you can understand them because it's what Steve talks about a lot.

Some of them I propably won't see often anymore, but there are some I can't cut out of my life like my family.

I don't want to convince them of anything but I would really like to let them know who I am. As they don't know who I am right now they expect a lot of things from me: I should get a job, I shouldn't hope that my business will go on well or that I could ever be succesful in music. I should not live on my own for the rest of my life, I shouldn't be focused on my passions, I should be more open to realtionships, I should be more interested in money and so on...

It's always difficult to explain myself then. How would you tell a materialistic, avaricious person that you don't think homelessness means unhappiness?

And when I say something I truly mean and which differs very much from their world view it's like they think it's just a stupid idea or dream of me which will disappear anyway. I don't feel like anybody takes me serious there.

So should I simply tell them my points of view, no matter what? Should I let them know that I'm not the way they want me to be? Or should I keep my disguise? And if I let them know I'm different, how to do that? Just say always my point of view and my opinion? Or go to them and tell them directly I'm different and they should stop to expect anything from me? Are there actions I can take?

Thanks!

[Ceros]

I think actions, not words, is what you need here.

If they don't think that your business will succeed, prove them wrong by succeeding. If you don't want to get a job, show them that you're capable of earning money independently.
As for beliefs such as spirituality, explain to them that this is who you are and you have no intention of changing. So long as they acknowledge who you are, if discussing these things makes them uncomfortable simply don't bring it up again.

[Alexjstrandberg]

that's pretty funny, you sound very similar to me. Dropped out of school, always been different, feel like my decisions are fine but everyone around me is scared that I might screw up my life and so on.

When it comes to honesty it's never a bad thing, particularly when it comes to being honest with others about who you are. You could hide and people might like you more but it will feel empty and you will be more alone hiding who you are than if you were more open.

It's very difficult to talk with people who don't understand and who don't want to understand. I tell people what I am all about in a matter of fact kind of way. They can ask as many questions as they want but I am not arguing with them about who I am, never will.

When you hide who you are you get stuck on the fence. The "normal" people will always be able to tell that you aren't one of them and will find it difficult to accept you. At the same time the "different" people won't be able to find you because you are trying to blend in with the crowd. Once you make the decision to become fully who you really are the people who are similar to you will come out of no where.

[Brutha]

It's always difficult to explain myself then. How would you tell a materialistic, avaricious person that you don't think homelessness means unhappiness?

Why do you think that you have to tell them?

When I hear a phrase like "normal people like you and me" I internally acknoledge that the person is different from me in their view of life and I'm able to control my emotional reaction to that phrase.

There are two seperate issues:
1) Your relationship with your parents and how you can tell them to not worry about you.
2) Having an answer to the "What do you do for a living"-question.

A few ideas:
1) Don't to explain it to them and "rebel". That could be a narrative that your parents understand. You are you young woman, so you don't do what your parent tell you. They probably didn't do either what their parent told them when they were your age.
2) You just finished school (you don't have to tell them that you dropt out) and you are exploring yourself before you decide what you do with the rest of your life might be a narrative that people understand.
A lot of young people leave the country for a year to explore themselves after they finish school. You stay instead in the country and explore yourself and your interests at home.

Over the long run you have to find people that are like yourself. Better people who are the person you want to be in a few years (or at least have some of the charactristics).

By the way, how is the url of your blog?

[jaamkie]

I'm a dropout too- a high school dropout- I have a GED... I also got my master's degree at 21... I'm still quietly rebellious, but I realize I'm totally responsible for my own well-being and happiness- I'm not dependent on parents or lovers or whatever to pay for my lifestyle; so there's no one I am responsible to except myself.

If you're living at the mercy of someone else, then the first step is to become independent- until then I think you do own your benefactor an honest accounting of your plans and expected milestones... otherwise though, there is always the clear answer "I'm taking care of myself and not harming anyone, I'm living the way that makes me happy, so what's wrong with you that you can't accept that?"

[lasti]

Thanks for all your answers so far!

If they don't think that your business will succeed, prove them wrong by succeeding. If you don't want to get a job, show them that you're capable of earning money independently.

That will surely be powerful. But of course it will take some time to prove myself.

When you hide who you are you get stuck on the fence. The "normal" people will always be able to tell that you aren't one of them and will find it difficult to accept you. At the same time the "different" people won't be able to find you because you are trying to blend in with the crowd. Once you make the decision to become fully who you really are the people who are similar to you will come out of no where.

That's a very good point! I haven't thought about that.

1) Don't to explain it to them and "rebel". That could be a narrative that your parents understand. You are you young woman, so you don't do what your parent tell you. They probably didn't do either what their parent told them when they were your age.
2) You just finished school (you don't have to tell them that you dropt out) and you are exploring yourself before you decide what you do with the rest of your life might be a narrative that people understand.
A lot of young people leave the country for a year to explore themselves after they finish school. You stay instead in the country and explore yourself and your interests at home.

1) They unfortunately did what their parents expected from them. But I won't do what they expect, anyway. My problem is that I don't know how to tell them.
2) They know that I've dropped out yet. And yes this "I want to explore myself" is what I always told people but which isn't true. I know what I want. I just don't want to hide anymore what I want.

I normally don't bring up these issues. But my parents do that very often. I know they want to offer their help but in fact it is no help.

If you're living at the mercy of someone else, then the first step is to become independent- until then I think you do own your benefactor an honest accounting of your plans and expected milestones... otherwise though, there is always the clear answer "I'm taking care of myself and not harming anyone, I'm living the way that makes me happy, so what's wrong with you that you can't accept that?"

I already am independent. I just get financial support from my country. Your quotation is quite clever They can't say anything aganist that.

[Brutha]

But I won't do what they expect, anyway. My problem is that I don't know how to tell them.

Maybe you can get them to expect that you don't take the advice of your old parents?

[lasti]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Maybe you can get them to expect that you don't take the advice of your old parents?

Clever idea, but how could I do that?

[Brutha]

Clever idea, but how could I do that?

Take small issues where your parents give you advice that you would consider resonable. When you think that your parents shouldn't infringe in your independence on that issue (even if their advice is right), do the opposit of what your parents advice you to do.
You should take small symbolic issues where doing the wrong thing doesn't matter that much.
By making a symbolic gestures that you just don't follow resonable advice that your parents try to give you, you show that you are in control. It also important to not justify that action with something different then: I did it because you infringed my independence.
Small symbolic actions speak louder than a lot of words.

That might not be the lightworker way , but it could still work.
In general it is also behavior that makes sense in the mental world of your parents. Some kids just don't do what there parents tell them.

But maybe Alex is also right and you can solve your conflict by telling everybody the whole truth about yourself.

[LifeFirst]

They do know you're different.....but at the same time...they probably think you're just useless too....that's all. It's how people are, you can't change them.

[lasti]

Originally Posted by LifeFirst

They do know you're different.....but at the same time...they probably think you're just useless too....that's all. It's how people are, you can't change them.

I don't want to change them. I'm just trying to find the right way to act with them.

[DayInTheLife]

You don't need to explain yourself to anybody.

Act like you want to act, be as respectful of the lifestyles of others as you would have them respect yours. Don't judge them and don't worry about their judgments.

If your family rejects you the way you are, it may be better if they are not in your life. We don't choose our families like we do our friends; there is no reason to keep people in your life simply because you share DNA, if they cannot accept who you are. I think too many people keep toxic relationships alive just because they are related to those people.

I felt always some kind of different from most people. I have different values, I have different points of view and different dreams than most people I know.

Be careful here. We all have different ways of operating, but it is foolish to believe you are fundamentally different from everyone else. It's arrogance really, to think you are some rare exception to humanity just because your lifestyle is unconventional. This sense of "I am different from the rest of them" leads to resentment and irreconcilable separation between you and everyone you will meet. Human beings are all looking for the same things: fulfillment and relief from suffering. Only our methods differ.

Good luck with this, accept your family and their beliefs the way you wish to be accepted. Be compassionate and forgiving, and if they can't reciprocate, you may have to cut them loose. It takes courage and sacrifice to be yourself.

[lasti]

You don't need to explain yourself to anybody.

So when they bring this up, should I say: "I don't want to talk about that"?

Originally Posted by DayInTheLife

If your family rejects you the way you are, it may be better if they are not in your life. We don't choose our families like we do our friends; there is no reason to keep people in your life simply because you share DNA, if they cannot accept who you are. I think too many people keep toxic relationships alive just because they are related to those people.

It's not toxic. I love them. It's just complicated.

Be careful here. We all have different ways of operating, but it is foolish to believe you are fundamentally different from everyone else. It's arrogance really, to think you are some rare exception to humanity just because your lifestyle is unconventional. This sense of "I am different from the rest of them" leads to resentment and irreconcilable separation between you and everyone you will meet. Human beings are all looking for the same things: fulfillment and relief from suffering. Only our methods differ.

I think that we're all one. And I don't identify with my mind, so I don't identify with the physical person I "am" in this world. Human relationships get often complicated for me, though, as I'm always hiding the person I've got to play in this life.

[Lanya]

Originally Posted by lasti

My problem is that I don't know how to tell them.

There's always telling them the abrupt, clumsy, and awkward way. I don't know that your parents will concentrate so much on how you give the message, as much as what the message is. May get the job done faster, anyway.

I wish you lots of luck!

[lasti]

Originally Posted by Lanya

There's always telling them the abrupt, clumsy, and awkward way. I don't know that your parents will concentrate so much on how you give the message, as much as what the message is. May get the job done faster, anyway.

I wish you lots of luck!

You're right. Maybe it's more matter of courage.

[ar81]

When I was at school I never was popular. When I got out of school I expected those popular people to be president or something. They are not.

If you feel you are different, then that's it. Feel proud of not being a social robot, a slave of fashion.

I can see some reasons why you dropped:
1.You felt rejected
2.Your grades were low for you hate what they ask you to study.
3.Your grades were low because you have family issues.

I used to feel rejected.
I always hated chemistry.
And I had family issues to the point that I spent most of my teen years depressed because of it.

Later I fought my way out. I have had big highs and very deep lows. Right now I am in a low. A horrible low.

You just need to know that I was like that, but your life is yours, and if you do not walk step by step you will never get anywhere.
Where do you start?

1.Some people do not like you, give a darn about them. I want you to be fine and that's enough. When you see people rejecting you, you will remember there is someone like me wishing something good for you. So you will go on without depressing.

2.About your family. Try to find relief by making arts. That won't solve the problem, but it will allow you to create an entire universe where you will be comfortable.

3.If you want to start playing and enjoying what you used to hate, go to Orbiter - A free space flight simulator and download the sim there. Download the tutorial from Virtual Spaceflight - Go Play in Space
And you will discover that you enjoy the beautiful landscape of space among some cool people from Orbiter-Forum - Powered by vBulletin

I have taught primary school kids in a private school, who loved to get out of this world and see the wonders of space...