how can a girl know if shes pretty

[meg0135]

sorry if this is a stupid question, but i really need help!

i grew up an awkward child that was put down and teased constantly. i lived with my mother most of the time, and she was not social and always extremely critical of me. w/o going into pages and pages of other details, i didnt exactly have a ball during childhood!

i am 20 years old now and do not have much experience with men or dating. some of my girlfriends tell me im pretty (unsolicited, i dont fish for compliments actually ive always been told how unattractive i was i just accepted my ugliness).

i get random compliments from women but i cant tell if they are making fun of me or if they mean it. i have "friends" with other girls but most of them are just frenemies and i cant count on them either. when it comes to guys...they either extremely dislike me for some reason, or shower me with compliments. i usually just assume they are being fake and just want to use me and throw me away.

sometimes i think i might be a good looking girl, but then i think that i cant possibly be. i either get extremely positive or extremely negative feedback from people (unsolicited, truthfully because i am afriad to know my attractive level!)

i really want to just feel pretty on the inside, and project it out to others so i can get more guys attracted to me. i want to get to know more people and have fun. how can i go from an insecure girl to a fun girl?

[Alexjstrandberg]

I noticed you used a lower case i when you talk about yourself. That's a sign of low self esteem.

How to Love Yourself | Inner game Reframe

check the article out, might help.

Compliments will mean nothing when you think you are ugly. As well, if you think you are ugly then you will behave in that way of thinking and not do much to make yourself as attractive(nice clothes, working out, make up lessons) as you could be because those actions will go against your internal beliefs.

Looks matter but to a degree. Any person can become more attractive by simply taking care of themselves but the true attractiveness comes from your self esteem. Guys who will only be attracted to a woman just for her looks have low self esteem and no standards but taking care of yourself is a sign of healthy self esteem.

[AndreiR]

Hi Meg!

First of all, as you already noticed, not everybody will find you attractive - and that's normal and it's the case for everyone. Some people will find you attractive, and some won't. But you can look at it like this: if out of 100 people, 90 people find you attractive, then you can consider yourself a beautiful girl. If it's 50 out of 100, then you're at least very cute. But if it's less than 10 out of 100... Well you get my point, I hope
Now the thing is this: it's not only the way you look, it's also the way you talk, how you dress and how you carry yourself. All of these factors contribute to your being attractive to the opposite sex (positively or negatively, depending on what you're doing). This is true for both men and women, by the way.
The good news is that you can improve on all of these aspects. Improving your looks: start working out for example, start playing sports. Improving the way you dress might take a little investment on your part. As for how you talk and carry yourself, I'd suggest getting some guy friends - and start practicing, talk to them, see what works and what doesn't (Alternately, you can watch how another girl does this, one you might consider "successful" with the opposite sex). Start experimenting.

Hope this helps!

[ilovetoday]

Hi,
I have been in a similar situation- and would refuse to accept compliments or feel that I had to return them or cancel them out with a negative comment about myself. Now I have learnt to accept them, even further delete rude and pointless personal critiscms.

A compliment is a gift, not to be thrown away carelessly, unless you want to hurt the giver. Eleanor Hamilton

On the beauty scale I find that a person who is truly confident in themselves, and have a positive attitude far surpass a person with a cute face and good body wearing a scowl and complaining.

Other wise just enjoy yourself, outside looks are just one small part of bieng a beautiful person.

[lasti]

True beauty arises from your heart. It's eternal, it has always been there, you just have to align yourself with it. You are beautiful!

[Brutha]

If you really want to know you can post your picture to hotornot.com and get a numerical rating on your beauty.

when it comes to guys...they either extremely dislike me for some reason, or shower me with compliments. i usually just assume they are being fake and just want to use me and throw me away.

You dismiss every guy that is interested in you because he could leave the relationship after a short time, you will probably never start a relationship with a guy that is interested in you.

[songwriter]

there are ways to know it, especially for comments of people that is not related to you at all (like that website), there is no interest in them in make you happy saying you're pretty or in make you sad saying you're ugly...

but.. I must say for getting a boyfriend this is not very important... I know many pretty celebrities who thought they were ugly cause no guy aproached them in high school, and it was quite the oppossite, no-one was brave enough... Sometimes beauty backfires to the person. Though maybe this only happens when you're "very" pretty and maybe it's only a problem too if you're "very" ugly. U know this society is made for "averages", a too short or too tall people have a lot of problems.

More ways to know... if you walk through a street and some guys (never a single guy only) pass your way to you... let them see you... and then... ... after some seconds... turn around so you can walk behind them and eventually pass them (It happened to me casually... not that I do this...).

Maybe they will be talking about you, especially if you are very pretty or very ugly, so if you want the red pill, here it is.

[Marco Polo]

Most girls way underestimate their prettiness.

[ns123]

Unless you're all together unfortunate looking - which is very RARE - everyone can be extremely attractive just by doing what other posters have mentioned:

1. love yourself
2. decide that you ARE beautiful
3. live your life with passion and laugh a lot
4. take good care of yourself - grooming, dress, etc

As for some guys having extreme dislike vs showering with compliments, if you are also intelligent and beautiful, some guys see that as a threat. If you are working with guys like that, some of them embrace it, some of them have a total extreme dislike for it. So consider it a compliment. How they act towards you tells you more about them and very little about you.

Most guys are attracted to passion - a woman who has passion for whatever it is she has passion for. You can be "ordinary" but if you have passion, it is extremely attractive.

I grew up like you, plain jane, overly critical mother. When I hit my 20's (and puberty, yes, I was a late bloomer) I moved out of my mother's house. It was like a total 180. And I don't even ask myself if I am beautiful any more. I know the answer, and it has nothing to do with how I look. You are beautiful when you see the beauty in you.

[fellowtraveler]

Ditto on most of what the others said. You have a lot more important things to work out, but an unbiased website as was metioned might work if you really want to see how you measure up physically. Just remember that a photo only shows a moment frozen in time - I've seen horrible pictures of the most glamorous women in the world. So maybe post a few pix in various lightings and poses.

Anyhow, do you smile much? When a girl smiles at me, it makes me feel so good it really doesn't matter what she looks like. Being open and friendly will attract people to you.

By the way, I'm a youngish (my assessment) 58-year-old man, so maybe in my case they're just laughing .

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by meg0135

sorry if this is a stupid question, but i really need help!

i really want to just feel pretty on the inside, and project it out to others so i can get more guys attracted to me. i want to get to know more people and have fun. how can i go from an insecure girl to a fun girl?

Nothing is more attractive than confidence. With confidence, your eyes light up, your posture is better, and you look prettier. And, people with confidence tend to take care of themselves. It's all about self esteem. By the way, you have to find that yourself. Looking for it by making guys like you is not the answer. I find that the more new experiences someone has, the more confident they become. Try things you've never done before just to see if you can do them.

[songwriter]

well, and you can gain that type of confidence observing a little of body language.

Have you ever noticed if a guy was attracted/interested in you?.

Like a guy you don't know, glancing at you more than once. Or looking at you deep in the eyes. Or fixing his clothes or whatever after seeing you.
Or biting his lips or so... Then he is somewhat interested in you, at least from a "looks" point of view, that's doesn't mean much in the end, but at least you will see there would be no problem because of your looks with that guy. That doesn't mean you could have a date or so but that he likes your looks.

I don't know much the body language of men when they like a woman but viceversa, but it must be something like this.

[meg0135]

thanks for the advice everyone. i really apprieciate it

i put my picture on one of the rating sites, and i didnt get any negative feedback thank goodness. i took a risk doing it, because if i found out i was perceieved as ugly, i would probably have been devastated!

most of my problems do lie in self confidence, and also i am not very good at reading body language from guys. i usually second guess myself and dont believe he coud like me. i need to work on that.

[songwriter]

Originally Posted by meg0135

thanks for the advice everyone. i really apprieciate it

i put my picture on one of the rating sites, and i didnt get any negative feedback thank goodness. i took a risk doing it, because if i found out i was perceieved as ugly, i would probably have been devastated!

most of my problems do lie in self confidence, and also i am not very good at reading body language from guys. i usually second guess myself and dont believe he coud like me. i need to work on that.

Why devastasted? I think knowing the truth is always good, is knowing yourself. It's being conscious of the situation. Kind of knowing your weak points.

Do you think no-one could love your if you were ugly or so? Could you love someone ugly? Have seen anyone ugly with a partner?.

Truth can hurt when you know it, but I think is good to know it, it makes you wiser, you behave according to reality. I write music, and If my music was bad for almost everyone, I would like to know it!, yes, but that's me, give me the truth even if it hurts.

[Alexjstrandberg]

putting your picture on hot or not will never give you any confidence. Some of the hottest girls in the world still think they are ugly. Confidence doesn't come from validation-it never does and never will.

[meg0135]

i used to get tormented for being ugly. if it was weight or a bad haircut i wouldnt mind, but ugly is just horrible.

i think most people would reject me or dislike me if i was ugly.

[freddy]

Well just my thought, have you seen that little dog that has no hair and it's tongue sticking out of it's mouth? To most people this dog is voted to be the ugliest dog in the world. And has won contest for this title. But I can tell you there is a cuteness to this dog that most people can see. And the same would apply to ever one.
I had my first date when I was 36 years of age. Was this delay because I was ugly? All the weekends getting dressed up from the time I was 16 to 36 and no dates. Went out to the bars, movies malls,book stores, concerts.Not one date in all that time.
So your probably thinking wow this guy must be one ugly SOB. I don't see as this is my sole issue. As other have posted It's more of a internal confidence thing. And until you get that taken care of. Your looks will all ways seem to you to be the reason. And it's not that at all.
Hot or not is not a good gage by the way. So don.t take any results from there as a true reading. You could post your picture on here. And maybe get a few honest people with feed back, that could help in some way to boost your outward appearance. Wishing you the best. Freddy

[songwriter]

hey agree with you Freddie, only to say that the word "confidence" is a very not defined concept. I'm an confident person!. When people, or website, or Steve, define confidence, I'm just in the definition but for flirting, love relationship, etc. I think it's more of a special skill, not the usual concept or confidence.

[evacorges]

I can sympathise with you. I grew up convinced that I was fat. My brothers told me so, and my mom loved to tease me as well... So I thought I was.

This conviction changed me into a shy, introverted person. It affected the way I dressed, the way I looked (or didn't) people in the face, and the way I acted. I found myself a husband who would also tease me about my tummy. I believed it was true. I had kids. I gained weight. A lot of other stuff happened.

And then the most unbelievable thing happened - I started doing things I enjoyed. And I did more of them. And I was able to be enthusiastic about those things. And a good feeling started to grow inside me. And I discovered I actually liked myself. For the first time.

Several years on, now, I can look in the mirror and see a beautiful woman. I can stand still and feel myself to be a beautiful woman. The reason is a selfconfidence built on knowing what I love in life, in people, activities and myself.

I hope this story helps you - don't fret about not having a relationship. Start figuring out what you love in life, and do that stuff. This will light the spark of beauty deep inside you, and you will attract the kind of man you need into your life. Start working on you first. It pays off big time.
A book that really helped me is by Clarissa Pinkola Estes - "Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype." It started me looking for my bones in the desert. Find yours too, rebuild and transform!

[Akashic_Librarian]

Post a picture of yourself and we'll tell you!



Am I man? Yes.

Am I a wierdo? No.

Your amongst friends here, and besides I love to see a pretty girl