how can a girl know if shes pretty

[meg0135]

sorry if this is a stupid question, but i really need help!

i grew up an awkward child that was put down and teased constantly. i lived with my mother most of the time, and she was not social and always extremely critical of me. w/o going into pages and pages of other details, i didnt exactly have a ball during childhood!

i am 20 years old now and do not have much experience with men or dating. some of my girlfriends tell me im pretty (unsolicited, i dont fish for compliments actually ive always been told how unattractive i was i just accepted my ugliness).

i get random compliments from women but i cant tell if they are making fun of me or if they mean it. i have "friends" with other girls but most of them are just frenemies and i cant count on them either. when it comes to guys...they either extremely dislike me for some reason, or shower me with compliments. i usually just assume they are being fake and just want to use me and throw me away.

sometimes i think i might be a good looking girl, but then i think that i cant possibly be. i either get extremely positive or extremely negative feedback from people (unsolicited, truthfully because i am afriad to know my attractive level!)

i really want to just feel pretty on the inside, and project it out to others so i can get more guys attracted to me. i want to get to know more people and have fun. how can i go from an insecure girl to a fun girl?