Heightened awareness when starting new relationships

[Richful]

Has anyone noticed themselves emphasizing their better traits when meeting someone new? I've been making a new friend via email recently and caught myself trimming off my more negative traits. I consider honesty a virtue and was a bit ashamed to discover this going on.

What it did highlight for me was how sharing your own perspective on yourself with someone else can heighten your self-awareness. I found the sharing process caused me to re-examine my values and realise what they actually meant to me. It's like introducing a new person with different tastes, values and thoughts into my life caused me to re-orient my perspective.

I think the desire to like and be liked by said friend put my reactive/judemental mind on hold while learning about their life and sharing mine. Have any of you noticed this phenomena in action?

[Colm OReilly]

Richful,

I agree with you that honesty is a virtue, but that doesn't necessarily mean you should share absolutely everything the first time you meet someone.

A friend of mine has a good description of what building rapport is. You start depositing little bits of trust with the other person. As time goes by, and you know your trust is secure, you share more.

Looking at it from another perspective, do you have time to reveal everything about you? Hardly, so you reveal traits that will continute the relationship. If you didn't, you wouldn't have a relationship, how would that benefit you?

Isn't your friend looking for the good in you? You're just helping them by displaying it!

Lots of love,
Colm

[TheFlyingMan]

I think its basic common sense. Getting a partner can be seen (rather cynically) as marketing yourself. Once they are hooked, then sell them your bad points. Or why not work on your bad points so that they don't affect things? Nobody is perfect, don't expect yourself to be.

I think if you meet that special someone who can accept your bad points straight up, then yes, but most people can't.

[Alvin]

Hee Richful, it's only normal, and it's easy to see why.

Wouldn't you be freaked if you met someone for the first time and they confessed their weirdest secrets to you...without even getting to know you first?

We people are full of good points and bad, and the good is just a part of you as the bad, so enjoy sharing them! In a happy relationship you would give more good than bad anyway so I say you're off to a good start

[Richful]

Thanks for the input guys, all very great points. I do enjoy learning about new people and am amazed at the effect it can have on me. Opening up to new ideas is so much easier when I like the person expressing them. I think that the newness of the relationship allows me to focus on their ideas without the built up preconceptions I have about someone I know well.

Relationships really are an awesome way to grow and experience life.

[Dating Specialist]

Originally Posted by Richful

Relationships really are an awesome way to grow and experience life.

Can't agree more Richful. Wait till you're in a relationship then you'll begin to discover more likeness in the other person, especailly the negative ones, then we'll do an introspection and realise that there are just so much we need to change in order to be a better person, for ourselves and for the ones we love.

Our partners can be the best mirrors in our lives!