Could use some support pretty please!

[Honeywith4bees]

Hey all~

I've been really consciously working on getting rid of the "I'm worthless" tape that runs rampant in my thoughts so much and I've been doing fairly well. I still have to be super vigilant because the gremlin is so tricky! Right now, the gremlin seems to have physical power over me. For example, I react to what someone has said instantly in a physical way, and by the time my mind can get me back on track, the other person is already hurt because they could see my body's reaction. I've been told that I wear my heart on my sleeve! But I am working on that, practicing deep breathing techniques and such.

My problem now, is financial. I don't get steady child support from my ex husband and even though I have tried to explain that his kids need the money, he can only tell me that he is trying. I hate being in the position of having to beg him every week so I am looking in to hiring a lawyer and having the DOR take over collection. The thing is, he is very anti - "the man" and has threatened to go underground if I go this route. So I don't have hope that I will get any cash out of him. But at least I will not feel like I am enabling him to not hold up his end of the bargain anymore. The thing is, my boyfriend sends his ex wife an alimony check every week. ALIMONY. Not even child support, (she doesn't have custody of their kids.) So, here she is an active drinker, not doing anything all day but getting drunk and going to the beauty salon, while here I am, busting my butt to work full time, care for my kids and home and try to have some kind of life. And you know what? With the rising price of food and fuel, it's getting tougher and tougher to make ends meet. I feel like the only option I've got now, is to give up the things I enjoy doing, like my Yoga classes and hanging out with my kids and boyfriend, so that I can get a second job.
This financial problem is giving "I'm worthless" and "I don't deserve it", lots and lots and LOTS of power.
Any ideas? I could use your input!
Thanks