Is it bad that I'm uncomfortable around other guys?

[jsot]

I am heterosexual but I don't really feel that comfortable hanging around other guys my age. I always feel like they're judging me and I have to impress them. I think this is a strange feeling since I'm not sexually attracted to men. But also a lot of times their personality sort of rubs me the wrong way. I've always been kind of shy but when I do socialize I would usually prefer to hang out with girls. But I rarely do because I'm still at an age where people voluntarily segregate themselves by sex and I think regular breaking of the gender barrier would make people on both sides uncomfortable. I know this shouldn't be a problem but at the same time I feel like it's bad to not socialize with your own sex.

[joelyle]

why not drop the judgement and the view of seeing people of two different sexes and of differing ages. There's value in relating/resonating where it occurs. You have much to offer. I sense you are a sensitive person and this is attractive to one seeking to progress. Stop the judgement as move as you wish.

[Alexjstrandberg]

you fear their judgment for things you already judge yourself for. Figure out what you judge about yourself and figure out why you judge yourself for those things.

[The David]

I'm the same way, but I'm also uncomfortable with girls, so I don't socialize much at all. I prefer to be friends with guys, when I do make friends, and I just sort of naturally gravitate towards them. I guess I have what psychologists would call a fixed fantasy.

[DayInTheLife]

Originally Posted by jsot

I am heterosexual but I don't really feel that comfortable hanging around other guys my age. I always feel like they're judging me and I have to impress them.

I have had this same problem, and I've come a long way just by learning a few things, namely this: Whenever you feel you are being judged, it is you judging yourself. Really. You just can't know what others think about you, but you know what you think about you, and it's easy to perceive those judgments as coming from others.

Try this:

Make a commitment to meet everyone on equal ground. Do not place yourself above or below anyone else. If you ever feel inferior or superior, it is your ego acting up. Address it right then, vow to put yourself on equal ground.

We're all solitary creatures, on a solo trip through a scary jungle we call life. People are all essentially the same; differences are only on the surface, and you can recognize this through compassion. Recognize the sameness between you and those other guys.

Here is an exercise (borrowed from zenhabits.com) to find those similarities:

Here's a five-step exercise to try when you meet friends and strangers. Do it discreetly and try to do all the steps with the same person. With your attention geared to the other person, tell yourself:

1. Step 1: “Just like me, this person is seeking happiness in his/her life.”
2. Step 2: “Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.”
3. Step 3: “Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair.”
4. Step 4: “Just like me, this person is seeking to fill his/her needs.”
5. Step 5: “Just like me, this person is learning about life.”


Once you make a point of seeing other guys like that, they will lose their threatening and intimidating qualities, and you'll be free to be yourself without worry. Bring this same indiscriminate compassion to women as well, and they too will be unintimidating, they are like you too, with only superficial differences.