improving body language

[cheech]

in another thread limiting beliefs arising from lack of romantic/sexual experience about my lack of success with women, driven1 suggested part of my problem might be my body language. I have no idea if he's right, but figure it can't hurt, and good body language is generally an asset in social situations anyway, so I've decided to spend some time working on it.

I've been doing alexander technique for several months, which improves posture. Lately, I've been trying to avoid fidgeting when talking or listening to people, as well as crossing my arms or legs, standing with my drink between me and the person I'm talking to, or having my hands in my pockets, as I understand that these constitute closed, defensive body language. Instead, I'm trying to keep my hands relaxed by my sides, or in my lap when sitting, or with just the thumbs hooked into my pockets when standing.


I'd looking for suggestions as to other changes I can make to improve my body language, as well as any ideas for how install these new habits, so eventually I do these things without thinking about them. If anyone can suggest any good books or websites dealing with this stuff, that would also be greatly appreciated.

thanks,

chica

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by cheech

in another thread limiting beliefs arising from lack of romantic/sexual experience about my lack of success with women, driven1 suggested part of my problem might be my body language. I have no idea if he's right, but figure it can't hurt, and good body language is generally an asset in social situations anyway, so I've decided to spend some time working on it.

I've been doing alexander technique for several months, which improves posture. Lately, I've been trying to avoid fidgeting when talking or listening to people, as well as crossing my arms or legs, standing with my drink between me and the person I'm talking to, or having my hands in my pockets, as I understand that these constitute closed, defensive body language. Instead, I'm trying to keep my hands relaxed by my sides, or in my lap when sitting, or with just the thumbs hooked into my pockets when standing.


I'd looking for suggestions as to other changes I can make to improve my body language, as well as any ideas for how install these new habits, so eventually I do these things without thinking about them. If anyone can suggest any good books or websites dealing with this stuff, that would also be greatly appreciated.

thanks,

chica

Look people in the eye when you talk to them.

Smile when you greet anyone.

Keep your body language open.
- don't cross your arms or legs
- face people fully

Wave when an acquaintance sees you.

[Angela]

I flipped through a book in the store the other day that I found very interesting -- much more interesting than any other body language I've seen before. Thanks for reminding me to check and see if it's available on Kindle. It's called: What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People.

[mattpd]

The best body language is to smile

[Fullcrum]

If you focus on putting yourself in a good state, your body language will take care of itself. And then our advice will be irelevant.

Focus on getting pumped up, happy, fun, excited.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by Angela

I flipped through a book in the store the other day that I found very interesting -- much more interesting than any other body language I've seen before. Thanks for reminding me to check and see if it's available on Kindle. It's called: What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People.

Looks like an interesting read!

[Brutha]

In general Fullcrum is right, but if you want to do something about your bodylanguage:

I think the key to good bodylanguage is to be relaxed and respond two the natural impulses to move that you have.

Moving while you speak is natural.
When people become tense their bodylanguage reflects that.

I think you should look inside yourself and react to the impulse to move that your brain gives you.
Look inside yourself. Where do you feel your hand should be? Put it there.
Let your gestures flow naturally.

I made my bodylanguage a lot more open with that method in the last months.
Last week I gestured so openly that I hit something off the table (I'm normally more of an introvert).

Instead, I'm trying to keep my hands relaxed by my sides,

Relaxing is the opposite of trying.

The best body language is to smile

A lot of people are able to destinguish most peoples fake smiles from genuine smiles.
I don't think faking is the way to go in life.

Live your true core and connect your feelings to your gestures is a higher payoff than trying to control 50+ face muscles to fake a genuine smile.

There also a thing that you can do at home. Some people are simply tense and ungrounded on default.
Doing meditation where you stand and have your hands in a fixed position in front of your is a nice way to become grounded. Live Stress-Free ~ Naturally!: Standing Meditation is a good link that explain that kind of meditation.
If you do that for some time you don't have any problem holding your hands during gesturing in any position you want while being grounded.

[Fullcrum]

Brutha - good points! Good ways to think about it. Standing meditation sounds cool.