|07-25-2008, 03:36 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jul 2008
how can a girl know if shes pretty
sorry if this is a stupid question, but i really need help!
i grew up an awkward child that was put down and teased constantly. i lived with my mother most of the time, and she was not social and always extremely critical of me. w/o going into pages and pages of other details, i didnt exactly have a ball during childhood!
i am 20 years old now and do not have much experience with men or dating. some of my girlfriends tell me im pretty (unsolicited, i dont fish for compliments actually ive always been told how unattractive i was i just accepted my ugliness).
i get random compliments from women but i cant tell if they are making fun of me or if they mean it. i have "friends" with other girls but most of them are just frenemies and i cant count on them either. when it comes to guys...they either extremely dislike me for some reason, or shower me with compliments. i usually just assume they are being fake and just want to use me and throw me away.
sometimes i think i might be a good looking girl, but then i think that i cant possibly be. i either get extremely positive or extremely negative feedback from people (unsolicited, truthfully because i am afriad to know my attractive level!)
i really want to just feel pretty on the inside, and project it out to others so i can get more guys attracted to me. i want to get to know more people and have fun. how can i go from an insecure girl to a fun girl?
|07-25-2008, 05:55 AM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2008
I noticed you used a lower case i when you talk about yourself. That's a sign of low self esteem.
How to Love Yourself | Inner game Reframe
check the article out, might help.
Compliments will mean nothing when you think you are ugly. As well, if you think you are ugly then you will behave in that way of thinking and not do much to make yourself as attractive(nice clothes, working out, make up lessons) as you could be because those actions will go against your internal beliefs.
Looks matter but to a degree. Any person can become more attractive by simply taking care of themselves but the true attractiveness comes from your self esteem. Guys who will only be attracted to a woman just for her looks have low self esteem and no standards but taking care of yourself is a sign of healthy self esteem.
|07-25-2008, 07:43 AM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jul 2008
First of all, as you already noticed, not everybody will find you attractive - and that's normal and it's the case for everyone. Some people will find you attractive, and some won't. But you can look at it like this: if out of 100 people, 90 people find you attractive, then you can consider yourself a beautiful girl. If it's 50 out of 100, then you're at least very cute. But if it's less than 10 out of 100... Well you get my point, I hope
Now the thing is this: it's not only the way you look, it's also the way you talk, how you dress and how you carry yourself. All of these factors contribute to your being attractive to the opposite sex (positively or negatively, depending on what you're doing). This is true for both men and women, by the way.
The good news is that you can improve on all of these aspects. Improving your looks: start working out for example, start playing sports. Improving the way you dress might take a little investment on your part. As for how you talk and carry yourself, I'd suggest getting some guy friends - and start practicing, talk to them, see what works and what doesn't (Alternately, you can watch how another girl does this, one you might consider "successful" with the opposite sex). Start experimenting.
Hope this helps!
|07-25-2008, 09:58 AM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jun 2008
I have been in a similar situation- and would refuse to accept compliments or feel that I had to return them or cancel them out with a negative comment about myself. Now I have learnt to accept them, even further delete rude and pointless personal critiscms.
A compliment is a gift, not to be thrown away carelessly, unless you want to hurt the giver. Eleanor Hamilton
On the beauty scale I find that a person who is truly confident in themselves, and have a positive attitude far surpass a person with a cute face and good body wearing a scowl and complaining.
Other wise just enjoy yourself, outside looks are just one small part of bieng a beautiful person.
|07-25-2008, 10:46 AM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Berlin, Germany
If you really want to know you can post your picture to hotornot.com and get a numerical rating on your beauty.
|07-25-2008, 04:49 PM||#7 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2007
Ditto on most of what the others said. You have a lot more important things to work out, but an unbiased website as was metioned might work if you really want to see how you measure up physically. Just remember that a photo only shows a moment frozen in time - I've seen horrible pictures of the most glamorous women in the world. So maybe post a few pix in various lightings and poses.
Anyhow, do you smile much? When a girl smiles at me, it makes me feel so good it really doesn't matter what she looks like. Being open and friendly will attract people to you.
By the way, I'm a youngish (my assessment) 58-year-old man, so maybe in my case they're just laughing .
|07-25-2008, 04:54 PM||#8 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: New York
You are what you believe you are.
|07-25-2008, 06:21 PM||#9 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
well, and you can gain that type of confidence observing a little of body language.
Have you ever noticed if a guy was attracted/interested in you?.
Like a guy you don't know, glancing at you more than once. Or looking at you deep in the eyes. Or fixing his clothes or whatever after seeing you.
Or biting his lips or so... Then he is somewhat interested in you, at least from a "looks" point of view, that's doesn't mean much in the end, but at least you will see there would be no problem because of your looks with that guy. That doesn't mean you could have a date or so but that he likes your looks.
I don't know much the body language of men when they like a woman but viceversa, but it must be something like this.
|07-25-2008, 10:40 PM||#10 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jul 2008
thanks for the advice everyone. i really apprieciate it
i put my picture on one of the rating sites, and i didnt get any negative feedback thank goodness. i took a risk doing it, because if i found out i was perceieved as ugly, i would probably have been devastated!
most of my problems do lie in self confidence, and also i am not very good at reading body language from guys. i usually second guess myself and dont believe he coud like me. i need to work on that.
|07-25-2008, 11:10 PM||#11 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
Do you think no-one could love your if you were ugly or so? Could you love someone ugly? Have seen anyone ugly with a partner?.
Truth can hurt when you know it, but I think is good to know it, it makes you wiser, you behave according to reality. I write music, and If my music was bad for almost everyone, I would like to know it!, yes, but that's me, give me the truth even if it hurts.
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